The Bayou

So I got an email from the Bayou that read “Manayunk is back for the place to eat, drink and be merry and the Bayou is ready for you. The Bayou Bar & Grill, located in Manayunk, Philadelphia, has been one of the premier bars for nightlife since it’s opening in 1993. The Bayou is the oldest bar on Main Street and has been the central figure of the Manayunk bar scene. With over 25 TV’s, 3 bars and every sports game package that there is, you can enjoy any Philadelphia sports game or you can enjoy watching whoever your favorite sports team is for that matter.”

Now there’s nothing wrong with this description but if I were doing the review, it would read something like this:

The Bayou is the oldest bar on Main Street and we haven’t upgraded it since we started. We are certainly not a premier bar because we lack the space to be one. We have 25 TV’s but most are less than 17″ and the bigger ones are Panasonic’s. Our atmosphere is cramped and we only have a few bathrooms. When too many people come to our bar, our bathroom lines are out the door and people spill drinks on one another in close quarters because it’s hard to move. The bar usually fills up quickly downstairs and then people start filling in behind and have to get drinks by reaching over seated patrons. We have tables outside for eating but they are right in the middle of the sidewalk so you are constantly being passed by interrupting pedestrians. We hire mostly male bartenders because we don’t understand that guys spend more money at the bar and prefer female bartenders. Our staff will generally serve better looking females before serving males. We have a staircase that should be roped off because drunks are prone to fall down it. Sometimes we invite groups of people for open bars and claim that we serve top shelf liquor but when they ask for something even as lowly as Jack Daniels, we bait and switch them with Evan Williams. We laugh when someone asks for Grey Goose at our top shelf open bar. Our food is mediocre at best but it’s dirt cheap so no one complains. We do have the cheapest beer on main street though, which is another reason people put up with the above. All in all for a cheap, average experience, come to the Bayou.

I actually think I can write a series about the bars in Manayunk with realistic reviews.