What Does Your Beer Say About You?

Holiday season brings parties and parties bring beer. As a beer drinking alcoholic, I feel I have some expertise on the subject matter. I’ve compiled a list of popular beers and provided an analysis of the overall understanding of what you’re are drinking. This isn’t a taste test for best beer. It’s what goes through my mind when I arrive at a party that has the beer.

Bud, Coors, and Miller Lite

Piss Water

Piss Water

Coors, Bud, and Miller are your standard light beers. Perfect for drinking games but not well respected by drinking enthusiasts. These are the beers that you drink when your just trying to catch a buzz and prolong drinking for as long as possible. I know I’m going to have drink at least 10 of them to really feel anything. This means that I’m going to have to be taking more pisses than usual and putting more liquid in my body than it wants. This is why alcoholics drink stronger drinks. A good tailgating beer.

Yuengling

"Lager"

“Lager”

In Pennsylvania, when you order a “lager”, you are ordering a Yuengling. Let me repeat this, you can’t do that with any other beer when you ask for the type of beer and get a specific one. You don’t say, “I’ll take an IPA” and have someone know what you’re talking about. This beer would take my #1 in a power ranking based on all components. Price, taste, alcohol content, and brand are all perfect. Not the best beer for drinking games but there could be much worse. This beer sets the bar and it sets it high.

Guinness

Key component to Irish Car Bombs

Key component to Irish Car Bombs

There aren’t many cooler things than seeing a well poured Guinness waterfall. Guinness is a lower ABV stout that is a tasty beer. I suppose I would say it is a filling beer and works great for morning drinking. Irish bars all carry Guinness and it’s a huge hit on St Patrick’s day. You won’t find it at parties often due to its price and lack of understanding in the US. It’s a great tasting beer that goes well with a meal, but it’s not your slam your face off, let’s pound Guinness type of a beer (although I’m sure people do).

Corona

Rosie, the queen of Corona

Rosie, the queen of Corona

When I think of Corona I think of summertime. I’m not a huge fan of Corona but will readily drink them if they are available. They are on the lighter side in my mind and I don’t enjoy the taste that much. Any beer that requests that you drink it with a fruit is a pussy drink in my mind. Beer drinking alcoholics don’t like fruit with their beers.

Samuel Adams

Boston Lager

Boston Lager

I think Samuel Adams is one of the finest breweries out there. I’m not wild about every one of their options but I have my favorites. Boston and Winter Lager are top lagers. I prefer these over Yuengling because they are the better beer. I don’t like when they try to get too fancy with their Cherry Wheat and Chocolate Bock types. Hands down though, you can’t go wrong with Sam.

Blue Moon

The Fruit's Beer

The Fruit’s Beer

Blue Moon is big out West which is fine by me because I don’t have to deal with it. Once again, you drink this beer with an orange peel. I think the taste of the beer is bad and would be one of my last options as beer. I would drink it if there was nothing else left is how much I dislike it. I think people prefer it because it’s a wimpy beer and it makes them feel different. Alcoholic’s don’t go with Blue Moon.