I’m going to write some things that will let you know how to be likable or if you do some of these other things why people probably don’t like you. If you read this and think I’m specifically referring to you, you are wrong. There is no one I’m specifically attacking just general thoughts. Also, this more so refers to random people liking you opposed to people you see all the time who probably stopped liking you a while ago but are too afraid to admit it.

Say thank you. I really believe polite manners are important to people liking you. If you go out to eat and the waitress gives you a drink or your food, smile and say thank you. It shows you appreciate it and don’t think of yourself as the almighty. When I’m driving and I let someone in front of me and they give a wave of gratitude, I immediately feel ok about letting them take my spot. I sincerely hate letting people in ahead of me but as long as they appreciate it, I’m ok with it. This shows that your not self absorbed and have the ability to interact with everyday people you encounter. Fuckers that ride the empty lane to cut in at the last second should get an immediate kidney stone. Don’t let them in or else you are a pushover pansy momma’s boy.

Don’t brag about money. I sometimes fall in this category. If the market has a good day and someone is talking to me about stocks I may say yeah I made this much off of this and this and this. This is completely stupid and makes you come off as a douchebag. Everyone’s financial situation differs and it’s better left on the sidelines. If you are good person and treat people with respect, I could care less if you have one penny to your name. Gloating about money makes you come off as an asshole. Unless someone specifically asks. For instance, I just go to AC someone asks me how I did, I say I came back with a nice chunk of change of the Borgata’s money (yeah right) and they ask how much. Since they asked you can tell them but coming out and blurting out looks bad. You don’t need money to be happy but the constant struggle to obtain it gets in the way of that. Sometimes I wish I could just move to Oregon and be a lumberjack and get drunk every night and then be outside and cut trees everyday. My dad actually did this and I assume it gets old fast.

No mooching. You have to take care of yourself and not mooch off of others. There’s a line of giving and taking. As long as you are giving, it’s fine to be taking. You can’t nickel and dime everything, it’s too cumbersome and way to nit picky. If I lend you cash for a meal because you are out and then you buy beer for the night, whether it’s a couple of bucks here or there, no big deal. This is a hard subject to judge because everyone always remembers when they spent that cash for the goods but not always when it was they other way around. My favorite mooch is going to a bar and buying the first round for everyone. Once you’ve established you bought drinks for everyone it’s only natural people return the favor long lasting into the night. Girls I feel like don’t have to worry about this as guys will do anything to get into their pants as the night wears on.

Talking to people you don’t know is an easy way to find out if you are good at conversation. Generally after a few drinks I’m better at this subject but still have to talk to randoms, sober, at work every single day. The key to getting someone to like you is to relate to the person. Don’t talk about things you like, find out what they like to do. I used to use “do you like what your doing.” This works better on professionals rather than students, but it all works. Most people would answer yes and then this is the perfect spot to grill them. What do you do, what aspects do you like, what do you really want to do. I actually like asking questions learning about new people. Why the hell would I want to talk about myself to someone else, I already know everything about me. If you actually care and are a good listener this makes people remember you and like you. However, you have to be careful when using this with randoms. I would say that when I’m sober I can talk to either a person I haven’t seen in a while or a random person for a maximum of 4 minutes. After that I run out of stuff to talk about. How’s life, where are you working, have you seen so and so. If the persons answers don’t offer follow up questions, I’m cooked. Then you have to use the, “it was good seeing you, my friends are over there, or I need to use the bathroom to get away.” When I’m drinking I can last longer in conversation because I think of stupider things to say and am entertained by practically anything. If you have good opening questions to ask people, I’m all ears.

My biggest problem with the art of conversation is that sometimes I get too fucked up and even though I’m hammered I can still blabber my mouth off. This leads to me talking to people about things that when I’m sober I’ll ask them the same stuff and I come off as a complete retard. That’s another thing. Coming off as honest is an important trait. This Saturday this guy comes up to me and says “Tom, good to see you.” I shake his hand, give him a blank stare and say “how do I know you again?” He’s like dude I’ve met you like 5 times. Bad intro but I come off saying “I must have been wasted every time, however I’m relatively sober now and I promise the next time I see you I’ll remember your name. People respect honesty. If you ever find yourself in a bind the best way out of it is honesty. Tell people how you feel upfront and they can’t get mad. Well they can get mad but at least they will respect the truth. Being a weasel is how you get into trouble. Only other weasels are friends with weasels.

Complements are good ice breakers. People like to know that other people think that something they do or buy is good. Someone said to me “I like your shoes.” I’m like what the fuck holy hell someone likes these old piece of garbage nikes that i’ve had for 6 months, what are they fucking nuts. But it still makes you feel like at least someone likes my decision picking on shoes. I like to go with really obscure complements, they seem to stick better with people because it shoes your attention to detail. Like those glasses are awesome, or that dress is really pretty. I only complement girls by the way because if you complement the opposite sex you can come off like a queer. I’m not even sure a no homo detracts the gayness of the comment. However I believe shoes and hats are ok to complement but not clothing or looks for guys. Now anytime I’ve complemented someone on something in the past they are going to think that I was completely full of shit but I generally if I say it I mean it so don’t look to far into it.

What I’ve just wrote about is pretty much what I’ve come to learn about socializing and surviving in society without coming off as a stuck up, fuck up. I’m not anxious about sharing this because now anytime someone who has read this comes to talk to me its going to be a big event and people aren’t going to act like themselves because they think I have these mighty standards of fitting in. That’s not really it at all. I’m just sharing with you how I behave. You don’t have to behave like me. You don’t want to behave like me. I’ve fucked up so many situations and been in so many fucked up situations that you probably should read this and do the exact opposite of everything I’ve wrote. I just don’t take life that seriously and these are just funny circumstances that arise day to day. I’m sure if I worked in the corporate world and had interaction daily with the people of the world I could write for hours about what irks me. For now this will have to do.