Mother Can You Take Me


Think back to your childhood and recall how much you relied on your parents to get you from point A to point B when you were younger. How your parents would get annoyed once you started asking them too often. I remember my mom was always my go to and my dad was always a last resort. When I think back to it I really have to give my mom tons of credit because driving a teenage kid around must be a huge pain in the ass. It’s, stop everything you’re doing and drive your child to where they want to go. What is going on in your life must come to a halt. Plus you’d have some of your friends whose parents would rarely ever drive and it would get into a numbers game. Multiple rides to places in a day would occur to make matters worse. All my kids are riding a bike Jake Schwartz style.

The worst age for a parent had to be when your kids were 15 and they’d want to hang out late and then ask you to pick them up. My mom used to get PISSED when we’d say we had rides figured out, something would change and then we’d call her at midnight, and be like “can I have a ride home?” ┬áThis obviously stopped once kids got their licenses but these had to be tough times. I remember a year or two before I could drive where we had track practice during the summer and we would break for lunch. Kids moms would actually pick them up at lunch and bring them back every day. I would hang nearby where my mom worked at a nursing home.

While I’m back in my childhood days, did anyone else get really excited just to see a boob (when did youtube start showing nipples?)? I remember movies like Species, Just One of the Guys, Disclosure, Wild Things, The Specialist, Barb Wire, Striptease, and some others that would come to me if I kept thinking about it, were like heaven sent. I probably didn’t even know how to bust a nut but the anticipation of a boob was all I needed. Let’s not forget meticulously searching through Vanity Fair for any semblance of an outlined nipple. Anyone else remember the introduction of the magazine Heavy Metal?

I did a lot of nerdy things too like set up a lan with Evan to play Quake 3. We used to abuse the Electronics Boutique return policy by buying a game and returning it within the 14 days. Why didn’t we just rent the game? The magic trick phase where we practiced magic was hilarious too. That used to piss my mom off more than anything because they had a magic stand at the Montgomeryville Mall that we’d always ask to go to when the Willow Grove mall was 15 minutes closer. Plus once you have more than 1 kid this is times 4 for my family. Ahh the good old days.

As you get older and mature you start to realize what a hassle it is to have kids but I’ll take this post and thank my mom (with slight recognition to my dad) for driving me to and from places to make my childhood a memorable experience. Without them I don’t know how I would have done all these nerdy activities.