FacebookTwitter
tom@stortz.com

2011 Maxim Hot 100

Maxim top 100 Hottest Girls

Here is a list of Maxim’s top 100 with my comments next to the girls name. I don’t know of everyone so I’m only going to comment on the one’s I know.

100. Melanie Iglesias
99. Candace Bailey
98. Camilla Belle
97. Hope Dworaczyk
96. Sophie Monk – The 3some girl in Entourage, not bad.
95. Serinda Swan
94. Alessandra Torresani
93. Kelli Hutcherson
92. Nicky Whelan
91. Erin Andrews – Erin has a funky nose but she’s undoubtedly attractive. The fact she reports sports bumps her up notches.
90. Lauren Storm
89. Lyndsy Fonseca
88. Daniela Ruah
87. Emmanuelle Vaugier
86. Autumn Reeser
85. Rachelle Leah
84. Paz De la Huerta – This is the Nookie’s girl from Boardwalk Empire and she is just not hot enough for this list.
83. Carly Craig
82. Kelly Kelly – Two first names, wtf?
81. Gabrielle Union – I’m not generally attracted to black females but she is absolutely gorgeous.
80. Danica McKellar – Winnie? Seriously? Yes she’s an attractive girl but she can’t be part of the top 100.
79. Mini Anden
78. JWOWW – When compared to Snooki and Deena she’s good looking but she seems kind of trashy and beat in my mind. Her boobs look nice though.
77. Anna Chapman
76. Diora Baird
75. Nicki Minaj – She has a fat ass and a unique look to her. I actually can see how people think she’s really hot.
74. Laura Vandervoort
73. Jamie Chung
72. Stacy Keibler – My number 1 always.
71. Taylor Cole
70. Arianny Celeste – I never saw her before this hot 100 but I think she should be in the top 10. She’s a UFC girl, uber cute, and a nice body. Awesome looking.
69. Emma Watson – Uhh what? Isn’t this the girl whose movies I’ve never seen because she’s only 13? I don’t see it.
68. Anna Paquin – I can never think of anything else about her other then the gap in her teeth. I don’t think she’s good enough for this list but she has her own sense of attractiveness.
67. Ciara
66. Aly Michalka
65. Elisha Cuthbert – Yes, another one of my top 10. I love the blonde hair and her face is so beautiful. I would do bad things to her.
64. Miley Cyrus – Don’t see it. Just seems too childish and country for me.
63. Ana De la Reguera
62. Whitney Port
61. Eva Amurri
60. Kelly Brook
59. Grace Park
58. Christina Aguilera – I think Christina looks great all the time.
57. Audrina Patridge – I would marry her.
56. Christina Hendricks
55. Joanna Krupa
54. Vanessa Hudgens – Absolutely not. Zac Efron can keep her.
53. Ashley Greene
52. Minka Kelly
51. Nicole Scherzinger – Pussycat dolls singer, I think she’s average but probably has a killer body from all that dancing.
50. Selita Ebanks
49. Alison Brie
48. Julianne Hough – Purest looking girl on the list.
47. Odette Annable
46. Beau Garrett
45. Emmanuelle Chriqui – Sloane is the perfect looking female. Plus in real life I’m sure she is exactly like Sloane in Entourage so she’s the perfect girlfriend.
44. Anna Faris – I’ve never understood her. She was beat in Scary Movie and then all of a sudden people decided she was hot. She’s still not.
43. Naya Rivera
42. Emma Stone – Jules from Superbad just doesn’t do it for me.
41. Jaimie Alexander
40. Hilary Duff – She seems like a skeleton to me.
39. Rebecca Mader
38. Lindsay Lohan – Maybe in her Mean Girls days but now she’s a drugged up coke whore.
37. Zoe Saldana
36. Brooklyn Decker – Andy Roddick is a lucky man.
35. Kim Kardashian – Best curves. Unfortunately came to fame from a sex tape.
34. Avril Lavigne – I think she’s really cute in a weird way. Very nice looking.
33. Dania Ramirez
32. Emmy Rossum
31. Evan Rachel Wood
30. Amanda Bynes – I think she’s grown into a hot piece of ass. Very nice.
29. Sofia Vergara – Old for the list but I love Gloria. Awesome boobs. The w/o makeup pic makes me question her real beauty.
28. Lea Michele – NO F’ING way. Just not a hot 100 type of girl. I see how people see how she can be cute but I think this is absurd to have her this high.
27. Michelle Trachtenberg – I don’t see it in her. She’s very normal looking in my mind.
26. Kate Middleton – Wouldn’t be on this list if she wasn’t “in” right now.
25. Britney Spears – Maybe 10 years ago. Get back in shape and we’ll talk. Pretty face though.
24. Sarah Shahi
23. Brittany Snow – I’m surprised she’s got this high recognition because I do love her but I figured she isn’t well known.
22. Rihanna – An ethnic type, I’m not incredibly attracted to her.
21. Jessica Alba – I’m over the Alba phase.
20. Taylor Swift – Sort of a distinctive look. Seems really innocent which I think dirty people find attractive.
19. Anna Kournikova – A staple to this list. An example of hotness.
18. Eva Mendes – Ehhh, I see it sometimes but I’m not overly excited by her.
17. Megan Fox – So 2 years ago.
16. Leighton Meester – So, So
15. Olivia Wilde – She was 1 one year and I don’t think she should even make the list.
14. Scarlett Johansson – The office scene in “he’s just not that into you” is burned in my mind.
13. Kaley Cuoco
12. January Jones
11. Jordana Brewster – Too thick eyebrows.
10. Jennifer Lawrence
9. Cobie Smulders
8. Natalie Portman – Everyone goes nuts over her but I just think she’s average. I just can’t look past the Star Wars movies and she never came off as hot to me. Even Black Swan she just isn’t what I consider “hot”.
7. Anne Hathaway – She really has grown on me. I think she has a pretty face.
6. Bar Refaeli – Looks nice and has a great body for a swimsuit model.
5. Mila Kunis – Looks like Haley from Modern family. I do think she’s pretty, especially in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
4. Cameron Diaz – My biggest disagreement on the whole list. What the hell are people smoking? She isn’t the least bit attractive. Where do people get this from her?
3. Katy Perry – Yes I love Katy. She has a distinctive look, great boobs, and her singing just makes her hotter.
2. Olivia Munn – Yuck!
1. Rosie Huntington Whiteley – WOW. NO WAY should she be number 1. She looks homely to me. Must suck a mean one to get to 1.

Where’s Kristen Bell? Where’s Jessica Biel? How is Rachel higher then Quinn? I don’t know how some of these girls got on the list. I know I’m not the best critic of this list either because I’m biased to blondes and boobs. It basically takes the hottest of the hot for me to like them if they have black or red hair. Plus I favor the white folk. Hope you enjoyed my shallowness.

By |2016-10-28T15:21:26-04:00May 6th, 2011|Boobs|1 Comment

Catalina Cruz my darling

I went to the Dr. today for my final checkup on my ankle. He said that everything is stable and it’s healing fine. He said I’m 5-6 weeks from playing Bball which is what I expected. I don’t have to go back any longer so that should end this era of my life. Being broken wasn’t a whole lot of fun and it helps me appreciate being able bodied. I’ve started to run again and even though I still can’t hit top speed I think I ran about 3 sub 7 minute miles on the track yesterday. In bizarre fashion the velcro portion of my wrist watch completely detached. Now I think this is a scenario where some people may try to go back to the manufacturer because it’s only been 2 years, but I’m just going to buy a new one. I keep the watch in the shower because it’s usually gross with my sweat and after runs so I just shower, clean the watch, and leave it in there. I think some body wash or shampoo must not have been cleaned off of the velcro portion and it disintegrated the glue holding it together. So I went to Dick’s today at 9am, it was actually 8:56 but they wouldn’t let me in till 9 which had me wondering wtf, but then I asked if they had wrist watches and he told me they had pedometers and heart monitors. So a major chain like Dick’s didn’t carry a wrist watch to time myself so I have to go to a running store and get a new watch. Interesting morning I know.

I’ve also started developing an interest in twitter. I’ll give my quick review after starting to actually use the service. It’s like the facebook newsfeed except you choose the people who are doing the updates. So rather then having my boring friends updates with pointless comments and mindless thoughts, I get to read Charlie Sheen, Jud Apatow, or even the President update me with current news. Plus the people you follow, in my opinion, is a selective process and should be your unique preferences rather than every a-hole out there. I started with friends, then my favorite bands, then movie stars, then sports figures, and then finally pornstars. The whole following people seems a bit unusual because I have random whores following my account and I can’t really understand why. The best part is that you can actually interact with some of the “celebs” on twitter. For instance, I saw a post my Catalina Cruz that said “going for a run” so I replied to her post “how do you run with your boobs being so big” and she responded “it’s easy, they aren’t that massive.” I thought the whole interaction was pretty funny because you can be a smart ass and interact with, well maybe her or at least her assistant. I’ve only just started using it but I do see its allure and find it entertaining and a good time waster. Plus it couldn’t do anything but drive traffic to my blog which is a good thing. Below is a picture of Catalina Cruz, my new twitter friend. I also admire her because she’s an entrepreneur and runs 15 adult websites. I lover her for her brains and business sense and nothing else…

By |2016-10-28T15:21:24-04:00May 5th, 2011|Boobs|0 Comments

Mix and Match a Broad

Pretty obvious by the title but I’m picking specific body parts off of celebs and putting them together to form one super human. I’ll start at the top and work down.

Eyes – Kristen Bell

I’m not really sure how easy it is to pick eyes but I just thought of someone I thought was attractive and threw them in. Chad thinks that she looks retarded but she’s the only reason I thought that Forgetting Sarah Marshall was a good movie. I can’t really put my finger on it but I just really like the way she looks.

Hair – Jennifer Aniston

I think that any girl can be attractive no matter the hair color but I’ve always had a thing for the blonde / brunette combo. Aniston’s hair is pretty much flawless. I don’t know anything about females hair except that this looks very nice and I bet she’d be pissed if you touched it.

Mouth – Julianne Hough

This more so has to do with the picture than actually liking a girls mouth. I just ran across it and found it fitting for it’s purpose. Plus it’s Julianne Hough and she deserves to be a part of the perfect female.

Chest – Sofia Vergara

I ran across this photo on TMZ and this is actually what sparked this post for me. Like Usher would say “omg.” I honestly don’t know how you can walk around with these cans and have any balance whatsoever. How does she go for a run? This is just too much to take in.

Butt – Kim K

I don’t really understand the allure of a huge ass but if I were going to pick one I guess this would be it. I think it’s just the whole curvy body, big ass thing that guys are attracted to. I just find her attractive as a whole honestly.

Legs – Stacy Kiebler

By far the easiest one to pick for me. I would watch Dancing of the Stars clips just to see her. I’ve voted her my favorite girl of all time and I still have her at the top of my list. If there is any other female who even competes with Stacy’s leg, I would like to know.

By |2016-10-28T15:21:06-04:00July 14th, 2010|Boobs|0 Comments

Ms Montag

To keep in the same celeb theme and working off of the last post I will post my comments on Heidi Montag. I took this straight from TMZ so I’m sure there are copyright issues but for a blog that gets less than 50 visitors a day, I’m pretty sure it flies under the radar. I wrote yesterday that girls are shallow, irrational and notoriously bad drivers. I will also fall directly into this category except for the bad driver part. I get the feeling that girls are disgusted by what Heidi has done to herself with all the plastic surgery’s but I’m pro new Heidi. She went from this

To this

For someone who I will never meet in my life and could care less about, I’m all for whatever she wants to do to herself to make herself think she looks good. Doctors today can do amazing things to a person’s body and if she wants to risk death to look like that, it’s OK by me. This easily has me falling in shallow categories because I care more about her outside than inside and I’m irrational because in my heart I know it’s not right but my eyes tell me a different story. Life’s a funny place with contradictions all over. Just to quote Ayn Rand, “Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.” It’s one of those things that the right girl wouldn’t do that to her body but if Heidi Montag came along, she’d be the right girl.

By |2016-10-28T15:20:57-04:00March 9th, 2010|Boobs|0 Comments

Hottest and Flattest

I’m banging out a two post night here so let’s give me some credit for putting forth the effort. I came up with this idea because I watched Dodgeball and Christine Taylor was in it and she didn’t have a huge rack but I still thought she was incredibly hot. I suppose you could read that last sentence and think that if you don’t have a nice pair than I can’t possibly think you are hot but that is not the case. If I were to watch a porno, I would prefer a big chest than a regular girl because most likely it’s not as attainable. However, there’s much more to females than just the boobs, they do have personalities and there’s something to say for girls who don’t get sucked into the silicone age. This post is a couple of ridiculously good looking girls who have made it without any enhancements or the gift from god.

Christine Taylor- Married to Ben Stiller and was on Hey Dude as Melody. I used to love her as a kid on Hey Dude. She always made Brad look like such a dyke by over shadowing her with beauty. Ben Stiller obviously with some pretty good taste in selecting her. Probably not the best picture but she has the whole pureness look to her.

Kate Hudson – Yes she show’s her boobs in almost famous and they are tiny. She has that one scene in Me, you, and Dupree where she’s in that yellow bikini looking hot. I actually don’t really love her that much but I think she looks really good in this picture and that golden blonde hair is very nice.

Anna Kournikova- Not the best tennis player but seriously so hot. I’m not sure she can necessarily be called flat but she’s all natural and a real beauty. This picture says it all.

Alessandra Ambrosia – I actually just saw her on TMZ today. Yes I do go to TMZ because it has celebrity gossip that makes for good conversation with girls. Anyway, she’s smoking and fits the criteria. I pretty sure that’s a push up bra which makes them look so nice but she is pretty much a ten. Victoria Secret model by the way

Shakira- Oh baby when you dance like that… I think she’s 5 feet or so and she moves that body like a cyclone. I don’t really think she’s that hot in pictures but when you see her on video it’s as black rob would say “like whoa.”

Natalie Gulbis – Not part of the criteria but this is just such a good picture of a golfer. Most female golfers are lesbians but with more on the tour looking like this, I might tune in.

By |2016-10-28T15:20:46-04:00March 9th, 2010|Boobs|4 Comments

Maxim 100

This needs discussion.  I’m not impressed with Maxim’s 100.  Their #1 is just not #1.  This is Olivia Wilde from the OC and House.  I don’t watch either.  She is probably not the hottest girl in her home town, let alone the world.hotwilde10

Megan Fox is #2.  She told the world she is bi and is probably hotter because of it.  I’m usually not a huge fan of darker hair but her face really is beautiful.  She has this video done by Esquire of her waking up in the morning eating a sandwich and drinking a beer and it’s really hot.  I still don’t think she’s #1 but top 10 probably.megan-fox-hottest

I’m not going to dissect the list completely but I’ll write my top 10 and who I think they have too low and too high.

My top 10

10) Jennifer Love Hewitt – Not a flattering pic, how could this girl make it to my top 10?

1hotmaxim

I’ve just sort of always had a thing for her after watching HeartBreakers.  That’s a non porn movie with adequate spank material from JLH.  Even growing older she’s still hot.  Another great scene is I know what you did last summer (or I still know) and she’s in the rain look hawt.

10-jenniferlovehewit_hot100_l

9) Marisa Miller – Not too much to say, just a hot chick with a nice rack.  I think I’m a sucker for this picture which makes me put her high.

marisa-miller-nude-13

8) Megan Fox – See Above

7) Catalina Cruz – Only pornstar to make my list and probably can’t be taken seriously with her double D’s.  Nevertheless, I’m sure she’s probably made millions sucking.

babealicious008

6) Carrie Underwood – Sort of wholesome girl with no defects.  I don’t even mind her music that much.  I think I liked Before He Cheats whenever that came out.   Good to see she didn’t blow up like Kelly Clarkson.

60-carrie_underwood_hot100_l

5) Jessica Biel – Great shot in whatever the I now pronounce you chuck and larry.  Also great Bikini scene in Stealth.  I actually liked Lucy more in 7th Heaven, what ever happened to her?

jessica-biel-1024x768-18763

4) Christina Aguliera – This picture is just a knock out and why I have to put her high.  I believe she had a kid but wow her perfect blonde hair and nice figure make her high on the list.

14-christina_aguilera_hot100_l

3) Julianne Hough – I’ve mentioned her before and she’s pretty much perfect.  Looks good in her juicy fruit commercial or whatever brand it is, I’m too focused on her to know what she’s selling.

25-julianne_hough_hot100_l

2)Emmanuelle Chriqui – Sloan is awesome.  Just gorgeous and flawless.  Seriously she just owns.

84167

1) Stacy Keibler – What can I say, she tops my list.  Her hair is perfect, her face is amazingly pretty and her body is fit as can be.  She doesn’t have a huge pair which you’d think would be essential to my list but in this case it doesn’t matter.  This girl has the girl next door look with long legs and great features, My #1.

stacy_keibler_gm_l4

Overrated

Jessica Alba – I watched her lackluster appearance in Good Luck Chuck and this girl just plain sucks

Cameron Diaz – Just don’t see it, she’s fugly.

Rhianna – UMMM # 8 on Maxim list?  No.

By |2016-10-28T15:22:38-04:00May 15th, 2009|Boobs|0 Comments
Toggle Sliding Bar Area

Categories