I saw a person’s facebook status and this is what it said:

“cant wait to get back to the U and go the the grove on sat with the gordddd and then pool on sundayyyyy”

This is a Freshman male in college and this is not ok. Now the extra letters on the end of words is where I have the problem. I take this as a bitch slap to the face of the English language and male pride. How are you supposed to pronounce this sentence with all these extra letters? You’d sound like a fucking homo with a speech impediment. However, you want me to read the sentence so that I can see all the extra letters on the end of these words to signify how much fun you are going to have. Going to coconut grove with a bro and then the pool on a super fun sunday is just not good enough to qualify for 4 extra “y’s”. If girls want to put extra letters on the end to exclaim how happy they are to do some activity, so be it, but guys should not be allowed to practice this methodology. I find this very disturbing.

I took a break after reading this to rock a deuce and while s(h)itting I thought to myself, who am I to comment on this poor saps facebook status? What authority do I have to feel that whatever I think is right? Then it came to me. It’s like a 6th sense that dwells inside the male brain. It’s why men like beer, football, cigars, and strippers. It also tells me when something isn’t right. Putting extra letters on words is a homo thing to do. Washing yourself with a loufa in the shower is not alright. Taking baths falls under things females can do but not ok for men. I read that female book by Chelsea something or other and while reading it I could feel myself becoming less of a man. Reality TV weakens the man gene (I’d still watch it however because it’s a mind numbing – self satisfying experience to watch people behave like retards). Sleeping in Pajamas is not ok. I find robes disturbing but I think this is something real men do. If you’ve never been in a fight, I don’t know how you could ever know how tough of a man you really are.

Woman don’t understand the morals that are involved in manliness. Woman don’t like words like beaver, snatch, twat, cooter, verticle smile, and cock holster but when you talk to other men, these are hilarious words for the vag. If things like rodents, insects, and other wimpy forms of life scare you, then most likely you’ve lost your manhood somewhere behind you. Men like racing and going fast, the speed limit is for pusses. Hunting, shooting guns, and killing things are manly things to like. (personally I’ve never even touched a gun because it scares the hell out of me that I would accidentally set it off, but I’m self aware that this is a guys things)

Point being, there’s something inside men that separates them from females. If all men and woman were built the same way, things just wouldn’t work out. That’s why as a man you have to glorify the things that females don’t like to do. Girls don’t like shitting, or eating JRP, or pornography, or breaking furniture, or getting in fights. I would actually find it hot if girls were into this but most likely they would be cuckoo. So when I see someone doing something like a complete fruit cake (facebook status above), I feel the need to point it out.

To cap this off, below would be my ideal chick (blonde obv). Notice the pretty hair color, the nice rack, and the monstrous beer that is going to be consumed. The final comment of this post, as I write all this about what it takes to be manly, girls have the most powerful attribute of all, the power of the puss which can melt even the manliest of men. Maybe not Chuck Norris but all mortals.