7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.

You are the front page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?

I don’t just answer these questions like a tard and say the Loch Ness Monster because it would be the hardest to catch or the Sasquatch because of it’s rarity. I try to think why is Klosterman asking the question. I wonder if the order of events have anything to do with the question. Meaning, that since the first two happened earlier in the day, I wonder if there would be any work already done making it difficult to switch the first page story which would be a hassle. Assuming it doesn’t matter, I think the question tries to gauge how much importance you put on political matters. The President having cancer seems like a front page story in my mind and I really don’t care that much about politics. You’d think the health of the most powerful country’s, most powerful person would be a bigger story then a Sasquatch being captured. The legacy of both beasts though is pretty substantial but not getting on my front page if the President has cancer.