We Don't Walk Slow

Why the NFL is the Best League on the Planet

Now that football season is here you’ll see more posts dedicated to what I consider the best sport on the planet. This summer I’ve spent some time watching soccer and even participated in a fantasy baseball league. Fact of the matter is, both sports are slower than molasses and I probably watched less than 5 hours total. I’ve probably already spent 5 hours researching football.

This post will outline why I love the NFL so much and it has a lot to do with their players, personalities, and dynamics involved with the league.

Sam Bradford

When Sam Bradford was acquired by the Eagles from the Rams for Nick Foles the city was in disbelief. Most assumed that Chip was up to his old tricks and was bundling him with a draft pick in order to feed the city who was salivating over Marcus Mariota. 3 preseason games, 32 plays, and 4 TD’s later, you’d be hard pressed to find many Philly fans who wouldn’t want to see Sam Bradford in action this year. I am one of them.

How can a player move from “I can’t believe we got this guy with 2 busted knees” to “I’m drafting this guy in my fantasy draft because I think he’s going to have a huge year” in a matter of months? Going 11 for 11 against the Packers helps. It goes to show that fans sentiment is all about how a player performs. If you do well, we like you. If you suck, you’ll be run out of town. Oh yeah, and this pump video does it right.

JJ Watt

I watched all of the Hard Knocks episodes this year and there is one true stand out star and that is JJ Watt. He lives up to the hype of being the best defensive player in the league. He’s the leader of the team who pumps up the players in the huddle. He stays after practice for hours signing autographs for fans. He is the consummate professional.

One fascinating tidbit I took from last night’s episode was that he only eats, sleeps, and breaths football. He doesn’t get into extra curricular activities and leads a boring life where he goes to bed at 9pm, gets 10 hours of sleep, eats healthy, works out and practices like an absolute maniac. This is the lifestyle required in order to be the best of the best. He is so damn likable and by far a machine on the field. He is all about the right stuff…and he lifts an 1,000 lb tire 65 times a day.

Tom Brady and Deflategate

How can I conclude a football post without mentioning Tom Brady and Deflategate? You can’t.

The ruling is supposed to come by the end of this week but who really cares anymore? The NFL had to pose a suspension to appease the Colts and the rest of the teams in the league that cheating is wrong. However, the proof is sketchy and the player involved is being shady doing weird shit like breaking cell phones. The whole ordeal is bizarre and needs to get behind the NFL.

Also what kind of world do we live in where a sketch is blown into a big story? The woman actually received threats drawing Tom Brady like a full blown retard.

By Tom Stortz|2015-09-02T11:26:58-04:00September 2nd, 2015|Sports|1 Comment

The Turkeys Call

Oh, is this good?

You think you want to encounter this rafter of turkeys in the wild?

When the draft countdown clock hit zero, the GM of Wild Turkeys put their game face on. Firing on all cylinders from the 10th spot in the draft, they put together a team that’s projected to finish first in The Dynasty League with a record of 10-3-0 (1,690 points). They loaded up on ball carriers early, using three of their first five picks to scoop up RBs Arian Foster (third round), Doug Martin (fourth round), and Alfred Morris (fifth round). They put together one of the best groups of WRs in the league, as they have Julio Jones, Odell Beckham Jr., Pierre Garcon, and Steve Smith Sr. on their team.

How much credence do I put into this report? Like 110%. Actually I don’t think it means much but it’s nice to lead projections week 1 drafting the way I did.

Draft Thoughts

This was the 2nd draft I did in as many days and I’ll recap both for the fun of it and where drafts are taking odd turns. My first explanation will be for Steve’s draft and my 2nd for Evan’s.

First and foremost, the Yahoo rankings differ greatly from ESPN. In bizarre fashion Yahoo’s rank and ADP seemed off to me. For instance, Doug Martin carried an ADP of 96.8. Read this article by Rotoworld and it reads that Doug Martin is neither a reach or a steal at 41. So when I’m taking him with my 39th pick it looks ridiculous by Yahoo standards but I feel hes the RB I want on my team.
I’d have to be pretty high. I bet you would, Panama Red.

I drafted 9 and 10 in the two drafts. I was pretty pleased in my 1st and 2nd round picks as I got Gronk & ODB and ODB & Julio. If Julio performs to expectations, I fully expect him to score more points than Gronk. Gronk gives the positional advantage which has some power. I still think ODB has a skill set that makes him the best receiver in the league. He’s athletically superior to the D backs and I’ll take my chances.
Get healthy brother.

Rounds 3 and 4 were questionable in both leagues. In the first league I was targeting Jordan Matthews but he was scooped up and I settled with Brandin Cooks who I expect to have a nice year. I could have drafted Forsett, which in hindsight I should have, because not drafting a RB with the first 3 picks put me in a tough spot. I took D. Martin with the 4th pick. In Evan’s draft I got even more wild grabbing Arian Foster in the 3rd round while his ADP was 5-6 round. I reasoned that I wanted him on my team and he may or may not have come back to me but I couldn’t chance it. I grabbed the Muscle Hamster again with my 4th round pick.

I’m not going to reveal the rest of my picks because I think there is a lot of value later in the drafts in handcuffs and WR’s who drop too far.

Closing Thoughts

Past injuries don’t matter when I draft players. I hear people say all the time that “they may get injured”. Really? You mean this is the NFL, a league where players try to knock other players unconscious, and people get injured? Did you see Jordy Nelson get injured for the season on a play where he wasn’t even touched? Players get injured and just because they are injury prone doesn’t mean that they will get injured. This is why I draft guys like Gronk, Arian, and Bradford without thinking twice.
Has he ever been good? This is why I’ll reach for a guy like Doug Martin in the 4th round instead of drafting a Lamar Miller or Melvin Gordon. Miller rushed for 1,100 yards and 9 TD’s last season (career highs) and the hope is he will vastly improve. I’m not so sure. Melvin Gordon has never played a game. Doug Martin rushed for 1,454 his rookie year and has been hampered by injuries the last two years. In fantasy, you want the most upside you can get. I have no idea if Doug Martin will be in his rookie form or if he’s going to bust but at least at one point in his career, he was a top 5 RB. Those are the players you need to find in later rounds who make or break your team.
Are you any good?

Draft guys who get the ball. In my one draft I got nabbed on RB’s and had to draft Doug Martin, Jonathan Stewart, and Chris Ivory as my backs. This is not ideal as these are not the explosive players I want for the position that carries the least depth. However, I know these players are going to get the ball. They are the lead back and they are going to have to seriously suck to get replaced. This isn’t the Eagles where they are going to use 3 RB’s all game, every game.
Mental Game on point. Most years I don’t worry about the mental game and only concentrate on my team and putting out the best lineup. This year I will be doing more to encourage my opponents to make lineup mistakes. This is a small part of the game but certainly one that can be worked. Adam is already in a puzzle week 1. I learned yesterday my phone can auto correct words into emoticons (hence the man running).

By Tom Stortz|2015-09-01T09:11:34-04:00September 1st, 2015|Sports|2 Comments

Shaq is a Mogul

I was flipping through channels last night and came across Shaq selling watches on HSN. My immediate reaction was that this guy is flat broke and is whoring himself out for any nickel he can get. However, after some brief research, I’ve concluded that this is not the case.

It’s reported that Shaq is worth $350 million.

Shaq was quickly becoming a huge star, exploring careers in the rap and film industry appearing in films such as Blue Chips and Kazamm. In 1996 O’Neal was part of the gold medal winning Olympic basketball team. During the Olympics Shaq announced his plans to join the Los Angeles Lakers as part of a seven year $121 million deal. In 2000, Shaquille and the Lakers won the NBA championship. They would go on to win the title two more years in a row. In 2005 Shaq singed a 5-year contract with the Miami Heat for $100 million. Shaquille is now a frequent commentator on NBA games and still appears in many commercials.

He has endorsement deals with companies like Icy Hot, Gold Bond, Buick, Zales, and others. He is the joint owner of 155 Five Guys Burgers restaurants, 17 Auntie Annie’s Pretzels restaurants, 150 car washes, 40 24-hour fitness centers, a shopping center, a movie theater, and several Las Vegas nightclubs.

Now it all makes sense. He’s just pimping out his own line of watches called “DRONE” which seems like a stupid name. I must add though that the Home Shopping Network does a great job of making it easy to buy watches. This popped up on my TV which I think is a simplified means of picking up a phone. I wonder if the order is tied in directly with Comcast?

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-25T08:49:28-04:00August 25th, 2015|Sports|1 Comment

Response to Sam’s Tim Tebow Post

Sam, you’re lucky you have me as a brother so I can answer such questions like “Who Gives a Qua About Tim Tebow“.

Pro- Football Reference is the best for stats if you haven’t been using it, just FYI.

The Year of Tebow

The year is 2011. The Broncos started the season 1-4 with Kyle Orton at the helm and Tim Tebow was named the starter week 7. He wins his first game against the Dolphins 18-15. He gets wrecked by the Lions 10-45 the next week and then a light was shone upon him.

He rattles off 6 straight wins winning by narrow margins 14, 7, 4, 3, 3, 3. It’s hard enough to win 1 game in the NFL let alone 6 straight by such slim margins. It wasn’t just him winning games, it was the way he won the games.

Week 11 – After each team traded punts, the Broncos got the ball with 5:54 remaining, when quarterback Tim Tebow led the Broncos on a 12-play, 95-yard drive, culminating with Tebow scrambling 20 yards for a touchdown with 58 seconds remaining.

Week 12 – The Broncos’ defense subdued San Diego’s final drive of the fourth quarter, sending the game to overtime. On the Chargers’ second possession in overtime, Novak’s potential game-winning 53-yard field goal was blocked. However, head coach John Fox had called a timeout prior to the kick. Novak missed the second attempt wide right. The Broncos’ third possession in overtime began with 2:31 remaining, and Prater nailed the game-winning 37-yard field goal with 29 seconds left in overtime.

Week 13 – The Broncos answered with kicker Matt Prater’s 46-yard field goal with 1:33 left to tie the game at 32. On the Vikings’ ensuing possession, Broncos’ cornerback André Goodman returned an interception off Ponder to the Vikings’ 15-yard line. Six plays later, Prater nailed the game-winning 23-yard field goal as time expired to give the Broncos their fifth consecutive win.

Week 14 – With 4:34 remaining in the fourth quarter, the Broncos put together a 7-play, 63-yard drive, and finally got on the scoreboard with 2:08 remaining, when quarterback Tim Tebow threw a 10-yard touchdown pass to wide receiver Demaryius Thomas. With no timeouts remaining, the Broncos tried an onside kick, but Chicago recovered prior to the two-minute warning. After one running play, the two-minute warning stopped the clock. On the next play, Broncos’ linebacker D. J. Williams was able to push Barber out of bounds, saving 40 seconds of time. The Bears eventually punted to the Broncos’ 20-yard line with 56 seconds remaining. Tebow subsequently led the Broncos on an 8-play, 39-yard drive, with Prater nailing a game-tying 59-yard field goal to send the game to overtime. This was the first game in NFL history that had two field goals of 57 yards or more. Chicago won the overtime coin toss, however, they deferred, and the Broncos went three-and-out on their first possession. The Bears drove into field goal range on their first overtime possession, but Broncos’ linebacker Wesley Woodyard forced a fumble off Barber, with defensive end Elvis Dumervil recovering the fumble. Nine plays later, Prater nailed the game-winning 51-yard field goal.

They lost the next 3 games and finished 8-8 but won tie-breakers over their rivals and ended up making the playoffs. What happens in the playoffs? Oh yeah, this.

People honestly thought that God was helping this guy win. He didn’t have an extraordinary amount of talent (he sucked frankly) but for some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t lose. Of course the Patriots then walloped him 45-10 the next round of the playoffs exposing him for the fraud that he was but everything since then has all hinged on this incredible run. It’s hard to explain because he had no business winning these games.

I actually bet on the Bears game and there was probably less than 1% of a chance to come out of that game with a victory. All the Bears player had to do was fall down and the clock would have expired, instead he gets forced out of bounds. Next the Broncos put together just enough to give Prater a shot at a 59 yarder and what does he do on a kick that’s probably 2% – through the uprights. Then he nails another 50+ yarder in OT?!?!?! It felt like there was a spirit helping Tebow along. Of course it was most likely the thin air of Denver but, how can you argue otherwise?

That was it though. He was never given another chance by the Broncos (Peyton came) and the Jets had him sit all of 2012. Sure the Patriots gave him a shot and now the Eagles but the coaches see him for what he is, a shitty QB. How he made that run is a mystery to everyone but that’s why he’s so damn appealing. It’s like there’s a godly aura surrounding him that is magnetic to the media. I hope this clears up some Tebow mania for you.

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-19T18:00:49-04:00August 19th, 2015|Sports|3 Comments

Fighting Back to Shape

After finally working my way of running 8+ miles at a solid pace, I hurt myself.

View from the Camden side of Philly.

I had been leading up to longer runs for about 2 weeks straight and then on a run I tried to max out a half mile about 6 miles into a workout. I ran a 2:33 but I could tell that my lower Achilles felt off. I slow jogged home and by that night I knew I was going to need some time off.

I didn’t run for the next week and now I’m sitting here two weeks later trying to get back to where I was. I’m not quite there but getting close. My theory is that after 1 week of taking off from running, you lose 2 weeks of training (I’m sure I picked this up from somewhere but we’ll just call it my theory). I notice that I feel slower, fatter, and my endurance is noticeably worse as I breath heavier running slower. So it goes.

They look like this.

I ended up purchasing a new pair of shoes called the Altra Torin 2.0. I went out for a run today over the Ben Franklin bridge and decided to time trial myself across. If the bridge is 1.5 miles long, I ran it today in 8:08 which was about 5.23 pace. It’s obviously not an exact time but I’m getting back to where I was.

It sucks having to come back from injury because you always start weaker and slower. It’s a slow trudge back but always worth it in the end.

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-18T19:35:34-04:00August 18th, 2015|Running|4 Comments

South Snohomish Rats Get Trapped

Karma is a bitch and it kicked South Snohomish in the ass.

and those 3 idiots cost their team a chance to play in the LLWS.

This story develops in the depths of Female Little League Baseball. 6? teams were left in a playoff format where each team plays 4 games. South Snohomish, WA was 3-0 and they were playing North Carolina who was 2-1. Central Iowa had just beat a team to finish 3-1. If South Snohomish won the game against NC, they would be 4-0 and play Central Iowa. However, if they lost the game, they’d all be tied and the tiebreaker had them playing NC. So what happened?

In an incredible display of stupidity, the girls were bunting with two strikes and swinging at balls in the dirt. They lost 8-0. Iowa’s coach appealed the game and the commissioners decided to make South Snohomish and Iowa play a playoff game for rights to the finals due to poor sportsmanship. As luck would have it, Iowa won 3-2 and knocked out the Washington team that laid down.

Here was all I could find on why Washington thought laying down was the right play:

It was not immediately clear why Washington might prefer North Carolina to advance rather than Iowa. Washington had beaten Iowa by only one run in preliminary play, and might have wanted to avoid facing it again, Chadd suggested.

My Take

The Central Iowa girls who will advance to play NC.

Lose better. How stupid do you have to be to lose that moronically. You tell your team to let a ball go through your legs. Overthrow the cutoff man. Get called out looking. The team even decided to sit their best players. You had a pitcher pitch every single inning of every single game and you decide to sit her. C’MON. You don’t need Sherlock Holmes for this one.

What the North Carolina team should have done was to stop trying as well. They were going to advance no matter what so they should have started to let the other team win. That would make for good ratings. Two teams seeing who could be worse. I’m really not sure if there were a whole lot better outcomes other than the two teams playing each other for the spot.

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-18T19:21:21-04:00August 18th, 2015|Sports|0 Comments

Who Should Be Your Playing Partner?

I apologize in advance for this post because it will contain data that only 2 people will care about. The results, well, you’ll find out for yourself.

Golf is looked at as an individual game. There is no help from teammates and you control your own destiny. However, each player has to play with someone else and it struck me that your playing partner could have a huge effect on your game. So I figured some playing partners must be better than others.

I decided to take the results of this year’s majors and note scores lower than 66. The idea being that to shoot a score lower than 66, the golfer enjoyed the company of his playing partner. I cared 0 about the golfer who shot the low number. The player who was with him is what I paid attention to.

Rounds lower than 66 happened a total of 47 times during the 4 majors. Tiger Woods was with a golfer 3 times who shot 66 or better topping the list. Everyone else on the list was 2 (and there a ton of guys with 1 but they didn’t make the cut). The scoring average of the golfers who were playing with this golfer is the number in parentheses. The lower the score, the better effect that golfer had on his playing partners.

T. Woods – 3 (71.33) 18 scores
P. Mickelson – 2 (71.875) 24 scores
B. Snedeker – 2 (72.7) 20 scores
L. Oosthuizen – 2 (73.58) 24 scores
M. Kaymer – 2 (71.8) 20 scores
B. Grace – 2 (71.9) 22 scores
M. Jones – 2 (72.66) 12 scores
S. Garcia – 2 (70.9) 24 scores
D Johnson – 2 (70.75) 24 scores
H. Stenson – 2 (71.375) 18 scores
B. Horschel – 2 (71.18) 22 scores
T. Fleetwood – 2 (71.71) 14 scores

Horschel and Stenson are only on the list because of Jordan Spieth’s first 2 rounds of the Masters. Louie’s final number got blown up by Tiger and Fowler firing 80 and 81 respectively during the Open’s first round. Tiger’s negative playing has no ill effects on his partners. What does it all mean?

Unfortunately after sifting through all of this data, the results are pretty inconclusive. To start, the premise is probably completely wrong that just because someone shot a round lower than 66 with that playing partner, that it had anything to do with how good of a partner they are. Assuming that actually holds any validity, the results show that you want Dustin Johnson or Sergio Garcia as your playing partner.

Another skewed aspect is that these low golfers also had 24 scores of playing partners, and were near the top of the leader board, which means that they usually play with the best golfers. With these details in mind, I pretty much wasted a ton of time coming up with results that have no significance whatsoever. You’re welcome.

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-17T14:43:58-04:00August 17th, 2015|Sports|3 Comments

DraftKings for the PGA Championship

DraftKings is advertising like madmen throughout all forms of media. I saw them on Super High Roller Celebrity Poker, they are one of the main sponsors of the PGA, and also inked a huge deal with ESPN. Obviously if it involves gambling and sports, I’m there. It’s a shame because I was on the Fanduel bandwagon for a while but they are getting out dueled.

On to the golf. I put a team together for Draftkings that looks like this.

David Lingmerth

Obviously I wouldn’t be showing it if it weren’t doing well. I’m currently in 1,154th place out of 188,925. David Lingmerth was the pick of my life so far so we’ll see if he keeps it going. I also bet on Louie and Brookes Koepka straight up. Those don’t look as favorable.

If all 6 of my guys make the cut, it’s going to be a weekend.

By Tom Stortz|2015-08-14T10:20:17-04:00August 14th, 2015|Sports|0 Comments

Shitty Jets QB Out 6-10 Weeks, Team Cheers

This is a ridiculous story. IK Enemkpali purchased a plane ticket ($600) for Geno Smith. Geno Smith had something come up and couldn’t use the ticket. IK Enemkpali demanded the money. Geno said he didn’t have it. IK Enemkpali punched him in the face and knocked him out 6-10 weeks with a fractured jaw. Let’s realistically look at this situation.

The Worst Statement of All-Time

IK Enemkpali

“I apologize to the Jets organization, coaches, teammates and fans,” Enemkpali said. “Geno and I let our frustration get the best of us, but I should have just walked away from the situation. I deeply regret and apologize for my actions. It was never my intention to harm anyone. I appreciate the opportunity I had with the Jets.” – IK Enemkpali

First and foremost, Ik will be trying to get on another team as hard as possible so let’s dissect the accuracy of his statement.

There should be no “Geno and I” in this statement. Ik, you punched him in the face. He’s the starting QB. You did this over $600 dollars. What are you thinking? You aren’t.
“Deeply regret and apologize”. If the question was phrased, “would you still apologize if someone told you your career was going to be over?” “No” is going off at -1000.
“It was never my intention to harm anyone“. You punched him directly in the jaw. You had no other intention other than punching him in the jaw. This must be construed as an intent to harm someone. Who wrote this shit?

How Good is Geno?

This is the STARTING QB of the New York Jets. New York is only the biggest city in the USA and this team has a significant fan base so this story must be important. HOWEVER, the news doesn’t seem to be mentioning that Geno Smith stinks. This is supported with the fact that Vegas didn’t move their 100-1 on the Jets winning the Super Bowl (should be 1000-1) and only dropped their O/U win total of 7.5 from -130 to -120.

This is Geno’s 3rd year and he has started 29 of 30 games he’s played. He’s essentially played 2 full years early in his career. He is 11-19. He went 8-8 his rookie year. This means he was 3-11 last year and lost 7 games in a row. Stop the fight. This really isn’t a monster loss.

Ryan Fitz-Magic is his replacement. Older veteran with a 38-58 record career record. He keeps games close. He’s better than Geno Smith. He went to Harvard.

By Tom Stortz|2016-10-28T15:46:25-04:00August 12th, 2015|Sports|1 Comment

WAL on ESPN is Electrifying

WAL on ESPN

ESPN has been showing the World Arm Wrestling League as part of its programming and I’m hooked. The idea of two men squaring off to see who is stronger, without punching each other in the head, is exhilarating. Competition is vicious as men come from all over the globe to compete. There is no better test of arm strength.

Arm wrestling is set up in tournament format with single pull’s that lead up to semi final matches, and then finals. Most matches are over within 5 seconds as the stronger man dominates. There is hardly any luck in arm wrestling and strategy can overcome power. The mental battle is just as fierce as the physical. The best are the best.

Pulling John

Pulling John is a documentary released in 2009 that follows John Brzenk, the greatest arm wrestler of all time, as he prepares for upcoming opponents. John Brzenk has been dominant for 25 years and I paid $2.99 to watch his mind set leading up to the Zloty Tur (one of the biggest arm wrestling tournaments). John, Alexey Voevoda, and Travis Baegent were the focus of the documentary and the viewer gains insight to their training and intensity. Mild mannered John Brzenk immediately becomes your favorite arm wrestler because it feels like he shouldn’t be the best, but is (even though he loses to Alexey at the end).

John Brzenk and Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top

John “the perfect storm” Brzenk is still arm wrestling at 51. He is 225 and will still pull against the super heavyweights. Watching the greatest of all time is a privilege and who knows how much longer he can continue. Watching a man of 51 pull against younger, stronger opponents, and still win, is what the sport is all about.

Will Arm Wrestling Gain in Popularity?

Ron Bath, John Brzenk, Travis Baegent, Cobra Rhoades, and Michael Todd in 2008

Now that there is a proper medium for distribution, the sport will grow. With Game of Arms on AMC and now the WAL being broadcasted on ESPN, there will be a ratings surge. If I find the programming exciting, I’m sure others will too. Here are a few reasons why this sport grows on you.

Just because a left hander can dominate a division, it doesn’t mean his right hand will. Travis Baegent will own all the left heavyweights but he can’t beat Dave Chaffee right handed, and vice versa. This gives extra incentive to the top pullers to be the best.
Allen Fisher

The competitors also have personalities which makes it all the better. Allen Fisher, at 59, is Mr. Intensity and even though he’s not as dominant as he was, he puts on a show every time he steps to the table.
Most of these guys are working other jobs and the arm wrestling is just a side gig because the money isn’t that great unless you win. This aspect that everyone isn’t a millionaire is another reason the pullers are easy to relate to.
The idea that you are the “strongest in the world” is the ultimate appeal. Training never stops because there is always someone better than you. Even when you become the best, there are always pullers trying to overtake you.
It’s a sport that is simple and everyone follows the same rules. The only way to get better is hard work which is what separates the competitors. A truly raw and powerful display of strength that is worth watching.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-08T09:59:40-05:00August 11th, 2015|Sports|6 Comments