The Most Embarrassing Golf Round I’ve Had

Be smart, don’t be a retard.  I unfortunately was the latter.  I capped off a liquid weekend with a pitiful performance that I’ll get into later.  Where to begin on this 3 day bender.

  • I met up with Sam and Alex at their place on Thursday, 7/3.  I got the quick tour of their new place and we had a few drinks at a local Yunker watering hole shooting cricket.  Even with an ominous night brewing, we headed to a Styx /  Foreigner concert which was what I thought it would be.  Read Sam’s blog to get his take on the night.  Negotiating with a hot dog vendor at the concert while Sam was black out drunk was a highlight.
  • Evan at RenditionsI woke on Friday morning feeling groggy but was able to meet up with Evan and head to DC at an appropriate time for a golf round.  I was able to eat an entire quesadilla from Baja Fresh at a rest stop which will be used as a benchmark later on.  We met up with Hafe and Stackhouse at 1 o’clock and prepared for a round at Renditions which is a copy of famous holes on various courses.  Hafe was playing the round of his life before losing his phone on hole 10 and ended up abandoning 2 holes (while leaving his playing partner without a bag) which I still can’t get over.  The round was near 6 hours but on such a beautiful day, I don’t think anyone really was that upset.  Playing with music in the background was something I thought would be distracting but proved to be quite fun.  Thumbs up to the round.  Cruise.
  • After golf we went to Hafer’s in DC and we started pounding drinks with his Bolivian next door neighbors.  The one guy there was calling Evan’s drinking out pretty good which I thought was hilarious.  We spent the night in the Clarendon part of the area and even though the night was fairly standard, it was still fun.
  • Party Hard Het!

    Party Hard Het!

    Saturday morning was a BBQ for Hetrick’s recent engagement.  We watched some World Cup, played pong, Kan Jam, and other normal outdoor activities.  The food and company was excellent.  Evan and I left at around 8 because I had an early tee time the next day for a 2v2 tournament.


The Round From Hell

I want to make every 30 year old alcoholic aware that drinking 3 days straight is hazardous to your health.  I got up at 6:30 on Sunday feeling parched.  I sort of knew I wasn’t feeling so hot but with a 2v2 golf match I had to man up.  I went to Wawa and drank a coffee and got a Sizzli and here’s the clue in, I couldn’t eat the Sizzli.   I took two bites and couldn’t finish it.  I picked up Sam L., my playing partner, and we made our way to the driving range.  I hit a few balls and was topping everything.  As I told the Shee in a previous round a few years ago, it felt like my arms were disconnected from my body.

ScreenShot046I stepped up the to first tee box and blasted one up the middle.  I hit a PW to about 10 feet and made par on the first hole.  Easy game.  On hole 2, I hit a drive that went less than 10 feet.  I was lucky I even hit the ball.  After advancing the ball on my second shot, I MISSED the ball on the 3rd shot.  At this point I knew I was in more trouble than I thought.  My hands were shaking and my hand eye was so messed up that when I would address the ball, I had this feeling that I couldn’t hit it.  I somehow managed to get through a few more holes until hole 8 and 9 where I once again basically missed the ball off of the tee box.  Our playing partner was the commissioner of the association and I felt like such a jackass.  I finished the front with a 48 and we were 2 back.

At Sam’s advice, I downed a beer at the turn and this amazingly settled me down.  As Sam put it, “this isn’t a fix, only a band aid.”  Fortunately it worked well enough to have me save face and shoot a 45 on the back for a 93.  We lost the match on hole 14 but it was never in question.  I was actually relieved when we lost.  I know a 93 doesn’t sound like the worst round of my life, but in sheer embarrassment, it topped the cake.

What I look like today.

What I look like today.

Getting older does a few things, it allows me to understand why this happens and it’s no secret.  Dehydration.  Alcohol also impairs reaction time and mental acuity.  By the time you are dehydrated, it’s too late to save yourself by pounding water.  This may not have been the case when I was 21 but at 30, I still feel dehydrated today.  I can’t drink enough water to get back to normal.  I’m not complaining either because I do this to myself.  I’m just making readers aware because this is factual.  If I had to breakdown the amount of alcoholic drinks I consumed over the 3 days vs water I think it would be close to 50 – 3.  I remember drinking 3 waters.  So there’s a lesson and what happens to the body under these conditions.  Fun weekend though.