Little Girl’s Chirstmas List

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I came across this gem on Deadspin. The commentary is decent and I’ll share some of the better thoughts but after reading what a 7 year old desires, I’ve learned that I’m out of touch with what little kids want. When you’re in high school you still get a flavor of what items are trending and what’s popular. Once you move into a world where you literally have 0 contact with kids, you get no idea of what is popular. It’s great to know what kids want because these type of items avalanche in sales and the company’s that produce them are worthy of some research to see if they can make you money. I had to Google American Doll and Monster High to get in the loop.

Anyway, here are a few of the dad’s better lines from his daughter’s list.

– A thousand dollars. Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, but you cannot have this.
– “Our Barbie dolls aren’t causing as much body dysmorphia in children as they used to! MAKE ME A LINE OF BULIMIC VAMPIRE DOLLS OR YOU’RE ALL FUCKING FIRED.”
– When I asked her what she wanted between a flying car and an iPhone, she picked the goddamn iPhone.
– Are you gonna give a shit about walking it or feeding it after, oh, three days? No. All of the work will be left to me. This site says, “Border collies can become aggressive due to fear. … Do not approach or handle your dog suddenly from behind.” Great. Fucking great.

I remember I’d use to make Christmas lists with 50 items on them and I’d have 15 of them outrageous like a Zip-Line or paintball gun just to set the bar high. I’d make sure to put a star next to the ones that I really wanted and my parents (my mom) were pretty good about getting practical gifts. It’s weird because nowadays I wouldn’t know how to make a Christmas list. In my life, if I need it, I generally get it. This year it would be things like plumber, windows, and water heater. That Christmas list is just depressing. People know me for liking booze and booze presents are even more depressing. Sadly, clothes have moved up the list and everyone knows as a kid that a rectangular, light box was the worst type of present you could get. Small, compact ones that had video games were always prize possessions. Like Bob Dylan said, The Times They Are-Changing.