It’s 1am and I’m having problems going to sleep so i thought I would write an entry. I think I’m on somewhat of a life high as of late. I know it seems counter-intuitive considering the mess I made of myself but the self realization that came along with it has me more optimistic lately than I’ve ever been. First off, I realized that all girls aren’t whores. On Saturday morning when I woke up with my face mangled, I had my friends looking after me and then Jill was nice enough to take multiple hours our of her life to drive me to the hospital and then sit there and wait for me while they re-attached my lip. Ck4 would have been out the door the first sign of a needle or a drop of blood. The genuine concern from the female gender was a bit different than what I’m used to. So this revelation that I can’t group all girls into the slut category is a step in the right direction despite what Jka$h (from his signature I was previously missing out on the Kesha $ sign) might think. I also think that I have a new found respect for alcohol. Now I know this comment will draw some “yeah rights”. The Sheee is very skeptical about this and thinks that I’m underplaying what happened but like I told him tonight, “just give me a chance and we’ll see if I can do a better job.” I’m not going to go as far as to say I’ve been reborn because I don’t have a religious bone in my body but I think I’m being offered another chance to make right. You can bring up countless times in my history where this feeling should have struck me before and I’m completely putting myself out there with this post but I’m going to talk the talk and by doing so, hopefully walk the walk. I really feel like I’m putting the pieces together from a personal sense and I think this has led me to do some soul searching within myself for what I should make of the opportunities presented to me.
This is going to be a difficult task these next two weeks as I have time off to do whatever I want and that usually leads to day drinking binges into the night and unreal stories. Just to give a few examples;
Which leaves me here today feeling good and anticipating what is in store for the future. I know what is upcoming and I am prepared to make the best of it. I know what I’ve done in my past and I can only look forward. I do strive to be better and even though I know I’m all talk at this point, I intend to make good on these words.