We Don't Walk Slow

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Upper Dublin Basketball Gets Mercy Ruled

I was not at this game but here’s the text I received:

Last night vs Upper Moreland (yes, tiny UM), UD was mercy ruled 49-9 in the 3rd quarter. Last week, they scored 10 points in the 3 qtrs vs Springfield

This is the first picture that comes up with Upper Dublin Varsity Basketball

I didn’t even know you could get mercy ruled in high school basketball. “Upper Moreland led 16-7 after one quarter, then outscored UD 20-0 in the second quarter. UM led 36-7 at halftime.” Whether it was an actual Mercy Rule, I can’t tell, the game seems to have ended 65-30.

The team is currently 2-8 (or 1-9 depending on who you read). Checking their schedule, it appears that they lost by 33 to Hatboro just a few days a go. So what? The basketball team is bad. Big deal. Hold on one second, Professor. Upper Dublin has an annual budget of 97 million dollars a year (67 million from Real Estate Taxes) and this is in conjunction to the 119 million they spent on new facilities completed in 2012. The state of their basketball team is embarrassing considering their financial support.

What is Happening?

I’m writing this with the reader understanding that I have not watched 1 game of UDHS basketball. I’m guessing that what you’re seeing is money making a team softer than Shawn Bradley. You have state of the art everything and the kids have been brought up with a silver spoon. You will sometimes see this work well when Lehigh upsets Duke in the NCAA tourney, but this is not what’s happening. It could be bad coaching or lack of talent or a combo of both like usual. Just throwing in my 2 cents.

Upper Dublin High School is Wealthy

First some background on Upper Dublin High School – “Upper Dublin High School is recognized as a National Blue Ribbon School of Excellence by the United States Department of Education.In 2007, the school was named the No. 1 high school in Montgomery County by the Philadelphia Inquirer. The school was also ranked No. 8 in Philadelphia Magazine’s 100 Best Public and Private Schools.”

This is what the facilities look like:

: Aerial View

: Swimming Pool

: Old East Gym

: New Gym

Here is what some random ranking website has for it’s current stats:

Upper Dublin High School Ranking

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-11T13:16:12-05:00January 11th, 2017|Sports|0 Comments

Turning 200 Into 2k

Saturday did not go as planned. I had written that I was going to take the Raiders and the Seahawks which would have been ok. At the tail end of the Raiders game that I had just lost, I went with the Shee who lead me astray to the Lions. This was a double loss and resulted in my losing 200 smackeroos.

Who is going to bet on Dak?

I woke up on Sunday none too pleased and decided to re-deposit because that’s what winners do. I met up with the Mood Man at Fox and Hound and we both put money on the Stillers which hit. It was an even money prop so I had 80 to win 80. With some liquid courage and against my better judgment, I put 180 dollars on the Packers even though I thought the Giants were going to cover. If you watch football, you’d know that this won. This has me up about 40 dollars and still a far cry from 2k.

Moody and I got pretty shit faced during the 2nd game and I feel like shit today. Either way, a win’s a win and I want to keep the blog updated.

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-09T12:40:01-05:00January 9th, 2017|My Life|1 Comment

Raider Nation

Rob Kelly, get ready to like this post on Twitter.

Steve McQueen, the Cincinnati Kid

The NFL Playoffs begin in a bit over and hour and I’m locked and loaded. After praising Adam’s sports betting prowess, he fed me two picks and bankrupted my account. Fortunately it must have been for a reason as I’m back today feeling more confident than ever, ready to turn 200 into 2k by the final whistle of the Super Bowl. Everyone needs a goal.

To do this I need to get off to a hot start. This means betting the first game which is the Raiders vs the Texans. The Texans have home field advantage and are laying 4 points to Connor Cook’s Oakland Raiders. I don’t like over-thinking these types of games. Looking through the Raiders schedule, you’d see that they have 3 losses with Derek Carr at QB and 2 of those were against the Chiefs, and the other against the Falcons. Both premiere teams (and my Super Bowl picks FWIW). They beat the Texans 27-20, in Mexico, on some questionable calls, in one of Brock Osweiler’s best performances of the season (243 yrds, 1 TD and 1 INT).

In this game, I intend to summon my inner Brian Hoyer and cast that on Brock Osweiler. What am I referring to? Just the 15 for 34 performance against the Chiefs last year that ended 30-0 while the Texans were home. This is not a new storyline for them. Do I expect it to be a close game? Of course. The O / U is 37 which means that not a lot of points will be scored. I think having the 4 will be the deal breaker and I wouldn’t call you a fool for taking the ML. I do like the over as well.

If, I cover the Raiders, I’ll be taking the winnings + my principal of the 100 and making a 2nd wager on the Seahawks. It’s 8 points. 8 is a lot in close games but Matthew Stafford is hurt and as much as I like Zach Zenner’s potential (I truly do), they aren’t going to roll into Seattle and issue a beat down. In fact, I think they get beat down. The Seahawks may not be the intimidating Seahawks of old, but it’s still the same CenturyLink field where they were 7-1 this year. It’s still 8 points you say. I’m not saying this is a absolutely, sure lock but I think you have to be crazy to bet on the Lions who lost by 21 to the Cowboys, and then by 7 to the Packers, in subsequent weeks.

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-07T15:15:11-05:00January 7th, 2017|My Brain|2 Comments

What Company’s Application Process?

The reward for solving puzzles, acting clever in interviews, and penning up a good essay is meeting with ?. He interviewed almost everyone of ?’s first one thousand hires, including the janitors and technicians, and has continued to interview engineers as the company’s workforce swelled. Each employee receives a warning before going to meet with ? The interview, he or she is told, could last anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes. ? will likely keep on writing emails and working during the initial part of the interview and not speak much. Don’t panic. That’s normal. Eventually, he will turn around in his chair to face you, even then, though, he might not make actual eye contact with you or fully acknowledge your presence. Don’t panic. That’s normal. In due course, he will speak to you. From that point, the tales of engineers who have interviewed with ? run the gamut from torturous experience to the sublime. He might ask one question or he might several. You can be sure, though, that he will roll out The Riddle: “You’re standing on the surface of the Earth. You walk one mile south, one mile west, and one mile north. You end up exactly where you started. Where are you?” One answer to that is the North Pole, and most of the engineers get it right away. That’s when ? will follow with “Where else could you be?” The other answer is somewhere close to the South Pole where, if you walk one mile south, the circumference of the Earth becomes one mile. Fewer engineers get this answer, and ? will happily walk them through that riddle and others and cite any relevant equations during his explanations. He tends to care less about whether or not the person gets the answer than about how they describe the problem and their approach to solving it.

No, the answer is not Softerware.

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-05T17:33:48-05:00January 5th, 2017|My Brain|5 Comments

Let’s Give It Up to Connor Cook

Connor Cook, the new Raiders QB, will be starting the playoff game against the Houston Texans. This is why I love the NFL.

Gannon and Tim Brown

The Raiders haven’t made the playoffs since 2002. This year, Derek Carr led the team to a 12-3 record. A season-ending injury occurred to Carr in the 15th game and the team turned to Matt McGloin – a really, really shitty QB who played for Penn State in 2010-2012. McGloin managed to get hurt in the first game he started. His NFL record is 1-6. This brings me to Connor Cook and why I really, really love the NFL.

Who is Connor Cook? I have no fucking clue. However, he is tossed right into the thick of things getting the start in the biggest game for the Raiders in the past 15 years. Their entire season and all the hopes and dreams of a fan base fall on his shoulders. Some minor research:

QB for Michigan State Spartans from 2013 to 2015
Hold the record for the most career wins at Michigan State
Can make throws
Played 1 game on 1/1/17 going 14/21, 1 TD, 1 INT

This game is going to bring me so much joy because finding a QB is the most important part of an NFL team. Cook was picked with the 100th pick of the 2016 draft. Jared Goff, 0-7 career record, was picked with the 1st pick and he’s an absolute mess. There is no reason to think that Connor Cook can win this playoff game unless…the opposition has 2 of the shittiest QB’s to walk the Earth in Brock Osweiler and Tom Savage. There may not be a point scored in this game. 2-0 is the score I predict wins it.

A better catch than pass…the only TD he threw:

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-04T16:19:05-05:00January 4th, 2017|Sports|0 Comments

This Warm Winter

I had to pop open a window because it was so hot in my place which is unusual for January 3rd. Also a shout out to Jeff who is celebrating his birthday today. A brief blurb on what happened on the day of his birth:

Someone in the family had to get a few of the good looks.

It was Sunday, under the sign of Capricorn. The US president was Ronald Reagan (Republican). In that special week of January people in US were listening to Faith by George Michael. In UK Always On My Mind by Pet Shop Boys was in the top 5 hits. Good Morning, Vietnam, directed by Barry Levinson, was one of the most viewed movies released in 1988 while The Tommyknockers by Stephen King was one of the best selling books. Nancy Stortz had a son named Jeffrey.

I wanted to use this post to detail my cash winnings during the football season. Here is the league I entered, the amount, and what I won:

Evan’s The Dynasty 100, -100 (If I made the playoffs, I would have taken it home)
Steve’s Philadelphia Soul 100, +800 (Benching J Matt and playing C Meredith brought home the bacon)
Baker’s The Dundees (he spelled it wrong, it’s Dundies) 25, -25 (The story of Charles Clay will not be forgotten which is more than money)
Rich C’s Pigskin Pick Em 25, +75 (I had the high card but did not fare that well ATS)
Rich C’s Eliminator 25, -25 (Eliminated the 3rd or 4th week with the Cards against the Rams for the 2nd straight year)
Softerware’s Pick Em 25, +10 (Won 1 week but pretty poor showing against people who don’t know what football is)
DraftKings 211, -211 (Rough, rough, year. I have to imagine 95% of people who don’t do this for a living feel this way.)
Bovada 400, -400 (I’ll get the exact amount tomorrow but this is to be expected)
College Bowl Mania – If Alabama wins, I should net +75

After an entire season’s worth of action, I come down to winning a few hundred dollars. I invested a lot, I mean a lot of time into football. Now there’s obviously a key factor I’m missing and that’s NFL Playoff action which will swing this one way or another. I’m a big fan of the Chiefs, Falcons, and Packers so we’ll see what happens.

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-03T20:51:44-05:00January 3rd, 2017|My Life|1 Comment

Calling Into WIP

Last night I called into the Jody Mac show at about 11pm. I usually listen before I go to sleep and for whatever reason, I decided that tonight was going to be the night I was going to summon my courage and call in.

I called the number and it was picked up by the producer. He asked what my name was, where I was from, and what I wanted to talk about which I replied “Tom, Northern Liberties, and the NFL Playoffs.” He placed me on hold and you get connected to the line where you can hear the show.

My heart was racing as I had my intro rattling around my head. I was expecting to get put right through but that wasn’t exactly the case. I waited for about 15 minutes as I listened to a few other callers and ads. I had no idea where I was in line but then it hit me that I should be more prepared for my call. I ran to my computer and brought up the NFL playoff brackets that I sort of knew but wanted to be certain. I researched a few more facts that I thought Jody would appreciate and was set for my turn.

I’d say I was on hold for about 25 minutes when he said, “Tom from Northern Liberties, you’re up.” The dialogue went like this:

T – “Thanks for taking my call, Jody.”

J – “No problem.”

T – “I wanted to ask you a trivia question, get your opinion on 2 NFL teams, and then tie that back into my grade for Carson Wentz (the topic of the show).”

J – “Sounds good.”

T – “Do you know who the 2015 lowest graded WR is by Pro Football Focus standards?”

J – *Hems and haws a little* “I don’t know.”

T – “It was Nelson Agholor. Do you know who it was for 2016.”

J – “I’d have to guess Nelson Agholor based on the way you said that.”

T – “You got it. Now I wanted to get your opinion on two teams that I think have a lot of value in the NFL playoffs who are going off at 9-1 shots, they are the Falcons and the Chiefs.”

He says something about the Chiefs being a better team because of their defense but likes the Falcons offense as well. He talked for what felt like 2 minutes straight until I chimed in asking if the Falcons could take the Packers or Cowboys. He went into this Aaron Rodgers monologue and some story about “relax” that I heard before. I had the mic one more time and said that I think Wentz deserves a B because he has few options and is no where near the same level of elite company like Aaron Rodgers.

That was that. The line goes dead and then I flipped the radio back on to hear myself wrapping up (there’s a few second delay). I’d say that if I wanted to prepare for the call more I could have done a bit better but I had zero nerves once the call began which was nice. I may start coming up with a few more wild ideas now that I’ve popped by calling in cherry. I also got a blog topic from a previous caller that I’ll bring forth shortly.

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-03T10:42:36-05:00January 3rd, 2017|Sports|0 Comments

Stream of Thought

I’m going to try a new technique with this post and that’s typing for 30 minutes straight without a filter. No backspaces (except for typos) and my stream of thought as if you were the therapist and I’m the patient.

I saw Sam listening to Twenty One Pilots on Spotify and decided they were a fine choice for a band to listen to as I type this. I chose Vessel instead of Blurryface and decided to turn the shuffle off. There is a missed magic about listening to albums in full with digital in full force.

That’s all I have to say about that. I took a bite of some shitty Jimmy Dean sausage, egg, and cheese that I cooked 90 seconds in the microwave. I don’t like it but I didn’t eat the last piece of Shroomin’ tonight. That’s a pizza, not a drug.

I was at South Bowl where I seem to be spending more time than usual. I’m not sure why I like the bowling alley to hang out but it’s a skill game and I like the people around the alley. Sure, there is that family of 9 people who ruins the entire experience but it’s pretty fun for the most part.

Which will lead me to tonight where I bowled in a 14 person tournament in a 9 tap format. A 9 tap is when you get a 9, you get a strike. You’d be surprised how often you don’t get a 9. In the 1st round I beat a quality bowler who choked in the 10th. In the next round I beat a guy who was equally poor closing. In the semi-finals, I played Nichole who went open in the 10th. All I had to do was to not split and pick up the spare…and I blew it. No big deal. Only experience. I respect Nichole’s game as well. I’m not saying she would hold an edge on me, but I’d like to think I can throw a few more strikes.

It’s been about 7 minutes and I wrote this would go on for 30. I’m at 330 words which is a decent amount but it looks like I’ll have to hit 1,000.

I intro’d in the last post that I was a pathetic loser for binge watching the Office for a seemingly long time, and I’ll touch on that with this post.

I don’t have a girlfriend. My friends are mostly either engaged or seeing someone and I’m at the age where people are tending to settle down. I’ve never believed in the idea of settling down just to settle down and that shines through the older you get.

Here’s a link to Your Life in Weeks and you’ll notice that there is a lot of time left. More than half your life when your 33 like me. Picking someone to live with the rest of your life with isn’t a decision that you make because your friends are making that decision. It’s one that you choose carefully and that’s why more people are getting married later. It’s knowing whether your are responsible enough to be a father. Anyone can have a child that you don’t do your best with and that’s not me.

My goal in life is to do any task the best that I absolutely can. I’m not into settling or giving up and that’s the personality you need to succeed. There are too many people in this world to get stuck in the herd. Many people are fine getting a job, finding a wife, having children, and seeing out that life. I don’t doubt for a second that there is plenty of fulfillment in that life choice. It’s not me though.

I don’t even know what me is. I have a good job that is growing with well thought out plans. I know I’m destructive when I have nothing to do. That means betting on sports, getting hammered, doing stupid shit. I’ve done a lot of that. This past weekend I pretty much did nothing and feel fine today while I type this instead of feeling like a turd that can’t get out of his bed until noon. That’s not who I want to be but I’ve learned that there isn’t any go between. It’s not, “I’ll drink a little bit” because that always leads to worse. So being and introvert, and trying to remove the binge drinking, alcoholic from my system, it leads to a lot of “what am I doing?”

Which I’ve learned that most people are asking this question. No one out there has it all figured out. Your place in history is most likely non-existent. Many people think the world revolves around them that is that fundamental difference between what I’m writing in this post and many beliefs. I don’t have the answers. I’m a guy who was gifted a few talents and have no idea how to utilize them to their fullest. I do know that most people don’t keep a blog for 7+ years for the sake of it. I’m at the end of this stream of thought. I ran out of material and didn’t quite get to 1,000 words. 849 to be exact. If this method of blogging catches on, just know that you read it here first.

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-02T21:38:15-05:00January 2nd, 2017|My Life|0 Comments

My Office Post

Being a pathetic loser, which I’ll get into during a subsequent post, I’m going to post a few comments after I’ve binged watch 5 seasons of the Office.

The Office

I was warned ahead of time that The Office goes downhill around season 6. Once the Michael Scott Paper Co. was formed, I felt the decline with Michael on his own and am going to comment now before the show starts to sully and my opinions change. (Season 6 may be good too, so don’t hold me to this).

I’ll call the Office what it is and that’s a delightful comedy with a mediocre, ever changing story. First and foremost, 28 episodes is too many for a season. The ideas start to languish and I haven’t even hit the decline.The entire show revolves around Michael which is pretty amazing considering how many characters there are. How one person steals the show on so many levels is truly a work of art. I hardly find any interest in the minor characters. However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t many moments, mostly involving Michael, which I’ll touch on as my favorites.

When Toby comes back.

Michael Scott – I was never a huge Steve Carell fan but he made this show. You have nothing without him. His constant misunderstanding and lack of any intelligence make him lovable and entertaining. There are so many running jokes that I can’t list them all. A few favorites are not knowing the names to bands (“it’s Britney Bitch” during Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” and playing Huey Lewis and News during his Bruce giveaway stand out to me) and using phrases incorrectly. Just a real masterpiece and I’ve been told he doesn’t last forever, so I’ll enjoy it while I can.

Darryl calling Michael…Mike. The lack of respect Darryl shows Michael throughout the show is pretty tremendous. The interaction between a boss who has no idea what’s going on and another employee who does his job is classic.

Creed playing Spider Solitaire and not knowing, well, much. This scene about Creed’s job description is priceless. There’s also a scene where he’s talking with Andy and says, “Have I ever steered you wrong, Jim.”

When You Can’t Get Fired For Being Old

David Wallace and Michael…all the time. There is not a better combination of characters in the entire show. On one hand you have the CFO who is trying to make Dunder Mifflin money and the other is a branch manager who…is Michael Scott. The unconventional nature of Michael and how he seems to run the most successful branch baffles David and he plays along perfectly.

I tried to find a funny clip on YouTube and apparently people don’t find David as funny as I do. I was looking for the time when David was asking Michael how his unconventional ways were running a successful branch and Michael ordered take out pasta.

Holly Thinking Kevin Was Slow – Not much to go along with this other than I liked the back and forth. Holly as a whole is pretty weird.

Who’s Not That Funny

Roy was actually one of the worst.

Jim – I don’t necessarily dislike Jim, and understand he’s needed to have some semblance of a plot, but his place in this whole Office is off to me. His constant looks into the camera like “I can’t believe he said that” or “what’s going on” get old fast. The pranks get to be lame. The whole Karin back and forth was bad too.

Jan – I couldn’t really get into liking Jan. It made no sense why she’d like Michael.

Dwight – He has his moments but tries too hard. You’re the company’s top salesmen but you can’t figure out when Pam and Jim and pranking you non-stop when they instant message you or do something to your phone.

Pam – At no point did I find myself saying, “we need more Pam.”

Who’s Really Not That Funny

(In order of worse to even worse)
Ryan, Oscar, Kevin, Angela, Stanley, Toby, Andy, Phyllis, Holly, Meredith, Kelly

By Tom Stortz|2017-01-02T11:50:12-05:00January 2nd, 2017|Tv|0 Comments

Houston, We Have a Problem

I have no idea why, but the posts that are being released don’t seem to be appearing at the top. In fact, they don’t seem to be appearing at all. If you hit F5, they will come up but this is not a solution. I have absolutely no idea why this is happening. None of the settings were changed but I’m pretty sure it’s linked to the Dave Gildea security breach.

I haven’t been posting much of late and there isn’t much reason other than I haven’t felt like it. I’m heading to Europe on Jan 16th and have been back to studying some German so I can feel extremely uncomfortable trying to say a single word over there. Even if I can learn a few hundred words, it serves almost no purpose because I still can’t speak it. I plan to do some sightseeing and there’s a trade show I’ll be attending as well as a factory we do some business with.

Not much else going on.

By Tom Stortz|2016-12-29T18:39:23-05:00December 29th, 2016|My Life|0 Comments