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About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Would I Still Love Katy Perry If…

…she didn’t have 2 great breasts? I’ve thought about this long and hard, ok, short and hard, and have come to the conclusion the answer is… not nearly as much as I do. My interest level wouldn’t be as high and I sat here for 3 minutes straight trying to write this sentence and can’t think of a better reason than a male attraction to female breasts. They are only flesh but hers are perfect. She’s had to have had a boob job and the doctors made them expertly rounded and on the large side. They are not abnormally large though, bigger than average, but not back hurting. She props them up in outfits wonderfully which I’ll document shortly.

I just roared all over my computer screen.

I just roared all over my computer screen.

I saw this page on Yahoo which allowed me to preview the album and after hearing the first song a thought popped in my mind, what the hell am I doing listening to Katy Perry? It’s not like I think her music is amazing but I’ve developed this infatuation with her and I’m fairly certain it’s purely because of her rack. She’s obviously attractive but if she was flat as a surf board, I wouldn’t listen to any of her music. Her target demographic isn’t 30 year old males yet I’m currently previewing her music. Is there anything more to this borderline creep mode?

The only thing I can think of is her success which could add to total attractiveness. Do you realize how many mega hits she’s had over the past years? “I Kissed a Girl”, “Hot n Cold”, “Thinking of You”, “Waking Up in Vegas”, “California Gurls”, “Teenage Dream”, “Firework”, “E.T.”, “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)”, “Part of Me”, “Wide Awake”, and “Roar”. That’s 12 songs that have all gotten major radio play and I don’t think there’s anyone hotter right now in the music industry. With her new album Prism dropping on the 22nd it’s going to be Katy’s world over these next few months and the radio station will play everything. Anything she does is scrutinized and she constantly delivers. Is she talented? Obviously. Millions of teenage girls worship her. I just add to the list.

Which brings me back to her 2 golden eggs. Without them I don’t think I’d be making this post. Her music isn’t what draws me to her. I don’t usually find black hair females all that attractive, yet, she scores an 11 with me and this gallery will be all the reasoning I need for this post. I plan on tweeting this to her as well so I expect some re-tweets. Tell me I’m not alone here and that this post is coming off as stalkerish?

By |2016-10-28T15:23:43-04:00October 18th, 2013|Music|0 Comments

Stortz Logo

I went through a photoshop tutorial on youtube and came out with these. I screwed up the white line in the middle and was unable to fix it after I moved several steps forward. I’m still learning the basics but the idea of getting photoshop was to use it for work purposes. I’d like to think this is a start.

stortzwallpaper

Stortz WallPaper

By |2013-10-20T11:25:21-04:00October 18th, 2013|My Brain, Photoshop|2 Comments

Characters of Philadelphia

Parking Flaggers
Parking Flagger

I’ve been amazed at the upward trend of this occupation. Their job is to wildly wave flags and point cars towards their associated parking lots. It does make a lot of sense because most people coming into the city have no idea where to park and what lots are open. It’s a huge difference when a bro is waving you to a lot than knowing the lot is there. Problem is that they tend to do this in the middle of the street and it seems like they want to get hit. There are even rivalries between the lots. I saw one bro for 3 days straight doing this job and on the 4th day an opposing guy came out in a suit and checkered flags. If you drive here on nights that events take place, you’ll see these guys. It obviously works too because they are everywhere.

Non-Homeless Panhandlers

Homless Panhandler
The people who live on the street panhandling aren’t who I’m referring to with this post. This post is about the people who stand in the middle of the street at busy intersections, with a “my life sucks” sign who walk up and down rows of traffic. I saw one dude wearing a polo and jeans doing it and knew something was wrong. I’ve also seen people with one leg (he probably tucks it up), war vets, and the jobless (this is their job). I don’t want to have to feel bad that I’m not giving them money which is inherently what happens.

Faux Runners
Fake Runners
You see tons of these people around the Art Museum and Kelly Drive. They’ve got the expensive clothes, the overly designed shoes, the fanny pack with energy bars, and are way to emotional about the experience. Runners run for a purpose, as in they are training for something or they get enjoyment from the process. Faux runners run for a few reasons of which are attention and a false sense of accomplishment. I think running is an “in” thing nowadays and it’s obvious why, it keeps you slim and everyone can do it. These people are everywhere in Philly.

By |2013-10-17T16:21:16-04:00October 17th, 2013|My Brain|4 Comments

Brick Wall Katy

My desire to document my progress in Photoshop is the reason for these updates. I take steps little by little and hopefully will improve until things start to come together. The idea of a brick wall on Katy Perry makes no sense whatsoever other than it gives me something to work with. Why I keep using Katy Perry as my shop model is also a valid question. There are two answers 1) She’s hot. 2) People search for her so on the off chance that one of these pictures gets notice, it potentially could find it’s way in google images. This one though, I think I better keep trying.

katyperrybrickwall

By |2013-10-20T11:25:30-04:00October 17th, 2013|Photoshop|0 Comments

Ck4 Lights It Up For 30!

ck4bird (400 x 500)
I watched our rec team play a game of basketball last night and it was borderline post worthy. I know Ck4 eats this stuff up though so I figured I’d satisfy his appetite. My shop skills are still coming along as I wanted to change the jersey number to 4 but that wasn’t happening unless I spent the day doing it. Onward to the game.

The team started down 11-2 and I thought that it was going to be a long game. Jeff and Chad subbed in and it was an immediate spark plug. Jeff hit a J and then CK4 started unloading. Jumper. Jumper. Jumper. The other team didn’t know Ck4 was a shooter until he knocked a few down and even then he couldn’t be stopped. It was a scrappy game and the halftime score was only a few point difference. Ck4 started off the 2nd half with more knock down jumpers and had 2 assists in the game which I think was more impressive than the shooting performance. Jeff had a huge 3 point play to seal the game and the team ended up winning by 5+. It was a well played game but the storyline was Ck4. I don’t know how he doesn’t play for a year and then comes out guns a blazing. At the end of the game Baker was speechless and I think that was the correct response. There’s your moment of glory and recognition Ck4, see you on the golf course.

By |2013-10-16T09:16:43-04:00October 16th, 2013|Sports|1 Comment

TV and the Act of Doing

AntiFastForwardSucks

This is a simple concept that smart/experienced TV watchers understand that flies over the heads of unintelligent/no concept of efficiency people. I don’t like having to wait or be forced to do something when I watch TV. This is why the number 1 way to watch TV is to DVR your show and 5x through the commercials. HBO and Showtime give a mini preview in the beginning (which 2xing through isn’t that bad) and then you can watch the rest uninterrupted. Completely acceptable. The major culprits of this thought are FX, AMC, and other cable channels that don’t individually collect for service. What happens? They have introduced a fast forward block on their programs in OnDemand. This ruins the viewing experience and I actually stopped watching The Walking Dead because it was unbearable to sit through commercials. Allow me to explain.

Sam and I both agree that we don’t like watching DVD’s or BluRay because it commits you to that program. We’d rather watch 15 minutes of a movie we already have seen on TV than go through the trouble of DVD. The process of getting up, grabbing the DVD, inputting it into the player, and then waiting is overbearing. This was the same with The Walking Dead that I described earlier. I started it up and it’s 1 hour long. When the 1st commercial break was on I couldn’t fast forward or change the channel. The not changing the channel is the key here because when I watch it live I don’t have to watch commercials and can skip through other programs. Being forced to sit through AMC commercials, any commercials really, isn’t right. It’s unfair. Unfortunately it’s how out world works and the populations smartest minds are being put to work on how to make people watch commercials.

Morons watch commercials. It’s the epitome of being brain washed and not doing anything but allowing yourself to fall under corporate s(p)ell. Avoiding commercials at all costs is the sign of someone who watches too much TV and understands this reasoning. It’s fairly simple to pick up on how well versed someone is when they watch TV. Just off on the tangent, when people don’t fly through channels with the guide, I feel it’s my place to point it out and take over remote control duties. Not watching in HD is another sure sign of a rookie. Back on topic, I ended up turning off the Walking Dead (a program I really wanted to watch nonetheless) and put on Eastbound and Down, Season 4 Episode 1, and it was phenomenal. 30 minutes of uninterrupted watching was exactly what I was looking for and I ended up DVR’ing Walking Dead on a later time slot so I wouldn’t have to put up with the commercial nonsense.

This brings me to what should be concluded from the whole experience? Most people watching TV won’t reason like me and do what I did. They’ll sit through the hour long OnDemand version of the Walking Dead and watch the 20+ minutes of commercials. In that time, they could be watching an entire episode of something else. People don’t hold this time as valuable though because in their minds they are relaxing even when they are watching commercials. We all know advertising works and it works because people are too stupid to not notice it. I understand this won’t relate to many people, hardly any people most likely, but to someone who watches a lot of TV, these cable networks and the OnDemand are blowing it. Let the consumer watch your show. We’ll like you more for it. It reminded me of the article Brookes showed me on David Byrne of Talking Heads and how he was complaining the musicians aren’t making their fair share off of Spotify and it was killing creativity. My answer to him and the networks would be that they’re not creative enough in problem solving. The consumer wants to be treated fairly and will pay for products they want/need. Making us watch 20 minutes of commercials isn’t one of those answers. Create something that I want to pay for. I read some guy wanted to release 6 minutes segments of new Breaking Bad’s (before it concluded) that you had to pay a buck for. I would do this because I want to. I don’t like watching commercials because they want me to. MONUMENTAL DIFFERENCE.

By |2013-10-16T00:07:21-04:00October 16th, 2013|My Brain|1 Comment

Welcome to a Home – Step by Step Instructions

My life has turned into a step by step manual. Everything I’ve been doing lately has been new and requires a tutorial. What’s been happening is that since a lot of these endeavors are first time things to me, I’ve been doing them fairly well but not exactly right. Although I’m sure you can “chalk it up to experience”, I have a boatload of items that aren’t done correctly due to my ineptitude or lack of knowledge. This is probably easier in list format.

Installation of a new sink
Single Sink
The picture is a pretty good depiction of what my sink looks like. When I bought the house I knew that the faucet was loose. The guy doing the inspection mentioned something that it’s a simple fix with a washer. So when I get to this little project, I’m not too sure where the simple part lied. After un-screwing the faucet, there were a bunch of pieces and nothing seemed easy. I decided on purchasing a new faucet to solve the problem. Simple enough except that the faucet I bought didn’t match up directly with the sink. I had to drill holes through a piece of wood for it to stay and then still the plastic washers were too big for the sink holes so I couldn’t secure the sink properly. I ended up putting putty around the sink and it’s functional and sturdy but I know it’s not how a plumber would have handled it. The installation of the pipes though was the easiest part which I was most worried about. I will say though that that tight area under the sink definitely drew a few swear words out of me.

The Ikea Vortex
Ikea Pooped On
If I go the rest of my life and never have to see an IKEA instruction manual I will die a happy man. In the past week I’ve built in this order: 1) Bureau 2) Desk 3) Chairs 4) TV Stand 5) Desk Chair. The bureau went well and took 4 hours with only 2 minor mistakes that took place in the drawers but wasn’t costly. The desk was put together 100% successfully. Laura and I made a minor error in the slats on the chair and have the velcro pointed the wrong way. I made an error in the TV stand on step 2 and it made the entire project wrong. I have a board that goes vertically flipped around and now the cabinets only open 3 inches and the wood is exposed. There is no going back. The desk chair was the easiest and currently working fine. These 5 projects probably took about 10 hours of my life and I wouldn’t care to do it again. Ikea is reasonably priced for what you get and that’s all I have to say about that.

Photoshop Tutorial
Adobe-Photoshop-Logo

I’ve been watching a 27 part series on Youtube of how to use photoshop. It’s been pretty overwhelming but the more I use it the more I pick up on how to make the pictures look better. If you’ve been following the past few days you can tell I’m having some fun and I have to think I’ll continue to improve. I’m also looking at learning German as I’m planning a trip in a few months so it would be good to know. The photoshop though will take this blog to another level.

Comcast Headache
Cable Guy - Suit Yourself
I get a bill from Comcast that says $334.44. I know that at the end of August I suspended service, transferred service to my new place, and I even had a 70 dollar credit because I was all paid up early. So this bill was much to my surprise. After a phone call for 20 minutes I got the billing all straightened and needed to activate my 2nd box for action. I waited another 25 minutes and went through the process of getting the box activated. I hook up the TV yesterday and I don’t get any channels. It’s typical Comcast. I love their service, I really do, but their service is incredible. Not good incredible, just unbelievable. I’m trying one more time tonight and then I’m going apeshit.

Miscellaneous Issues
The lock I complained about last entry still isn’t fixed. My cords around my TV are everywhere. I have a desk and a table in the living room that have no place to go. I didn’t know what day trash day was so I have an inordinate amount of trash. I’m getting a couch delivered tomorrow. I have city parking now. I’m way behind on Homeland, Boardwalk Empire, Walking Dead, and Eastbound and Down but at least I can watch now. I finally was able to run today even though my knee isn’t strong enough for full speed and I had to cut it short at 3 miles but at least I can get a sweat in again. Work is relatively good though as the new website launched today. Life is good, stay tuned.

By |2013-10-14T20:38:51-04:00October 14th, 2013|My Brain|1 Comment
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