We Don't Walk Slow

26 Jun, 2013

Why Oh Why Aaron Hernandez?

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-26T21:55:51-04:00June 26th, 2013|Sports|0 Comments

Talk about a sleeper going to the wayside. It’s hard to call Hernandez a sleeper but I think that’s exactly what he is with Gronk injured for the rest of his life (he’s due back early on this season but we know that will never happen). Hernandez was mostly injured for the first part of last season but with Gronk out in weeks 11-16, he averaged 56 yards a game and had 3 TDs, not to mention 85 yards a game in 2 playoff games. He was a legitimate top 5 TE for the Patriots with Gronk constantly injured. My guess is Hernandez would have gone in the late 5-6 rounds and I would accept him on my team in a heartbeat. Guys who I’d rather have ahead of him would be Jimmy Graham, Jason Witten, Heath Miller, and Vernon Davis. Dennis Pitta and Brandon Myers would also be on that watch list. I honestly believed that Hernandez was going to be a fantasy stud with the Patriots discarding all of their WR’s and having him as a prime receiving target. The murder story on this poor sap is excruciatingly painful to read about.

USA Today – Prosecutors allege that Hernandez picked up Lloyd around 2:30 a.m. on June 17th and that they drove through Boston before heading back to North Attleborough. McCauley claimed that Hernandez was unhappy that Lloyd had spoken with people that he didn’t like at Boston nightclub several nights earlier. The prosecutor alleges that several people heard multiple gun shots near an industrial park close to Hernandez’s home around 3:23 a.m. and says that home surveillance cameras captured Hernandez carrying a semiautomatic firearm as he and two other men returned to his home at 3:30 a.m.

What a thug. This could be a case of some of the worst decision making known to man. He’s in the neighborhood of receiving 40 million dollars over 5 years for playing football and this is his course of action for taking care of someone for talking shit. Why can’t these guys just stay in their house with their wife and kids and watch Disney movies? The footage had to have been so plain and simple to see that he must know that he is dead to rights. You can tell in his expression that he knows he’s fucked. He doesn’t even look like he cares because they probably have so much evidence against him that he knows there’s now point of wasting emotional energy. How dumb do you have to be to leave a rental car under your name at the scene as well as dumping the body close to where you live? Talk about wasted talent. #TebowforTE

Could this be the end of Aaron Hernandez NFL career? Your thoughts?

— Donovan McNabb (@donovanjmcnabb) June 26, 2013

Boston has had a rough run this year.

26 Jun, 2013

Bonnie McKee – American Girl

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-27T15:59:33-04:00June 26th, 2013|Music|1 Comment

I’ve never heard of Bonnie McKee. To follow in the same path as last post, here is her Wiki:

Bonnie Leigh McKee (born January 20, 1984) is an award-winning American singer, songwriter, and actress. Named Rolling Stone Magazine’s “Best Secret Weapon” in 2011, Mckee has co-written eight #1 singles, that have sold more than 25 million copies worldwide. She teamed up with pop superstar Katy Perry to co-write the hits “California Gurls,” “Teenage Dream,” “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” “Part of Me,” and “Wide Awake.” McKee also co-wrote “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz, which became the second best-selling song by a British artist in the digital era.

After watching the video I thought to myself how the hell did Bonnie McKee get all of these celebrities to do this for her? With a further in depth look at her accomplishments, she’s collaborated with Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kesha, Kylie Minogue, Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, Carly Rae Jepsen, Leona Lewis, Adam Lambert, Max Martin, Dr. Luke, Benny Blanco, Mark Foster, Josh Abraham, Greg Kurstin, Anne Preven, and many others. This makes more sense because the video is entertaining to see who pops up next. Here are a few of my observations after watching the video

– Bonnie McKee is hot and flat. Great ass shot at 1:30.
– I’d love to be in the bed with Katy Perry. 3:14 hit the money
– Jenny McCarthy is showing her age.
– Adam Lambert is the gayest. 1:17, enough said.
– Kesha looked really good. I always thought she was dirty and gross but I’ve altered my opinion.
– Macklemore in the tub was pretty hilarious. I assume that was Macklemore.
– Kathy Griffin needs to just stop entirely.
– Who was the girl with the weird hair and random guy?
– Jason Derulo has completely sold out.
– Girl at :27? Girl at 1:27?
– Jewel and George Takei were decent additions.
– Tommy Lee in drag?

Overall I think it was extremely well done and even though the song is as poppy as can be, it still gets and A+ in production. It’s one of those songs that will receive airplay for a few months and then fade into oblivion because the catch is the only thing that holds it up. Awesome youtube video though with all the cameos.

26 Jun, 2013

Ellie Goulding Who?

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-26T10:52:36-04:00June 26th, 2013|Celeb|1 Comment

It’s come to my attention in the past few days that people don’t know who Ellie Goulding is. From Wiki:

Elena Jane “Ellie” Goulding (pronounced golding; born 30 December 1986) is an English singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist. In 2010, she became the second artist to both top the BBC’s annual Sound of… poll and win the Critics’ Choice Award at the Brit Awards in the same year, following Adele’s win of both in 2008.

Notice those years are a while ago since she’s been around. A few of her hit songs include Lights, Anything Can Happen, and Starry Eyed. She’s also collaborated with the likes of Calvin Harris, Zedd, and Skrillex to bump her street cred. I haven’t listened to her entire catalog but she’s a talented singer and has some nice hooks. Even though I’m not a huge fan, I at least recognize her existence. I thinks she’s dated Skrillex as well. Just an FYI.

Ellie Goulding and Skrillex

24 Jun, 2013

Creaky Old Man

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-24T22:45:42-04:00June 24th, 2013|My Life|1 Comment

I’ve always heard older people complaining about their body and assumed that they were being pussies. As long as all your body parts were working and you weren’t doing anything seriously outrageous to harm them, you should be fine. I’m reconsidering that position as I age. I can’t explain why it seems like everything that I do results in some part of my body being affected. It doesn’t matter if it’s throwing a baseball, hitting a golf ball, or reading a book, something is going to fall out of place. I’m even more concerned because I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

Yesterday I didn’t do anything to bring on pain and for some reason my oblique was bothering me. I went for a run after golf and felt for lack of a better word, tired. This morning I got 8 full hours of sleep and still felt like I could stay in bed for a few more hours. My elbow is in pain any single time it comes in contact with anything. It can brush up against something and it feels like my funny bone just hit the emergency switch. This is from breaking far too many falls with my elbows. My knees are so beat up they look like they’ve been through a war. With only a few more months to say I’m in my twenty’s, I feel like I’m in my forties.

Even with all this complaining, I’m still working towards a superior fitness level for myself. I’ve been using the Art Museum steps as a training source rather than a track and I have a feeling I’m going to see tremendous results. I’m down to 172 which is what I believe is my ideal running weight. Ideal is probably closer to 165 but I’d be a twig. I went to the gym today for the first time and it was pathetic how much I could lift after a few month hiatus. I don’t think anyone will be calling on me for any strength reasons though so I should be alright. I’ve done a great job throughout my life at avoiding major (and minor) injury but it seems like I’m constantly finding nagging issues. I usually wouldn’t even use a post to write about them but I honestly have nothing else to write about. This was pretty much filler until I can find some time to work in some of my better ideas for posts.

23 Jun, 2013

Jonah Hill is a Dick

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-23T22:52:45-04:00June 23rd, 2013|Celeb|0 Comments

I know this is all over the internet but for people who don’t read Rolling Stone, I will bring it to your attention. Now what you are going to read is exactly how it was printed in RS and unless Jonah is putting on a act, he comes off in a terrible light. Now there is no doubt in my mind that Jonah Hill is an unbelievably intelligent person and he must realize what he’s doing here. What exactly that is I’m not sure but you can decide for yourself.

Excerpts from the interview, Hill’s words are bold:

“He is serious, he is, which I’m not, and neither are (James) Franco or Danny (McBride),” Rogen had told us. We asked Rogen if he had any tips on a suitable approach. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s a good question.” And so here we are, with Hill already knitting his brows together, which is unfortuanate, since it’s not that great of a look.

We ask if he does pushups and stuff like that or what?
He stiffens and says, “My workout routine is of little relevance.”

Has he ever been in a fistfight?
“I fought a lot when I was younger. Some were good, some were bad. I don’t fight anymore though. I’m an adult man,” he says, kind of laughing and sneering at the same time. “I use my words.”

So, anyway, what kind of a farter is he?
His eyes nearly jump out of their sockets. “I’m not answering that dumb question. I’m not that kind of person! Being in a funny movie doesnt make me have to answer dumb questions. It has nothing to do with who I am.”

“I’ve done one of the biggest challenges you can do in Hollywood, which is transition from being a comedic actor to being a serious actor, and I’m really prideful of that,” he explained. “I could have made a billion dollars doing every big comedy of the last 10 years and didn’t, in order to form a whole other life for myself. Now I have fulfillment doing both.”

Has he ever talked about jerking off, the way Seth is known to?
“No!. We’re completely different people. You know that, right? It seems to be a big part of Seth’s life. I imagine maybe it’s because he’s married.”
We decide not to parse the subtext here. Instead, we ask if he’s got a girlfriend.
“I’m single.”
For how long has he been single?
“Don’t worry about it.”

Judd Apatow once called him “angry, nerdy,” Hill didn’t seem to think the label applies to him at all anymore:
“Yeah, there was probably an angry time for me. But I couldn’t be a less angry person. Judd maybe thinks of himself that way. But I haven’t worked for him in five years. I adore him. But I’m fucking 29 years old and not some angry kid.”

He has to know that millions of people are going to come in contact with this interview and understand that his star appeal has to do with how well people like him. Why would you act this way? I can understand he was probably just being himself but seriously bro, you aren’t winning over any fans with this kind of I’m too cool attitude. Loosen up a bit.

23 Jun, 2013

Lucky or Good?

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-23T22:14:36-04:00June 23rd, 2013|My Brain, Sports|1 Comment

An age old question asks, is it better to be lucky or good? The easiest answer is that it’s better to be lucky short term and being good will pay off in in the long run. Doing something poorly and having it result positively only takes you so far. This post is going to look into my golf game because it’s where my idea for this post spawned from.

I’ve been playing a good amount of golf lately and I feel like I’ve been improving with every round. What’s started to happen is that things that I consider “lucky”, might actually be happening because I’m getting “good”. My hole in one is something that is probably as lucky as you can get because you are trying to put a ball that is 1.680 inches wide into a hole that is 4.25 inches across from 150+ yards away. The odds of a Tour player making an ace: 3,000 to 1, Low-handicapper making an ace: 5,000 to 1, Average player making an ace: 12,000 to 1. This also brings me back to the 65 ft basketball shot that I attempted a few more times the other day and wasn’t even close to putting it in. The shot that I made was pure luck, no skill behind it. So these two events were what I would consider mostly luck but what happened today on the golf course was something different.

Today I made 5 putts that were between 10-15 feet. This is pretty surprising because I just as easily could have missed every one of them, shot 5 strokes higher, and wouldn’t think I was becoming a better player. To give you an idea of this effort, a study found that nearly everybody makes almost every putt from inside two feet. Go a little farther away, to three feet, and golfers begin to miss (even Tour pros make only 85% to 95% of their three-footers). Step back to five feet and pros hole about 65%, while amateurs, if they’re lucky, are making about 50%. And at six feet, the best in the world, the PGA Tour Professionals, sink about 50%, plus or minus 5%. From 10 feet, no one consistently holes better than 25%. And from over 15 feet? One in 10, best case, even for the pros. So what I did today was a pretty impressive display for me. This got me thinking that was what was happening on the course today was pure luck like the aforementioned scenarios or was it possible I was actually making them because I’m improving. The answer is pretty commonplace in that it’s a combination of both. I’m probably improving as well as getting a little lucky.

The idea of luck is a wild concept. What would it take for this blog to be more popular? I’ve read my work from years ago and I know that this blog is getting better in both content and presentation. If someone or something stumbles across this website and changes up what I’ve been doing and helps me take it to the next level am I getting lucky? I can’t control anything other than what I post but it would require some sort of lucky break that I have no control over. I feel like lucky breaks are part of our culture and that not everyone knows when they are going to happen. You can stumble into them sometimes. Being lucky is a great quality to have but it’s not something you can rely on. You need to be have the total package and luck will find you. The idea of luck is amazing though because some people will attribute luck to acts of god. I for one, do not.

21 Jun, 2013

Boardgame Challenge

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-21T14:51:20-04:00June 21st, 2013|My Life|7 Comments

After getting a few people saying they’d play Clue with me and our attempt at setting up a Risk game, I decided to propose a formal challenge. I would like to have 12 people in this but 6 would also work, nothing in between. The idea would be to put aside an afternoon / night and compete in 3 different, 6 person, board games. Points would be awarded for places and like the strong man competition, the winner would be the one with the most points. If we had 12 people, the winner from each group would go 1v1 in a 5 game Rock-Paper-Scissor to crown the ultimate champion. I was thinking a 20 dollar entry fee would be reasonable and we’d split the cash 75 / 25 amongst the winners from the group. The games would be as follows:

Risk x 1

Clue x 3

Trivial Pursuit x 1

2,4,6,8,10,12 for Risk and Trivial Pursuit. 5 for the winner of clue, 2 if you don’t get a chance to guess and 0 for the wrong guess. I’d have to think about it and see if anything was more fair. If you’d be interested in joining this affair, I’d provide the beer and setting, you provide the entertainment. Leave a comment and we’ll get an email chain started.

20 Jun, 2013

Ace in the Hole

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-20T21:26:55-04:00June 20th, 2013|Sports|5 Comments

Riverwinds Golf Course, Hole 15, 147 yards – Ace

I have been defying odds. At this pace I should be winning powerball by weeks end. Today marked the 2nd, and much more, extraordinary event of my existence. The one attempt 70 ft shot was pretty impressive but today was the first time I’ve ever had a hole in one on a par 3.

Shee and I decided to leave work a little early and play a round of golf at Ron Jaworski’s Riverwinds . Shee is only 4 months recovering from ACL surgery and decided that APete was a good comparison for what he should be able to accomplish. It was an absolute perfect day and he steps up to the first tee and blasts one down the middle for a great start to the round. Everything was going swimmingly during the round and we were both enjoying the day. I managed to hit a par 5 in two and make a birdie but that was my only good hole on the front. We both were 48 on the front and were trying to talk our games up for the back.

Hole 15 was a short par 3, 147 yards, and I had the honors. I pulled out a 9 iron and lined up the shot while commenting, “I’m going to open my club face a cunt hair (vulgar I know but the truth is the truth) and put this in the hole.” So I make my swing and connetct with good contact. I could tell it was on line and said something to the effect that it’s looking pretty good. Shee lost it in the sun but caught a glimpse as it hit the green. It was too tough to tell but my feeling was that it was the right direction but I over hit it. Shee hit his shot and we proceeded to the green. At this point we looked at the green and didn’t see any balls. Shee said we had to walk up together just in case. As we get closer I peered behind the green and didn’t see any sign of a ball. Shee was a few steps ahead and pointed out the ball mark. At that point I think I realized that I had my first hole in one. We looked in and the ball was sitting right in the hole. I put my hands up in cheer and Shee nearly tackled me. It was pretty amazing. The feeling of the hole in one lasted the final 3 holes (where I had 2 birdie putts and a par putt on) and I still have a bit of high. I’ve probably played 200+ rounds of golf with maybe 800 chances at par 3’s and I finally nailed one. Some people can go their hole lives but I was able to claim the elusive hole in one. Ron Jaworski is going to send me an autographed football for the accomplishment. Thanks to the Shee for being a witness.

Scorecard

My ballmark on the 15th hole that resulted in a hole in one

19 Jun, 2013

Ray’s Got Game

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-19T08:41:41-04:00June 19th, 2013|Sports|0 Comments

“Whatever Ray is making, it’s not enough.” (3 Million)

“That three was so ridic, a fade away with 5 seconds left and the season on the line? Swish City.” – The Shee

Ray Allen jumped up my list of NBA players with this clutch shot last night. Lebron too. Fans won’t forget Ray’s shot but they will forget that when the Heat were down 5, Lebron got a good look at a 3 and completely missed the rim, the rebound bounced around and Mike Miller got the ball right back to Lebron and he rose up and knocked one down. After the aforementioned point of the game I made a comment to Jeff that Lebron seemed a bit frazzled and I’d want Ray to take the shot if my team needed it. Obviously Chris Bosh thought the same thing.

Setup before Ray Ray swishes the biggest shot of his career.

Last night’s game was one of the best NBA games I’ve witnessed in a long time. Lebron guarding Parker and him stepping back from 3 land and nailing it to put his team up was heroic. Later Parker owned Chalmers in the lane which proved Lebron is the only guy on the floor who can stand a chance covering Parker. Bosh played the OT of his life with a great 3 point play to start it and the risky block on Green to seal it. Was Manu fouled on the play where San Antonio should have called a timeout with 11 seconds left? Probably but whistles are silent in situations like that and there’s nothing wrong with that. I was thoroughly entertained and the sense of a season ending with a loss was evident in the 4th quarter. The tension and pressure were high and you could feel it exuding from Lebron (the head band got removed by his powering up like in DragonBall). I let out a yelp when Ray swished that 3 because I couldn’t contain my excitement. It was truly one for the ages.

18 Jun, 2013

Tom’s Treasures Part 2

By Tom Stortz|2013-06-18T23:05:05-04:00June 18th, 2013|Movies, Music, Sports|0 Comments

Part one of a few of my favorite items can be found here. This will continue the list.

Favorite Pornstar – 90’s Jenna Jameson

I had a hard time making this entry. I don’t think all of these pictures are from the 90’s but they are close enough to that time period to give the idea of what the best pornstar of all time looked like. I feel bad for all the young kids of today who get to see a washed up, plastic, pill popping, rail thin Jenna because she wasn’t always like that. Before ClubJenna and when she was with Vivid, Jenna Jameson was/is the best thing that ever happened to porn. She even had heartbreaker tattooed on her ass so all the guys knew what they were dealing with. It isn’t a contest really. She had the looks, the body, and then even the brains to revolutionize the industry. Jenna in her prime was a work of art rivaling the Sistine Chapel.

Favorite Professional Sports League – NFL

Far and away the best professional sport. 16 game season, playing once a week, every game is meaningful, hard hitting, talent shines, and nothing’s for certain. The NFL is the polar opposite of baseball and why I love one and can’t stand the other. Even though I’ve never played football I get such a kick out of what these players are able to do and how dedicated they are to their sport because without complete focus, they have no chance. I grew up playing basketball and even though that’s my favorite sport to play, the NBA is a so-so run league. The NFL has hit the nail on the head and with the rise of Fantasy Football (we actually used to play back in the 90’s when Pishy would score by hand), I’m completely hooked. Throw in some action on the games, a beer, a lazy Sunday and I’m in paradise.

Favorite Actor – Kevin Spacey

I enjoy Kevin Spacey’s acting. He’s cool, calm, and collected one minute and then at the drop of a hat he can turn ballistic. He gets in tune with the character he’s portraying and then makes you believe he’s the character. It’s acting 101 but he does it better than most. Seven and the Usual Suspects stand out as ultimate villains. American Beauty was obviously one of his main hits and I particularly enjoyed the Big Kahuna which I’m sure no one has seen. I know he did House of Cards as well which I’m sure was great. I could have picked Pitt, DeNiro, Nicholson, Hanks, or Damon for this category but I like Spacey’s style more.

Favorite Album – Dark Side of the Moon

The Dark Side of the Moon’s themes include conflict, greed, the passage of time, and mental illness, the latter partly inspired by Barrett’s deteriorating mental state. For me this is the album I listen to when I’m fucked up. Not so much anymore but Evan can attest to my late night escapades stumbling in at 2am and blaring DSoTM. I’d usually be asleep by Time but when I was listening it was like magic. At 43 minutes if I remember correctly, it’s the perfect length of not being too long or too short. The tracks on it are all top notch and I really can’t think of any other album that is close to this one. I’m not alone either as it remained in the charts for 741 weeks from 1973 to 1988. With an estimated 50 million copies sold, it is Pink Floyd’s most commercially successful album and one of the best-selling albums worldwide.

Favorite Shorts – Dockers

The shorts are 20 dollars. Most shorts are just shorts but I can’t find anything wrong with the Docker’s shorts. They are priced right, pockets are fine, length is a tad short but not noticeable. They last a long time and you can buy 10 different colors if you wish. I have no reason to try another pair

Why Oh Why Aaron Hernandez?

Bonnie McKee – American Girl

Ellie Goulding Who?

Creaky Old Man

Jonah Hill is a Dick

Lucky or Good?

Boardgame Challenge

Ace in the Hole

Ray’s Got Game

Tom’s Treasures Part 2

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