– When people are on the phone and they say goodbye they make this mmmmmmmm sound before they say bye. They’ll be like “ok let me know how that turns out, mmmmmmbye.” If you read this and are like what the fuck is he talking about, I swear the people in work environments do this all the time, probably not so much with your friends. Listen for it.
– Here are some key phrases I use on the phone that you can use but when you use them it has to come in your mind that I told you about them. “Sounds good” is a go to phrase when you agree with someone. “Not a problem” is a good one when people ask you to do something. “Will do” if someone wants you do something.
– People call me a lot at work trying to sell me stuff. I like interjecting when people are going through their spiel. Whenever I feel like the other person is rambling or has run out of things to say I think it’s a good time to interrupt with something hopefully to get the conversation back on track. For example, some bro was trying to sell me on his low credit card processing rates and he kept on telling me how good his service was when in reality all I want to know is what his rates are so I can compare them to what I’m paying currently. Spare me all the ladi da bullshit and give me the facts. People in sales do too much talking. Just tell me why I want your product and back it up with facts and let me make the decision.
– We have been playing this game called Wits and Wagers where the game asks questions and you have to get closest without going over and then you bet on the answers. I just want to give some examples of some of our classic answers. This is not meant to call out anyone but some are too funny not to share. How tall was the tallest Giraffe? Chad believes that the tallest giraffe was 110 feet tall. There are 10 storied building giraffes walking around huh? Evan believes that America bought the Louisiana Purchase from France for 17 dollars. (The answer was 6.5 million FYI.) I thought that 29 million people rode Amtrak daily, apparently only 65,000 do putting me off by a cool 28.9+ million. This is a pretty good game and I’ll share any other answers too good not to share.
– Not to fly off topic but whenever guys (i’m assuming this is universal) take a piss there is always these drops that last forever when you get 95% done. My friend once told me that if you shake more than twice it can be considered beating off. I’m not sure what it meant but I live by it. When you wear jeans it’s not a problem because if a drop or two gets on the jeans no one can tell. But when you have khakis on and you reel it in too early and droplets drip on the front of your pants you look like a schmag who doesn’t know how to take a piss. Also if you ever start your piss and it comes out in two streams. One will hit like the far left of the water and the other will shoot 90 degrees onto some place it shouldn’t. Then you have to push as hard as you can to try to align them. I think the Elaine comment “how do guys walk around with those things” is fitting.
New Black Eyed Peas
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Keep the Wits and Wager stories coming, they are entertaining!