We Don't Walk Slow

Black Beauty Arrives @ Hi Spot Lanes

Wednesday night was the first night I’ve ever participated in a bowling league. I joined a team with friends who are people I would certainly call my friends but I rarely hang out with them directly. Bowling is an activity that brings people together.

An old picture. The new setup has TV’s and more score boxes.

I brought the Black Beauty which is JC’s 16lb bowling ball. I had never used it before. The league takes place at Hi Spot Lanes. Hi Spot is in Manayunk and even though I lived there for 4 years, I had never been. It is an 8 lane alley and from people talking about it, I was expecting a dump. It far and away exceeded my expectations. Their website gallery needs work although it’s evident they have built an online business selling bowling bowls.

The lanes are in good condition and even though the scoring software is from the 80’s, it works well enough. There were a few lane malfunctions but were fixed quickly and worked at about 90%. It’s BYOB which is nice as well.

Big Ern getting accustomed to his rose ball.

I rolled a warm up game with a 14 lb house ball because I was scared of the Black Beauty. I rolled a 151 and saw that the lanes had a decent bite at the finish. This is good. My worse scores come when my hook dies at the close.

The first game got underway and we had a 54 pin handicap. Our team name is “the Cosby’s” so we all were characters from the TV show. I settled on Claire. Watkins is still not pleased with Vanessa.

The Black Beauty

Since I didn’t play last week, my average starts at 130. My first Black Beauty scored an X and I was off. The only impression I can give after finishing the first game is that a 16lb ball is a bit more forgiving than a 14. I hit the Jersey side on about 4 strikes and rolled about 4 other perfect ones. With the game not out of reach on my final ball and their 4th bowler yet to finish, I rolled another strike to cinch it. Our 5 person team won by 12 pins and I finished with a 238, my 2nd high game ever.

The next two games did not go as well as we lost them both and didn’t really have meaningful balls in the 10th. A few team descriptions that are pretty funny.

Watkins is Mr Volatility moving from a 91 to a 164 in a single game. The potential is there but consistency is lacking on his first ball which puts him in bad spots on his second shot.
Mario throws a mean hook that’s almost too mean. He kept missing jersey side and was hitting the 2 pin first which if it just moved over a touch could be potential strikes.
Tim should be known as Talcum or baby powder because I’ve never witnessed anyone use this much baby powder. The finger holes on his ball are too tight and they were getting stuck and the ball was launching. An off night for the creator of the Cosby Shuffle.
Dan is good bowler who controls his straight ball on spare pick ups pretty well. He was mistakenly advised to purchase a finger tip ball which is not what you want to do when you roll a straight ball. Lacking a solid strike ball that I’ve seen in the past, he did very well under those conditions.
I petered off with a 148, 138 which I was disappointed in but it was the first time trying to pick up spares with a heavier ball. My control was off as I missed a single 5 pin which is just about the easiest shot in bowling.

All in all I’m happy to join a league and get out of the house and meet new people on a Wednesday night. Plus it’s an activity I like to do.

By Tom Stortz|2015-03-05T15:56:59-05:00March 5th, 2015|My Life|3 Comments

A Flipping Head Cold Conversation

The first day I got back from New Orleans I felt fine. I stayed in on Friday night and when I woke up on Saturday morning, I felt a tickle in my throat. I hate getting sick so I bought some cough drops and took it (relatively) easy on a Saturday night. Sunday came and went and I felt under the weather. Monday I went full out head cold with a runny nose that wouldn’t stop running. Today has been more of the same. Even though I don’t feel sick, I can tell my brain isn’t functioning 100%.

A few minutes ago I had a 26 minute conversation with a customer in Calgary. It went like this:

Customer: I can’t decide between your standard and heavy duty slate ripper.
Me: I’ll make it easy on you, we are out of stock on the heavy duty.
C: But will the standard model break? I’m going to be hitting it with a hammer.
M: It won’t break. It’s a one piece forging.
C: But I’m going to be hitting it with a hammer.
M: It won’t break.
C: What about a sledge hammer?
M: It won’t break.
C: How can you be so certain?
M: Because I’ve sold 1,000’s of them and they don’t break.
C: But I’m going to be hitting with a hammer.
M: I’m going to hit you over the head with hammer.

I added a little bit of drama and I didn’t really say the last line but I feel like situations like this happen and I can’t tell if it’s him or me. Like if I didn’t have a head cold would I have wrapped this up in 2 minutes. I tend to think not but who the hell knows.

By Tom Stortz|2015-03-03T16:47:44-05:00March 3rd, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

Who Dat.

Quick phone post because I haven’t

Andrew Jackson on his high horse is accurate.

updated in a few days. I’m in New Orleans for a roofing show. I woke at 330 am on Tuesday to catch a 6am flight. I had about an hour of time in the airport to read.

I was beat after the show yesterday and didn’t get into much but the bed in my hotel room. Today I’m feeling re-energized. I hope to have some stories but you never know.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T12:39:36-04:00February 25th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

The Arctic Freeze

I can’t think of a work week where I was less enthusiastic to get out of bed. If I had to live in Antarctic I’d jump in one of those small fishing holes and turn into an ice cube. I don’t mind a day or two at temperatures under 32 degrees but an entire week in a row is wearing me down.

Today I looked at my clock and it read 8:15. I usually get out of bed at 7:30-7:45. I jumped out of bed fretting another day in my 16 degree car. I bundled up, walked out the door, got in the car and prepared to freeze. The car radio said 7:30 and I was confused. I looked at my phone and it also said 7:30. For some reason my bed side clock was an hour ahead. Fascinating I know.

I should create a post category that reads “no one care”. Unfortunately I think 99% of my posts would go there.

Here are some hot pictures of JLH. I’d put her as the #1 babe for the year of ’97 and ’98 with these classic movies. Can anyone name her character names?

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:28:20-04:00February 19th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

The Bowling Hustle

3 bowling posts in a row. My life is in the gutter. It was especially difficult getting out of bed today. It’s President’s day and many people are off and it’s 4 degrees out and my bed is nice and toasty. Shit.

After coming off a historic game and people saying I wouldn’t touch that score for the rest of my life, I wasn’t buying it. If I could do it bowling on my 4th time of the year, I was pretty certain I could eclipse the mark set.

The Cohen’s and myself headed to Facenda Whitaker for 9pm bowling. The special was dirt cheap at 10 bucks for 3 hours of unlimited bowling. The Shee and I were teammates vs Weens and the Wevs. I decided on a name change to Big Ern from the Dude.

We got our clocks cleaned for the first 5 games. My magic was nowhere to be found and Shee was lost on the lanes. Big Wevs was rolling heat and Jordan Belmonte was no slouch. With our team down 30 bucks, we decided to let it roll.

We opened the game behind but nothing insurmountable. The game drew close to even in the 8th frame. I could have created separation but split in the 8th. I split again in the 9th and it was looking grim. After not splitting all night, Evan split the 9th. Wads and myself both got 20 pins in the tenth and Evan needed a mark and some pins to close it. Another huge split and the crowd was stunned. The underdogs overcame the odds to break even in the slickest hustle of all time.

I also used Adam’s pick on the West All Stars and increased my gambling account to over 1k. I had wins with the Wildcats and the Terrapins on Saturday night for a nice boost.

By Tom Stortz|2015-02-16T09:09:16-05:00February 16th, 2015|My Life|1 Comment

Never a Dull Moment

The Stortz Paint Scraper Display

Where to start. Last Friday I was in Doylestown trying to sell paint scrapers. Yesterday I was in Lancaster making the same efforts. To the right is what our new scraper set up looks like. It used to be a blade on a stick so it’s a vast improvement.

A power surge blew out the power at our work and 2/3rd of the building has no juice. This means life has been in the dark at work as we do the best we can to get by. One of the downsides of working out of a building that is 200 years old.

Whenever I get in crunch for time I tend to write about what I’ve been doing rather than a real post. I made a valiant attempt at that soccer post. That probably took me near 3 hours but it’s fun to write and I learn so I’m not complaining. The Brookes comment was classic too. TLDR means too long, didn’t read. I actually read the whole comment and I agree completely in the promotion and relegation. Loved the Sixers analogy because it hits close to home.

Shee and I also bowled last night in a 6 game sprint. It cost 13 bucks and we finished in an hour and 15 minutes. He averaged a 165 and I was 155. I learned a valuable lesson though that I never knew so exact. The lane is 60 feet and the first 42-45 feet are oiled. This allows the ball to spin in the oil without gripping the lane. Once it grips, it starts hooking harder. This means that after you bowl a few games, your ball starts getting oily and you track oil closer to the pins which reduces the cut into the pocket. Hence, why I will be bringing a towel next time I play.

I don’t have the time to accomplish the tasks I’d like to. I started Jobs the biography. I’m still working my Photoshop with lynda.com. This study makes me want to buy a camera and work with my own original images. German has been put on hold even though I’m moving another visit up on my list and I have to do a better job with the communication. I’d also recommend Better Call Saul and Togetherness as TV shows.

I’ve been listening to the Smiths a lot. If you’ve never heard the song below I suggest listening to it and giving me a song that’s better and I’ll thumbs up or down it. This is another idea I have in the works is grading songs. For instance, Stairway to Heaven might be a top 50 song. Wonderwall might be a top 10,000 song. Stay by Lisa Loeb is a top 10. It’s a fun way to critique.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T12:39:26-04:00February 11th, 2015|My Life|7 Comments

The Details of Life

I had just cleaned my shower with Scrubbing Bubbles and a sponge. I usually hate the sponge because after a single use it gets gross. One of the worst feelings is touching a sponge and it lingering its bacteria all over your hands. Anyway, the scrubbing bubbles residue was still in the shower so I figured I should shower. I turned on the shower and felt a half poop coming on. You never want to poop after the shower because “what’s the point?”

Now I had the shower running and was eliminating waste but the process was stuck at the midway point. I couldn’t stand up and turn the shower off so I had to continue to waste water while people in India were drinking out of the dirty stream they all poop in. Fortunately all was resolved and I washed up in my clean shower.

I keep my watch in the shower because after I run it gets clogged with sweat and stinks. You can see the sponge sitting in the corner and my shower products on the ground. I bought a shampoo and conditioner from Sam’s club and I’ve had them for a year and they are still half full.

I know this is fascinating.

I’m also back on the Photoshop train so expect more pictures. Here’s an enhanced Ruby.

By Tom Stortz|2015-02-05T23:05:37-05:00February 5th, 2015|My Life|1 Comment

A Jenna Marbles Follow

I mainly use my Twitter for posting near nude pictures of female celebrities. I do this because it appears on this blog’s twitter feed and creates material in an instant. I also do it to attract people on Twitter because people love near naked women. These tweets reach about 20 people but today they actually produced a follow by Jenna Marbles.

I posted some pictures that I presumed were new but were actually old which you can still see on the right side. Whether she actually followed me or just some person she hires to maintain her Twitter account is irrelevant. She has 3 million followers. That’s about 3 million more than I have.

I have to make this post because most likely she’ll unfollow me and I’ll return to a lifeless Twitter account.

By Tom Stortz|2015-02-04T18:03:30-05:00February 4th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments

I Can’t Make This Racist Stuff Up

Today I’m driving up on 4th street (the right side of the picture) and hit an intersection that has two stop signs. It’s not a 4 way because both ways are one way. There is a big bus on my right and he is going through the intersection. There is no car waiting at the front view of the picture at this point. I barely breeze the brakes and as I’m doing so a Cadillac pulls up to the other stop sign and he barely breezes the breaks. I had made up my mind at that point and was not relenting and I owned the car in the game of chicken.

As soon as it happened the guy starts tailing me which I didn’t think to much of because I was going to be turning anyway. I make a left down a side street and he does too and starts to pull up to the side of me on a 2 way street. Not wanting to floor it and get into a bizarre street chase, I slowed down and rolled down my window. He says, “You just ran that stopped sign and I bet you said some racist shit.”

Not the actual vehicles.

At first I was in disbelief and ready to start cracking up because I’m not sure how I could have identified his race in the split second I was running the stop sign. So instead of getting into an argument with a hot head who looked like Idris Elba, I decided to do the smart thing and say, “We both got there at the same time, I’m sorry.” I got the feeling he wanted the situation to escalate but it’s hard to carry on when someone diffuses a situation in a calm manner.

He then drove off and I followed him down the side street that I work on. He took this as I was looking for further confrontation and pulled over to the side and got out of his car. I drove passed, opened my garage door, and went to work.

The race card is not a concept I experience very often. I don’t have prejudice towards anyone but today I witnessed a person who drives around constantly thinking the world is against him. It’s tough to grasp not being the one who feels racial tension but it is certainly evident in the world today.

By Tom Stortz|2015-01-28T09:14:29-05:00January 28th, 2015|My Life, Photoshop|0 Comments

Conservative PHL Snowfall Estimate – 1″-120″

The weather is turning and the first major snowfall of the year is predicted for this afternoon. I’m not a huge snow guy. I find it more disrupting than enjoyable but to basically get through all of January without a storm isn’t too bad.

This weekend included Radio 104.5 Winter Jam. I stayed in on Friday to be ready for Saturday. I met with the Shee at around 11:30 am and then met Weens on the Subway. Weens really wanted to see Andrew McMahon but he didn’t let anyone know this beforehand or else our planning would have been different. We heard “Cecilia and the Satellite” from the background stage while standing in line to Ween’s disappointment.

After missing Andrew McMahon we went in and ripped a few shots and downed a few beers to get hyped for the next band. Walk the Moon was next and this is the footage I got. I feel like such a tool filming so that explains the poor everything.

The rest of the concert went by quickly. Jordan and I knifed through the crowd to get closer to Gaslight Anthem but it was nothing out of the ordinary. I awoke on my couch at about 12am which was a pleasant surprise. This is what my wallet looked like. Can anyone guess where I was between the hours of 6pm and 8pm?

A spur of the moment bowling trip was also lined up on Sunday with me and the Shee. We went to Facenda Whitaker and ran into Sam L. (not my brother Sam) and crew and we rolled 4 games. It was probably the first time I was bowling in a year and finished with a 675 4 game total for a 168 average. Shee rolled a 200+ game but didn’t win the pin count.

This is going to turn into a weekly event on Sunday’s. I give Facenda lanes a solid A and would drive 30 minutes to get to real lanes when compared to the city. The house balls are high quality and the price was only $12 bucks per person for 2 and a half hours. If anyone is interested, let me know and I’ll let you know when we go.

By Tom Stortz|2015-01-26T09:45:37-05:00January 26th, 2015|My Life|0 Comments