I’m no fashion expert but I’ve been made fun of for one reason or another over the years that I started to put together a means of what flies and what doesn’t. Score 1 point for not being a culprit of the described faux pas and 0 for abiding.
Cargo Shorts
The line from Superbad (2007), “Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since ‘nam!” was right 7 years ago and more right today, Back in middle school, cargo shorts were the only pair of shorts I wore. That was back in the late 90’s and times have changed or I’ve grown up. There is a simple metric to determine whether you should wear cargo shorts which is, do you put anything in the pockets? If the answer is no and you aren’t a tour guide or super extreme, you don’t need them. I’ll even link to a pair of 21 dollar shorts from Amazon that are perfectly acceptable.
I actually own 1 pair of cargo shorts but the pockets are stitched in the inseam so I’ll only give myself a half a point for this.
Undershirt to a Collarshirt
Need I say more?
Nothing says squid like going out to a nice bar or club with an undershirt under a button down collared shirt. When you go out you should be feeling free and relaxed, not bunched up and stuffy. I would also never suggest an undershirt to a regular polo collared shirt but there are some extreme cases that involve sweating that I’d give the nod that it’s ok. Another exception is a business trip. An undershirt on a business trip is expected. You aren’t trying to take your client to bed so there’s no need to be cooler than normal.
Lebron would disagree with me. If you aren’t LeBron….no excuse.
Gym Sandals
I wore gym sandals one time to Seacrets in OCMD and immediately bought a new pair the next day due to embarrassment. This type of sandal is known as an athletic sandal but it’s so disgusting that it should be discarded from fashion entirely. There are two ways to wear them, with or without socks. With socks looks nebbish and without (considering they are athletic) is gross. Maybe this could be considered a college shower sandal but aside from that, I can’t find many times this should be worn in public.
Showing Up with the Wrong Gear
There is nothing worse than trying to get a pick up game of basketball and seeing a kid in sweat pants and casual shoes. Or no cleats to baseball. Or sneakers to a club. You get the point. There’s a reason that the majority of people wear the same gear to an event. It’s because it’s the best and most accepted for it. I’m sure there are exceptions where people stumble upon better ways to do something but it’s rare.
I take it back. Tight is right.
Wrong Fitting Clothing
When I was in high school I used to buy XL everything. I was 6 ft, 150 and the clothes ran big but I liked it and thought it was the style. I also used to plan for shrinking my clothing which was another reason I bought big. As I’ve gotten older, any shirt that I encounter that is XL I immediately give away. It fits too loose, hangs too low, and looks ridiculous. Snug fitting but not too tight is the way to go. Essentially clothes that fit your body.
0-1 – You don’t get made fun of enough and your self esteem is probably higher than it should be.
2-3 – Nobody’s perfect. You get by without too much resistance but there is room for improvement.
4-5 – Burn your entire wardrobe and hire someone to dress you.
This should be the Douglas scale, but I digress.
I’m wearing cargos to work today, and I’m always a little self-conscious. For this reason, and because of this post, I ordered two pair of normal shorts on Amazon just now. I hope to have zero cargos within a year.
To be honest, no one ever cares about any of these… except the sandals. I was made fun of for a week straight.