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tom@stortz.com

About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Golf DFS is Lit

I’m not alone with this feeling about DraftKings Golf. Currently all 3 of the tournaments I joined are going to fill up completely and we’re still 17 minutes from tee-off. For the next who knows how many months, i’ll be entering a lineup into the $33 Dogleg, $3 Birdie, and $4 Casual Fore. This is a $40 a week allowance and I can say full on that it’s the best money I’ll spend all week.

Fantasy golf has more excitement than football. There I said it. Here’s why:

  • 4 days of enjoyment
  • You feel like a genius passing 6 guys
  • The excitement level comes in 2 doses when your player is going – 1) He doesn’t screw up 2) He hits a great shot
  • You get to root for your non-players to screw up which is more fun than hoping your guy does well

Did you just see that?
Yes.
He just got a hole in one on a par 4.
I know. I said I saw it.

Tell me that this week’s 10th hole isn’t exciting.

I joined FantasyGolfInsider for the month to get some tips on players to look for. They whiffed on my main lineup last week with a Willie McGirt double on 18 to not make the cut. If he bogeys, I pass 6 and cash. I’m also learning a lot about what these guys are looking for and it’s fun to use my intellect and agree or disagree with what they say. They suggest about 30 players so it’s easy to pick your own unique lineup. Like this week, everyone is all over Adam Scott’s nuts and I hate the mofo and he’ll never make my lineup. Same goes for McDirt. People don’t forget.

Anyway the guy who was writing for FGI wrote how the spread out nature of the tournaments are why they are so good. The first day you hope your guys get off to a fast start. The 2nd day you start praying that they all make the cut. Then you have the weekend to sweat for real if they pass. Huge amount of fun. I can’t remember the last time I watched a golf tournament, that wasn’t a major, from start to finish like I did last week at Pebble. I will add though that it was anti-climatic when a golfer runs away with it. Not nearly the same sweat I had with Louie last week. If DFS golf hasn’t already exploded with popularity, I think it will in the near future. Here are this week’s lineups.

 

By |2017-02-16T09:40:17-05:00February 16th, 2017|Fantasy|0 Comments

Justin Trudeau Has It Going On

As Rod Stewart said, “Some Guys Have All the Luck“. The Prime Minister of Canada is currently holding a panty dropping tour that started with Ivanka Trump giving him the bedroom eyes in the board room. Girls just can’t help themselves.

Here is a picture of how the girls react to me.

 

Trudeau Beating the Donald at His Own Game

Trump Owning Romney

Trump Owning Some Dude

Trump Owning Shinzo Abe of Japan

Trump Meets his Match of Justin Trudeau

By |2017-02-15T09:53:44-05:00February 15th, 2017|My Brain|0 Comments

Cache 22

I know this problem exists but I’m not sure how widespread it is. When you visit this website, there is a good chance that you don’t see the latest post. I’ve googled “why are my latest posts not showing up using WordPress” and every result says the problem lies within the website’s cache. When I hear cache, I think of destroying the illegal arms cache in Goldeneye. I know cache has to do with storage. This would lead you to think that the storage of this website in people’s browsers is causing the issue. I’ve cleared the cache numerous times with numerous plugins and still run into the same problem. So I ask, do you have this problem every time you visit the website?

By |2017-02-15T08:05:21-05:00February 15th, 2017|My Brain|4 Comments

Sixers Photoshop

If this ever gets stolen, I’m fairly certain I created it.

It took me a while but I got to mess with a lot of different skills. Embiid’s legs were shopped if you couldn’t tell. I had to add his hand in too which if you look closely, is not really his hand. Dario’s head was cut off so I had to add back his hair which I did a good job of. The Hinkie blended background turned out pretty good and I like the Dario flames. I’ve come a long way from when I first started. I’m understanding how to use the basic concepts and now it’s learning how to use all of the tools. Not only what they do, but using them effectively. I’m starting to get back into it so hopefully some more progress will be made.

#stillprocessing

 

By |2017-02-15T07:58:13-05:00February 14th, 2017|Photoshop|0 Comments

Fuck it Dude, Let’s Go Bowling

I haven’t been posting the most riveting material (although the William Penn Snaps won’t soon be forgotten), and this post won’t buck that trend.

Snaking Back Monday was the highest scoring team in the league last week and was looking to repeat. We started off like a freight train with Weens and I in the 230’s, and our team well over 800. Game 2 was a bizarre game where we had at least 10 total team splits and Sam was our highest bowler at 164. We needed to do better in game 3. Fortunately I told the team that I don’t fuck around in the 3rd game and this proved to be true. After a 9 spare, strike, 9 spare, I closed out the game with 9 straight strikes for a 270. The rest of the team wasn’t too shabby either with Evan in the 170’s, Sam in the 2’s, and Weens was either 190 or light 200’s. We finished with an 860 game and I wouldn’t be surprised if it holds for highest of the league this week.

I’m all about tooting my own horn as Shee would know, and 270’s in back to back weeks is no joke. I’ve been working on my game and I’m ready.

Sam and I have the $1,000 perfect game bet and this should be over in a month (maybe weeks). Sam can’t work on his game because his wittle wrist hurts and I’m getting better every week. I notched my highest series this week with a 668 and the 700 series in league play will follow shortly. People who don’t bowl a lot might look at these numbers and say, “hey, you could be a professional.” Not likely. I’ve gotten good at North and South Bowls oil patterns. I know you play right and move right as the night continues. Bowling is a little easier than golf where it’s easier to repeat the motion. I tell myself to make sure I stay aggressive (ala Pete Weber in a clip I couldn’t find), follow through, and keep the ball right. Last night our team did so much better staying off the Jersey side of the lane and it proves how much better you can score. My spare game is still improving as I have to get better on the 7 and 10 which can still give me some problems. Aside from that, I’m refining my strike ball to leave less 10 pins and can rattle them off if the lane cooperates. It’s not natural talent either. It’s the same concept that the longer and harder you work on an activity, the better you get. Safe to say, it’s paying off.

By |2017-02-14T10:08:27-05:00February 14th, 2017|Sports|0 Comments

The William Penn Snaps

If you needed a reason to join SnapChat, look no further than the William Penn snaps. I have them saved to my phone but, to my knowledge, that’s the only place they are currently.

On Thursday night I decided to go out and have a few drinks. My night escalated once I got to Howl at the Moon and started drinking pint glasses of Victory Dirt Wolf which is intended to make you take a dirt nap. Somewhere along the night I decided to post an array of Snapchats with myself and the statue of William Penn on City Hall.

I woke up with a splitting headache and messages that praised the William Penn Snapchats. Apparently being near black out and posing with a statue is all you need for internet success. People were so enthused they began sending me their own William Snapchats and I have a few thoughts:

  • The closer you are to blackout, the better
  • If you aren’t close to the statue, it doesn’t make sense. The statue is the essence of the SnapChat
  • You need inside humor. I guarantee only Shee knew who Weird Haircut Seth was. Only Weens and a few others knew the high pitched squeal.

All that being said, 22 people got to enjoy my Snapchat and then the follow up the next night. The follow up was planned ahead of time which immediately detracts from the natural being. Either way, I have to take a break from this as I paid dearly in mental well being from producing these videos. Hope you enjoyed them.

By |2017-02-12T11:45:06-05:00February 12th, 2017|My Life|0 Comments

Hellmuth vs Perkins

This could be my favorite poker video. You should probably watch it before I start commenting on it but in the first minute, Hellmuth gets this idea he is being cheated for the sake of the show. It’s a big money cash game which is why the tension is so high. Hellmuth loses a 240,000 pot and it rattles him. Perkins sort of makes this hoot and hollering sound which annoys Phil.

Perkins says, “it’s not going to change your life” and Hellmuth has the best response I’ve ever heard, “Buddy, you’re such a goofball you missed the point completely. Are you that stupid, really?”

Perkins is a wealthy business man and it’s humorous that he has no respect for Hellmuth. When Perkins shows Hellmuth the flush and he comments “this motherfucker.” The next hand is, “what the fuck is going on here.” Then, “moron, motherfucker.”

By |2017-02-11T11:59:27-05:00February 11th, 2017|Sports|1 Comment

Donald’s Tweets

This tweet is not right for a President. If you follow the blog, you’d know I don’t care if our President is Donald Trump or Donald Duck. I truly don’t. As long as I can live my life with the opportunity that America has brought since its inception, I’m cool. However, this tweet is crossing a line. A read that Nordstrom said that the sales of her brand sucked. If they want to discontinue carrying Ivanka’s line, it’s their prerogative. The PoTUS has no right to even have an opinion on this matter. Pretty absurd.

In other news, how does President Donald Trump only have 15 million followers on Twitter? His personal account has 24 million.  Obama managed 84 million throughout the 8 years. The Biebs has 91 million compared to Hillary’s 13. Hillary had 65 million of the popular vote to Donald’s 62. Are you telling me there are this many people not on Twitter? How did I get talked in to owning this POS?

 

By |2017-02-10T13:00:42-05:00February 9th, 2017|My Life|1 Comment

Winning Your Own Tourney

This is mostly a humorous post but I’ll share it anyhow.

An old man in Pittsburgh hosts an NFL playoff tournament where you pick 3 QBs, 5 RBs, 5 WRs, 3 TEs, 3 Kickers, and 3 Defenses. These positions each accrue points and whoever has the most points at the end of the playoffs wins. Each entry costs $20 and there are a shade over 100 entries. Here is where the troubles begin. He keeps track of the points using an Excel spreadsheet. He manually enters the score and for this, he feels he and his croney deserve 2 free entries each. As luck would have it, he won. Hetrick thought the whole concept was suspect to begin with so I let him know that the league host won the tournament.

I’m joking around when I write that Evan would cheat. There is about a .1% chance that I think he would cheat so that’s not really what this post is about. It’s more like, should the host be allowed to win? I remember one year when the Turkey Tourney was running and Sam, Jeff, and I got 1st, 2nd, and 4th. We pretty much invited people over and took their money. It wasn’t unfair, it’s just how it happened. However, if this happened with any frequency, I’d start asking the questions, are the Stortz boys colluding? There is some odd thought that goes into winning your own tournaments or pools.

By |2017-02-09T14:12:33-05:00February 9th, 2017|My Brain|2 Comments

My 4 Minute Commute

Not my commute.

You’re either an earner or a burner. Today I had to walk to work because of the snow and I hated every second of it. My normal commute is about 4 minutes. If I walk it probably elevates to 13. This is all down time.

I make this post because some people are incredulous that I drive to work. This tends to come from people who have 30+ minute commutes so they look at 15 minutes as inconsequential. Here are the reasons why I drive:

  • I have a parking spot
  • It’s 9 minutes of my life

It’s not lazy. It’s being smart. 9 minutes x 2 trips a day adds up to an 1 1/2 hours a week. Multiply that by 50 weeks and you have 75 hours of your life that are spent walking that year. People probably say, “isn’t it nice to relax on your walk?” My answer is no. I walk places all the time and I’ve seen this area for the last 12 years every day. This is not a scenic route. I can’t see any reason whatsoever to walk to work if I have a car. Care to differ?

By |2017-02-09T11:34:33-05:00February 9th, 2017|My Life|1 Comment
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