Oh no! It’s been 6 days and there hasn’t been a post. What’s going on? The answer is nothing. I’ve been a bit under the weather and haven’t felt like cranking out steaming pieces of crap on this website. When you don’t feel well, you can’t produce. Simple as that.

I gutted through a Monday night bowling blowout to the hands of Strike You again. Then I rolled yesterday to more turd games. Work has slowed down but I can’t even enjoy that because my head feels like a hot air balloon. I’ve got a load of fantasy material to sift through and the Dell Technologies is this week which will be fun. Aside from that…nothing doing. I’ll start posting again when I feel better. Here are some chimpanzees hunting monkeys.

For Gourlay’s viewing pleasure. This is about 6 months old but this is what happens when Jeff and I work on projects together.

I’ve been going to a new breakfast spot near my house called the 3J’s market. This was after heading to the Museum Deli a few times and seeing a millipede (I couldn’t count the exact legs) run out from behind the coffee cups. Cleanliness is the most important aspect to me and the quality 2nd. These generally go hand in hand.

People tend to enjoy posts like these because they can all relate to them. Unless you cook your own breakfast every morning, you have to get it from somewhere. 3J’s opens at 7am which is around the time I get up. They have a digital ordering system which is also preferred to reduce mistakes and increase efficiency. My breakfast sandwich with a coffee comes to $4.41, which is what I pay at Dunkin and in this instance I get a well prepared Egg and Cheese on an English Muffin instead of a day old Sesame Bagel with cream cheese spread carelessly. All pluses.

Now, I probably wouldn’t be making this post if it wasn’t for my one minor gripe. The coffee station is well done. You can select from 2 types and all of the extras are adequately laid out. It’s organized in proper fashion and I like every part except for…the lid. It’s a solo cup lid and when I have to put it on the cup, every time I feel like I’m going to crush the cup because it takes so much force to get all the sides over. Total pressure packed situation every morning. To boot, the lid has an opening to put the straw in.

A hole in the cup? Who cares? Well, I do. This is why.

When you hit a bump while driving, the liquid flies out of the hole. This starts a sequence of annoyances. The liquid then seeps down the cup into the cup holder. I usually keep change in my cup holder and the coffee covers the change. As time goes by the change starts to stick to the bottom. This has to be cleaned and all change removed. Not fun. I’m sure I’m not alone in this grievance.

Content. Content. Content. I don’t even know what the word means anymore. Once I finish creating content, I have to create more content. Content is synonymous with a never ending hole that you keep falling and falling down hoping that you’ll hit the bottom but guess what? You won’t!

Perhaps it’s because I’ve found myself in this unique position of managing a bunch of my own websites that I’m literally in charge of the creation of. There aren’t many other shoulders who this work falls on. So I’m certain this has something to do with the pressure of the creation of content. It’s difficult though because, believe it or not, I’m not always in the mood to create and my livelihood depends on it. I want to update this website as often as possible but I also have to try to maintain a standard that requires more than 15 minutes of time like this post. Do you know how long it took me to make that TV image post with all the characters? At least 2 hours. That was for a stupid image! The screenshots for Ozark took forever. That doesn’t even mean the material is good. This world is tough ladies and gentlemen. It doesn’t matter how much content you create, they always want more. Now shut your fuck nugget mouth about my lack of posts!

I swear to god if someone steals this idea for a novel or movie, I’m going to be pissed. REMEMBER, YOU READ IT HERE FIRST.

Here is a snippet from what I think is a fantastic premise.

Character – Steve
Account Balance – $200
Withdrawal Amount – $160

Steve drove 6 extra miles out of the way to save on the $1.50 ATM fee if he would have used the one by his house. This scene is the perfect example. He was recently fired from his job at Pet Smart, excuse me, laid off, but you wouldn’t know the difference. This means that money is tight and his chronic habit isn’t cheap. In order to reduce the weight of the situation he’s found himself in, he withdraws 80% of his money in order to buy a half ounce (16 grams) of that sticky icky from Luke, his neighborhood drug dealer.

The plan is simple: His preppy friend Cliff from the suburbs said he’d take an eighth (3.5 grams) which he can over charge him at $120. He also made sure to short the bag .2 because he knows Cliff doesn’t have a scale. Zach is penciled in for a gram which is an easy $20. Swiggy from the freshmen dorms is also in for a gram which won’t last the night, but money is tight when your a frosh. He’ll be back for more. Finally, Lindsay, his girlfriend Cait’s on/off again friend said she’d take an eighth, which he’ll discount $10 bucks because he’s trying to work a 3some between them all and every small gesture helps. That means that 9 of the 16 grams are sold and he’ll have made 80 bucks and still have 7.2 of the grams left which is worth at least $100. Sweet Livin.

Steve found himself in hot water when his latest drug deal went awry. His best friend Louis fronted him 3 ounces to move around campus. One night he got black out drunk as he was traveling with his backpack full of the weed for delivery and found himself cornered by 3 local thugs who caught word he was holding. Bye Bye $900 of merchandise. Now he was walking the fine line of trying to get the money back to Louis without him knowing what happened. At this rate it was going to be tough but if he could manage to keep slinging, he’ll dig himself out of this hole. No. No. Dig up stupid.

So that would be the first character. Then you’d have another character and you’d get a feel for each person based on how much money withdrew from the account. There’d be a guy who has $300,000 and he’d withdraw money out $20 at a time and you’d see how he lived. All the characters would then be intertwined somehow which I haven’t thought out yet. 

What do you think?

The older I get, the more I cherish being alive. When I watch people getting hit with golf carts, jumping off of roofs, and skydiving from 10k feet, I get the willies. I never used to think this way. When I was 10 years old I loved to wait in line to ride Steel Force. The ignorance of death allowed me to not worry about the fragile nature of it all. Now I have a different take. With this intro, I present to you a few of my No-No’s. This doesn’t mean I would never do this, I’m only acutely aware of the situation.

Whale Watching
The great blue yonder is not to be messed with. Do you see how big that product of nature is? If it was having a bad day, I don’t see why he couldn’t flip the boat and swallow everyone Jonah and the Whale style. Oh, he’s a nice whale? Really? Really? You had a conversation with that beast and he promised he wouldn’t do that? Get a grip.

Snakes
I don’t like them. They are sneaky, slimy, and venomous. You won’t even know they are coming. They could be in your bed right now. They are flat as can be and are stealth carnivores that would swallow you whole if they could. Not a fan just like Indiana Jones

Rides
I have no doubt that amusement park rides have 200 safety check features before people get on them for safety sake. My concern is if one of these checks malfunctions or if the safety man drank a fifth before he showed up to work. You never know and one way I don’t want to go is careening off the track as I make a brutal indentation on the Earth.

Sharks
If you couldn’t tell by now, the ocean freaks me out. It goes down. Humans don’t know about down. Bad ass creatures live in what constitutes 75% of our Earth of which I would consider it relatively unknown. You can’t tell me that there aren’t more badass sharks that eat these weak sharks that we’ve seen. It’s like the sharks you see are scared of the sharks further in. When I go in the ocean, I make sure it’s never at depth further than my knees.

Random Bullet
I’m not a fan of guns. I was at a shooting range once and all I could think about was the maniac next to me opening fire because he’s a loony tune. I don’t trust people and certainly not ones with guns. Whenever I go for a run, I’m always on the look out for a drive by or a guy looking to pop me for my wallet. Rough way to go through life I understand but one shot and it’s over. Always be prepared.