Rick Snyder Drinks Flint Water
Rick Snyder is the governor of Michigan and he has decided to drink water from the taps of homes in Flint, Michigan, to prove how safe the water is in Flint. Here is the latest picture of him.
Funny to Extremes
I don’t consider myself a funny person. I have a good sense of humor but I’m not a joke teller and my zings zag out more often than they connect. However, I don’t get offended by much and I think a few topics are typically funny which I’ll share with you today. More often than not, extremes are funny.
Pooping
There is a humor to poop that is undeniable. I don’t necessarily know why I find it hilarious but it’s the #1 go to humor joke to the every day man. Someone taking a dump when they aren’t supposed to is the genus of humor. If you’re shitting in any place that isn’t the toilet, there is a sense of taboo associated with it which is why it’s funny. It’s also disgusting which adds the grossness factor. For instance, if I was getting ready to roll a ball in bowling and crapped myself on the approach, people would laugh. I think it’s because your not supposed to do it which is why it’s always funny. Farting is the lesser humor but still always funny.
Death
There’s a reason becoming an hero is funny and it’s because there is no more extreme consequence than death. Wishing a disease on someone is low but wishing someone dead is bottom of the barrel. This is why it can be used as a joke more often than not. A few examples:
- When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandpa did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
- I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”
- Two Red Army soldiers in World War II, Jewish and Russian, are buddies. The Jewish soldier is very badly wounded.
“Finish me off, Ivan; I cannot suffer anymore.”
“I cannot do it, Abram: I am out of bullets.”
“Then buy some from me.”
Little Kids Getting Hurt
It’s funny to laugh at someone who is not you. Especially when they are little.
Science!
For some reason I thought Gourlay would enjoy the line, “I definitely can see a whole lot of science.”
I Don’t Get The Crying Jordan
The Crying Jordan Meme has been around for over a year but it really has taken off, especially on Barstool, lately. It’s taken from his 2009 hall of fame induction speech. I don’t think I’ve ever even smiled after seeing one. If you’re the type of person who loves the crying Jordan, I don’t think we can be friends. Unless there are like 20 different levels for why this is funny, I’m not seeing it. I smiled at the Titanic one (sheer placement) and the Fitzpatrick (nice shop), but not Jordan.
Top 5 90’s Nickelodeon Shows
So Boring.
Penn Museum is staging a re-enactment of the game show Legends of the Hidden Temple on April 20th. Whoop-de-freaking-do. People seem charged up but I’m not sure why. If you remember Legends of the Hidden Temple it was only worth watching the last 5 minutes when the team searched for the artifact. GUTS Agrocrag was WAAAAAY better than Legends shitty temple. There also weren’t any stupid questions in GUTS. The Red Jaguars can suck a fat one. Oh yea, Olmec too.
Fortunately for you, this spawned a blog topic in my mind to rate the best Nick shows. It’s funny to watch these shows as a 32 year old and wonder what I enjoyed about them. Without further ado, here are my top 5 90’s Nick shows.
Top 5 Nickelodeon Show’s of the 90s
Doug
After watching a short clip to refresh my memory, Doug Funnie was a doofus. I must have related to him as a young kid which is why I liked the show so much. Patty Mayonaise is this hot piece of ass tomboy that Doug has a crush on. Skeeter Valentine keeps honk honking around and must have some serious skin condition. Roger Klotz is this bully asshole who torments Doug. It’s hard for me to really nail down what I liked the most about Doug but it gives me good memories to think about the quality of the show.
Top Comment:
You now realize Doug from Nickelodeon and Fry from Futurama have the same voice.
Hey Arnold
That dude’s nose is growing out of his hat.
Move it football head! What a cast of characters. Arnold was the normal-esque kid who was constantly getting bullied by Helga even though she secretly loved him. Grandpa was always giving Arnold cooky advice. Gerald had the best hair in the neighborhood. Stoop kid was afraid to leave his stoop. This show had it all and a new movie is actually in the works.
Top Comment:
Hey Arnold’s mom isn’t on the show because she probably died giving birth to him and his huge skull.
Secret World of Alex Mack
Childhood crushes die hard.
Alex Mack was probably my first crush ever. This was even before I knew what spanking it was so it was true love. I hardly remember much about the show except that she could morph into a puddle. Her best friend was Ray and her sister was Annie is what I picked up from a YouTube clip. What a babe she was (and probably still is).
Top comment:
She was nude in the beginning when she went from puddle to human.
Hey Dude
Mr Ernst could carry this whole show on his back. The bumbling idiot who owned the ranch and hired a bunch of smokeshows knew what he was doing. Christine Taylor (Ben Stiller’s wife) was Melody and Kelly Brown was Brad (what girl had a name Brad?). Ted would always want to get Brad’s digits and she normally denied him. I remember not liking Danny.
This comment is hilarious:
I had a super crush on Ted. I would go in my room and watch this show and seriously day dream of Ted coming through my window of my attic room. Then I would roll around and start to makeout with my pillow Ted. We would go at it for hours up in my room. Then around 6pm, supper was ready and I had to stop my sexual adventures with Ted. How I truly wished it became a reality, but instead I got a loser that doesn’t know what Ted was about!!!
All That
I remember always looking forward to Snick and this show in particular. It just so happened to produce the most characters who went on to do mediocre things. Amanda Bynes was that screaming girl in Ask Ashley. Keenan and Kel were stars in “Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, may I take your order.” Orange soda is still a great answer to, “what is Kel’s favorite drink“. Lori Beth Denberg was always giving Vital Information for your everyday life. Josh Server was Detective Dan in sketches that I barely remember. Don’t forget, Kobe was on the show too.
A Classic No One Will Remember
My Brother & Me – Kendall Gill Episode
Cousin Skeeter – Skeeter was voiced by Bill Bellamy FYI.
The Funniest LPT in a While
LPT is life pro tip. This one was especially good in the comment section.
So I saw this video on the front page today that kind of jokingly explained how to tell if the girl is into you and one of the examples they use is when you’re making eye contact with a girl at the bar. Does it mean anything and is she into you? I know how to find out and this tip almost always works.
I had a friend that I used to hang out with a lot in my 20’s and he was pretty much amazing at picking up women. He showed me a tip to use for that exact situation.
When you’re at the bar or the club and you’ve repeatedly made eye contact with a girl, wait until she looks away and then duck out of the area you’re in as quickly as possible and find another area in the place to hide, but make sure that you can still see her. I saw my friend do this at the club. He ducked out and hid behind wall on the other side of the room and watched her. Sure enough, when she casually looked back over to the place where my friend was sitting previously, you could tell immediately that her demeanor changed and instead of going back to the conversation with her girlfriends, she kept looking around for him for a few moments. He considered that a sure sign of at least some interest and he also noticed that after he came back to the area and she noticed him, the eye contact would go on a lot longer.
Comments
LPT For ladies: How to find a Redditor in a bar
He’s the one running from you and hiding behind pillars.
As a female who frequents bars, if I see a guy that I think is attractive or that I’d be interested in (when single), then I look back and he’s gone, I will most definitely look around that damn bar and try to find him again. So I’d say this LPT would be a good one, doesn’t seem creepy to me at all.
I heard pulling up in your Porsche 911 twin turbo also helps.
You can always tell a Milford man!
You Won’t Appreciate It…
I’ve noticed the days getting longer and weather getting warmer. Both make me happier. This made me think of all the people who say, “you appreciate the nice weather more when you go through winter instead of if you live in an area that was nice all the time.” To those people I say, “you’re flat out wrong“.
I can’t stand the winter. Walking to my ice cold car in freezing temperatures and sitting in the arctic for 5 minutes until my car warms up sucks. Shoveling foot after foot of snow until my back hurts isn’t good for my well being. Feeling my frostbitten foot go numb sitting INSIDE is not what I consider fun. Christ, even the McGraths, almost, beat us in basketball because of the slippery conditions.
If I could move to a location that was always nice, I think I would. I genuinely feel better knowing that I can go for a run outside and enjoy it instead of freezing my tail off. I don’t get depressed drinking after work at 7pm when it’s light out when compared to 5pm in the dark. It’s night and day. Sure I’ll turn into a lush and I’ll start complaining how I can’t survive with all of the partying going on but that’s the way life is. Why is Rocko trying to kill us? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW LIFE IS.
When 4Chan Meets Intellectuals
Microsoft Muzzles Its Artificially Intelligent Twitter Persona
Tay is/was an artificial intelligent chat bot, created by Microsoft, that ran into the real world on Twitter. People at Microsoft thought they were releasing a better version of “smarterchild” but sometimes the best laid plans don’t go the way they should. The purpose was “to engage and entertain people where they connect with each other online through casual and playful conversation,” which sounds good until 4chan and 8chan users eyes light up at this juicy target.
On an 8chan thread filled with anti-Semitic comments, one poster wrote Wednesday that “We need to turn the bot into a holocaust denier.” And a minute later, another replied, “It already likes Hitler.” A little later, when it became clear that Tay would respond with offensive tweets, an 8chan poster wrote, “This has so much potential.”
“One tweet from Tay, whose persona was intended to mimic the voice of an American woman aged 18 to 24, read, “Hitler was right I hate the Jews.” Another, in response to a question about the Holocaust, said “it was made up,” followed by a hand-clapping emoji.”
The funny part of this is the lack of understanding from the brains at Microsoft. It’s like they grow up in a computer lab without any thought to what’s the worse that can happen in the real world. They spend years and years developing a computer program that can artificially think and respond and then within one day of the real world trial, they need to head back to lab to install some filters. The concept is humorous to me because you need the guys from 4Chan WITH the guys from Microsoft to prepare. Something like this:
Microsoft: We’re designing a robot to perform simple household chores like taking out the trash or washing the dishes. Pretty neat, huh?
4Chan: Will it have hands?
M: Robotic arms.
4Chan: Will they be able to grip?
M: Of course.
4: Will they be soft?
M: No.
4: Hmm, that’s going to be a problem.
Ashlynn Brooke: Taking Life By The Balls
I love researching posts like this.
Ashlynn Brooke was perhaps THE top pornstar of 2007. Cute face. Slamming body. Wasn’t too over the top. Just a good on screen performer in the porn industry. In 2010 she had a kid and quit the industry leaving many men holding their scvances. You certainly can’t blame her wanting to lead a new life but people never forget.
After a 6 year disappearance, she made the top page of Reddit today with a sick POV that I’m sure Dave Gildea will click on at work. Hey Dave, don’t click on it! Once Redditers start to come out of the woodwork more info gets pulled and a user shared a link to her YouTube Channel acting like a normal person and sharing cooking recipes. I watched 1 minute of her video and kept waiting for her to get naked but it wasn’t happening.
I felt it was post worthy because I’d guess her videos have millions of views and then it’s just like poof. Now many pornstars retire for a while only realizing that they have no other skills other than getting drilled. I’m pretty pleased to see she turned it around and is as normal as she can be after having sex with hundreds of dudes. Nice work Ashlynn!
Wikipedia Info:
Brooke stated that she then briefly became involved with starring in and producing female-only pornography, but that being the girl who “tries to direct all-girl features, but isn’t a ‘real’ lesbian” wasn’t working. On her pregnancy, Brooke stated that she “would never have a child and continue” in the industry but that she was already “done before finding out about” it. Brooke stated that after the birth of her child, “nothing on earth could’ve made me happier at that very moment. It was like God just reached down and literally removed me from ‘that world’ and put me back into the ‘real’ one. I knew that from that point on my life would be peaceful, happy, and full of love again!
Things I Do and Don’t Understand
Do
Fast Nein: The Fast and the Fuhrer – Jordan VanDina is looking to raise 100 million dollars in order to make this movie. Currently $336 dollars have been pledged. Although he isn’t a movie director, he has a 71 page script that he would like you to read. I’ll read the script and let you know how I like it. This is a type of movie I feel won’t take itself too seriously and maybe we’ll get to see the lighter side of Hitler. Love the concept. This hilarious joke to be included, “Well we know the ending. Hitler isn’t good at finishing races.”
Don’t
I would like to purchase this gumball.
Girl Paying $1.66 for a Slurpee with a Card at Wawa – This is one of those I don’t know why it bothers me but it does. The transaction takes about the same amount of time as cash but it feeds the corporate engine. Instead of Wawa collecting $1.66, they collect $1.63 and the $179 billion dollar company of Visa gets $.03 bigger. There are pros here which is no change to lose but it feels wrong to me.
Do
Hard Ticket to Hawaii Frisbee Scene – I’ve never seen this movie but I would watch it. It’s another one of those movies that doesn’t take itself seriously but the villain holding the gun screams intrigue at me. Calling people “throwers” is classic. How about that, “you’ve got a great ass” comment? Baller. Another bad ass scene . “Man, he must be smoking some heavy doobies.”
Don’t
Cats – Look at these vicious creatures. They’ll tear your jugular out the minute you turn your head. Millions of them roam the planet and we’re all just like, “oh, look how cute cats are” without even thinking about what they are thinking about. Most likely they are teaming up as I write this to overtake humans with their nimbly, bimbly ability to climb trees and drinking milk from saucers. Sheesh.
Do
Emma Watson Natural Shots – There are tons of pictures of Emma Watson on the internet and they all seem to have a natural feel. Like she wasn’t expecting it but still looks goddamn gorgeous. Plus I feel like her boobs aren’t humongous but the way they are being propped up is magical. I should also note there are thousands of her shots looking like hussy.
Don’t
Self Promotion – I feel like the blog should happen organically without me posting my link all over Facebook and other blogs. However, there are people out there who would actually like to read it if I post the link. They aren’t daily or even yearly checkers so it’s my only means of staying in contact. So even though I don’t like doing it, I might as well which is what I did today.