LPT – Life Pro Tip
Font choices in red should be regarded as “stop”
If you’re going to be using my LPT’s, you are forewarned
That is my actual betting log which has me down 7 units for the season
- Don’t bet when drinking – When drinking, money becomes and object and not a means of survival. All awareness of the value of money goes out the window when you are 12 beers deep and this enables irrational thinking to bloom. As you can see from the feature image, the biggest bets are on games I couldn’t name one player from and this allowed a larger downturn than what should have happened. It should be noted that the biggest booms can occur when drinking as well.
- Be Self Aware in Conversation – This is easily the hardest one to judge because it’s very subjective. When you’re talking to someone else, you can feel when you are on the same page with someone. They’ll be times when I start talking about a subject matter and I can tell that the person is bored to death or doesn’t care. When this happens, guess what I do? I change the fucking subject. So when you’re talking to me and you’ve prattled on for the last 5 minutes and I haven’t responded, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’m too polite to tell you that I don’t give a shit but you should be able to tell. Funny story and an example. Last weekend I was hanging out with the Wads and asked him where his GF was. He gave me a one sentence answer, then he started going into detail and I stopped him and said, “I don’t care.” I’m not trying to be mean here, and since Adam is one of my best friends, I don’t mind interrupting him and telling him I don’t care because whether she’s at the mall or at the salon, it’s out of my interest. If Adam was a stranger, I’d probably just nod my head a bunch of times.
- Eat Food and Drink Water When Boozing – I can’t explain it but I’m horrible at this. It’s like interrupting my drinking by eating is a buzz kill. It makes no sense because it takes 30 minutes and will increase a night by hours. When I eat and drink, I can go all day if I stay away from shots. When I haven’t eaten, it’s like I’ll go black out and zombie my way for a few hours until something bad happens. It shouldn’t be difficult, but it’s essential.
- Get Off the Fucking Machine – I started going to the gym again and people are, as Larry David would say, “nincompoops”. If you aren’t using the machine, don’t sit on it using your phone. It’s not a bench. Why are you bringing your phone to work out anyway? The gym isn’t social hour. It’s supposed to be an efficient process of getting in shape. The only people who spend 2 hours at the gym are people who have nothing better to do with their lives except getting swole to move furniture (is my best guess).
- Say Thank You..But Not Too Much – By far the best phrase to use in many spots. I even overuse it to the point that it starts becoming meaningless. The server gives me some coffee. Thank you. The server gives me my omelette. Thank you. The server gives me my check. Thank you. People like to be thanked genuinely because we like doing good deeds and then being respected or acknowledged for doing them. It goes the same with “great job”. I don’t want to hear great job. I want to hear what you actually think of the work even if it’s negative.