About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Monday Morning

I’ll write a post to give people something to do for a few minutes on the worst day of the week.

I went Mad River on Friday with hopes of scoring the bartenders number. If you’ve read anything I wrote before I told her last Sunday I’d take her out on Wednesday. I put her number in my phone wrong and didn’t contact her. So I go in on Friday trying to get her to fix the number in my phone. So I see her, tell her I’m sorry I stood her up but I had her number in my phone wrong. She looks at the number says something like “so close” and then tells me to try back later. Obviously realizing she now holds all power of the digits and decides to play hard to get. She’s at the bar and I’m at a table so the best time to talk to her is after finishing my drink. So one time I go up and say I’d like a rum and coke and also a date tomorrow night. My friend told me the line and it seemed pretty good. She thought it was funny but wouldn’t give in. Then my other friend, trying to be smooth, goes up and asks her “is Tom creeping you out?” This genius is my wingman? After such a moronic question I have to call him out in this post. Even after the retarded question she replies no which was at a fine answer for a potential disastrous question. To make a long story short I didn’t get her number because she was being difficult. She ended up giving us some free shots so it’s not like things went badly, they just didn’t end with a great success like advertised. So I’ll be down the shore starting on Thursday so I won’t get another opportunity but I think that’s probably a good thing. This girl is literally a dime or at least and nickel and 4 pennies so a challenge is probably necessary.

In other news, our Oreland team won a game. We were up 21-7 at one point. They narrowed the lead to 4 or 5 and we ended up winning by 10 or so. I didn’t play too well but anytime your team wins and an individual doesn’t do well you just say “it’s a team game.” We play again tonight at 9 with hopes of another w.

A final thought. I’ve been wearing contacts for 10+ years now and I still can’t figure out which side is the right way to put them in. Most mornings I just randomly look at the contact and just put it in. Lately they have been scratching my eyes when I put them in and I have to keep taking them out and putting them in time after time. I’m considering Lasik but honestly having a laser beam in my eye doesn’t seem like something I’m willing to chance. Summer vacation is starting soon.

By |2010-01-27T19:29:38-05:00June 15th, 2009|My Life, Sports|0 Comments

Friday

Yesterday I ran a 59 quarter, followed by a slow lap, then a 5:20 mile, lap, then a 2:35 half, then 7:30 minutes on the stadium stairs, and then a 65 quarter to top it off. I think I can do the quarter a couple of seconds faster if I had someone running with me. I was pretty pleased with my mile time which I think I can nick 5 minutes fresh. And I missed my goal on the half by 5 seconds at the point of the workout. Today I ran 60 minutes straight at about 6:45 to 7 minute pace and I felt pretty good.

After yesterday’s post, 17 people are wondering why I’m posting today. I decided that I’m not going to try to post things that I think everyone will want to read. I’m going to write whatever I want to write about and if you don’t like it then you don’t have to read it. If you don’t like track writing, fan fucking tastic, I don’t care.

Today will be attempt two at asking this bartender out. I put her number in my phone wrong the first time after I told her I would take her out last wednesday which I obviously blew off. So now I have to say sorry and try again. I don’t really do dates but this girl I believe is out of my league so I’d be a fool not to try. I bet this girl gets hit on all the time so I’m not guaranteeing great success but if she tried giving me her number once, hopefully it’ll work again. However to quote the Piano man:

“I’ve gotta get it right the first time
That’s the main thing
I can’t afford to let it pass
You get it right the next time that’s not the same thing
Gonna have to make the first time last.”

By |2010-01-27T19:30:31-05:00June 12th, 2009|My Life, Sports|0 Comments

What for?

I’ve been keeping this blog for about 6+ months for what? I think I used to do it to entertain people and let people know what goes through my brain on certain topics. Lately though I think I’ve just stopped caring what other people think about what I’m doing. I’ll run through some general things that I could certainly write as blog entries that hold some entertainment value (to me) but most likely to no one else.

I ran a 2:15 in a half mile, then followed it with a 65 quarter and then a 5:47 mile. Today I plan on running a fresh 400 and see how fast I do it. This is what I’m doing with my life. Getting in good shape and trying to run fast times on a track. Do you think the average person even knows what those times are? Do they care? No. So why write about it.

Another topic. We lost in bball last night by 2 points on a questionable call. We were tied with 30 seconds left. 90% of the time you should win or go to overtime. We turn the ball over with 3 seconds, they throw it in and call a timeout. We foul them with 3 seconds left (horrible call by the ref at that point of the game) and we lose the game on a 1 and 1. I could go into details about what happened, how we should have won, what we did wrong to lose to a team I thought we were more talented then. But do the people who come to this blog really care? I think they could care less.

A final example. I could use this blog as a communication device to express my thoughts on my opponents vetos in scattergories. (Scattergories is played by rolling a dice that gives a key letter and then you have to come up with things that go with the categories on the card). So if I wanted I could write here, so everyone else who reads this would know, that I think that it is insane that they veto the answer Pluto for things found on a map. 3 out of 3 Vetos. There is this thing called a solar system. It holds the planet Pluto. If you think there is no such thing as a map of the solar system then I think it’s ok to veto. If I brought you a piece of paper with the sun and our planets, sized correctly with specific details what would you call this piece of paper? Oh and Clues can grow. Just because they aren’t physically growing doesn’t mean they can’t grow towards solving the answer. It’s like here’s a small clue to help you out. Now here’s a big clue to help you out further. Clue sizes range from little to big, they can grow.

Bottomline is that all these topics are bs. I don’t think the majority of people care and I don’t really care if they care. When I started this I thought it would be cool if you could get hundreds or thousands of people to follow your thoughts. But after doing it for a while I’m not really driven by anything to maintain this. It’s fun when it starts out but my reasons for keeping this have dwindled. I spent 150 for 2 years to hold this domain name so I’m not saying I’m giving up but I might take a break for a little while. People could think I’m in a bad mood or some other crazy reason why I wrote this but there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I’m completely content and happy and will start to concentrate on other things. I think this last point I just stumbled upon accidentally is really why. You have to find things to do to entertain yourself. Whether it’s movies, sports, books, games or anything in between, you have to do something. I used this blog for a while to entertain myself but I think I’m shifting gears to something else. Sometimes you have to move on.

By |2010-01-26T22:29:20-05:00June 11th, 2009|My Brain, Sports|3 Comments

Monday Morning

Wow. I am hurting. That was just a 3 day, stay drunk the entire time. I started drinking after work on Friday. Open bar at Mad river. Club Risque on Friday night. Woke up Saturday and started drinking again. Mini golf then a poker session. Passed out at 6pm and rewoke up at 9. Started drinking again. Went to the brew pub. Woke up on Sunday where I told this bartender I would meet her at 9 and we would do a shot. Got there at 12ish. Did the shot. Amazingly got her number which I put in my phone incorrectly. Got back at 5 where I passed out till 9. Lost in Monopoly and finally went to sleep at midnight where I woke up at 8 today. I have the shakes and my head and body are yelling at me. This is an overview of what I did and there are many more specifics in this weekend but I’m not sure going into them is a good idea. I can’t wait for this day to end so I can get back to normal tomorrow.

By |2010-01-26T22:27:40-05:00June 8th, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

Radio 104.5 Response

tom im glad you are so into gaslight anthem! (just heard they have two shows in philly coming up this fall!) the reason you hear all those songs broadcast on satellite radio is they are not regulated by the same rules terrestrial radio is. thats why they can play songs we cant and say things we cant.
so again this isnt about us “spending money” to play songs. (that would be completely illegal) we are are not allowed BY LAW to play some songs. record labels can, and will, sue radio stations for playing music they dont want on the radio. for example, johnny got a copy of one of green day’s new songs months ago and played it on the air. that day we received a call from green day’s management warning us not to play it again. had we played it again we would have received a cease and desist legal notice. if we pushed it further they would have sued. so perhaps your problem is not with radio but with record labels.
as of right now ‘great expectations’ ’59 sound’ and ‘old white lincoln’ are the only singles from gaslight anthem. we’ll try to play them.

Whoever writes this has no education. If Gaslight Anthem takes off on Radio104.5, you can thank me.

By |2010-01-26T22:26:56-05:00June 5th, 2009|Music|0 Comments

Dear Radio 104.5 Part 2

I sent an email a couple of weeks ago requesting that you play some Gaslight Anthem. You responded by saying something about licenses yada yada. Alt Nation on XM has been playing Old White Lincoln by them for months now. I’m looking at your list of top 10 songs and they are all pretty much overplayed. Grapevine Fires is ready to go, Kids has had it’s run, Ain’t no rest for the Wicked was never good, and Heartless by the Fray makes me want to turn off the radio because Kayne’s version was bad so this is just worse. (Feel Good Drag, Zero, and Wishing Well Own) I don’t care what it takes but if you start playing Gaslight Anthem’s music during primetime I assure 100% that it will get a good response. Play Great Expectations, We Came to Dance, or Patient Ferris Wheel. Spend the money to get these songs on your station

Plus, I have another request. Why do you guys play songs like In your Eyes by Peter Gabriel or Beds are Burning by Midnight Oil? These are songs that should be played on 95.7 Ben FM. I totally dig Depeche Mode and New Order but those two songs seem out of place for what it’s worth.

More Franz Ferdinand, more Modest Mouse, more Live, more Jimmy Eat World.
Less Police, Less DMB, Less Coldplay, Less Cranberries.

With the utmost respect,
Tom Stortz

By |2010-01-25T23:12:08-05:00June 4th, 2009|Music|1 Comment

Things I don’t understand

Here’s a list of things that I think are stupid and I don’t understand why people do them.  Understand this is a blog too and it’s no fun unless I take a position so don’t get offended if you are an offender.  Also, coming from a JP Morgan Exec, the term position is used to make you sound like you know what you’re talking about.  Also someone alerted me that the word tremendous gets  results.

– Why do people put on their e-brake when they are parked?  Do you know what the E stands for?  Emergency.  From what I know, if your regular brakes are failing, the E brake is another way of slowing down the car.  Parking in a parking lot and putting on your E brake is not an emergency.  I’m not sure how many times your car has magically went from P to anything else but from my experience it isn’t likely.    Doing this actually is damaging because if you let someone else drive your car and they don’t know it’s on then they are driving like a schmuck ruining your transmission.  Just something to think about.

– Professional Sports.  Some people’s lives literally revolve around professional sports and their “home” team.  I can’t get excited for sports unless I have action on the game.  This doesn’t mean I won’t watch sports.  I can completely enjoy drinking beer at a bar and watching a game, any game really.  But I’m not watching it because I want a certain team to win.  I’d rather root for the underdog or some goofball who has an attitude problem.  I just don’t see the allure unless your team is the best.  I’d rather watch knights jousting, gladiators dueling, or some obstacle course with land mines, crossbows, sneak attacks, zip lines, tree houses, you get the idea.  I have no problem with you if you love your team and are a die hard fan, but I just can’t get excited for a Phillies – Padres game in mid season.

The Storm – Can someone please explain to me how to answer this thing.  I feel like my dad when he can’t figure out the difference between Outlook and Internet Explorer.  (And if you use internet explorer you are a nub because Firefox is clearly superior).  The screen is constantly switching from vertical to horizontal and I hang up on people when I want to answer.  I’m already bad with the phone, this newfangled technology just has me scratching my head.  It was only 150 bucks though for the storm and my rates don’t go up that much so I would say it’s  a worthwhile investment compared to the POS I had before.  Now I can feel important.

Song’s that don’t die – Can “just dance” please be wiped off of the face of the earth.  I’ve had enough dancing already.  Plus I’m done being Hot and Cold, however the reason I reference this song is because I think the song “Waking up in Vegas” by her is pretty good.  New Green Day “know your enemy” isn’t good but I like “21 guns”.  And you know what song I never hear played anymore that lasted forever “love song” by Sara Barellis.  I feel like that would be a good Karaoke song because it was played for a year straight and everyone can sing along.

Bike race this weekend.  Last weekend was lousy because I got too hammered both nights.  There is a fine line to how drunk you can get to have a good weekend.  Remembering things that happened but still getting buzzed is the best way but I seem to surpass that point and get obliterated and not remember anything, not good.  Plus I want to post a video and my friend and I are having a beard off with who can go longer without shaving.  I’ll post pics with the progress.

By |2010-01-27T19:31:33-05:00June 2nd, 2009|My Brain|1 Comment

Haircut

Simple service, abnormal experience.  I have a usual barber, Gerry from Mario’s, who always cuts my hair.  Problem is he’s back where my parents live and I didn’t feel like driving out there.  So I decided to get it local.  I only have had one local experience with getting my hair cut.  I went into this mom and pop barber and a 70 year old man with a ridiculous comb-over did a subpar job.  He only used scissors the entire time.  The person who used to cut my hair the best was in Pittsburgh and he would use the razor for 90 percent of the time.  He used to cut hair for the Navy and that was probably the reason overuse of the razor.  Plus he had all these skin mags lying around which made it a real man’s barber shop.

Anyway back to the present.  I see the Barber symbol, the parlor sign with rotating red, white, and blue lines on Ridge Ave.  Why not, let’s give it a try.  I open the door and then there is another front doorish door.  This is odd but ok let’s see what’s behind door# 2.  I open it up and there are 2 bros and chick and I can tell that this is not my ordinary barber shop.  The guys both look like Guy Fieri, the chef from the TGIF commercials with the blonde, spiky, gelled hair.  Plus as I walk in one bro is telling a story and I can tell he’s a fruit.  Then the head guy starts talking queerish, telling me a lot of people just walk in looking for a regular hair cut (yeah right).  So i’m like what the fuck lets just do this.  So he sets me up with a woman in her 30’s-40’s probably, Chrissy.  Chrissy asks me “What do I want to DO with my hair” implying that I must want some fresh style.  I don’t know any hair styles plus I don’t DO anything with my hair.  I just give her my usual haircut, #2 blade on the sides and make the top shorter.  So she’s goes to work .  I get the feeling she doesn’t cut a lot of straight guys hair.  She starts by using the razor and gives me a mushroom cut that was popular in the mid 90’s.  I don’t say anything hoping it’s going to get better.  We literally sat in silence for the full 20 minutes she spent cutting it.  It wasn’t as awkward as I expected and every time she hunched over in front of me I got a peek of her rack.  She finished up by putting some sticky spray in my hair which I would never use.  The bro says something like “Wow Chrissy that’s a great haircut.”   You be the judge.

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It was 15 bucks and I gave her a 20 for not fucking it up so bad.  She gave me a card for 25% off my next visit but we’ll see.

By |2010-01-25T23:15:12-05:00May 29th, 2009|My Life|3 Comments

Comment

There was a comment left that read this; “Thanks for posting, I very much enjoyed reading your most recent post. I think you should post more frequently, you evidently have talent for blogging!”

Yes I just did use a semi colon which was probably completely out of context.  The person’s name was My amazing weight loss story.  I’m thinking, “wow that was a really nice comment.”  Naturally the person’s name was a link to a website that I clicked on it and my antivirus starts spazzing out.  So wishful thinking.

I watched Pineapple Express yesterday.  The crew that makes up their movies is funny.  I’m not necessarily getting tired of them but it’s a bit unusual to see the same people make up different roles in a lot of different movies.  James Franco is good and Seth Rogan seems to always make up a good role.  The movie was good but not great.  Mostly entertaining with a few laughs.  I don’t know where they were going with the girlfriend subplot, that just seemed out of place.  I just ordered it from comcast for 5 bucks and I really have to commend them on the convenience of getting a movie to you.  I’m pretty lazy and would never go to a video store so the chances of me seeing this movie before it makes it to premium channels (probably soon anyhow) was slim.

It is Friday though and the week was short and hopefully the weather will become nicer.  Let’s get drunk.  Some people would probably put an exclamation mark at the end of that last sentence but I really have a problem with them.

A final thought, if Adam or Evan read this I just want you guys to imagine me as Will Ferrel in Step Brothers at the wedding and me saying “this GAME is horseshit” referring to Acey Deucy.  Evan you won’t see that money in your lifetime and I refuse to play any card games with the Cohens.

OOOH look at the bird.

I wonder where it’s going to land.

By |2016-11-03T15:22:10-04:00May 29th, 2009|My Life|1 Comment

Kelly Drive Bound, Down and Out

Clever title.  If you’ve seen Eastbound Down and Out you’ll appreciate it.  It’s not 100% accurate because the run I’m referring to was an out and back, not a down and out but it’s close enough.  The out part is clever because that’s what happened to me.  What you don’t do on an out and back is die on the way out.  Dying is a runners term for hitting the wall.  Hitting the wall is a runners term for being too tired to function properly.  Anyway, I was doing this 12 mile run, 6 each way and I did the first 6 perfectly fine.  Probably at a 6:30 pace or so.  Problem was the going back didn’t go to plan.  I did about 1 mile of the last 6 and it was all over.  I think my fastest time doing this particular run was 1:23 and change.  I ran the first 6 in 39:30.  Finished in 1:25 and that isn’t even including the 2 water breaks I took on the way back.  I was like the Jackson Browne song Running on Empty which I’ve actually grown to really like.  Nevertheless, I finished it without injury and will do better next time.

I was bored yesterday and went to Hulu.com to watch an old family guy or something but I’d seen them all and came across a show called Glee.  I had no idea what I was about to watch but I thought I read something saying it was decent.  It was set in a high school and there’s a teacher who becomes the head of the Glee Club.  By the way, his wife is really hot but she’s a complete bitch but does some good acting.  I can tell its not going to be a really funny series but it has some potential because the characters seem pretty well developed.  For being about something stupid like the Glee club I thought the show was above average.  I watched only the Pilot and the series is coming out fall of 09 but it’s worth a watch if you have 45 minutes to kill.  New good TV is coming out too with Weeds, True Blood, and hopefully Californication but I haven’t seen any ads for it yet.

I’ll leave 3 songs that aren’t necessarily new but good.

Black Heart Inertia – Incubus

Zero – Yeah Yeah Yeah’s

This Town – OAR (how old is this?)

By |2011-05-18T22:56:32-04:00May 28th, 2009|Music, Sports|0 Comments
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