I don’t update my Facebook status with anything other than the link to this url. I do this very rarely because I don’t crave the attention. If the attention comes to me, that’s my preferred way of acquiring it. My blog is essentially my Facebook status. If you want to know about my life, most likely this source is the most direct, truthful way. However, every time I log into Facebook, I’m confronted with dozens and dozens of status updates. Some don’t bother me, most do. Here are a few examples of what not to do.

  • “why do vegas people have to be so shady and insincere??”– This comes from someone who isn’t even my friend but this is what she is telling the Facebook world. First things first, most likely most of her friends aren’t in Vegas because she grew up in this PA area. This means that this message isn’t relevant to 80%+ of friends. The next problem is the hidden message. Is she indirectly sending a message to one of her slutty friends? Her ex? Someone I couldn’t care less about? Your Facebook world doesn’t need to know this information. By posting it you are confirming that you are insecure, confused, pathetic, and can’t face your problems directly. Hidden messages on Facebook status are stupid.
  • “who gets Strepthroat and Laryngitis in the summer??… To high on life right now to even be mad about it :)” – This is bad from all angles. I’ve already written about punctuation and someone who is using multiple question marks AND follows them with ellipses is clueless. Is she searching for pity by writing this? Are we to feel bad for her because she is sick? She needs the comfort of her Facebook friends to heal her? Newsflash, no one cares about this but you!

Since I have my opinions on stupid Facebook updates (I’ll have more for the future), I should also show you updates that I don’t mind reading and serve a purpose and show some novel uses of Facebook.

  • “One of my customers asked me yesterday, ‘ What makes you proud to celebrate the 4th of July?’ My answer… My dad for unselfishly risking his life to serve and protect our nation’s people as a firefighter and Task Force 1 team member who was sent to 9/11 and Katrina w/o the chance to hug his kids goodbye. He is also the biggest Osama hater I know. Yes I made her cry.”  – I have no problem with this. I read this and it makes me think about the things that are important in my life. I’m not bogged down by secret messages or stupid song lyrics. This touches people and if people want to fill my wall up with inspiration, by all means. Notice, a meaningful post worth reading compared to mindless bullshit. I read this and think, good post.
  • “Seacrets took my phone”  – Perfect use for Facebook. People can’t contact you so you put on Facebook that you don’t have your phone. Seacrets is a bar by the way and this drunkard probably did something stupid which wisely, wasn’t displayed in his status because that would be attention whoring. Blunt and to the point. This is how Facebook should be used. Now the people who are your friends know that they can’t contact you. Worthwhile status update with no extra crap.
  • “well i guess it is now acceptable to kill your child and stick the corpse in the trunk of your car. then you can really party it up.”  –   I don’t have problems with updates like this either. It’s a current event, there’s some humor in it, it invites some discussion. Use Facebook to discuss popular topics with your friends. This is a valuable asset to Facebook. Your “friends”, who you don’t usually see on the reg, can see your opinion on a matter and discuss. No problems there.

I hope this sheds some light on status updates. Hidden messages and writing about yourself for pity makes you pathetic. Song lyrics also are a no-no. Using Facebook for important (and I stress important) parts of your life, practical knowledge, or relevant worldly news is perfectly legit. I also find humor to be acceptable because we all know we want to be on failbook.com. Write funny, witty, well thought out comments on other people’s posts and that’s great too. It really can be a great tool but there are so many tools using it now that it gets cluttered with garbage. Makes sense though because 700 million people using a network like this is bound to be filled with morons.