About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Just Because

Just because I’m not trying to take too many days off posting I’ll put something on the site.

So because I have some ideas in the works and this isn’t one of them, expect it to be pretty lame. I didn’t go to work today because I got too drunk last night. Go Go Gadget was performing at Mad River and they had 2 dollar you call it and 2 dollar bud Lights. I went out to dinner with my Mom, then to LA to run 3 miles in 17:13 AFTER eating a full dinner and then Wagon and I went to Mad River around 9:15. First off I love Mad River because they understand that guys want to get served their drink by hot girls. I really don’t know if opposite holds but if I opened a bar all I would hire would be hot girls. So I start off drinking single rum and cokes. I have about 4 before I convince the bartender to start serving me doubles. It got to be 10:45 and to take full advantage of the special I bought a double and 2 coors lights (which I also convinced the girl to sell me at 2 bucks). I told the wagon to hold the two which gave him about 3 to hold and I chugged my double like it was a mind eraser and then went back and got 2 more coors and another double. At this point the place was fairly crowded but not packed. I was obviously pretty smashed at this point but I wanted to tell this one girl that I wanted to take her out in real life. Honestly, that was going to be my line. I never did ask her but if she reads this (she doesn’t) the offer would still stand. So we took a cab back and next thing I remember was the wagon telling me it was 8 and if I was going to work. I went back to bed and woke up at 1:30. It’s 2pm right now and here I am. I ate some eggs and actually don’t feel that terrible. I’m going to go the gym and play some poker and then call it a day. Obviously getting fucked up tonight. There’s a day in my life.

By |2010-01-12T14:31:59-05:00January 8th, 2010|My Life|1 Comment

People and their words

When I’m around someone for a lengthened period of time, I tend to pick up on things that the person likes to say. Whether it be a phrase or a saying, people tend to get mind stuck in using the same word all the time. I had a period of time where everything was horrible. Something horrible happened, the food was horrible, my last shit reeked horribly. Things weren’t awful or terrible or horrendous, everything was horrible. Once I caught myself getting my brain stuck on this word I had to go to a thesaurus and start making myself use different words. Another example was when I was in college and this girl ended half her sentences with “do you know what I mean.” When she finished a sentence it was like her brain pulled a trigger and she chose this phrase because she probably had low self esteem and thought no one would know what the fuck she was talking about. She’d say something like “My English teacher is such a dick, he is giving me a c+ instead of b-, do you what I mean.” I’d say “honestly I have no clue because the only thing I listen for when you talk is for you to say ‘do you know what I mean’ so I can laugh at how retarded you are.”

I bring this up because my roommate keeps using the word “the thing.” Hand me the thing, the thing said, turn the thing off. At first I thought it was funny because everything could just be the thing. And he’d keep saying it and I’d keep picking up on it. After a few days of hearing this, I started calling everything the thing. If you pay attention to the way people talk you can see if they keep using the same words or if they are wile enough to switch it up. I wish I had more interaction with people in my work life because I feel like I could write about this topic forever if I had more examples.

To bring this full circle, I tend to think people who keep using the same phrases have pretty much put their brains on cruise control. When I heard my roommate call everything the thing, a cop out for calling something it’s real name, and I read this article in the bathroom book, things started falling into place.

Study: In 2004 scientists at the Kings’ college, London University were commissioned by HP to see what toll compulsive e-mail checking and Internet chatting have on a worker’s “functioning IQ.” Eighty volunteers participated in clinical trials and another 1,100 people were interviewed for the study.

Findings: 62 percent of the interviewees were “addicted” to checking e-mail and exchanging text messages, which they did not only at their desks, but also “during meetings, in the evenings, and on the weekends.” The scientists dubbed this phenomenon “info-mania.”

Info-mania takes a noticeable toll on productivity. “An avg worker’s functioning IQ falls 10 points when distracted by ringing telephones and incoming e-mails…more than double the 4 point drop seen in studies on the impact of smoking marijuana,” the scientists concluded. A 10 point drop is the equivalent of trying to put in a full day of work after missing an entire night of sleep.

Now if you know my roommate, things started to make sense why everything was the thing. And while I’m on it, buy a new laptop. You make a fine enough salary to afford a new laptop which you spend half you waking hours on. Your POS computer now is an insult to technology. To give you an idea of how sad this computer is. It was bought in 05′ for 500 bucks. The computer sounds like it wants to take off every time I’m around it. He told me last night that Norton 06′ was protecting him.

And to clear one final thing up. Even if his IQ dropped 10 points, it would still be far and above mine. Chad, don’t take it personal that I used you as my blog subject. Your the most honest person I know (tied with Bud Schmidt) and I only make fun of you because I know, you know, I don’t do it with any malicious intent.

A fun tidbit of info. We scored 91 points in our bball game, and lost by 40. Talk about an embarrassment and a low blow to the self esteem. I could go into details but rehashing this almost brings me to tears from the whooping.

By |2010-01-21T00:29:43-05:00January 6th, 2010|My Brain, My Life|0 Comments

Parking Lot Fun

Here are two things that come along when your driving around that I feel are worthwhile to point out. Yesterday I was going to LA fitness at around 7:30. It’s impossible to go to the gym between 5-7 due to the chaos that surrounds this social gathering. People don’t go to the gym to work out between these hours, the truth is the gym turns into a happy hour for the people who don’t like working out but like saying they went to the gym. This turns it into a cluster fuck of idiots talking and sitting on machines. Anyhow, the lot is still packed at this point but it starts to clear out a bit. So I’m driving up the aisles trying to find a spot, any spot really. No, that spot has a compact car in it, no, that spot has that device to hold the shopping carts, and than out of nowhere a beam of white light comes from someones rear tail light (obvious the reverse lights for the slow ones) and this guy is literally in a grade A spot, right next to the handicap spaces. So I’m at the far end of the aisle and just gun it because I know there is going to be a race for this spot. So I zoom up and do my best to get as close as possible to this guy but still give him enough room to exit. Voila. The feeling that overcame me on this ice cold day that I have a spot where I literally have to take less than 20 steps to the entrance. I sat in my car an extra 5 minutes just soaking in what just happened. This just really made my day.

To continue my parking lot theme I will write about something that I really despise. Picture me entering the lot and driving slowly around making sure not to run over any stray pedestrians crossing the street. I stop at stop signs, well technically I rolling stop at stop signs but it’s all the same. Now I’m driving perpendicular to aisles and my driving lane has no stop signs. Now I see some poor soul waiting perpendicular to me looking to merge into my driving lane. Remember, I don’t have any stop signs and they do. I slow my car down and give him the go ahead signal because I’m a nice guy and I would appreciate if someone did it to me. Well guess what, this fucking asshole makes the turn into road without even acknowledging my act of kindness. Now this really burns me up. I do something nice and you can’t even thank me for my nice deed. I don’t want a cash prize or anything of value, just a simple salute or hand wave is all I ask. Some token of appreciation. I got nothing and it pretty much makes me never want to do anything nice to the entire human race ever again. Same thing goes for holding doors. When you hold the door for me, I kindly say thank you. When I open a door for you, don’t be a dick and act like you’re royalty and I’m your servant opening doors for you. Also it’s nice if you are about 6 steps ahead of someone and you arrive first but you can hold the door just to be good Samaritan. If you are 10 steps ahead then it’s fine to tell them to go fuck themselves and open their own goddamn door.

I can deal with the big things in life because you usually see them coming. But when people ignore the common courtesies like throwing out their own trash and proper manners, then I get upset. There’s a popular book called don’t sweat the small stuff but I can’t follow this title because the small stuff is what counts because it shows what kind of person you really are. The little things do the subtle talking. Don’t get me wrong, assholes do big things wrong all the time but sometimes the sneaky ones can be seen through their simple actions.

Finally to comment on the sole comment I received on the last post. Hafer displays his Hughesville humor by commenting on something that I just wrote about and how I think it’s retarded. When he’s sitting there writing that comment he’s probably laughing to himself how witty his comment is. However, knowing I just wrote what I wrote about in my last post, I’m well aware of what he’s up to and I’m actually leveling his comment by calling it out in this post. Just remember this at the poker table Hafer, I’m going to be one level ahead of your thought process at every stage. No matter how many levels you think you can think, I go one step further. Yeah, even with a Pitt education, I can go that far.

By |2010-01-12T14:40:14-05:00January 5th, 2010|My Brain|2 Comments

The Sad, The Mad, and The Glad

So you’ve come to my web page and alas you see some new material. My time being a waste of life has finally ended and now it’s time to get back to the real world. During the last 10+ days of doing nothing I really have no new material, nothing noteworthy anyhow. I personally don’t think anyone cares about how much money I lost gambling or how many beer pong games were played or how many quarters made in a row. It’s all the same shit that I’ve been writing about since this blog’s conception. Yes, I almost finished a fifth of goose in about a 5 hour span that ended me at the asian massage parlor. Yes, there was a night of 151 that had me acting like a buffoon and staying up to 5:30 am after a 3 hour poker session of playing like a maniac and then calling escorts and being too chicken to follow through. I spent one night next to the toilet literally paralyzed and unable to make myself throw up or move. I didn’t yack once the entire break and my body paid the price. One last comment on these unblogworthy (yes I do believe this) events. One of my friends once said to me that New Years Eve is the night the amateurs come out to drink, and if that pertains to you and you puked because you drank too much, I just want say nice work because it’s nice to get this drunk to join the serious alcoholics for a change.

On to the title of this post. The sad, the mad, and the glad are the stages that an alcoholic faces when benders like these come to an end. I personally don’t think I’m a full blown alcoholic but when I have 10 days and no work to worry about, I certainly become one for this period of time. I probably had more than 6 beers on 9 of the days and more than 12 on 5 of them. People who don’t drink like this don’t really understand alcohol’s lingering effect on the body. The once in a while drinker may take a night and get out of control but that’s all their body can really take. They have a hangover and feel like shit the next day which usually will curtail the next nights drinking effort. For people like me, the body has been trained through years of hard work of continuous drinking. So towards the end of this break, (after the 151 night) I was stopped. My body said no more.

I tell people that I feel sad and feel like crying and I don’t think they really understand what that I’m being serious. This means the alcohol has left me in a depressed state where I’ve come to realization that the break is over, work starts soon, and my body has said enough’s enough. I literally piss out a color of goldenrod (the toxins) because I’m so dehydrated that it wasn’t till today that I start to get back to normal (3 days). So when I tell people that I’m sad, I’m not kidding because this is how alcohol makes you feel.

The mad comes out today. Today was the first day of work. I woke up at 7 and left work after 5. The phone rang 20 times and there were people at the door and year had to be closed and shit needed to get caught up on. After feeling like shit at the end of the break, you are thrown into the work world after a hiatus of doing nothing. Generally these days don’t end on good notes and puts me in a pissy mood. Fortunately I was able to go to the gym and watch sling blade which made it a little better. This mad stage will end today as I have cleansed the depressing toxins out and gotten through the bullshit surrounding day 1.

Tomorrow I will enter the glad. I feel good again. I’m sober and cleaned up and for the next 5 days I’ll hit the gym and get myself back into the shape I should be if it wasn’t for consuming all that beer. The sad, the mad, and the glad, don’t usually hit on regular work weeks. There isn’t enough time for drinking on the weekends to fuck me up that badly. It’s on these breaks where it’s possible to drink many nights in a row. Most people who read this will have no idea what I’m talking about because they don’t abuse their bodies with alcohol like I do. But I just gave you my first hand account of what goes through my mind when I treat my body like shit. I personally don’t recommend it because it isn’t fun. It’s fun in the process, but you pay for the aftermath. I actually consider giving up alcohol or going to therapy after breaks like this to show you how whack it makes me.

Before I end this, and to go a bit off topic, I just wanted to give my thoughts on the new year. First and foremost I am so fucking sick of hearing people wish other people a happy new year. The new year was on the first and it’s already the 4th and I still hear people wishing other people a happy new year. Do you think people really mean it or is it just something to say? “Hey John Doe, Happy New Year!” (because this is your best chance to be happy before the fucked up shit starts happening during the rest of the year.) I brought in my new year off a bender and feeling like shit, I don’t know what was too happy about it. Is the New Year a reset button? Now all the lazy people can make resolutions about going to the gym and not eating as unhealthy because they are given a brand new start because it’s the new year. Newsflash, you had all of last year to do these things and don’t forget the year before that, and that. Besides finding ways to make more money and lowering my golf handicap, I’m content. I’ll be in a good mood for the next couple of days so if you want anything from me, now’s the time.

By |2010-01-21T00:30:17-05:00January 4th, 2010|My Brain, My Life|1 Comment

Year End

We are pretty much finished for the year at work. We projected December and are waiting for our accountant to reconcile November. It was a lackluster year. I do fine for my age and the amount of responsibilities I have (none), but this year was a step backwards for the business number wise. I just keep my head up and keep moving forward because I know if I can make similar money doing it this way, it sure beats the hell out of doing it for someone else. I don’t necessarily love it but for the almost 5 years I’ve put into it, and learned the in’s and out’s of how to make it work, I can’t really foresee any future career change. I expect an improvement next year.

Nothing really changed much as I look back at what really happened this year. I still drink too much on weekends. Gamble on sports which is as I’m well aware is -EV. I stay in shape, which I don’t really ever see changing because the thought of getting fat and lazy just bothers me to the point that I won’t let it happen. I didn’t make anything in the stock market which seems to be my general theme. I didn’t really make any headway financially as my salary is actually decreasing as my expenses rise. All in all it was a pretty blah year.

I did start this blog which gives me amusement from time to time. I still haven’t figured out the purpose of it. I guess I hope that some people who have had similar blah years read this and know they aren’t alone. I’m sure people have had way worse years too. I have nothing to worry about and everything to be thankful for. I have my health, good friends, a place to live, and don’t have to worry about my next meal. I’m so much more fortunate than the majority of the population that when things seem bad, I know it could be much worse. I have a feeling 2010 will present an opportunity that will be a big difference maker in my life. I’m not sure what, but I have high expectations.

My serious post count is low, mainly because I don’t consider these good reads. Every now and then I’ll pop these out just to show that I do try to take a look at the big picture and keep things in perspective. I also write this because this is the end of my normal/good self for the next 10 days or so. I’m not sure if I’ll call it a bender but I intend to take 09 out with a bang. No pun intended. It’s freedom from here on out. No work, nothing to do, basically anything I think that could turn into a good time, I’m there. Family functions on Christmas but after that I will live it up. This has potential to be the last blog post of the year mainly because I’ll be either too drunk or too hungover to write. I thank anyone who reads this. I personally don’t read anyone else’s blogs (other than my brothers but that’s only because he has a link on my own page), so I find it flattering that you visit mine from time to time. I hope this is as enjoyable for you to read this as it is for me to write this (not this post but the blog in generaly). Look forward to the goal list in 10′. And please pronounce it 10 and not 0-10.

Does anyone find this font too small? Maybe I’ll consider a design change to start the new year.

By |2010-01-06T22:21:54-05:00December 22nd, 2009|My Brain|0 Comments

Weekend Complete

To start off, please drive with your lights on at all time, especially in the snow.

Friday and Saturday night were standard. Went to some sweater party and then the bar which was problematic because I had a blister on my foot from the treadmill and it made it annoying to get around. Saturday I started drinking around noon and all day throughout without a nap or anything. The night ended at the US hotel which I must say is becoming a staple of my weekend end night. Sunday was easily the most bizarre day. J Kash was evaluating his car situation and ran into some girls who live close by. They told him to stop by for the Eagles game in a “yeah we are saying this but don’t really expect you to show.” Little did they know we rang the bell at 4 ready to watch the game. There were 3 of them and a random bro and I was prepared for the initial awkwardness. I texted him 5 minutes in saying I think we should go, which would have been even weirder. So we grabbed a couple of their beers and cozied in for some football with our new friends. After the introductions where I said my name and then insta forgot any name they said, things got pretty normal. We ended up playing a game at halftime and I think they legitimately liked us. It went surprisingly well for showing up at someones house who you never have met before. I ended up borrowing one of their books which is called My horizontal life. It’s a chick book equivalent to the Tucker Max book. I’ve never heard of Chelsea Handler but I’m sure she’s popular among girls. The book came out in 2005 so I’m way late but I read it none the less. It was a 3 hour read or so and I just can say that reading these things from a girls perspective is a whole lot different then a guys. When Tucker Max unleashes an 8 roper into a girls eye, I’m ok with that. When Chelsea Handler writes “My gas was really acting up, so I decided to cut my losses, go to the bathroom, and take a dump. Boy did I ever. I made a mental note to myself never to eat Mexican on weekends…” this does not make me want to read on. However, the book is somewhat entertaining and it’s interesting to read these types of stories from a girls perspective. My book review aside, it was a genius move to take the book because now I have to return it. I give it a 50-50 shot that we ever see these girls again but sometimes doing out of the blue things turns out to be the most fun.

To move onto betting. I put 75 bucks on the pats which pushed. I had a 3 team under parlay on the jets, eagles, and ravens which hit for 150 and I had 75 on the birds. I lost 125 on the vikings and tonight I played the suns and giants which split. Up 100 for the weekend, which puts me down 100 bucks 15 weeks into the season. I think that’s pretty good and I’ve done some good br mgmt despite 15 weekends of drunkenness.

I also haven’t made plans for new years. We usually throw a party but for some reason I hate the expectations that come along with throwing a party, that I’d rather just not have one. However, since it’s already the 22nd and I have nothing really scheduled, it looks like we will just get a keg and have some people over. If you have no plans and read this, you can let me know and you are pretty much invited.

By |2009-12-22T06:22:03-05:00December 21st, 2009|My Life|0 Comments

41-60

41) If you don’t have a flash drive, you aren’t an important person. The reason for the flash drive is to backup important documents in case your computer crashes. If you aren’t backing anything up, then you must not have anything important, thus the first sentence.
42) When I see “c” or “u” in text messages I just think the person is, and don’t take this the wrong way if you do it, dumb. It’s completely taking a dump on the English language. I have one friend who will capitalize and punctuate everything, which I think is far superior than the shorthand, although probably not necessary. I say type it out or I just immediately put you in the category of an education of a middle schooler.
43) I apply body wash with my hands and I remember one dude said only a caveman would wash himself like that, but I don’t really see the difference between that or a homo wash cloth. Bar soap is so outdated that is just grosses me out that its a constant bacteria magnet.
44) I’m turning into my dad in the sense that if he ever has to do something, he writes it down. Normally I just trust my memory but as much as I would like to disagree with it, writing shit down greatly increases the chance of doing it. Plus if it’s a multiple item list you may get 9 or 10 to your memory but writing it down gets the tenth.
45) I’ve never understood whitening toothpaste. I’ve tried it and never noticed a difference. I even tried the whitestrips at one point but they are just annoying to keep on and seemed like a waste of cash.
46) In the 4+ years I’ve been out of college I’ve shelled out a lot of money on car and health insurance. The company pays for my health but nonetheless, these are thousands of dollars that have seen no return on their investment. That’s obviously a good thing but to think that this is not legally stealing is hard to believe. Don’t I deserve some kickback or prize do to my ability to survive safely on this earth?
47) I’ve bought coughdrops the last few days and I’m pretty sure these are just candies with no real soothing ability. Sometimes I think they clear my nose but I find myself wanting to eat them for no other reason than the syrup inside the middle of the candy.
48) I ate a bacon, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel from dunkin donuts today. Do not want.
49) Growing up I used to never miss Saved by the Bell, Full House, Step by Step (huge crush on Al), Family Matters. Sting in WCW was my hero for a time period. Duck Tales, Voltron, and GI Joe were personal favorite cartoons. I used to hate David the mutherfucking Gnome but I’d watch it anyway all the time. Did he use to ride on a rat?
50) Since this is the halfway point, I asked my brother if I should keep going with these numbered lists and he said it’s still a long way and I should quit while I’m ahead. I’m not really sure what that means but I’ll assume it’s somewhat of a decent read if he thinks I’m ahead at all.
51) I like how some people sign their name in a manner that it’s impossible to read. I’ve never really understood the point of that. It seems to me that you’d like your signature to be legible so people know who it’s coming from. Now I know most of the time the name of the person will be elsewhere on the stationary, but still.
52) Hersey Hawkins used to be my favorite bball player when I was a kid. My dad used to buy me a pack of cards from 7-11 every weekend. Little did I know the cards he was buying me were the 86-87 season with the Jordan “rookie card”. I don’t think I ever had Jordan but definitely Ewing, Hakeem, and Barkley. If I would have kept those cards in good condition they would have made a nice return instead I was young and dumb and either ripped them up or lost them. For what it’s worth Jordan was 33% from beyond the arc for his career.
53) phriday1
54) Mondays and the Winters are my least favorite day and season and the opposite of Fridays and the Summers take the cake. My frost biten foot still has a shade of purple when my toes are cold and that’s why winter is my least favorite time. Also why I dislike skiing.
55) I wrote another email into 104.5, which I’ll share when I get a response, but quality songs out now with little play are Trinity by Paper Tongues, In Case of Rapture by As Tall as Lions, Lions by the Features, Too Fake by Hockey, and Take Me Home by Midnight Project.
56) I did sporcle’s VH1’s 100 top 80’s songs and got 84 on the first try. Whoever commented on my last one about the 156, see if you can top my 80’s knowledge. Can you beat me?
57) I went to dinner with my Mom and I noticed that when two people go out and there are two booths looking at each other, some people choose to both sit in the same booth. This just absolutely boggles my mind. People will go out and have to turn their heads 90 degrees to look at one another. Yes you’re closer and can cuddle, but c’mon this is just one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.
58) It really annoys me when people hum a tune when they can’t stand the silence. For example, there will be two people in the same room and neither knows what to say to one another, so someone will just start humming a tune to block the awkward silence. I prefer the silence. Silence doesn’t bother me but you humming a tune does.
59) I never really know when to change a razor blade. After a few shaves I’ll be like, “man that really hurt because the blade was dull, but I think I can squeeze out one more shave.” This will obviously continue until I final cave in. I feel like the jews have to change blades more often because their beards come in so much thicker. It probably bothers them that they have to spend more money on razors then other religions.
60) Since I put this link up on facebook, I’ll assume I’ll get a few more visits from randoms than usual. I don’t really have any real point of keeping this blog other than to amuse other people and help them kill time when they should be working. Hopefully this helps a bit.

By |2010-01-12T14:41:10-05:00December 17th, 2009|My Brain|1 Comment

Interim

Those lists take me a while and I didn’t have time to do the next 20 so I just am going to give a quick life update.

We lost our second bball game of the year by 10. We played the first half tight, probably down about 5 at half. They opened up a lead to 18-20 with about 10 minutes to play. They just completely outworked us in the opening minutes of the 2nd half on fast break points. They had easy lay up after easy lay up and I think we were all pretty winded since we were playing with 6. We cut it to 4 or 5 at one point with just a couple minutes left and they pretty much finished us off at the end. There is a chance we go 0-8 in this league. If you read this and you know a basketball player who has height, let me know.

This paragraph I’ll devote to both Californication and Dexter’s season finale. I really liked the climax in Californication. It wasn’t a happy ending and as I’m getting older I found the emotional sappy shit pretty entertaining. I liked the sex talk with Becca and Hank. I liked the fact that Mia, Hank and the bro were hiding the underage thing and then the drama that unfolded once it was brought to light. When Hank was walking in to his place to tell Karen about Mia, it just made me think that anything I ever encounter in my life would never come close to as bad as what Hank did. Nevertheless I still think his character is awesome. Runkle and Marcy splitting was fine. She is really, really short and I hope Runkle and Hank start next season as bachelors because it just makes for funny TV. I really think Showtime is hitting the nail on the head with these shows.

I don’t want to ruin Dexter for anyone who hasn’t watched it (you really have to), but I thought this season was particularly good. Arthur played a fun to watch bad guy. I love how they close seasons and don’t really leave you hanging. I’m going to miss the one character but honestly I felt they weren’t adding anything other than annoyance and binding Dexter. Now he’s free to do as he pleases which should make for better TV. Hate to see this character go.

A final thing that bothers the hell out of me. When you are shooting at a trashcan from either far away or from a weird angle and it bounces off the rim. This causes you to get up and waste time putting it in properly. There is a feeling of satisfaction from shooting trash in the trash can from all places. But missing is such a bothersome feeling to me. I honestly will give a “motherfucker” if I brick it because of the nuisance that follows. I think if someone had a shooting game and attached it to a trashcan you would have a huge seller. If someone steals this idea, just give me some credit of where it originated.

By |2010-01-12T14:45:20-05:00December 17th, 2009|My Brain|0 Comments

21-40

I’ve actually seen a relatively decent jump in traffic recently, and this will provoke me to continue updating at a good pace.

21) I bite my fingernails to the point of the cuticle(sp?). They look normal I just don’t have a fingernail to scratch stickers, open hard to open cans, or give an itch a good scratch
22) I’m one of the people that corporations created the rebate for. I figure it’s too much trouble to send the rebate in. This is foolish thinking but I stand by it. I also, very very, practically never use coupons.
23) I feel like I need some new websites to visit. My homepage is yahoo which is my a good starting point but when you try to type in an address is brings you to their search function and will do it 3 times before it lets you up to the address bar. This frustrates me unbelievably and I’ve considered writing them an email but it’s pointless. The other sites I visit are facebook, tmz, and failblog. Nfl.com on sundays and i can’t stand ESPN.com.
24) When it gets cold and you want to go out to a bar, I don’t like the coat check but if you don’t then you have to either freeze or walk around with a giant winter coat. Still haven’t come up with a good solution other than multiple layers.
25) For some reason I don’t like trying clothes on at stores and I also don’t like taking things back. Problems have arose when I purchase something too big or small.
26) When you are at the gym please don’t sit on the machine between sets. There was a woman today and she was literally on the same machine for 10 minutes. I didn’t want to be a dick but I felt like saying if you want to work out on a chair, there is one by the exit.
27) I didn’t understand why anyone would spend money on tissues but since recently I’ve been blowing my nose with a paper towel and I dread doing it every time because it’s not soft, I think I get it.
28) Real men don’t like beer with fruit in them. I stand by this even with Corona. I actually have a issue with holding my thumb and turning the bottle upside down. I was a poker table one time and tried doing it but there was a hole in the top and it starts spaying all over the bro next to me. I’ll drink corona regular, but no fruit.
29) I can’t drive a stick shift and feel inferior to females who can. Like seriously, I want to learn how to drive a stick just so I can avoid this inferiority complex.
30) My life consists of the big 3. Phone, wallet, and keys. These are the primary ingredients to survival.
31) One of my biggest pet peeves is bare feet on any surfaces. I honestly don’t care if it’s carpet. I’ll wear socks and feel fine but bare feet anywhere just grosses me out. Reason being, is that once you get a bare foot dirty there really isn’t any good method of cleaning them without showering. Putting on a sock is just a cover up because there is still a dirty foot inside.
32) I think a good idea would be for a bar to hand out frequent visitor cards and then the customer get deals or specials the more they come. I think this would maintain a packed house and profit margin on alcohol is absurd. Just so everyone is aware, a fifth has 25 shots in it, a fifth of captain costs 20 bucks and using that conversion makes 25 drinks at a general price of 5 bucks per drinks and you have a 625% profit margin.
33) I’ve wrote this before but I hate this fucking chair. It creeks and just bothers me in general. Plus the thing with chairs is that it’s always your ass touching the chair. Most people will fart on the chair and I ask you where does this gas go? It just hangs out in the chair, gross when you think about it really.
34) I have 5 different check books with checks and I have each book stored in a different place. One on my desk, one in my car, one at work etc… So my checks are all out of order and I don’t balance a check book. I feel like we are in the days of computers and I just am constantly checking my online balancing, making sure my shit is being deposited and withdrawn correctly and that’s that.
35) I like water out of bottle but what I used to like the most was going to baseball games and having those big coolers with the spouts. They always kept the water the coldest because you’d fill them with ice and it would melt and the water would taste so refreshing.
36) I think corn on the cob and macaroni and cheese is underrated. Chalk up wheat thins, Parmesan goldfish, and smartfood.
37) I have a blackberry and have mixed feelings about the bbm. Yes it has a cool logo saying I got a message and that makes me excited. But no I don’t feel like I have to carry on a text conversation just because you bbm’d me. If I want to stop mid convo and do something else, I will. It’s not personal but I’m not a slave to my phone.
38) I saw a question that asked which spot top, middle or bottom is the green traffic light and I honestly was just taking a shot in the dark at top or bottom.
39) I have one toenail on my right foot that has fallen off at least 10 times. I tend to run on my toes and on longer runs it just squeezes against the shoe until eventually it falls off.
40) Sometimes I look in the mirror and the future freaks me out.

That took way longer than I thought it would. If I get to 100 I’ll be amazed. Here’s a cool picture that I thought I’d share.

924_20532957

By |2010-01-12T14:44:31-05:00December 15th, 2009|My Brain|1 Comment

100th Post

Nathan Hafer gets an obligatory “shout out” due to the comment left below. He has one of the best AC poker winrates I know, for being such an uber donk. I can’t remember all the “blog this” references but if I wrote all of them that he commented on, I would have a blog consisting of retarded drunk moments that people might actually enjoy (next time I’ll jot them down). It’s nice to know that there is actually an audience from time to time instead of the feeling that I’m just writing to myself. I had 20 hits on a Monday which is pretty good but unfortunately I had no new material which makes me think people will remember my lack of motivation over the weekend and abandon ship.

This marks my 100th post which started on 4/20 (just a coincidence). I wish I had some good, over the top material that people would come away thinking, wow that was really a good read. I don’t. However I will list 100 things that I find strange, bizarre, interesting, or odd (broken up in 5 parts of 20).
1) I’ve done my laundry with fabric softener for months without noticing the difference.
2) My socks come out of the dryer inside out and I always thought the dryer did it but my mom says its the way you put them in.
3) I like green apples and grapes but dislike the reds or purples.
4) I used to drink little hugs, iced tea sssips, and ecto cooler like it was my job
5) This guy who opens the door for me at dunkin donuts doesn’t have a cup so I’m not sure if I should tip him or not
6) I’ve never been in a car accident and don’t believe in jinxes, just my superior driving ability
7) I spend a full 20 dollars on a haircut that retails for 16. If it was 15, I’d only pay 18.
8) I swap toothbrushes every 2 months or so, if you don’t swap more than this just think of all the germs that those bristles acquire.
9) I haven’t used a comb in 20 years. Never in my life have I used gel.
10) Wearing colors other than blue, gray, or black makes me feel like I’m standing out.
11) Never had a broken bone but Tim O’hara knocked out my teeth in elementary school in a game of smear the queer, or quirrel the squirrel but I don’t think I’m writing that right.
12) People who pay for things under 10 dollars with cards, tilt me.
13) I broke a 5 minute mile at the age of 15 and I can still break it 11 years later.
14) Most people know this, but I didn’t have an unexcused absence from school starting with kindergarten and ending in high school. Pathetic really. However, I really think that one year towards the end of the year I missed one to go on vacation early but for some reason since it was the end, they didn’t get it.
15) I wear contacts now but I didn’t until 10th grade. I had glasses since 3rd grade but refused to wear them. In 8th Grade I was in Mr. Seiger’s class and got bad grades due to my self consciousness (although I don’t remember being terrific at the algebra anyhow). I would like to point out that I did put the glasses on one time to see the board and Chung Lee looked over and started cracking up and that caused me years of inability to see the board.
16) I visit the dentist every 6 months and get yelled at that I don’t floss every visit but I feel so far above everyone I run into who says they haven’t been there for years but of course “they brush really hard so there is nothing to worry about”.
17) When people use “you know” in a sentence, the only thing it means is that they don’t know.
18) The easiest way to sleep is on your back with your hands at your side. If I put my hands on my chest and feel my heart beat, it really freaks me out.
19) I used to love Vanilla milk shakes from McDonalds but I stopped getting them because sometimes the strawberry would get mixed in with the syrup and then it just wasn’t the same taste. I also cut out ice cream and chocolate from my diet, so that probably has something to do with it.
20) I’ve not once had to cut my arm pit hairs and I really can’t understand why. Do they stop growing once they hit a point or what?

21-40 Tomorrow.

By |2010-01-06T22:22:06-05:00December 15th, 2009|My Brain|1 Comment
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