The UnFriending Process

I don’t get new friend requests on Facebook. I’m past the point of my life of meeting new people and I’m content with never having a new friend. With this philosophy, you’d think I’d want to do my best at holding on to my current friends. You’d be wrong. There are three types of friends I currently have on Facebook. 1) Someone I know in real life that I’ve met on numerous occasions and would actually consider a friend. 2) Someone I met once, was curious about them and befriended them, never to see them again but still have some connection through mutual friends. 3) People who are somehow my friend. People from group 1 are relatively safe that I won’t unfriend them. People in group 2 and 3 can be unfriended if they do something that I don’t like. This will be discussed in reasons below. There is really no bigger slap in the face than an unwarranted unfriending. Unless you’ve done something wrong to the person, you’d never expect to be unfriended. It’s like the person is purposely going out of their way to tell you did something wrong in this facebook relationship. I’d presume that most people don’t ever think they are committing facebook mishaps to get them unfriended. Here are my reasons for unfriending.

  • A girl who is pretty hot, nice rack and I grew up a few houses away from (I barely know her) had about 10 songs in a row that she was listening to and it was updating my news feed with each one with a link to spotify. This started to annoy me and I gave her the heave ho. Clutter my news feed and get unfriended.
  • Steve asked me “how are you friends with this girl” and she was in my biology class in 7th grade and was somehow my friend. She updated her status almost every hour, wasn’t attractive, and I’d never see her again in my life. Unfriend.
  • I unfriended someone who had a lot of weed in their pictures and their wall was covered by inappropriate comments. As much as I feared unfriending this person, I stopped being a coward and did it.
  • Mystery song lyrics can warrant an unfriending.
  • Spamming links ( doesn’t count. I’m referring to links that are malicious, this is an automatic unfriending even if it’s unintentional.

    You’ll notice that people who pretty much stay out of the news feed won’t get unfriended. With that new part of facebook in the upper right that tells people every little thing you do, I wouldn’t want to draw too much attention to myself. Most people don’t see it this way and leave trails and trails of activity that unless I really like you or know you, will get you unfriended. Out of the 350+ “friends” on facebook, I’d say I interact with 30 of them in real life. I have no problem leaving the other 320 but I also don’t have a problem removing them and never thinking about them again. Every so often I’ll think “I wonder what happened to so an so” but this thought happens once a year and usually if they are rumored to have croaked. I am more anti-social than you think and could probably survive without any friends. The fact that I’ve somehow accumulated this many should give some idea of how popular facebook is. However, with no new requests coming in, it’s all downhill from here on out. Once I whittle this list down to my top 100, you can hope you survive the cut.