Rusty

Everything has pretty much settled down and I’m back into the going to work and then whatever I usually do after work routine. It’s funny because when I had off for 2 weeks, I felt like a waste of life and wanted some structure. Now that I’m doing it again, I just want to be doing nothing. I felt like I was writing some decent posts last week and keeping things entertaining which differs a bit from how I feel right now. I had a long day at work and my brain isn’t in it’s creativity mode but more like shut down mode. I have a feeling it’s just what Monday’s do to an individual and knowing that it’s just the beginning of a work week.

The older I get, the more things seem to leave me. I’m referring more towards activities than anything else. Work consumes so many hours of your day that you don’t get a chance to actively do things that you may find more exciting. I’ve wrote a post like this before, but now I feel it even more so than ever. Throughout various points of my life, I have been better at things then I am presently. Back in high school, or maybe early college, I shot an 82 in golf on a legit course in West Virginia. The other week I shot an 107, out of the norm but it certainly shows what I’m capable of. In middle school I could shoot a 3 pointer and there would actually be a chance of it going in. Today, I’m lucky to hit the rim on a layup. At points of my life I’ve 9 tabled cash games and played thousands upon thousands of hands that most people won’t play that much in their lifetime. Now I sometimes can’t even find the guts to raise a 46 suited from early position. I used to run beer pong tables in college and now I’m just happy to hit the cup. In fact over the weekend 2 girls were nearly going to win against me. I played on a travel baseball team that won something like 30+ games in a row and now I don’t even like playing because there’s too much individual pressure and making mistakes singles you out completely and makes you feel like a schmo.

There is a feeling inside of me of being the best you can be. There’s an obvious reason why I’m not nearly as good as I once was in all of the above mentioned examples, practice. I don’t practice to any real extent. It’s a combination of not having the time and not really caring. Sure I’d like to be good at everything I do but it’s not realistic to think that I’m going to go to the gym and shoot a thousand shots so I can be good at pick up basketball. I’m not going to practice my beer pong shots so I can play all night and never lose a game to impress who? I guess my point is that all activities are more fun when you are good at them and to be good at them requires some type of practice. This post is asking what do you do with your time? I would be much more successful if I devoted all my time towards the business rather than these activities that I deem as “fun.” When you are young it’s easy to get caught up in things to pass the time because a lot of things are new. As you get older and you’ve tried a lot of things out there and it comes a time to ask, “ok, what do I really want to do” I just really have a hard time coming up with a good answer.

This has been my go to question before in trying to pick up girls in the bar and not surprising it hasn’t worked with such success. I’ll go up to girls and ask them exactly that “what do you like to do?” I’ve always felt it’s a good question because it expresses interest and you might be able to talk to them about something they like to talk about. A lot of time people don’t interpret the question as sincere interest and they think I’m a creep trying to delve into their inner self. This can also swing to job talk which usually doesn’t come off as good weekend bar conversation. Usually anytime someone tells me they like their job I immediately label them as a nut job and move on. I actually don’t mind work but it’s the free time that gets tricky for me. I’ve consumed so many hours with so many activities and have come away with essentially nothing. I have not been able to find great success in anything that I actually like doing. If I could make money in the stock market, that would interest me but the game is so unbelievable sided against you. I’ve put countless hours into poker that at this point the amount of money I’m able to scrounge from the game isn’t worth the amount of time. Sports are all out of the question. So where does that leave me? I’m reading a book about a girl with a dragon tattoo because it’s a cheap form of entertaining entertainment. Sad I know but I have to believe that I’m not the only person in this boat and I’m fascinated by what people would do in their free time that is a worthwhile cause and is productive. Saving the planet isn’t an option.