Philly Wingbowl 2014 – Dump Em Out!

A view from the Upper level. Hard to make out the eaters below but great view of the Jumbotron

Wingbowl was such a good day that I had to wash my jeans.  Where to even begin.  First thing is that I made the right decision to attend a Wing Bowl in my life.  I expected booze, titties, and wings and it delivered on all accounts.  Shee asked me how many boobs I saw and I said triple digits which isn’t an exaggeration.  There aren’t many events when 20,000 people get together to support all of the 7 deadly sins.  This was truly an epic day and I’m already looking forward to next year.  Here is my play by play of the day.

Guess the Asshole?

The crew was myself, Sam, Jared, Alex, and Mahoney which is a pretty solid party crew.  I couldn’t decide if I should sleep or not before the event which is oddly timed at 6am.  I wound up getting 45 minutes of sleep at about midnight and then met up with everyone at our building in Old City at 1:45am.  We started off pumping some Young the Giant and playing asshole which is a pretty solid, not getting to fucked up, drinking game.  Alex reigned as JC for most of the game and enjoyed the dictatorship as Jared elegantly put in this post referencing another angle of the festivities.  The Presidents hat can also be seen to the right.

At about 4am we called a cab and he reluctantly took 5 drunk assholes in his cab to the Wells Fargo center.  We walked around the tailgaters with Sam shouting out “Happy Wing Bowl” to passerbyers who weren’t sure how to react. It was pretty cold and we were contemplating how to sneak some Jim Beam and Southern Comfort through security.  Using hats and hidden pockets this was accomplished successfully.  I bought a 7 dollar Pepsi and mixed 2 drinks for Sam and I which he pointed out were “strong”.  Sam passed out in his seat for 15 minutes at around 7am while Alex, Jared, and I walked around the stadium with no purpose.  We got back to our seats and there is an amazing thing where the camera will point to a girl, displayed on the Jumbotron, and she’s pressured to flash the camera.  Once she succumbs, which about 70% of them do, the camera cuts away as not to make it seem like a porn conference.  As Alex says, “Dump em Out!”  There was also a huge fight that broke out in the level next to us which was awesome.

The contest seems secondary to everything else but it was won by a 125 lb woman named Molly Schulyer who is an absolute beast.  She broke the record by 26 wings set by Kobayashi last year.  That’s 363 wings in 30 minutes!  A huge highlight on the Jumbotron was a 2011 puking by Sloth.

Some other notable events were Matt Stairs coming out to Stone Cold music downing 2 beers at once and Jason Kelce of the Eagles eating a pathetic 60 or so wings. The weirdest thing about the Wing Bowl is that once you leave, it’s light outside and normal people are going to work. I wish I could say that’s when the day ends but I would be lying. The 5 of us piled into a cab and headed to Delilah’s for a breakfast buffet.  I had a plate of eggs which were actually delicious as my only sustenance for the day.  It’s a 15 dollar cover (perfect equilibrium amount) and the place is absolutely packed and filled with dimes all over. It’s is a mad house with boobs and tight bodies everywhere. I felt pretty good not being too drunk and able to function properly. I had a few Coors lights, a couple dances, and an all around pleasant time.

What a successful Wingbowl Hand looks like at the end of the day

After Delilah’s we walked across the street and met up with Gourlay and Skin and Bones at Finnigans Wake.  Remember now it’s about 11am and they are charging a 5 dollar cover.  A band was playing and Miller beers were 2 bucks which is amazing as I look back on it.  I probably crushed about a half dozen brews and we were dominating the dance floor as only 5 of the drunkest people in there could do.  At about 2 or 3 pm I was toast as I believe the rest of the crew was as well.  I walked home and sang along to some Billy Joel in a drunken stupor.  I wandered upstairs at about 6pm and crashed for 5 hours when I woke up at 11pm, showered because I was disgusting, and then slept again until 6am.  I awoke before 7am on a Saturday which is a first in decades and am writing this blog post.  I actually feel OK which is quite surprising.

The Wing Bowl day is a reason to make and spend money.  It’s what you live for.  Major props to Jared for proving that he can act like an adult in my presence and was cool to hang out with all day.  Sucks that the day has come and gone but another day must go on.  I hope the people I went with enjoyed it as much as I did.