The Dial Up Sound of Porndom

The Dial Up Sound of Porndom

Wannabe popped up in my Facebook news feed and brought back adolescent spank memories. This was around the time when the best way to get naked pictures was to go to an AOL chat room and get on a mailing list of Gifs. Your AOL inbox would be flooded with viruses and lord knows what else but this was honestly the best way prior to Google. The pictures would load line by line and could take minutes. Truly a time of the ages.

That aside, music videos were a great source of hot moving females.This Spice Girls video (along with Hit Me One More Time by Britney ((also a great source)) stole my heart. I developed a fascination with Geri Halliwell which fortunately subsided as time went on. This video determined my entire thoughts about the Spice Girls and their attractiveness because I didn’t like their actual music. I thought it would be a good idea to rank the Spice Girls, in my order of favorites, from ’96 and then again in ’16.


’96 Ranking

5. Sporty Spice – The worst looking one with the flattest body. She may have been the best at sports but that didn’t win my love.

4. Posh Spice – Victoria Beckham was non-existent to me as a Spice Girl. They sort of hid her in the back in this video and I have a feeling her contribution to the group was limited.

3. Scary Spice – I will admit the pokies in the green shirt at the beginning of the Wannabe video is pretty hot but she was literally scary.

2. Baby Spice – I thought Emma Bunton was the hottest looking Spice Girl but when I was 15. She was the youngest member of the group at age 20 during the video but it was seriously only about how big their boobs were to determine their attractiveness. She did not win this but here look was by far the best.

1. Ginger Spice – The total package. I can’t remember exactly where I found it but there was this picture of her in the forest without any clothes and I’m pretty sure this was the sole reason I loved Geri Halliwell. These pictures are fire flames as well.


’16 Ranking

5. Baby Spice – No notoriety in the States in the past 20 years and had 2 kids. In terms of attractiveness she is way better than Sporty Spice so I would actually have her at 4 but I’ve spent too much time creating this already and swapping the gallery will be a pain in the ass. I’m sort of doubling back on creating it this way in the middle because I think she might be my #2. Shit.

4. Sporty Spice – Melanie Chisholm did some music and acting but her look doesn’t jive with me. I feel like she’d be talking about saving the whales and I’d be running in the other direction. She has a snaggle tooth as well but I bet she fixed it.

3. Ginger Spice – Fell into some judging roles on X Factor and the like in her later years and still retained her good looks. Those abs show what it takes when you have millions of dollars and more time on your hands than necessary.

2. Scary Spice – Got a boob job and had daughter with Eddie Murphy which was a power move. She looks great on America’s Got Talent and has a sexy accent. I think she transformed from Scary Spice to Beautiful Spice.

1. Posh Spice – Victoria Beckham got a boob job and married David Beckham. If that’s not career super-stardom, I don’t know what is. She looks exactly the same as she did at 20 (probably due to much plastic surgery) and seems like a complete bitch. Like if she doesn’t get her way, there is no other way. Although this would get tiring, it’s sexy at the same time.


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