My Brain – Page 31 – We Don't Walk Slow

Let All Day Play

I may have some bias here because A-Pete is on 2 of my fantasy teams but there will be some valid points provided throughout this post on why A-Pete should be able to play football before season’s end.

What happened: Adrian Peterson abused his 4 year old son, Tyrese, with a wooden switch (pictured). Marks were left as seen in the picture directly below.

Immediate Quote from Peterson lawyer Rusty Hardin: “Adrian is a loving father who used his judgment as a parent to discipline his son. He used the same kind of discipline with his child that he experienced as a child growing up in east Texas. Adrian has never hidden from what happened. He has cooperated fully with authorities and voluntarily testified before the grand jury for several hours…
Adrian will address the charges with the same respect and responsiveness he has brought to this inquiry from its beginning. It is important to remember that Adrian never intended to harm his son and deeply regrets the unintentional injury.”

The Law: Corporal punishment is legal in every state. The Texas Attorney General’s Office notes that belts and brushes “are accepted by many as legitimate disciplinary ‘tools,'” but “electrical or phone cords, boards, yardsticks, ropes, shoes, and wires are likely to be considered instruments of abuse.”

Legal experts say the final determination of what is reasonable discipline will be based on the standards found in the local community – and Texas law offers no definition of what that is. It says the use of non-deadly force against someone younger than 18 is justified if a parent or guardian “reasonably believes the force is necessary to discipline the child or to safeguard or promote his welfare.”

What Happens Next? Peterson’s lawyers are asking to move the trial up so A Pete can defend himself earlier than the December 1st date set. The job of Peterson’s lawyers is to convince a jury that this is corporal punishment and not child abuse.

What I Think

Thousands of children are beaten by their parents every year (this number is a guess and it may be way more) and Adrian is so high profile that this hoopla has to surround the incident. I certainly don’t condone the behavior but I earnestly believe that this type of discipline is much more culturally accepted in the South than other areas. My dad used to spank me when I was around 4 years old and as much as it isn’t the ideal method of discipline, I learned the lesson. Of course hitting a child with a stick and beating him across his legs (and I’ve read in other reports genitals), that’s overdoing it.

Adrian’s potentially faces up to two years in state jail and a fine if convicted, but also could get probation and/or agree to undergo counseling on child discipline. Wat? 2 years in prison for this? We all know what he did was wrong but there are millions of people committing way worse crimes than hitting your own child for disciplinary reasons. You could have this happen to 99% of the players in the NFL and it’s not a story. Because it’s Adrian Peterson, it’s different. That’s not fair. It’s making an example and I’m pretty sure he won’t be doing it again. Forgive and forget. Not this time.

What I think will happen is the trial will be moved up, A Pete will be found not guilty, and life moves on.

By Tom Stortz|2014-10-08T19:14:51-04:00October 8th, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments

Best Reddit AMA Responses

I enjoy going through the Reddit AMA’s and I’ll post some of the better answers. This will hopefully give me some worthwhile material with the only work being research and cutting and pasting. Leave a comment if you’d like me to keep doing them.

President Obama 2 years ago

What was the most difficult decision that you had to make during this term?

The decision to surge our forces in afghanistan. Any time you send our brave men and women into battle, you know that not everyone will come home safely, and that necessarily weighs heavily on you. The decision did help us blunt the taliban’s momentum, and is allowing us to transition to afghan lead – so we will have recovered that surge at the end of this month, and will end the war at the end of 2014. But knowing of the heroes that have fallen is something you never forget.

thisisbillgates 1 year ago

Windows 7 or Windows 8?

Be honest Bill.

Higher is better.

Anything left on your bucket list?

Don’t die…

MrPeterDinklage 5 months ago

Hey Mr. Dinklage, do you have any hilarious behind the scenes stories about Game of Thrones?

There was one scene I was doing with Jerome Flynn, who plays Bronn. It was in season 1 I think, when I say something to a crazy woodsman guy. He asks “How do you want to die?” and the line in the script was like, “At the age of 80 with wine in my belly and a girl’s mouth around my cock.” And I said… “Age of 80 and a girl’s cock around my mouth!” I inverted a couple of the words, and when I said that my friend Jerome couldn’t stop laughing, so we had to stop filming for the day.

It’s called not owning a brush. Or a comb. That’s my secret. Just don’t buy a comb.

thebryancranston 1 year ago

Do you think, given the proper equipment, you could produce crystal meth?

That presumes I haven’t already.

What’s the funniest thing that’s happened on set in your career?

There was a guy who was hit by a crane and killed instantly. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Does Breaking Bad end the way that you wanted it to?

Breaking Bad ended the way Vince Gilligan wanted it to… which is exactly what I wanted.

My coworker Bob claims he is dating your niece. We live in northern California. Can you confirm or deny this?

Bob is a fucking liar. I have a job opening for him.

Have you ever pranked Aaron Paul on set? For some reason I think that he’d be super gullible.

Oh yeah, many times. There was one episode when where someone was giving us a problem and I told him to take care of it and he didn’t know specifically what I meant by it. I said “I need you to take care of it” and I reached into my waistband and pulled out a gun and put it on the counter. He understood the message. Then during the scene where I said “I need you to take care of it” I reached into my waistband and pulled out a dildo.

By Tom Stortz|2014-10-07T22:21:17-04:00October 7th, 2014|My Brain|1 Comment

TC’s 5 Predictions

I’m not a smart man, but I know what the future holds. Not really but I have to sound like I do if I want to be taking seriously. Here are a few things that will happen.

1) The Dow Jones Industrial Average will close below 15,000 by June of ’15. Trading took a big hit today dropping 264 points and closing under 17,000. This prediction is not “when”, but how soon. The DOW has seen significant growth since February of ’09 and this was not because of anything but the quantitative easing (trillions of dollars being injected into the economy). The economy may seem steady for the time being but nothing goes up forever. Another depression causes mass suicides and people begin to explode.

2) Roger Goddell resigns as commissioner from the NFL after Janay Rice and Tyrese Robert Ruffin (A-Pete’s Son) join together and start gaining a massive support of Twitter followers. The strength of the followers is enormous and begin to reign hate on Roger Goddell’s twitter account. To cap off the emotional beating, the segment “mean tweets” on Jimmy Kimmel hurt Goddell’s feelings and he resigns. The NFL season finishes with an Eagles Super Bowl victory and Archie Manning becomes the new commissioner. Eagle’s fans start exploding with excitement.

3) 3D Printing becomes the next wave of production for items. The company that is able to produce the raw materials for the printing becomes a trillion dollar company. Let me explain how this will work and why it will take over: Say you want a spoon, you download the spoon template, customize it in your printershop software, then have your printer print your spoon our of a ceramic material. You won’t buy a silver spoon from Kitchen’s R Us when the spoon you printed costs a cent. Obviously I’m making up a scenario where the material you use is good for a spoon but this idea will run rampant. It will replace anything that can simply be re-created by the printer. People are so amazed by this that they begin to explode.

4) Drones start to hunt people. You’ve seen this in movies. Drones will have cameras in their make up, be able to identify human faces, and then relay information to the owner of the droid. This works especially well with criminals. Sects will develop and Simon Phoenix will be the arch nemesis to the planet. We’ll have to bring back John Spartan to take him down and it turns into a serious boggle. Sandra Bullock develops and obsession with hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs. Most likely ends with a frozen Simon Phoenix head exploding.

5) Credit cards are replaced with a surgically installed chip. Your body becomes a giant bank account. Instead of scanning “your card”, you will get scanned. If you ever hit 0, you become worthless to society and explode. This sparks amazing production out of human beings and the survival of the fittest is put to the test. Creativity is at an all time high. People exploding becomes a nuisance to the numerous clean up crews dedicated to this issue.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-25T20:27:52-04:00September 25th, 2014|My Brain|2 Comments

Most Popular Girl’s Name By State

Mary – Conservative 60’s name
Lisa – Overtook Mary in the 60’s and held steady
Jennifer – 1970 was the year Love Story was released. The female romantic lead is named Jennifer.
Amanda – Sprinkled in popularity among the mid-south in the 80’s
Ashley – Mid 80’s in the East and then huge in the early 90’s
Jessica – Overtook Jennifer with the help of Ashley in the 80’s and early 90’s
Emily – Big in the 90’s mostly up North and West Coast
Madison – Attributed to the movie Splash played by Daryl Hannah.
Hannah – Late 90’s, popular in the Southern region
Emma – Theory that Rachel’s baby on Friends was named Emma.
Isabella – I have never met one person named Isabella. Twilight induced.
Sophia – Lots of kids in the NW and East coast born with this name in the late 00’s
Addison– North and South Dakota favorites by today’s standards
Donna – NC in 2014 WTF

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-23T16:22:39-04:00September 23rd, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments

Rate Yourself on the Swag Scale

I’m no fashion expert but I’ve been made fun of for one reason or another over the years that I started to put together a means of what flies and what doesn’t. Score 1 point for not being a culprit of the described faux pas and 0 for abiding.

Cargo Shorts

The line from Superbad (2007), “Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since ‘nam!” was right 7 years ago and more right today, Back in middle school, cargo shorts were the only pair of shorts I wore. That was back in the late 90’s and times have changed or I’ve grown up. There is a simple metric to determine whether you should wear cargo shorts which is, do you put anything in the pockets? If the answer is no and you aren’t a tour guide or super extreme, you don’t need them. I’ll even link to a pair of 21 dollar shorts from Amazon that are perfectly acceptable.

I actually own 1 pair of cargo shorts but the pockets are stitched in the inseam so I’ll only give myself a half a point for this.

Undershirt to a Collarshirt

Need I say more?

Nothing says squid like going out to a nice bar or club with an undershirt under a button down collared shirt. When you go out you should be feeling free and relaxed, not bunched up and stuffy. I would also never suggest an undershirt to a regular polo collared shirt but there are some extreme cases that involve sweating that I’d give the nod that it’s ok. Another exception is a business trip. An undershirt on a business trip is expected. You aren’t trying to take your client to bed so there’s no need to be cooler than normal.

Lebron would disagree with me. If you aren’t LeBron….no excuse.

Gym Sandals

I wore gym sandals one time to Seacrets in OCMD and immediately bought a new pair the next day due to embarrassment. This type of sandal is known as an athletic sandal but it’s so disgusting that it should be discarded from fashion entirely. There are two ways to wear them, with or without socks. With socks looks nebbish and without (considering they are athletic) is gross. Maybe this could be considered a college shower sandal but aside from that, I can’t find many times this should be worn in public.

Showing Up with the Wrong Gear

There is nothing worse than trying to get a pick up game of basketball and seeing a kid in sweat pants and casual shoes. Or no cleats to baseball. Or sneakers to a club. You get the point. There’s a reason that the majority of people wear the same gear to an event. It’s because it’s the best and most accepted for it. I’m sure there are exceptions where people stumble upon better ways to do something but it’s rare.

I take it back. Tight is right.

Wrong Fitting Clothing

When I was in high school I used to buy XL everything. I was 6 ft, 150 and the clothes ran big but I liked it and thought it was the style. I also used to plan for shrinking my clothing which was another reason I bought big. As I’ve gotten older, any shirt that I encounter that is XL I immediately give away. It fits too loose, hangs too low, and looks ridiculous. Snug fitting but not too tight is the way to go. Essentially clothes that fit your body.

0-1 – You don’t get made fun of enough and your self esteem is probably higher than it should be.

2-3 – Nobody’s perfect. You get by without too much resistance but there is room for improvement.

4-5 – Burn your entire wardrobe and hire someone to dress you.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-10T19:44:25-04:00September 10th, 2014|My Brain|2 Comments

The Bear Negotiator

The present date is June 1st, 2054. Bear Polo has become the most popular game of the era mainly because of the increased intelligence of bears. In the past 40 years bears have begun to walk upright and their communicative skills have reached a basic level where they can understand commands.

Bear Polo is Polo but where players ride bears if you couldn’t guess. The object of the game is to hit a ball, while on the bear, through a goal. Popularity of the sport has hit its peak.

A common concern is for the safety of the players. In the year 2054, there are “good” bears and they are being acclimated into society as “athletes”. Amazingly, the bears seem to understand bear polo and enjoy playing it. Not all bears have evolved to the point of comprehending how to play bear polo but there are dozens in the current pool. This is where the bear negotiator comes in.

With so little talent from the bear community to draw on, it becomes increasingly important for the player to have the right bear to ride on. Some bears are treated like royalty because of their awareness on the field. Some bears go rogue and still live in the wilderness while participating in the sport. These are the most wild bears but can be the most dominant on the field. The risk is enormous hopping on one of these bad boys..

Other bears have decided to use owners. The owners shelter and feed the bears with hopes that they will perform better on the field. Owners have begun finding agents for “their bears.” Being a bear owner is a dangerous task but the agent is equally as important. The agent’s job is challenging because if the wrong rider meshes with the wrong bear, death is inevitable. Not too many people are up for the responsibility.

Drew Barenhaus has risen to the top with his uncanny approach of knowing which bear should work with each rider based on speed, ethics, and power. This story though wouldn’t be a story without a story. Little did Drew know was that he was being let in to the inside of the bear world where more than meets the eye. A takeover was in the works and the human race was in danger. Barenhaus is the medium between bears and mankind and is called, “the bear negotiator”.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-09T14:04:31-04:00September 9th, 2014|My Brain|3 Comments

Pleasure Reading

Probably little known by most people is that I read a decent amount for pleasure. I read far more out of college than when I was in college which is probably not uncommon. I find when I can read anything I want with no deadline, I enjoy it more.

This post was spurred by my recent completion of the Goldfinch which I took as a recommendation from Laura or popping up in my Kindle. It was a lengthy read that took me more time than I would have liked but I finished the last half of the book in a week or two so once I got rolling it went quick. I enjoyed it but didn’t feel like I got hit in the chest once I finished the book. Even stranger is that I was rushing through the end of the book which contained the most philosophical thoughts in pulling the entire story together.

What happens to me when I read is that I’ll get 100 pages in and then like a trigger, I’ll decide if I want to keep reading. This is usually influenced by what is going on in my life and how much time I can devote to reading.

I’ll give the last few books I bought through my Kindle:

Business Adventures (1%) – John Brooks – Recommended by Bill Gates and I haven’t gotten around to it
Write Better – 50 Ways to Improve Your Writing (54%) – I get tired of the same old lame ideas
How to Write Great Blog Post that Engage Readers (48%) – Tired thoughts
History of the World (1815-1920) (2%) – I like learning but history is the most boring type of book I can find
Edgar Allen Poe – Complete Tales & Poems (0%) -I read the Raven and said nevermore
Copywriting for the Rest of Us (98%) – Good for business
This Book Will Teach You How to Write Better (91%) – A good read
18 Rules of Happiness (18%) – I stopped at rule 2 or 3.
Complete Works of Mark Twain (7%) – I read the Prince and the Pauper quickly and it wasn’t that I didn’t like it, I just moved on
David and Goliath (84%) – Malcom Gladwell – Much more boring than his previous works.
Fantasy Life (99%) – Matthew Berry – It said 99 but I skipped the last 25%. It got boring towards the end but his life was more interesting than the fantasy stories.
Timeline of the World (24%) – More history that I get tired of easily
Aesop’s Fables (44%) – 50 fables were more than I needed.
I Did It (96%) – O.J Simpson – I enjoyed reading about OJ’s life.
I Wear The Black Hat (99%) – Chuck Klosterman – I’ll read anything Klosterman writes from front to back.
Invisible Man (26%) – H.G Wells – I read some of this while I was hungover on a Sunday and stopped a quarter of the way through for lack of interest.
Bruce (99%) – Biography on Springsteen – Probably the 10th music biography I’ve read and I never get tired of them.

You can see I dislike history and stodgy writing. Brookes posted 10 books that impacted him on my Facebook wall and I’ll do something similar for my own books but I wanted to get a post out without too much thought to it.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-09T08:21:30-04:00September 9th, 2014|My Brain|1 Comment

Idea 2 – The Betting Blog

Stop rolling your eyes. This is why I’m using this as a place to test ideas. The idea behind the blog is fairly simple, tracks all bets that are being made while giving the thought process behind the bet. I would also include action from Fantasy Football and Fanduel.

The problem with this is that anyone and their grandmother can do this and there is no good reason they should they follow you. The blog wouldn’t be about trying to get subscribers like Brandon Lang. It would be a recap of overall record, how much up or down, and information about players and games. It would be never-ending content and also a good way to track progress.

The other troubling part of this is that I’m not a tremendously great sports better. I do it in a manageable way where it’s money that I’m willing to lose for the entertainment value. This isn’t to say that I don’t want to win, I only bet what I can afford to lose. At this point I probably have near 10 years of sports betting under my belt and I’m learning what things to look for. The blog would follow one principal, YOU KNOW NOTHING. Whatever you think, do the opposite. Vegas are the smart ones. If a line looks funny, it looks funny for a reason. There is no such thing as a sure thing.

Since the start of May when I deposited 100 dollars, I have cashed out 350 and have 180 in my account with 25 on the Packers tonight. This is a net of 450 or so over 5 months which isn’t going to get anyone wealthy. I have not lost it though and have made countless bets without a re-deposit. I find the gambling fun and if, and this is a huge if, you could actually gain an audience with the picks and sound thinking behind the bets, the audience out there is millions.

Or even funnier, you turn the site into a bunch of bad, hilarious bets. Set up hermit crab races, who can throw a ball the furthest, or who can get a girl’s number fastest saying the line “milk me” to start. This idea probably has way more potential.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-04T08:58:23-04:00September 4th, 2014|My Brain|3 Comments

Idea #1 – Special Traits of Humans

I’m not kidding around about moving my energy to other projects. I’m going to use this as an outlet to get a feel for the potential on some of the ideas I’ll mention in posts over the coming days. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Theme – Usually the most noted people of history have some trademark that sets them apart. The new site will focus on a different person every few days and dissect the life of that person and how their trait affected their life.

Examples –

Freddie Mercury – One of the best showmen of our time. His charisma could be felt by audiences of over 100,000 people when he was on stage. He had a booming voice and enunciated his words clearly that he was one of a kind. Why was he so amazing? Look at those chompers. Tell me that those chompers didn’t correlate to his amazing voice. He was also gay, died of aids, and has an incredible story which would be told in the post.

Jordan – He is the most competitive ,man on the planet and researching the wild stories that he encountered in his life would make for an entertaining post.

Robin Williams – I read a piece on him in Rolling Stone and they said he had a computer memory. That had to fit into his ability to impersonate anyone he wanted to. His ups and downs would be mentioned leading to his death.

Practicality and success?

There is an infinite amount of talent in the world that this blog would never run out of ideas. It be fun delving into famous / important / unique peoples lives and revealing what makes them special. 2 posts a week would seem about right.

I think it would come down to how interesting I could make the blog to keep readers coming back. There is a fascination to me on how people take their talents and abilities to the next level and it would be fun to look into.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-29T12:58:31-04:00September 3rd, 2014|My Brain|1 Comment

This Could be the End

I’ve threatened to quit before because of lack of material but this time it’s because it’s time for something different. The blog did not amount to what I think it should. Gourlay’s quitting wasn’t the reason for this, merely a catalyst.

The email below was sent to Sam and Gourlay about a future project (although I’ll take whoever would be interested in helping):

With Gourlay’s departure from blogging, I think it’s time to rejuvenate the blogging scene. We all know that no one cares about an individual blog except the people who know that person. Considering our social network is about 100 people, we can’t expect unknown people to read our stuff. It’s time to join forces and create something with a purpose. Here is our current position (I’m going to assume Gourlay is a part of this even though he decided to quit. I’d like to think you quit because you didn’t feel like doing nothing which is the current status of the blogs, not because you didn’t like it.)

Gourlay – best writer, least motivated

Sam – best current life situation for material

Tom – Most responsible and the best chance for monetizing the work

It comes down to what should we write about. It has to be something that we all like. Sports comes to mind but I’m not sure how we would differentiate from other, better, blogs. I think a blog based on other people’s Tweets would be pretty cool. We could post the best tweets and comment on them as well as pick out the funniest comments on them. Reddit and Facebook could also produce material. We could almost troll and see what responses we get. It’d be called Trolling Twitter.

I’m kicking this around because I’m kind of tired of working for nothing. I’m coming up on 2,000 posts and it’s not so much lack of material as it’s just pointless to keep doing it just for kicks. I think it would work too because, and I’m guessing here, that if I came up with a post, I could send it to Gourlay who could improve it instead of having to always come up with new material (which is why it seems like you are quitting but correct me if I’m wrong).

Think about it. We’d get a new URL and everything and just re-direct current traffic to the new blog. What traffic do you guys get anyway? I’m averaging about 400 a day but only 75-100 is direct traffic which is the real number.

By Tom Stortz|2014-09-02T15:58:42-04:00September 2nd, 2014|My Brain|0 Comments

thebryancranston 1 year ago

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