I would like to think that I’m a pretty harsh critic and I 100% like dishing it out when I know that the person has comeback possible (in this case because I’m a meaningless spec on their radar). These people have all obtained celebrity status and are living the good life somewhere on an island they probably purchased. I’m here to write why they suck.
Aside from the Mask, where she was actually sssssmokin, I can’t think of any films that I think she was good in. The only reason she was good in the Mask is because she had limited speaking parts and she was 22 at the time. Her fame cums from putting Ben Stillers jizz in her hair. When I look at that picture I think that she was just beamed down from a UFO and is doing her best to fit in. Charlie’s Angels was probably the worst series of movies I’ve never seen. Her best role ever was the voice of the Princess in Shrek and that’s just because she didn’t have to appear on screen. I have absolutely no desire to see her new movie with Tom Cruise even if the critics say it’s the best movie on the planet (i’m sure they won’t). I can’t even explain my disdain for her but I just find her completely overrated and overpaid.
- Drew Barrymore
When I look at this picture all I see is a nice rack. Her face does absolutely nothing for me and this pose makes me want to vomit. What the hell is on her ass? It looks like a telephone pole with a falcon hugging it. She has this high, nasally, whiny voice that makes her sound like a 4 year old. Some of her shittier roles were The Wedding Singer where I’m completely wondering why Adam Sandler isn’t falling for Christine Taylor instead. In 50 first dates she was a ra-tard and I found myself wondering why would anyone want to waste their time with a 3 who can’t remember anything. Never Been Kissed seemed pretty much on point. Another whore from the lamented Charlie’s Angels series. I just can’t understand how she keeps pulling these big roles. She must give some amazing head to have made it in the industry this long with no good looks and a first name that’s a guys.
- Justin Long
All these people seem to be related one way or another and I didn’t intentionally plan that. This guy gets me the most irritated out of all of them. For being such a weasly, whiny, loser and pulling some of the hottest ass out there is beyond me. Now I’m well aware that these are just the movies but they set this a-hole up with the most beautiful girls on the planet. Not surprising he can only pull Drew Barrymore in real life. If you’ve seen Accepted, you’d wonder how on earth he’s the love interest of Blake Lively. This pathetic wimp somehow landed a role in a Die Hard movie which is a complete oxymoron to the most manly of all men John McClaine. I’ve never seen Herbie but I assume he got to hook up with Lindsay Lohan pre-meltdown, which I might add she looked pretty awesome in Mean Girls back in the day. Being the smooth operator in He’s Just Not That Into You must have irked the directors because they probably had to retake every scene once they realized he’s a real putz. His best role was in dodge ball where he played a character like himself, a geek. The fact that this guy has made so much money makes me want to put my head in a garbage disposal.
- David Spade
I want to start this by saying I thought he was absolutely perfect as a counter part to Chris Farley. The scenes in Tommy Boy have become classics by this point. He played the part perfectly as a poindexter who accepted the role as a supporting actor. So what happened. He was attacked by the same disease that got Justin Long, giant headitis. These guys get these huge egos because they played a good role in a movie one time and then all of a sudden they think they are superstars. Joe Dirt is such a piece of shit movie that it makes me cringe even to write it in this post. If you’ve seen it, the girl Brandy is one fine, fine piece of ass and she deserved an Oscar for her role in pretending to like this numnuts. Dickie Roberts was another terrible idea and an even worse idea to make this guy the lead. I honestly have never seen one episode of anything he’s ever done on TV but I can only imagine he plays someone who’s way cooler than he should be. He’s gone out with the likes of Heather Locklear (and absolute bombshell) and has a daughter with a Playboy Playmate!?! I guess money does make the world go round. I think what happens with me is that I see an actor play a type of role really well and I just always expect that guy to play that role again. I don’t want to see them branch out and put on a display of their exquisite acting expertise (they can’t).
If I took more time on this I’m sure I could find plenty of people to break down and explain why I think they are awful. Just to give some examples of some people who I actually think do a really good job and deserve everything – Jonah Hill ( I read a cool article about him in Rolling Stone), Leonardo DiCaprio (doesn’t make bad movies), and Bradley Cooper (as much as I want to hate him, I can’t find any reason to).