Stortz tool secretary

This email I received goes down as one of the most classic responses I’ve ever received in business.  The one woman company is in Washington state and I issued a PO about 2 months ago.  I assumed it would take longer than normal but I started wondering what was happening when I hadn’t seen anything for about a month.  I tried emailing and calling and wasn’t getting anywhere.  This is the response I got a few weeks after trying to track her down.

Tom,

I apologize for the delay in answering emails.

I didn’t realize I would have orders past June.  Additionally, I just welcomed another child into my family and have been recovering from surgery.  I’m ready to get back to business and back to work.

Is your order a priority?  I ran out of stock in March and was advised by the doctor to put off manufacturing until after the baby was born.  

I’ll get started this weekend and hopefully be able to ship within a few days.

Again, I apologize for being unavailable.  I hope my absence has not been too much of an inconvenience.

For anyone who reads this and wants to learn a thing or two about business, here’are few pointers.

• Never admit your business is this slow by saying “I didn’t realize I would have orders past June”.  Not only are you saying you do no business but you are saying how stupid you are for not having anyone even checking your business on even a WEEKLY basis.
• I don’t care that you welcomed a child into the world.  Your personal life has nothing to do with me.  This is only an excuse for why you weren’t doing your job and excuses are for the weak.
• Is your order a priority?  Are you fucking kidding.  No Ms., ship it whenever you feel it’s good for you.
• I know for a fact you don’t manufacture this product so this is a straight up lie.  Why is a single woman who is having a baby manufacturing hand tools?

This is what she should have written and I wouldn’t be posting it on my blog:

Tom,

This is quite embarrassing but I was irresponsible in regard to my business.  I did not take appropriate actions in setting up proper communication while I was planning for maternity leave.  I’ve since received your order and will have it shipped as soon as I can.  I’m sorry for the delay and I appreciate your patience.