Hot Pan Challenge

So I thought of this great new challenge to raise awareness for people who burn their hands on pans that are too hot to touch without an oven mitt.  Millions, maybe even billions, of people are burnt each year by pans that don’t cool instantly.  I’m asking people to participate in the hot pan challenge which is when you place your hand on a hot pan for a minimum of 100 seconds.  If you can’t do it, you have to donate $100 dollars to me.

What will I do with this money you ask?  It will go to research a new formula for making a pan that doesn’t get hot.  I know what your thinking, if the pan doesn’t get hot, how does it cook.  It doesn’t.  However, this will ensure that no one gets burned.  With the money left over from the research, I’ll shovel it back into the hospital bills that were created through this challenge.  Post the videos on this site.


Facebook Drama

Now tell me this isn't for real?

Now tell me this isn’t for real?

In all seriousness, I read some post from a Facebook friend who said to just donate the money you spent on a bag of ice to ALS.  After some further review, this challenge has raised 1.25 million dollars in 2 weeks.  *I pray to god the hot pan challenge does this well*.  Even though I find the entire process of pouring ice over your head idiotic, all in a ploy to not have to donate $100 dollars which I don’t understand, it was more creative than most fundraising efforts.  Either way, I don’t care.  Read Gourlay’s post on the 4 types of people in the world.  I donate enough of my money to the city of Philadelphia that I’m tapped out.


Here was the rant that made me come up with the Hot Pan Challenge:

To paraphrase an article headline that captures exactly how I feel about you dumb assholes out there: “what if you took the money you spent on that bag of ice, and simply donated it directly to ALS research?” I tend to be a contrarian and hate a lot of these kinds of fads in general, but this one really grinds my gears. Don’t hide behind some disease that you didn’t care about 2 weeks ago. don‘t pretend to care about awareness because you want to show off your new bathing suit. Donate your time or your money instead of this stupid bullshit. You’re not drawing attention to any disease, just yourself. Most disgusting is that because your selfish, you’ll justify that this is your version of charity. This is not charity. Go onto ALS website and donate.. That’s charity. Disclaimer: I still like a lot of you who i have seen do the ice bucket challenge, and some of you may be charitable anyway, but seriously with this ice bucket thing, go fuck yourselves. that is my first and last rant of 2014… if you disagree with any of this you can just unfriend me… but don’t forget to go fuck yourself in the process.

A response to this rant:

These “assholes” helped raise $1.25 million in less than 2 weeks with our pathetic attempts for attention. 

Although I enjoyed your sweet rant, you’ve got to realize what a hypocritical idiot you sound like by using a social media platform as a podium to take the most cynical stance on a great cause to raise awareness/donations for ALS. 

But bravo, good sir. You’ve managed to receive more likes and comments than the average, attention seeking asshole who posted an Ice Bucket Challenge video.

Next time try reporting on a good article.


What to Make of Everything?

Don’t ever try to find fault in charity.  I’ve called out every single person who read this post so let’s start either burning or donating.