About Tom Stortz

Enjoying my last few responsibility free years left.

Same Old Song and Dance

I upgraded to a server with a “prime” level so I’m hoping the speed will improve. It was only 2 dollars a month more, so I’m going to assume it won’t.

I haven’t been able to post effectively. I start a post, write for a few minutes, then I can it. Without being able to find the time to sit down and write, I can’t hammer out posts in 15 minutes because I’ve done that for so many years and they suck. Problem is, I have too much going on to make this blog happen and I’m disappointing myself.

I’ve been bowling in 2 leagues which pretty much shoots my Monday’s and Wednesday’s (which also happen to be the best TV nights with Better Call Saul and Fargo). I have been trying to do Trivia on Tuesday’s and that kills a night. Thursday is an open night for me but usually I’m so beat from 4 straight days of working that I’m happy to relax and either read or watch TV. When Friday rolls around I’m so excited to get a few days off that I go HAM into Saturday, and then recover all day on Sunday. Toss in a few golf rounds, runs, and bowling and you have my life.

Now you couple that action with a business that is doing more and more and you have a plate that doesn’t allow for blogging. I envy a life where I can wake up at 8am, have a leisurely coffee and breakfast, exercise, then sit down and write on my stupid website. The subtle problem is that this generates 0 income. So instead I have to work a job that pays the bills and the  last time I checked, will never stop coming. Don’t get me wrong, millions of people would die to live this life instead of whatever they are doing, so it’s not like I’m complaining. It’s only this is the same loop over and over again. It’s the rat race of life. And to the people that read this that have a wife and kids, good fucking luck.

Toss in a missed 8 pin in the 10th to go 3-1 last night, my fantasy team losing the last 2 to slip to 8-3 and out of 1st, my DFS Golf hemorrhaging money, the losing poker session at the SugarHouse, my hurt ankle to prevent me from beating Sam in the 5k, and you feel my further frustration.

By |2017-06-20T09:38:24-04:00June 20th, 2017|My Life|1 Comment

Choosing the Correct Words

I was sitting at the bar and the movie Kick Ass was playing. The girl in the movie is Chloe Grace Moretz and a guy at the bar said, “that girl is gorgeous, I’d totally F her.” I’ve never seen Kick Ass, or know who Chole Grace Moretz was, so I was judging off a quick glance, but I felt like the term gorgeous didn’t apply. Now since I’ve done some further research, I see that she’s the girl in Neighbors 2 who I thought was pretty, but not “gorgeous.” I’ll also add that the bartender said she has a potato face which I gathered was mushed.

Gorgeous = beautiful, very attractive
Pretty – attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome

I would say that Chloe Grace Moretz is more on the pretty side, but obviously no slouch (that picture was chosen to make my point but she looks way better as she’s aged). Words get thrown around too recklessly that they start to lose all meaning. When people use the word “interesting”, I substitute “I can’t think of any better word to use and don’t give a shit”. Since I’ve been doing the crossword puzzles, my vocab has gotten better, but I still have a hard time placing precise words. Yesterday I learned what astral means but I could never use it in a sentence. This comes from aging which means that your brain is getting filled with a lot more useless information like words and shit and shit. I would love to sound smart, but it ain’t happening.

If I was going to use “gorgeous”, I’d go with these:

By |2017-06-16T15:43:30-04:00June 16th, 2017|My Brain|2 Comments

Writing Posts

I’ve been looking at moving rnningfool.com to a dedicated server to speed it up. I know it’s like a turtle with all of the gifs I put on. Only little problem is it moves the annual expense of about $150, to nearly $1,000. I’ve never run ads on the site (except that one time Gapinski clicked on the same ad 20 times and got me banned from AdSense) and I don’t intend to. I’d also never ask people for money. I’m only writing this post so people know I’m struggling to make this decision. As much as I want to make the site as best as I possibly can, the benefits of a speedier site have little pay off to me personally.

All that being said, I’ve been extremely busy at work and haven’t had my usual breaks to post like I prefer to. I’m not sure how many people actually check this site on a multiple times a day basis, but know that I do my best to update as much as I can even if the post is filler like this. Also please comment and tell me the site is extremely slow as that may sway my decision. Enjoy the video below.

By |2017-06-15T16:41:37-04:00June 15th, 2017|My Brain|1 Comment

Open Water vs The Shallows

This post is a surefire way of bringing Blake Lively pics into it while also trying to make a point on what makes a better shark movie.

Let me take you back to 2003 when Open Water was released. I was a mere lad of 20 and mainly remember thinking the movie was short (79 minutes) which always bothered me when I spent $8.50. Last night for some reason I turned it on and watched the last 30 minutes. Already knowing the premise, I don’t know if you really need to watch all 79 minutes. Essentially 2 scuba divers get left behind and spend X amount of hours in, you guessed it, open water. Eventually sharks eat them but the film does a great job of giving you the feeling of what it actually would be like to be stranded. At the end, they show all the search teams being released but by then it was too late. Far too much ground to cover in the vast ocean and I walked away satisfied that the girl who showed her boobs (one of the few parts I remembered) didn’t survive. I hate happy endings.

Considering I was going to make a Blake Lively post to void this Katy Perry residue off my blog, Open Water was the perfect segway. To clarify on the annoyance of Katy Perry, her music flat out sucks. I’m sorry but I didn’t have any problem with Firework or Teenage Dream, but the latest album Witness is trash truck juice. Blake Lively, wife of Ryan Reynolds, turned my head in the Shallows and I’m happy to replace Katy off the hot list with Blake.

I knew she was hot from her role in Accepted but holy smoke show in the Shallows. Watching her in that orange bikini made the movie a rising, er, star from the get go. That being said, the movie was not good from a review stand point (I was surprised by the 77% on Rotten Tomatoes). Blake does some surfing, hangs out by herself for too long, winds up on a rock, then a buoy, then she pulls of an unrealistic move where she gets pulled down to the bottom and the shark impales itself. She helped some seagull along the way who I can’t remember if it survived. I watched the full movie so I wouldn’t say it’s a bad movie, I just prefer more realism.

The take away from both of these movies is that they both made money. Open Water had a $500,000 budget and made $54 million (2003 dollars) and the Shallows was a $17 million budget for $119 million in the box office. Shark movies sell. I liked the feel of Open Water more because it was realistic whereas Blake’s movie was just Blake being Blake with a giant animated shark roaming around. This is hardly an endorsement for either movie, but you can spend your time on worse shark movies like Sharknado, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, or Attack of Jurassic Shark.

More Blake Pictures:

By |2017-06-14T09:15:57-04:00June 14th, 2017|Movies|1 Comment

The Herd Doesn’t Abide By Traffic Regulations

How do these things not get shut down immediately by police?

It’s unfortunately really hard to stop them. They’re not exactly going to pull over for the police and when chased people tend to get hurt (not just the bikers themselves, but pedestrians as well). I don’t know about other cities, but DC has taken to photographing and looking for them afterwards

This was scene in Atlanta. Am I the only one who sees this as a Lord of the Flies governing body? You can’t have 100 motorists saying “fuck it” to the traffic laws. I’m a big supporter of freedom of expression, however, expressing your right to get a group of people together to do whatever the hell you want on the rules of the road, is where the line has to be drawn. I saw these guys in Philly too, and I thought that a police helicopter was following the crew but maybe that was wishful thinking. Undoubtedly people get hurt. This is like Mad Max meets real life. It would be hilarious to see the cops pulling these guys over and handing out traffic violations. The wheelies are also insane.

By |2017-06-12T13:38:55-04:00June 12th, 2017|My Life|0 Comments

What’s Eating Gilbert’s Gaping Grapehole

We were considering some team names for our bowling squad and the title of this post was my favorite. There’s something about the absurdity of the way the words go together. Gaping is a word that runs its course with moist, that isn’t associated with any other activity other than you know what. Throwing in a grapehole is just flat out funny. Next you have to take into context the movie What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Leonardo plays a special kid. I still literally laugh when I read the title because I’m not sure if it’s offensive or ridiculous. 

 

I’m a big Jimmy Carr fan too. His jokes are always crossing the line and I find him hilarious.

She’s a walking, talking, Stephen Hawking. She’s brainier than Kurt Cobain’s garage ceiling.

Went to my daughter’s netball finals the other day. What a semi!

My girlfriend gets annoyed about my loud chewing, but I don’t complain about the pubes in my teeth. It’s a joke. My girlfriend doesn’t have pubes, yet.

 

A Few From Reddit

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says “I hope the porn is disabled.” The guy at the desk replies. “It’s just regular porn you sick fuck.”

My girlfriend caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently “heating your dinner” wasn’t a good answer.

And one final joke to top it off:
What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

By |2017-06-11T18:50:25-04:00June 11th, 2017|My Brain|0 Comments

Appropriate Email Response Time

I’m an Email guy. I grew up with the keyboard since the day Ms. DeFranco taught me “B for baby baby make that LOOOONG stretch.” I remember Morgan Watkins was typing 50 words a minute when I was typing 5 in 7th grade.  Plus who can forget Arkanoid during that class. I got off topic for a minute but I prefer communicating by email. Here’s a text from our bowling team:

As you can tell, the Weenis prefers texting. I have nothing against texting. I tend to hit send before I spell check, and my phone case makes the touch screen not as precise as I like, but it gets the job done. The difference is that I can type about 10x faster than I can text. So to me, I treat my E-mail almost like a text. If I’m sitting at my desk (with keyboard) and get an email, there’s a 95% chance I respond as soon as I can. I gather that I’m not the norm as I deal with tons of customers a day who obviously don’t check their emails as often.

Your email should go to your phone which means you should see every email in a prompt fashion. If I see the email from my phone, there’s about a 5% chance I respond immediately because I don’t like typing on my phone. However, I always see it almost instantly. Based on that chart to the right, texting on your phone is more common on the phone which makes a ton of sense. What’s shocking is only 34% of the population sends/receives email on their phone. This means that when you send an email, 2/3’s of the time the only way that person see it is when they are at their desk. This brings me to the appropriate amount of time for an email response.

For an email that requires a response, I email back within 30 minutes. Sometimes 1 minute. If it’s after work hours, most of the time I don’t respond. If I email someone in the morning about a business related matter, I expect an email that day. 48 hours is the absolute max. If there is no response after that, I consider it a closed matter or the person is purposely ignoring it. Anyone else feel differently? Anyone prefer using email to texting?

By |2017-06-08T15:39:13-04:00June 8th, 2017|My Brain|1 Comment

Being Raped On The Lanes

Dave Gildea is laughing all the way to the bank as Sam replicated his last performance against Strike You in our bowling finals. I’m kidding…not. Was it Sam’s fault we lost? No. It was Evan’s. Am I throwing blame around unnecessarily. Yes. The bottom line is we win as a team and lose as a team.

I’ll elaborate further on the game last night before you get sucked into the minutiae in a post I wrote prior to the finals below. We showed up bringing about 20 spectators and the other team had 0. The final game was being played for the difference of $100 dollars which was news to me. Essentially the regular season standings is where all the money lied. So what I conjured up as a big game, was essentially for who wins the league. Either way, we still wanted to win.

We started off lackluster, but held them off until about the 8th frame. In crunch time they rolled strikes, we rolled opens and spares. I rolled a 255 leaving the 5th frame open with a shot I should have hit, and then didn’t double in the 10th but all else were strikes. Evan was leaving splits and missing pins and Sam’s ball didn’t have the power through the pins. My opinion is that the ball was spent. It was a combination of the ball being rolled to death, being chipped, and Sam knowing this. We needed Sam to show up big in this game and the timing of the deteriorating ball threw off his stride. Weens didn’t have a drink during the games and rolled sharper than he’s been rolling. I still think he has more room for improvement in the mental game, but he took it seriously when it counted and rolled well.

The 2nd game was over by the 5th frame. Weens and I started with turkeys and then I missed a fucking 3,6,10 which I’ve been missing lately. Once Weens and I extinguished our strike run, the other team kept firing. They didn’t have an open from the 2nd frame to about the 7th, and we were toast. 2nd place are the first losers.

It was a good season and this league will keep getting more competitive. We made some headway in our games. I can safely say that I’ll be over a 200 average with my new ball for a full season. I almost nailed my first 700 series in competitive play with a 698 in the playoffs. I’d bet I’ve been practicing more than anyone in the entire league and I’m not exactly sure when I’ll move on to a new activity, but for now I still have about 10 to 15 more pins of improvement. Sam will benefit from a new ball the same way I did. I’m sure you’re reading this so get a 15 lb ball and make sure it’s an upgrade in the hook department from what your using. I moved a clear 5 boards left with my new ball and it’s all in the hook. The spares will take about 2 months to get comfortable, but the change has to be made. If you go to Pavlinko’s tonight, give me a call and I’ll go with you. Evan and I agreed that his ceiling is capped with a shot that isn’t hooking. Considering a two finger shot or another adjustment should be looked at. Jordan is easily the toughest bowler to break down as the more I say, the worse he does. My thought would be to make sure every ball stays to the right. Jersey strikes are failures. If you want to get more consistent, you make sure every ball stays right.

Onto a post that I wanted to release at the start of the playoffs but figured it would do more damage than good.

What I Learned From Being Captain

Our bowling team is entering the playoffs after an absurdly long 31 week regular season. In mismanaged taste, the commissioner’s decided to merge two seasons of bowling to, in my opinion, keep more teams paying money for longer. Here is how our league finalized right before playoffs. We are Snaking Back Monday.

This is our 3rd season in the league. Our first league game started on 1/18/2016 and our team average was 658 at the end of the season. Our 2nd season raised our average to 731. This season our last 10 games have seen us roll a 751 team average (Getting the total would take to long as it averages Jeff in there for the 12 games he played). Here are our averages after each season to date:

Bowler Season 1 Season 2 Season 3
Evan 161 175 174
Sam 181 181 187
Jordan 175 182 182
TC 184 193 194

Being the highest average and anchor, I’ve elected myself captain of the team. As much as our team is a democracy, at some point there has to be someone to make decisions. Making these decisions doesn’t always lead to happy campers but I’ve learned a lot from spending so much time with the same group in a team environment. Here are some of the situations that I took away some knowledge.

The Spirit – Easily the hardest part of a functioning bowling team. Bowling is a team game at heart, but the core is the individual performance. We all want to bowl a 300 but when you throw a pocket 7-10 in the first frame, it’s not simple to pick yourself up and come back strong. Each person on our team reacts differently to the ups and downs. Jordan is the best example of saying “blind me out” in one game and then coming back to roll a 276 the next. Once you’ve been doing it a while, and this is why we are better than we were, you move past the downs and keep doing what you’ve done thousands of times before.

The Pre Bowl 300 – This was easily the most cumbersome decision of the season. Both Cohen’s are Jewish and missed the same week for a Seder. In our league bowlers are allowed to pre bowl. We have a sub on our team so that we can avoid pre-bowling. I’m very anti-prebowling for various reasons that you can ask me later if you really care, but it’s not a fair substitute. Anyway, I would say that the Cohen’s would be incapable of making a decision that allowed one of them to pre-bowl and the other to sit out for the week. I couldn’t make this decision without one of them holding it against me. In order to keep the balance of the team, I said it was fine to pre bowl even though I knew having one of them pre-bowl and Jeff to sub was more appropriate. In my worst nightmare, Jordan rolled a 300 and a series high that is still the entire league high after 31 weeks of data. The great part about this happening is that it could never get worse. As I look back it wasn’t as big of a deal as it felt at the time, but still an odd ball everything.

The “Anchor” –  After Jordan’s big week, he started bowling better. After 26 straight weeks of being between 175 and 177, Jordan rolled that huge week and followed it up with 1 one more week of a 636 series. The following week he rolled a 201, 201, and was clean into the 5th and he made the comment “so, if I keep rolling this well, when do I get to be anchor?” Knowing that Jordan is a little green with regards to competition, I didn’t take to keenly to this thought and replied with, “that’s such a little boy comment.” Well what happened next was fairly funny as Jordan went open the next 5 frames and finished with a 148. Looking back at that spot, this wasn’t a captain’s comment. I should be doing what’s best for the team at that time and rather than brush it off, I crushed his spirit and Evan and I both knew it immediately after I said it.

Moving – The biggest adjustment to maintaining a high average is moving with the lane. Early on I didn’t pay much attention to where I was starting or playing on the lane. What difference did it make? I never threw the same ball anyway. At this point of bowling, moving spots until you start to land is a huge factor and what separates the best from the rest. I’ve learned to make board adjustments. The common thought is “miss left, move left.” If you notice 1 ball missing, you don’t need to adjust. Once it happens twice, you need to move.

The Ball Change – After rolling a 270 and 279 in consecutive weeks, the highest of my career, I switched to a new ball a month after. Without a doubt, my scores took an initial hit but it was a long term move. Not being scared to experiment is a key to bowling. *I wrote this post prior to rolling a 290 which should add to the effectiveness of equipment.

So that’s my 1,500 word write up about bowling. I’m pretty sure only a few made it this far but I’m sure those that did appreciate my thoughts. Sadly, I don’t think any real reward will come from bowling as much as I do but I do find it fun. I like the competition. I like trying to improve. I like drinking and bowling. I like the people. I would even consider running a bowling alley because it’s something would actually like doing. Hi-Spots is being sold. Investors? Possibly you!

 

By |2017-06-06T10:06:28-04:00June 6th, 2017|Sports|3 Comments

What I Know

I would love to write more about each topic but I’m pressed for time. Here are a few thoughts on topical events:

  • Super Team – I’m back on forth on the NBA Finals and what’s happening. On one side you have a team that hasn’t lost a game in the playoffs laying pipe in their own stadium. The one dimensional, click bait, dipshits start posting headlines like “Can the Cavs Win a Game?” or “Is KD the Best Player in the League?” Hold on one second. The Cavs got blown out by 15 and 33 last year and the same people start chirping. They won game 3 by 30 and ended up winning in 7. Does this feel a little different because of KD? Maybe a little, but cool your jets. If the Warriors win by double digits in Cleveland, I’ll write about the idea of  a super team, both good and bad, but we’re not there yet.
  • Kathy Griffin – This is the news that I can’t stand. It’s not news. Let this idiot chop off the President’s head. Stop paying attention to her and she’ll go away. It’s like she sits down and says, “this is easily the best idea I have to show my disapproval of what is being carried out.” It’s another turkey who instead of making good happen, they spew their bad after bad.
  • Snaking Back Monday – I finally got to a topic worth commenting on. We are playing tonight for the finals for thousands of dollars. I don’t know the actual breakdown because the league isn’t as transparent as it should be, but I know winning is the move. Money is nice but the reputation of champion is better. It’s what we’ve been playing for from the beginning and I’m sure I’ll post after it’s over.
By |2017-06-05T17:19:25-04:00June 5th, 2017|My Life|0 Comments

Moving Forward From Devastation

“When we come to the office, we don’t know if we’ll come back,” said Ekramuddin Hamdard. “Every day is death for us,” he said. This is in response to a truck bomb going off in Kabul, Afghanistan that killed at least 90 people yesterday.

If I didn’t read this in the WSJ, there’s a good chance I would have never heard about it or ever thought about it. Where we are living, I use we as the few people who read this blog, is the epicenter of prosperity. Even if you have 0 dollars in your name, you don’t have a major fear of some maniac blowing up an area to send a religious message. Be thankful for that.

This blog keeps it light. While I’m updating my Boner Material with hot girls I found on Reddit threads, other people in this world aren’t so lucky. Most of the time we take this for granted. It’s important to take a step back and view what is on this planet from afar. You have billions of people from all over the Earth trying to get along in time. The majority believe the world revolves around them. Events like the aforementioned should help keep your place in perspective.

Feeling sad over events you can’t control is a difficult human emotion. On Sunday, I saw a cat that had been hit by a car in the middle of the street. My first instinct was sadness. How’d the little guy not know to run in front of a car? How did the car not stop? Is the cat even aware that he has one life to live? Then I’m overcome with, “this probably happens hundreds of times a day. If you got sad over this cat getting hit, you’d get sad over every cat being hit. You need to galvanize yourself.” With that I moved on. Life is hard, but you can never stop moving forward.

By |2017-06-01T08:34:24-04:00June 1st, 2017|My Brain|0 Comments

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