FacebookTwitter
tom@stortz.com
9 May, 2011

Chuck Klosterman 23 Questions – Question 4

By |2016-11-03T15:28:08-04:00May 9th, 2011|Books|0 Comments

4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and–most notably–a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblockable” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

In 2004, I’m just going to assume the Raiders are one of the worst teams in the league. Is this Gorilla going to make the game completely unfair? Better put, can offenses out maneuver a 700 pound beast? Considering he’s nearly unblockable, he’s going to put pressure on the QB nearly every passing play and alter every single game plan of every team. He’s really dumb though and probably can be outsmarted easily so I think you could put together game plans to work around him. That being said I think there are 10 other guys on the field and one dumb, 700 lb gorilla isn’t going to change the entire landscape of the game. You just alter your game plan and adapt.

9 May, 2011

Chuck Klosterman 23 questions – Question 3

By |2016-11-03T15:21:36-04:00May 9th, 2011|Books|0 Comments

I read an answer by someone to question two about the beating of a horse and political prisoners and they wrote “No, because a political prisoner should be freed because it is proven that they were wrongly jailed, not because I kicked the shit out of some horse.” I think that’s a tad better then mine.

3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical. What option do you select?

The obvious choice is to take the money and show Hitlers skull. Since it’s a skull, you really can’t tell whose it is anyway. Plus there’s no political meaning which just makes you a nut job for keeping a skull in your living room which is a little bit off putting but for 120 a month, I could live with it and accept people questioning my sanity. The turtle option is immediately not worth mentioning because it requires work whereas the other situation is a no lose, win win. Plus I don’t like taking care of pets.

Just to clarify in case there is another interpretation of “Hitler’s Skull”. If it was Hitler’s head preserved instead of a skull, I’d still take that over the turtle. There is no pleasure derived from watching and feeding a turtle. Add the idea of a fine and I would just take the money and live with Hitler’s head in my living room. Anyone who comes over would think I’m a Nazi and I’d probably lose all my friends, so I would just have to be really careful of who I let over my house. It’s only two years and I just don’t really have strong feelings towards symbols. I know I don’t agree with any part of Hitler’s beliefs so all it really is to me is a head that lives in my living room that pays 120 bucks a month in rent, sweet deal.

9 May, 2011

Capt Jack Sparrow

By |2011-05-24T23:21:47-04:00May 9th, 2011|Music|0 Comments

I thought this was pretty funny even though I don’t find the “lonely island” all that great, it really made me respect Michael Bolton because he’s willing to fool with his soft image. I don’t watch SNL either so if you do, I assume you’ve already seen it. For those who don’t, like me, here’s a showing.

8 May, 2011

Chuck Klosterman’s 23 questions – Question 2

By |2016-11-03T15:21:44-04:00May 8th, 2011|Books|0 Comments

Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with a thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that -for some reason- every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots. Would you attempt to do this?

I think there is some more thought that has to be put into this question then just could I kick a horse to death in 20 minutes. Let me first address this question assuming I want political prisoners released. It’s going to be really hard to kill the horse in 20 minutes. If I just kept kicking it in the belly, I have a hard time figuring this is going to be a quick death. It reminds me of the cow scene in Me, Myself and Irene. I wouldn’t really be able to jump kick its head so easily either which limits the amount of damage I can do. I’m not even sure if I could physically make this happen in 20 minutes. Take 30 kicks a minute, 600 kicks in 20 minutes to a motionless horse, I think if I could stomp its head I’d kill it but without that access I probably would just be damaging its internal organs. This would just be something to consider before embarking on a nearly impossible quest.

So that current scenario is assuming I decided to go ahead with the physical process rather then questioning can I morally kick a horse to death. For something as dumb as freeing political prisoners, I wouldn’t waste my time kicking a horse. I’m sure people out there are die hard freaks and freeing political prisoners means something, but I don’t see it changing anything in my life and this doesn’t rank up there on my priority list. Plus, generally political prisoners are in there for a reason and they seem like very opinionated people, and whose to say they don’t find themselves right back in prison a couple weeks after my amazing horse beating. If you said I had to kick the horse to death if my immediate family’s lives were at stake, I’d turn into Van Damme quickly and would have no problem trying to off a horse. I don’t know whether Klosterman used the political prisoners to help determine how much political events mean to you but I really couldn’t care less.

The other part of the question could you kill a living animal under certain circumstances, I fathom I could. It would be against my belief system but when push comes to shove, my morals can easily be twisted. Plus I can rationalize it’s only one time and I’m not going to become a murdering psychopath kicking Mr.Ed’s to death on a daily basis. I personally don’t think the reward is big enough for something that I do believe to be nearly impossible. It would also be something that wouldn’t be so easy to forget like the dead body coming up from the lake in the end scene of Deliverance.

8 May, 2011

Quick weekend post to separate my other posts

By |2011-05-08T21:58:49-04:00May 8th, 2011|Music|0 Comments

This weekend was pretty uneventful from other weekends. I think people probably expect me to go into great detail about our softball game but blowouts like we had are better just untold. The other team played 4 or 5 girls, had them bat, and were basically inept. We held them to one run and tacked on about 15. Shee was the bright spot at the hot corner for innings 6 and 7. Bake and Ck4’s base running was abysmal but hardly worth mentioning. Sad to say that this game won’t get truly documented by me.

Friday was a pretty ho-hum night and Saturday wasn’t any better. I listened to music all day with Gusto on Saturday which I found more entertaining then most other options. Gusto has the biggest music collection out of anyone I know and has a genuine knowledge and passion for music. He made a list of the top 25 artists of all-time who I will share and give my opinion on his list. I could make my own but starting from someone who knows more than you is probably easier. Many people have problems admitting other people know more then them but without that understanding, how are you ever supposed to learn?

This the point I want to make. You can ask a 15 year old girl in the 2000’s who the best musicians of all time are and she’d say Backstreet Boys, N’Sync, and Britney. She’s not wrong in her own mind but that’s the beauty of individuality and creating a list of this magnitude. Gusto and I talked a lot about music and why our current state of music isn’t producing sounds like the Beatles or Bruce. I think that his list of 25 artists will give people who generally don’t care much about music, an idea of someone who really likes music thinks is the best.

I just want to add that most people are clueless about music. People listen to pop music and songs with a catch but the artists on this list have more musical ability, more substance to their lyrics, and more creativity than the “popular” music of today. Songs of today are chasing the buck and not making good music. I will post 21-25 of Gusto’s list tomorrow.

8 May, 2011

Chuck Klosterman’s 23 questions – Question 1

By |2011-05-08T21:37:27-04:00May 8th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

I’m going to answer all 23 of Chuck’s questions from the book Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs. This book was one of my favorite reads in a long time. It’s relevance isn’t as prominent in 2011 as it was in 2004 but as is, I read the book in 2011. He has 23 questions he poses to understand what type of a person you are. I assume he probably has answers he deems “acceptable” or at least a few ideas to consider when answering the question. I’m pretty much a neanderthal when I consider my opinions vs Chucks but I still think this should be entertaining. Plus it gives me 23 topics to write about, meaning 23 posts of not have to be create my own entries. Start with 1, I’ll try to do a couple a day.

Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks – he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can’t learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he’s doing these five tricks with real magic. It’s not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He’s legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence. Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?

I’m fairly certain the specific ideas of Albert Einstein aren’t important but the understanding that he developed his expertise from math and science, concrete data, to prove his theories is what counts. Albert is impressive in the sense that he developed physics concepts that are groundbreaking for achieving events that are so far over my head I’m not going to even try to explain. The question being asked is whether a magician who is really magical more impressive then creating explainable theories like Einsteins?

My thought is that the magician is way more impressive. The magician is actually defying the laws of physics where as Einstein is just explaining them. I don’t know about anyone else but I 100% don’t believe in magical acts. Things don’t just happen for no reason because of some hocus pocus. If a magician was really popping rabbits out of nowhere, that would blow away anything Einstein could do. Other questions are can the magician explain what he’s doing or can he just do it because he can? Learning from this particular being would have more value to society then just popping out rabbits. The potential for this service of “magic” sounds like it doesn’t have many limits compared to the rules in Albert’s world.

On a side note, I think if we limit the magician to just the magic he has available, how impressive is this act really. Just because the magician is defying our current “laws of physics” doesn’t mean that there is any practicality to what he’s doing. If we wanted to over populate the world with rabbits we are all set but his schtick is going to get old and people will eventually not even be impressed by his amazing “magic.” The practicality to Einsteins theory of relativity and all the advancements because of it are much more impressive. The physics world is so far out of my league to really comment but I’m sure Einstein’s work is something not every Joe Blow is able to come up with.

So my answer to which is more impressive is the magician’s way of magic but Einstein’s work has much more practicality to it and in an overall sense is more impressive. Humans are an amazing race with the ability to adapt and if they can learn from the magic, you have your winner.

6 May, 2011

Couple Concepts

By |2011-05-24T23:16:44-04:00May 6th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

This post is going to be jumping around a few ideas but I figure you can make do. Here are a few things that I notice that I want to to point out to my audience.

I call this the follow the leader approach. When you are at a red light with a “no turn on red” sign most likely you will wait for the light to turn green before you turn. Amazingly, all it takes is the person in front of you to disregard the sign and that completely alters any existing rules. It’s the follow the leader mentality. If they did it, then I can do it too. It’s like the game lemmings where they all just start falling off the cliff. I think our society is filled with millions of people who can’t make up their mind so they just follow the leader. It’s really an amazing concept and I’m sure there have been tests and experiments to really look into this concept but I’m just fascinated by it. My guess is the “leader” is usually a successful person and the followers are your average Joe.

I’d like to discuss giving people business because of relationships. This is a thought that any successful business knows. Make your customers comfortable and try to create a relationship so they will give you repeat business. I was buying a running watch and I knew I could give the business to a local running company who I’ve shopped at for years. They opened at 10am and it was 9am so I decided to try Dick’s Sporting goods. I honestly felt like a traitor by not buying from my local store. I had this human feeling of preferring to help out a local company rather then give my business to a corporate chain. This feeling is going out the window in today’s business environment to a certain degree. The success to business is to have people WANT to buy from you.

A form of bad business is tricking people into watching video’s with links. For some reason I don’t like watching video’s on the web for news. If I want to see sports highlights I’ll watch sportscenter on the TV. I hate when I click on a link expecting to see an article and I get duped into watching a video. There’s something about being kept for the duration of the video that I just prefer an article. If I’m not into the article in the first 10 seconds I click out. When I see a 90 second clip, I feel locked in. I don’t mind if you tell me it’s a video but I don’t like finding out I got tricked into one.

6 May, 2011

2011 Maxim Hot 100

By |2016-10-28T15:21:26-04:00May 6th, 2011|Boobs|1 Comment

Maxim top 100 Hottest Girls

Here is a list of Maxim’s top 100 with my comments next to the girls name. I don’t know of everyone so I’m only going to comment on the one’s I know.

100. Melanie Iglesias
99. Candace Bailey
98. Camilla Belle
97. Hope Dworaczyk
96. Sophie Monk – The 3some girl in Entourage, not bad.
95. Serinda Swan
94. Alessandra Torresani
93. Kelli Hutcherson
92. Nicky Whelan
91. Erin Andrews – Erin has a funky nose but she’s undoubtedly attractive. The fact she reports sports bumps her up notches.
90. Lauren Storm
89. Lyndsy Fonseca
88. Daniela Ruah
87. Emmanuelle Vaugier
86. Autumn Reeser
85. Rachelle Leah
84. Paz De la Huerta – This is the Nookie’s girl from Boardwalk Empire and she is just not hot enough for this list.
83. Carly Craig
82. Kelly Kelly – Two first names, wtf?
81. Gabrielle Union – I’m not generally attracted to black females but she is absolutely gorgeous.
80. Danica McKellar – Winnie? Seriously? Yes she’s an attractive girl but she can’t be part of the top 100.
79. Mini Anden
78. JWOWW – When compared to Snooki and Deena she’s good looking but she seems kind of trashy and beat in my mind. Her boobs look nice though.
77. Anna Chapman
76. Diora Baird
75. Nicki Minaj – She has a fat ass and a unique look to her. I actually can see how people think she’s really hot.
74. Laura Vandervoort
73. Jamie Chung
72. Stacy Keibler – My number 1 always.
71. Taylor Cole
70. Arianny Celeste – I never saw her before this hot 100 but I think she should be in the top 10. She’s a UFC girl, uber cute, and a nice body. Awesome looking.
69. Emma Watson – Uhh what? Isn’t this the girl whose movies I’ve never seen because she’s only 13? I don’t see it.
68. Anna Paquin – I can never think of anything else about her other then the gap in her teeth. I don’t think she’s good enough for this list but she has her own sense of attractiveness.
67. Ciara
66. Aly Michalka
65. Elisha Cuthbert – Yes, another one of my top 10. I love the blonde hair and her face is so beautiful. I would do bad things to her.
64. Miley Cyrus – Don’t see it. Just seems too childish and country for me.
63. Ana De la Reguera
62. Whitney Port
61. Eva Amurri
60. Kelly Brook
59. Grace Park
58. Christina Aguilera – I think Christina looks great all the time.
57. Audrina Patridge – I would marry her.
56. Christina Hendricks
55. Joanna Krupa
54. Vanessa Hudgens – Absolutely not. Zac Efron can keep her.
53. Ashley Greene
52. Minka Kelly
51. Nicole Scherzinger – Pussycat dolls singer, I think she’s average but probably has a killer body from all that dancing.
50. Selita Ebanks
49. Alison Brie
48. Julianne Hough – Purest looking girl on the list.
47. Odette Annable
46. Beau Garrett
45. Emmanuelle Chriqui – Sloane is the perfect looking female. Plus in real life I’m sure she is exactly like Sloane in Entourage so she’s the perfect girlfriend.
44. Anna Faris – I’ve never understood her. She was beat in Scary Movie and then all of a sudden people decided she was hot. She’s still not.
43. Naya Rivera
42. Emma Stone – Jules from Superbad just doesn’t do it for me.
41. Jaimie Alexander
40. Hilary Duff – She seems like a skeleton to me.
39. Rebecca Mader
38. Lindsay Lohan – Maybe in her Mean Girls days but now she’s a drugged up coke whore.
37. Zoe Saldana
36. Brooklyn Decker – Andy Roddick is a lucky man.
35. Kim Kardashian – Best curves. Unfortunately came to fame from a sex tape.
34. Avril Lavigne – I think she’s really cute in a weird way. Very nice looking.
33. Dania Ramirez
32. Emmy Rossum
31. Evan Rachel Wood
30. Amanda Bynes – I think she’s grown into a hot piece of ass. Very nice.
29. Sofia Vergara – Old for the list but I love Gloria. Awesome boobs. The w/o makeup pic makes me question her real beauty.
28. Lea Michele – NO F’ING way. Just not a hot 100 type of girl. I see how people see how she can be cute but I think this is absurd to have her this high.
27. Michelle Trachtenberg – I don’t see it in her. She’s very normal looking in my mind.
26. Kate Middleton – Wouldn’t be on this list if she wasn’t “in” right now.
25. Britney Spears – Maybe 10 years ago. Get back in shape and we’ll talk. Pretty face though.
24. Sarah Shahi
23. Brittany Snow – I’m surprised she’s got this high recognition because I do love her but I figured she isn’t well known.
22. Rihanna – An ethnic type, I’m not incredibly attracted to her.
21. Jessica Alba – I’m over the Alba phase.
20. Taylor Swift – Sort of a distinctive look. Seems really innocent which I think dirty people find attractive.
19. Anna Kournikova – A staple to this list. An example of hotness.
18. Eva Mendes – Ehhh, I see it sometimes but I’m not overly excited by her.
17. Megan Fox – So 2 years ago.
16. Leighton Meester – So, So
15. Olivia Wilde – She was 1 one year and I don’t think she should even make the list.
14. Scarlett Johansson – The office scene in “he’s just not that into you” is burned in my mind.
13. Kaley Cuoco
12. January Jones
11. Jordana Brewster – Too thick eyebrows.
10. Jennifer Lawrence
9. Cobie Smulders
8. Natalie Portman – Everyone goes nuts over her but I just think she’s average. I just can’t look past the Star Wars movies and she never came off as hot to me. Even Black Swan she just isn’t what I consider “hot”.
7. Anne Hathaway – She really has grown on me. I think she has a pretty face.
6. Bar Refaeli – Looks nice and has a great body for a swimsuit model.
5. Mila Kunis – Looks like Haley from Modern family. I do think she’s pretty, especially in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
4. Cameron Diaz – My biggest disagreement on the whole list. What the hell are people smoking? She isn’t the least bit attractive. Where do people get this from her?
3. Katy Perry – Yes I love Katy. She has a distinctive look, great boobs, and her singing just makes her hotter.
2. Olivia Munn – Yuck!
1. Rosie Huntington Whiteley – WOW. NO WAY should she be number 1. She looks homely to me. Must suck a mean one to get to 1.

Where’s Kristen Bell? Where’s Jessica Biel? How is Rachel higher then Quinn? I don’t know how some of these girls got on the list. I know I’m not the best critic of this list either because I’m biased to blondes and boobs. It basically takes the hottest of the hot for me to like them if they have black or red hair. Plus I favor the white folk. Hope you enjoyed my shallowness.

5 May, 2011

Constant Updates and Total Attention

By |2011-05-05T16:43:19-04:00May 5th, 2011|My Brain|0 Comments

The year is 2011 and we as humans are constantly evolving. I think my theme to this post is constant information. I know my blog seemingly harps on Facebook and now twitter, more often then not, but that’s because I tend to view things that are successful with more attention then things that aren’t. These sites are tremendously popular because they provide a network of constant updates. People want to be constantly informed about up to the minute details. 20 years ago it wasn’t possible to find out news until some TV network let you know about it. 10 years ago it was up to websites to produce news using the internet as its medium and you needed search engines to help you find that news. Now you have these sites with hundreds of millions of users where anyone, anywhere can fill you in on some news somewhere AT THE TIME IT’S HAPPENING. The speed at which things happen nowadays is just mind boggling.

Now combine this extensive network of information with a social aspect and you have companies like facebook valued at a 50 billion dollars. People can’t even put a value on it because creating a network of 600 million people is unheard of. Why is it so successful? People love the attention and they love the feeling of updated information. I’ve been using twitter and after using it, I feel the need for constant updates from a wide variety of bullshit. My mind constantly wants to be filled with new information whether it be about the latest celebrity’s lifestyle, the newest music video, or the most recent news about Osama. These websites make it so I don’t have to pass the time watching re-runs of Saved by the Bell. I’m actually learning and keeping myself up to date with society. It’s almost information overload because there is so much crap in between things that are actually pertinent.

When I was younger things didn’t really strike me the way they do today. Years ago it was like, here’s a site called facebook, I can find friends, this is pretty neat. Now it’s like, here’s a site called facebook, it has 600 million users, it’s value is 50 billion dollars, how can I capitalize on its success and why is it so popular? I like to think, this is the present, what is becoming the past, what is the future? Google, Apple, Facebook, Twitter are the names of the present. The past are companies like BestBuy, AOL, Blockbuster, Rimm. Now answer this next question and you’ll never have to work again. What companies are going to be the wave of the future? What are the next technologies that are going to shape the way the world exists? Finding these answer and investing in these companies makes the idea of working an afterthought. You can actually be just as successful if you can pick companies with outdated technology that are going to fail. Take BestBuy with it’s array of Cd’s and Blue Ray discs. Who wants to have inventory of that when people are streaming data from NetFlix and Hulu. ByeBye BestBuy.

People will continue to shop using the internet until it makes up more than physical shopping. I want to give you an idea that I still think it brilliant. I came up with the idea of a I Want It Now store. Basically you request and item and it’s brought to you within, say the hour. This concept is going to happen sooner than you think. Come up with a network that can produce goods to people within one hour and you have yourself a business concept that I assure you will catch on.

5 May, 2011

Catalina Cruz my darling

By |2016-10-28T15:21:24-04:00May 5th, 2011|Boobs|0 Comments

I went to the Dr. today for my final checkup on my ankle. He said that everything is stable and it’s healing fine. He said I’m 5-6 weeks from playing Bball which is what I expected. I don’t have to go back any longer so that should end this era of my life. Being broken wasn’t a whole lot of fun and it helps me appreciate being able bodied. I’ve started to run again and even though I still can’t hit top speed I think I ran about 3 sub 7 minute miles on the track yesterday. In bizarre fashion the velcro portion of my wrist watch completely detached. Now I think this is a scenario where some people may try to go back to the manufacturer because it’s only been 2 years, but I’m just going to buy a new one. I keep the watch in the shower because it’s usually gross with my sweat and after runs so I just shower, clean the watch, and leave it in there. I think some body wash or shampoo must not have been cleaned off of the velcro portion and it disintegrated the glue holding it together. So I went to Dick’s today at 9am, it was actually 8:56 but they wouldn’t let me in till 9 which had me wondering wtf, but then I asked if they had wrist watches and he told me they had pedometers and heart monitors. So a major chain like Dick’s didn’t carry a wrist watch to time myself so I have to go to a running store and get a new watch. Interesting morning I know.

I’ve also started developing an interest in twitter. I’ll give my quick review after starting to actually use the service. It’s like the facebook newsfeed except you choose the people who are doing the updates. So rather then having my boring friends updates with pointless comments and mindless thoughts, I get to read Charlie Sheen, Jud Apatow, or even the President update me with current news. Plus the people you follow, in my opinion, is a selective process and should be your unique preferences rather than every a-hole out there. I started with friends, then my favorite bands, then movie stars, then sports figures, and then finally pornstars. The whole following people seems a bit unusual because I have random whores following my account and I can’t really understand why. The best part is that you can actually interact with some of the “celebs” on twitter. For instance, I saw a post my Catalina Cruz that said “going for a run” so I replied to her post “how do you run with your boobs being so big” and she responded “it’s easy, they aren’t that massive.” I thought the whole interaction was pretty funny because you can be a smart ass and interact with, well maybe her or at least her assistant. I’ve only just started using it but I do see its allure and find it entertaining and a good time waster. Plus it couldn’t do anything but drive traffic to my blog which is a good thing. Below is a picture of Catalina Cruz, my new twitter friend. I also admire her because she’s an entrepreneur and runs 15 adult websites. I lover her for her brains and business sense and nothing else…

Toggle Sliding Bar Area

Categories