My Brain – Page 24 – We Don't Walk Slow

Wawa Deserves the Recognition

Wawa was named America’s favorite convenience store as shown by the graph below. I’ve wrote many entries on Wawa being the best and it’s nice to get confirmation that my opinion of the best convenience store is also shared by others.

Aside from the time CK4 got a turkey hoagie with no turkey, I rarely run into problems. I’m actually not a huge fan of the Wawa menu. I get the turkey club almost every time (which I do enjoy) and also the meatball sub but I’m pretty sure the hoagies are average and I wouldn’t chance a cheese steak. I like the Sizzli’s and the coffee is great because you control the sugar and milk.

The #1 selling point about Wawa the consistency of every store devoted to high quality ( ie. the store in PA is the same as the store in VA). Also, the employees all seem happy which means they are treated well. The stores are always clean and PNC ATM’s happen to be my bank. Wawa sets the bar for convenience store. Top comments from Reddit.

#1 comment – Suck it Sheetz
#2 comment – My card accidentally got double charged one night at a Wawa. I went home and emailed customer service, expecting a return email within 24-48 hours. Within 10 minutes a representative called me to apologize, had the second charge reversed, and sent me a $10 gift card.
TL;DR Wawa is the best.

Service attendant at Wawa:

By Tom Stortz|2015-07-22T13:13:38-04:00July 22nd, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

TLDR

Getting attention is at a premium. In the first hour of my day I noticed multiple times when I was turned off because information was too long. Here is the process in a means of medium you will understand.

I need my information like this:

Shorts bursts
Less than 1 minute YouTube videos
Creative infographics
Small words
Big ideas

It’s really quite simple. I should also note that my project there took a while and went in a direction that I had no idea it was going to go when I started. Using Jess Greenberg was a spur of the moment decision because she popped up in Images and I just ran with it. It makes absolutely no sense to any point I was trying to get across. I hope you liked it.

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-06T09:34:12-04:00July 17th, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

What Are You a Definite 10 At?

Until more people start reading Reddit, I’ll continue to post the best threads. The question posed was:
On the scale of 1 to 10, what are you a definite 10 at?

The best responses (aside from Ping Pong):

Jerry’s a phony.

-Acting interested in what people are saying when in reality I have no clue what they’re talking about because I have been thinking about something else for the last 10 minutes

-Overestimating my own abilities.
I’m like a 12/10 at that.

-Making myself cum

Egyptian-Rat-Screw

-The game ERS. (Egyptian Rat Slap) In the 6 years i’ve been playing fairly regularly I’ve lost less than a dozen times.

-Guitar Hero, rhythm games in general.
Some people spend their youth learning a real instrument, or honing a useful skill. I chose to become a beast with plastic instruments.

-Remembering peoples’ names! I’m scary good at it. It’s not an incredibly useful talent, but my friends & family can use me as a reference when they forgot who John Lithgow is or whatever.
I’m also really good at giving blowjobs. Two very different skills.

-Mediocrity. Perfect, run-of-the-mill, 100% generic, average, nothing special. If someone wrote my biography it would be called “one shade of grey.” I put the fun in fundamental basics, but damned if I’m not the best at it.

-I’m a definite 10 at not being able to rate myself accurately on these scales.

-Binge watching Netflix. I do that better than any other person I know.

-Having gay men check me out even when I’m completely straight.

By Tom Stortz|2015-07-16T09:31:17-04:00July 16th, 2015|My Brain|4 Comments

Use Uber, Make Money Shorting TAXI!

You’ve heard of Uber? I thought so. UBER is a $40 billion dollar company that takes you from point A to point B with the slick use of an app. Its service is available in 57 countries and its leaders are looking for more ways to expand by delivering goods and not just rides. Estimates are saying revenue could be $2 billion this year but the company is private so the numbers aren’t disclosed. How will Uber change your life?

If you live in a city, chances are you use a cab more often than a suburbanite. Now that I’ve been here for over 2 years, I can offer an opinion on the difference between an Uber and a cab from a real life situation. The below screenshot is what the Uber app looks like. The black cars are the drivers around you and they move in real time. You plug in your destination, your GPS picks up your location, you click set pick up and a Uber driver will arrive where you tell them to. It’s that simple.

What the actual Uber App looks like getting a ride from Old City.

Pro / Con Breakdown

Cab

Distance – 4+ miles
Cost – $~15 including tip
Driver – Cab drivers come from all walks of life from various countries. I’ve talked to guys from Ethiopia, Bangladesh, Iraq, and Somalia. I’ve never had a problem with a cab driver before. Some are friendly, others aren’t. No complaints on people though.
Car – Taxi’s are average sedans. Most drivers keep their vehicle only as clean as necessary. Smells are possible and it feels the driver lives out of his front seat.
Wait – In Northern Liberties you’d have to wait 3-5 minutes. Cabs in Center City are non-stop. Wait could be less than 30 seconds.

Uber

Distance – 4.25 miles
Cost – $8.95

Driver – I’ve actually asked drivers if Uber is safer for them and 9 out of 10 say, “Yes.” Passengers who have smart phones, an Uber app, and a line of credit are screened higher than randoms off the street. Most drivers seem to be Philly locals who are looking for extra money on the side.
Car – Appearance and cleanliness are always tight as the driver is trying to get you to give them a high rating by flashing you a nice vehicle. The rating system is a huge bonus to Uber because elicits high quality.
Wait – Uber wait times in Center City are around 3-5 minutes. You ping the app, a driver responds, and then you wait for them to arrive. They are usually around the corner, not outside your door. I’d say this is usually longer than a cab but you can check up on the driver for safety concerns while you wait.

The Threat to TAXI

This post is going to deliver a point that you may or may not agree with. If you know anything about the taxi business, you know that drivers need medallion’s to operate. Medallions are expensive and are financed by a bank who then sells/leases them to drivers. Medallions have absurd valuations in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Would you want to be a part of a company who owns an asset such as taxi medallions knowing that Uber is out there?

Here is the TAXI stock in the last 5 years.

There’s no reason to think this stock won’t fall off a cliff with Uber continuing to bring down the price of a taxi medallion. My play is to bring a long term option into play. A February Put with a 7.50 stock price costs .65 cents ($8.15 cost value). You have to buy at least 1 contract, which is 100 shares. This means it costs you $65 dollars to buy 1 contract. To give a real life idea of what I’d be comfortable risking, I’d buy 10 contracts for $650 dollars. Now what has to happen for me to make money.

1) If the stock price does not go below $7.50 by February, I lose $650. Worst case scenario.
2) If at any time the stock drops between now and February, the option price should go up, and I can sell. Hypothetical, if the stock drops to $8.50, the price of the option may rise from .65 to $1.00 (this is determined by the delta). This means I can sell my 10 contracts for 1,000 bucks. Fine scenario.
3) I’m hoping the stock tanks. If the stock drops below $7.50 with months to spare, the contracts could start being worth dollars when considering the time value of the option. Let’s just say it drops to $5.00. My contract is worth at the minimum $2.50. Depending on how much time is left, it could be worth upwards of 5.00. If I were more savvy, I could expand on the actual value of these if this were to happen. Unfortunately, I’m a peasant.

So that’s what 4 years of Pitt business school along with a need for action gets you in a post created by me. I’d be ecstatic if anyone who knows more about me and the pricing of options could correct my mistakes. Bottom line, TAXI is not where you want to be.

By Tom Stortz|2015-07-14T14:34:38-04:00July 14th, 2015|My Brain|1 Comment

Holy SHIT! This Post On Ads is AWESOME!!!!

I don’t really care if you can find legend because this ad’s importance is its creative method of click bait. I read an article in the WSJ that said the smartest minds of our country are finding ways to make you click on ads. This is one that I see how it works so well because it gives the audience a challenge, and then a sense of accomplishment by completing a challenge (that they make you think is hard).

A few other good ads I’ve see.
I like the “better than ever”. The actual ad I saw didn’t have her picture because she seemingly looks the “same as ever” to me.

This ad hit nostalgia by using American Pie, a movie that is 15 years old, girls in bikinis, and the ever popular “top 30”. Notice the arrow pointing down which spurs the “what mistake are they talking about?”

People love love. This is targeted at more females than men but people will click on love. I’m not sure what the caption is trying to point out whether you had the flu or a cold lately but that’s trying to connect with a specific bunch of love starved ill people. Maybe that’s a much larger % of the population than I know.

A shitty ad. The people who made this are over 40. No creativity. Just the facts. There’s nothing wrong with this and the argument could be made that the MBA crowd wouldn’t fall for click bait and deserve professionalism. I’m not so sure.

By Tom Stortz|2015-07-08T10:09:13-04:00July 8th, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

Shark Week on Discovery

Shark Week is airing this week and I’ve turned it on a few times. I find the topic interesting but to have that amount of shows seemingly covering the same exact thing is boring. Discovery Channel promotes it as the next coming of Christ but there is only one part that interests me, the sharks.

I don’t care about the guy who got attacked. Or the new drone that will take footage of the coast. Or the new device to measure. All I want to see is a mega (+20 ft) shark…preferably fighting another mega shark. I’m a simple guy with simple wants.

Now after traveling in the bayou of Louisiana this Spring, crocs are equally scary (they are even in the sky!). View this picture of the bayou at night.

My fear of a shark is about equal to that of a croc. Both would be life threatening and I’d imagine death would become of me if I found my self in a compromising situation. Nature is big, bad, and evil and my #1 priority is survival. I told Jimmy survival was my life philosophy and he replied, “a profile of courage.” I couldn’t argue with that.

By Tom Stortz|2015-07-07T11:13:58-04:00July 7th, 2015|My Brain|3 Comments

Dan Bilzerian Turned Claire Abbott

This is a recent picture of Dan Bilzerian in one of his many group shots with girls in bikinis. Dan Bilzerian 2.0 in the background also makes this picture a bit odder but just go with it.

The girl whose arm is around him is Claire Abbott who is famous for nothing but having a nice rack. She lists singer, songwriter, and musician in her bio. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. She’s the definition of getting 141k followers on instagram for posting pictures of herself in a bikini. Her rack is disguised in the above pic so now I’m asking myself is there something fishier with this photo? More proof:

She since deleted this picture from her Instagram account. The internet never forgets.

This is her posing with Mr. Bilzerian on her personal instagram. You should still be asking where is he going with this? Bam! What the hell is going on in this world? Male Playboy Dan Bilzerian is reaching out to Instagram sensation Claire Abbott to fuck her while people are photoshopping her to sell ads on porn sites? This is the world we live in today. I don’t even think anyone is doing anything wrong here. Dan probably told his team to reach out to this hot broad in Wisconsin who he wants to have sex with and it happens. And people say money doesn’t buy happiness. I would not want to be this girl’s dad.

This Picture Isn’t Half Bad

❤️ Some friends ❤️ #room408 A photo posted by Claire Abbott ???? (@claire_abbott) on Jul 11, 2014 at 6:28am PDT

By Tom Stortz|2016-06-05T19:07:25-04:00June 22nd, 2015|My Brain|4 Comments

The Hunger Within

A title like this makes you think that the post is about reaching deep inside to achieve a lofty goal…wrong. It’s actually about me being hungry. I ate breakfast at 8am today and I got carried away at work and didn’t have a chance to eat until 1:45. As I was walking to pick up my chicken Ceasar wrap I wondered how long I could go without eating. Then I thought about a hungry hyena in the Serengeti who hasn’t eaten an antelope in the last 10 days.

The thought of survival taking place without having a meal being placed in front of you was disturbing to me. As a human, if I was going on 7 days without food, I’m pretty sure I’d go to desperate measures to assure my survival. Oh there’s Jim walking down the street… STONE COLD STUNNER… just enough time for me to eat his foot.

This led to me to another bizarre thought that included the life of a fly. If a fly flies into my car and I shut him in and drive down the road for 10 minutes, when I let it out, does it seem like he just went an absurd distance? Can it exist in an environment it isn’t used to? Does it even realize it?

By Tom Stortz|2015-06-19T15:27:17-04:00June 19th, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

Being a Blogging Bitch

I am not a blogger. I’ve evolved into someone much stupider than a blogger. All bloggers are the same. Think Gourlay. They get this brilliant idea that their thoughts are great and people want to read them so they sign up through a free website. Early on they have much dedication and ambition with their posts. They hope that people will come in droves to read their material. A few months pass, they realize it’s hard to come up with material consistently, they get worn out, they realize that nothing will ever come from this endeavor, and then they quit. I’ve seen it with dozens of friends and websites. Not me.

I’ve lost count of how many years I’ve been blogging but I’m not a blogger anymore. This is post 2,209 and have only been paid in comments…mostly negative. With this much experience being a moron who owns a domain name, I’ve come to see that there are plenty of other morons just like me.

Today I was reading the WSJ and saw that they are considering putting a woman on the $10 bill. A thought popped into my head that this is blog material. I could make a list of candidates and photoshop their faces on bills. Of course I wouldn’t pick actual candidates like Rosa Parks or Elenor Roosevelt. I’d go with polarizing figures like Lady Gaga and Hope Solo. It would be funny. LOLOLOLOL. As I let the idea simmer in my brain I quickly moved on to an article about Sancorp and forgot about the $10 bill. Later in the day I was reading BarStool and saw KFC wrote a shittier post than I would have about the $10 bill. This is when a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis.

I realized bloggers are all the same. They read sites like Reddit and the WSJ and post about an article that someone else made and try to make an interesting point. DING DING DING. I have to be the first source. People have to come to your site for material!!! Am I capable of producing my own news? NOPE.

Not yet at least. However the point is made that I have to create posts with original ideas. I remember Gourlay mentioning this point when he first started his blogging career and now that it’s over, I guess he came to the understanding that it’s harder than it looks. I’ve been struggling for post topics as of late but I think I’m going to be reinvigorated with an onslaught of material shortly. Just wait. Just wait.

By Tom Stortz|2015-06-18T13:37:00-04:00June 18th, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

Saddest Internet Searches

I’m stealing this directly from Reddit but will make an attempt at enhancing it with my own comments. It’s a list of the saddest Internet searches.

How to suicide if you’re on a budget?
I’m pretty sure I couldn’t kill myself if I wanted to. The threat of failing would immediately take it out of play. My answer to this would have to be jump from a pretty high place. I’d like to think overdose would be the least painful way but that wouldn’t be done on a budget. Just imagine you jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and on impact you didn’t get killed but only paralyzed severely and then your limp body just floated on the top.

How many cats can I legally own?
This question has to be made by women who need a relief from their husbands or have no significant other. I’ve personally seen a cat litter grow and it can spiral out of control quickly. Spay and neuter your pets. I’d guess the answer is as long as you can feed them.

How to make friends
You’re doing it wrong should be the first response. Get away from the computer. I’ll be the first to say that making friends isn’t easy but it’s not really that hard either. Sign up for a class. Participate in the sport. Do something. Anything.

Is mommy in heaven?
No. She’s dead. At what age are kid’s using the internet nowadays? I feel like by the time you’re 5 you understand life and death. Now I haven’t hung out with many 5 year old’s so it may be 10 or something.

Oprah Winfrey nude
Yikes. I know there are some crazy fetishes but the rich, powerful, big, black female fetish wouldn’t be mine.

Nickelback live 2015
I understand why people don’t like Nickelback. They feel the songs all sound the same and they reach monumental success by not being very talented. Deal with it. I however would have no interest in seeing them in concert. If this picture is any indication, I don’t hang out with a lot of Nickelback fans.

How to bury my dog if I live in apartment with no yard.
This is actually worth Googling. I have no idea.

By Tom Stortz|2015-06-16T12:28:03-04:00June 16th, 2015|My Brain|0 Comments

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