We Don't Walk Slow

Fake Reality TV That Tries To Be Real

Fake reality TV like The Kardashians, The Hills, Jersey Shore, or The Bachelor are the epitome of “reality” TV. Essentially the episodes get scripted by creative writers and the actors act out the scenes. 2013 has come a long way since TV that was closer to reality like Real World (1992) & Survivor (2000),The Osbornes (2002) were pioneering reality TV. Those shows felt like there was minimal persuasion from directors. Today the audience has bought into the idea that reality is better (which I agree with) but it’s gotten so out of hand that reality has now transferred back to scripted television. I don’t really have a problem with it as long as everyone realizes that what they are watching isn’t reality. Here are a few examples of shows that actually try to act like it’s real life compared to shows on E! and the networks.

Hardcore Pawn

There is really no need to watch the clip but essentially the microphone pack comes out of the guest and it makes sense that a reality TV show wouldn’t mic guests walking into the store. What I really like about the video (you still don’t have to watch it) is that the person who made it keeps saying how much he enjoys it. For me once the effect of a show being produced and created is dawned on me, I stop liking it. After watching about 3 Hardcore Pawns you come to this realization but it just makes you wonder what the hell is the point of the bartering? I think coming up with ideas and crazy people acting would get difficult.

World’s Worst Tenants

I actually find this show pretty funny. The tenants go nuts and are pretty good actors. The end credits say the show is inspired by real events with names/places changed. They are all actors. It is not real. The last few episodes I saw were hilarious though. One dude drove an RV through a gate, another pointed a gun at the bros, and people were having sex on the balcony which were actually dolls! It’s on FX which probably gets overlooked often.

Storage Wars
I was pretty big on Storage Wars and it’s STILL the main source of traffic for my site. I wrote articles on why I thought it was fake back in 2011 and it still continues today. This entry still gets major traffic. I completely stopped watching it around this time. Dave Hester even came out saying it was fake and I was browsing an episode recently and it seems like he’s off the show. Why on Earth would people continue watching it if they know it’s fake? The items are planted, the bidding is staged, and the whole premise is pointless…

I guess at this point I’m not bringing anything groundbreaking to the scene because it’s fairly obviously. I dug up this quote from an actor on some show I don’t watch. The situations are “all false,” Hart says, yet, “the real reality comes from us playing ourselves. We’re making fun of ourselves.” But ultimately a semi-scripted, semi-improvised show like Real Husbands is not that much different from celebrity-driven reality shows that feature stars reacting to manufactured situations.” I think that is a pretty good description of what is happening. I wonder how many people understand that though. Once cops goes fake, we know we are in trouble. Let’s all admit Pawn Stars has jumped the sharked as well.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-27T00:19:00-04:00March 27th, 2013|Tv|2 Comments

Drone Wars – Storage Wars 12/21/11

In tonight’s episode you had people spending a lot of money and seemingly making out well. The valuation part of the show needs to change. That aside, its interesting to see how the prices of the lockers rise with the popularity of the show. The bidding process still seems somewhat real to me. Watching Dan push Barry aside when he flew the chopper into the locker seems too real to be staged. Darrell did seem to possess some knowledge of the contractor locker but I think they value things on retail pricing, not what Darrell can actually get. If he went to a place with all that tile, I can’t believe they’d pay 10 bucks per piece. The Jarrod bidding against Nabila did end somewhat abruptly which was odd. I find it weird when they just keep bidding against each other just because. It was nice to see Jarrod and Brandi lose on a locker especially when he just starts popping out values for items. This means he probably got his ass handed to him on it. Barry luckboxed his way to a win which seemed pretty lucky but I did learn how to tell real pearls from fake pearls (real are gritty against your teeth). That is one thing I do like about the show, it does give you an idea of what to look for and a general valuation. Interesting episode but the formula is getting routine.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-03T15:16:23-04:00December 20th, 2011|Tv|0 Comments

Storage Wars – Bowling for Dollars & Unlocked

New episodes of Storage Wars aired tonight 8.31.11. It started off with my favorite characters in conflict. Dave Hester and Jarrod were squaring off in actual “real” reality tv. Jarrod was being immature and Dave got all up in his grill and basically told him not to fuck around with him while he was working. Dave’s actions were completely warranted because Jarrod thinks he can act however he wants and Dave pretty much put him in his place. What I disliked the most was Jarrod’s attitude to not say “I’m sorry” and acted like a tough guy looking to throw down. It was all good TV and just made me respect Dave more and Jarrod less. Brandi was looking good by the way.

This episode was pretty interesting in the bidding process. The animosity between Dave and Jarrod was apparent and neither wanted to let the other have the locker. They both sort of got the best of each other in the end. Plus it’s so obvious that Jarrod is the amateur, he’s starting to carry a flashlight around like Dave now. Barry is still hilarious expecting to find these hidden treasures in the random spaces of lockers. Darrell is actually starting to grow on me a bit because he does possess some knowledge. Dave thinking he got a million dollar violin was pretty funny when the cold hard truth was it was 100 bucks. The best part of tonight’s episode was the Unlocked portion though.

A few random things I picked up on:

You can still tell that Dave and Jarrod hate each other.

Brandi and Jarrod aren’t married but have two kids.

Everyone thinks Dave is an asshole which makes me like him more because he is the show. He makes the other characters better.

The characters get outbid on 20-30 lockers but they only show the ones they win. Also they buy plenty of lockers that have nothing in them but that never gets aired as well.

The new show in Texas will flop. The characters suck. This show will stop being popular in 1-2 years.

By Tom Stortz|2016-11-02T00:11:47-04:00August 31st, 2011|Tv|0 Comments

Brandi from Storage Wars

New Storage Wars aired tonight and Brandi is looking good. Since she’s the only female, and I explained why she’s hotter than ever here and here, she stands out head and shoulders above the crowd. Plus she actually has a pulse behind her. She’s hotter than you’d think because she acts like a real person. It’s not like she knows she’s attractive and acts like Paris or Kim K. She is just there as a normal human being bidding on storage lockers. She really is my perfect girl though. I love the brunette/blond hair color and she has a cute face and a fine body. She just feels like she’d be fun to be around.

I think the show is starting to get a bit too much mainstream. When they just start bidding up the prices for TV, it loses it’s realness. Plus they seem to value everything in excess just to keep it interesting. Just because they say it’s this much doesn’t mean anyone would pay that much. I expect this is the last season this show will be any good. In the meantime, here are some Brandi pics to keep you interested.

By Tom Stortz|2013-03-15T03:30:56-04:00August 3rd, 2011|Celeb, Tv|15 Comments

Better by Comparison

Sometimes things and people benefit from being better by comparison. Here are a few examples.

Brandi Passante

Brandi from Storage Wars is a great example of better by comparison. She benefits greatly from the fact that there isn’t another girl on the entire show. She’s relatively attractive, say a 7, but considering the fact she’s the best thing to look at on the show, she becomes a 9. Good face, skinny, pretty hair and a bitchy attitude, she gets it done. I guarantee there are guys who are drooling over this girl as they watch the show. I also want to add that I know the reason for Storage Wars popularity, it’s the intrigue and curiosity of what’s inside these random storage units. People LOVE what they don’t know. There is a sense of excitement from purchasing a unit that you don’t really know how much it’s worth and you look like a genius from being able to pick out a good locker. People eat up the unknown. Darrel, the gambler, is the thriftiest, worst character on the show. Plus they overvalue everything. They put a used golf bag at 50 bucks and you can buy brand new ones better than that for 50 bucks. Sorry I’m watching the show as I type this and expressing my frustration.

Kevin Love

This is a little unfair and doesn’t fit exactly into this post, but being the best player on the Timberwolves is like being the most popular kid in the Glee club. Is he as good as his stats say? Doubtful. He is better because he has no one else on his team who is any good. He does it all on a bad team and he looks like an all star. What happened to Chris Bosh’s numbers when he went to the Heat? For accuracy, the Timberwolves were 27th in the league in FG% and 1st in O boards. Also note that their PACE factor (an estimate of the number of possessions per 48 minutes by a team) is #1 out of all 30 teams. Kevin Love played 36 minutes per game and is the Timberwolves. He looks good but is completely OVERRATED.

Facebook

Fairly obvious but they have no competition. Show me another social website that has 700 million users. It doesn’t matter if Facebook is good or not because you are going to use it no matter what. Even if another social website had a brilliant interface and applications that can suck your dick, you still wouldn’t join because you’d be all by yourself (as you are with google+ now). Status updates on Facebook are just annoying at this point and it’s whole chat system makes me feel completely back in middle school. I get advertising spammed and flooded with virus links. Facebook makes me feel like a digital stalker sometimes. It’s really not all that great but there isn’t anything better, therefore, it’s amazing.