It’s fair to say that I’ve lived 40% of my expected life expectancy. The odd thing about that statement is that I normally don’t take the time to think about it in that blunt of a way. I’ve lived almost 30 years and will have 45 more years if things go well. 30 years seems like a really long time considering that I hardly even remember anything that happened to me before 10 years of age. 10 -18 is schooling where I was taught the basics and how to think. College, 18-21, at least for me, was when I started to think out of the box a little bit and start understanding that the world is bigger than what’s in my state. Immediately coming out of school I was happy to be working and saving money that I didn’t have anytime to even think about anything other than getting myself established. I’d say that took two years and then I started to grasp what I was doing professionally and becoming more involved to the point that I felt comfortable earning a living on my own. With all that being mentioned, I’d say that I’ve reached a point of my life where I can stop and smell the roses. At least that’s how I’m describing this current life point which isn’t all that comfortable.

Let me start by mentioning that absolutely nothing is wrong. For me to even be complaining is an insult to people who have significant life problems. Both of my parents are still living, I have a great group of friends, money issues are not making life miserable, and I’m healthy. All things considered, I should be one happy camper. So let me delve into some thoughts that irk me.

• Boredom. 1) I’m tired of the same old song and dance on weekdays. I work, I work out, I watch some TV, I repeat. This is healthy and safe living but it’s not actually living. 2) The boozing on weekends doesn’t change. I’ve experienced the cheap thrills of gambling, strip clubs, late nights, and everything in between. I’m not saying I party harder than you, but chances are I’ve been doing it longer. The satisfaction in these actions is extremely difficult to find. HOWEVER, without part 2 of this, I have problems finding a spice to life.
• Work. I’ve never done anything else but work after I finished school. I had 1 week off after I graduated and I’ve spent my time at Stortz tools for coming up on 8 years since then. I know nothing else but this business. This business is my life. I’ve learned such a tremendous amount that I wouldn’t trade this opportunity for anything. How many people do you know who have negotiated an interchange passthrough +10 basis points for their company’s credit card processing? Problem is that there is no end in sight and my ideas for the company are starting to dry up. The more I’ve learned, the more I understand what works and what doesn’t work and when you own your own business, there is nobody to tell you what to do. I’ve started to feel this pressure of not necessarily a failing business, but a business that is trying to find an identity.
• Marriage. This article on barstool shares some of my thoughts, but this quote can sum it up “Basically there are like 2 main reasons guys get married: 1) Peer Pressure – You don’t wanna be the old weirdo who’s balding and fat and missed the boat while all your other friends got married and had families. 2) Path of least resistance – You’ve been dating the same girl for a really long time and through the Power of the Pussy she has learned how to manipulate you and you’re kind of afraid of her so you just get married to keep her happy and quiet.” I don’t need to elaborate on this much other than reason 1 being the driving force to a major decision which doesn’t exactly raise my expectations on a strong outcome.

The problem stems from doing the same thing over and over. This is funny because I’m heading to Florida for 3 days and then going to San Antonio for 3 days after that. It’s bigger than just a short vacation though. I think it’s that I’ve never gotten the chance to do whatever I want to and I don’t see it happening either and that’s depressing. If I have to answer what makes me happiest, I’d say a bright sunny day while I’m smoking a cigar, drinking some beer, and hitting a golf ball as close to a hole as I can. Maybe I want to do that for 2 months straight until I get tired of it. Who’s stopping me? Technically nobody except that it would be completely irresponsible. Even though it’s what I want to do? Sam, wrote about passion and this isn’t a new thought to me. People who succeed do so because they have a love for what they’re doing.

I don’t have passion for things. I do something to the best of my ability and then look for something else once I get tired of that. Jack of all trades, master of none. It explains my lack of relationships because I don’t “love” things. I can’t explain it exactly but I don’t get attached to things. This entry comes from an absence of loving. I’m a total pussy for whining about these things because there are probably 6 billion people in this world trade spots with me in an instance but sitting, right now, typing this, this is how I think. My mind doesn’t get stuck in the minutiae of life. I don’t care who wins the game, who wins an election, who’s dating who, what Lindsay Lohan is doing. I care about how I can develop as an individual and be happy. Blog posts like these help me write down thoughts just like a diary except that I share everything because it substantiates my existence. When I look back on this I know what I was thinking on 1/29/13. It also allows me to write what goes through my head so you can apply it to your own life. Just hit 1,000 words which might make this the longest post of my life, I hope there are some meaningful points behind it.