TC’s 5 Predictions

I’m not a smart man, but I know what the future holds.  Not really but I have to sound like I do if I want to be taking seriously.  Here are a few things that will happen.

downmarket1) The Dow Jones Industrial Average will close below 15,000 by June of ’15.  Trading took a big hit today dropping 264 points and closing under 17,000.  This prediction is not “when”, but how soon.  The DOW has seen significant growth since February of ’09 and this was not because of anything but the quantitative easing (trillions of dollars being injected into the economy).  The economy may seem steady for the time being but nothing goes up forever.  Another depression causes mass suicides and people begin to explode.

janay-rice-tweet2) Roger Goddell resigns as commissioner from the NFL after Janay Rice and Tyrese Robert Ruffin (A-Pete’s Son) join together and start gaining a massive support of Twitter followers.  The strength of the followers is enormous and begin to reign hate on Roger Goddell’s twitter account.  To cap off the emotional beating, the segment “mean tweets” on Jimmy Kimmel hurt Goddell’s feelings and he resigns.  The NFL season finishes with an Eagles Super Bowl victory and Archie Manning becomes the new commissioner.  Eagle’s fans start exploding with excitement.

mojo-3d-printer-23) 3D Printing becomes the next wave of production for items.  The company that is able to produce the raw materials for the printing becomes a trillion dollar company.  Let me explain how this will work and why it will take over:  Say you want a spoon, you download the spoon template, customize it in your printershop software, then have your printer print your spoon our of a ceramic material.  You won’t buy a silver spoon from Kitchen’s R Us when the spoon you printed costs a cent.  Obviously I’m making up a scenario where the material you use is good for a spoon but this idea will run rampant.  It will replace anything that can simply be re-created by the printer.  People are so amazed by this that they begin to explode.

140210-gadget-drone-1453_a8d2d5455da6d86789192edb1b1209394) Drones start to hunt people.  You’ve seen this in movies.  Drones will have cameras in their make up, be able to identify human faces, and then relay information to the owner of the droid.  This works especially well with criminals.  Sects will develop and Simon Phoenix will be the arch nemesis to the planet.  We’ll have to bring back John Spartan to take him down and it turns into a serious boggle.  Sandra Bullock develops and obsession with hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs.  Most likely ends with a frozen Simon Phoenix head exploding.

personexploding5) Credit cards are replaced with a surgically installed chip. Your body becomes a giant bank account.  Instead of scanning “your card”, you will get scanned.  If you ever hit 0, you become worthless to society and explode.  This sparks amazing production out of human beings and the survival of the fittest is put to the test.  Creativity is at an all time high.  People exploding becomes a nuisance to the numerous clean up crews dedicated to this issue.