This is the first day of being at work by myself for the most part. It’s not like I haven’t done this all by my lonesome before but never for such an extended period of time. I’ve had plenty of people offer to help, which is really nice, but teaching someone how to run things the way I want them done is probably easier with me just doing them. It’s only a month or so of time so I will make out fine.
Jc spent these last weeks or so preparing me with everything that he thought was pertinent through his years and years of experience. Saying goodbye to him yesterday was about as emotional as I get (which isn’t much), knowing that he’s going under the knife and I’m on my own for a little while. It’s not so much emotional as it is the realization that things are changing and I had to take a step back and look at it from a macro perspective. My birthday is in a few days (getting older) and the responsibility of earning a living is entirely on me. My dad spent his life working and putting us through college that I already owe him so much. I need to figure out if selling roofing tools and running the family business, which has been in the family for 5 generations, is what I’m set out to do. There are both good an bad things that go along with the business. For one, there is a pressure to succeed. It’s not like going to work for a corporation where your main objective is to not get fired and hopefully move up the corporate ladder. If this business fails there is no one to blame but yourself. The business environment is harder than ever and your product line has to adapt to the global economy while considering exchange rate issues, other sources, competition and a slew of other things they teach you in books. I can do it, I have no doubt, but it’s a job that requires full effort with little time for other things.
When my dad was 27 he got a brilliant idea that he wanted to travel the country in an RV with one of his buddies. He quit the family business for a 6 months or so, much to the chagrin of his father, and went to mardi gras and then ended up a lumberjack in a northwestern state. He would cut trees then get bombed with the other lumberjacks day after day. This is not what I want to do but it’s the point that sometimes you need to take time off to figure out if what you’re doing is what you want to do.
This brings me to my next question which has me scratching my head and pretty much puts me in fits. How do you invest the money you make so that you can live a more comfortable lifestyle? All I’ve ever done with my money is lose it. Whether it be gambling at casinos, sports betting, online poker, or investing in stocks and mutual funds. If I wasn’t a schmuck with my money I’d probably have tens of thousands more dollars than I have today. What’s done is done though and looking to the future is all you can do. There has to be a happy medium between a nit and a reckless maniac. I know I wouldn’t be happy sitting on my money because their would be no excitement to life. It’s not in my genes. However, blowing cash on stupid games doesn’t float my boat either.
I want to make one final point to this somewhat unusually serious post. I have the inability to get emotionally attached to anything. I don’t care about things the way other people do. People are die hard Phillies fans and can’t think about anything else but baseball. They love their team and will defend them to the death. I think the game is painfully slow and boring and the end result is basically meaningless. I don’t get caught up in the hype because I can think for myself. If I put a grand on the game, then I’d be rooting for them but I have nothing in my mind or body that attracts me to liking the Phillies. Point being, making (easy) money is one of the only things that gets me excited. Without a possibility of financial gain, I don’t feel emotional towards anything. I don’t cry at weddings. Sad movies aren’t sad. I don’t care about my birthday. I get pissed when the person who used all the water in the Brita didn’t refill last night, but I can look past that quickly. I don’t really do relationships because I care too much about myself and my own issues and don’t want to bring anyone in. The thing is, I’m not unhappy. I wouldn’t do it any other way. I have qualities to myself that make me me. Yes I squander money on strippers, booze, and gambling. I feel like if I went to a therapist they would say, “You’re 26, it’s time to settle down, find a nice girl, and start a family.” I’d think, “Ugh, halt all the fun.” You don’t get younger and the time to do stupid things is fleeting. I’ve done a tremendous amount of stupid things that you would think I would have learned all there is to know. As motion city soundtrack says, The Future Freaks Me Out.