2015 Most Spotify Followers

20. Flo Rida – 3,721,124 followers

Your hair is cut too crisp to be taken seriously.

What the fuck.  How do I start out with Flo Rida?  I looked hard for someone to steal this #20 spot but couldn’t find anyone.  Kanye.  Imagine Dragons.  I’d even take Vance Joy.  Flo Rida, the king of the hook will not go away.  It should be noted that he did go from #5 last year to #20 this year so this is most likely the last time we see him.  Thank heaven.  I’m listening to him right now to get the feel and his words are inaudible and then the hook comes.  Dance music at its finest.  Talent is not found here as he only added 300k followers which is negligible in comparison to the rest of the list.

19. Beyonce – 3,727,496 followers

Beyonce and Blue Ivy

Beyonce sort of makes me sad because she isn’t even trying anymore.  She really doesn’t have to.  She’s a mother to Blue Ivy and her past success will keep her near the top off of reputation alone.  It doesn’t hurt that she’s married to Jay-Z.  An ultimate power couple, unlike Kanye and Kim, who do it the right way with talent.  The song 7/11 has 147 million listens and I remember hearing that being played this year which isn’t so shabby.

18. Nicki Minaj – 3,729,423 followers

Nicki failed to change her logo which we know is a no-no.  Having a fake body has given Nicki more than her rat-tat-tat rap.  I’ve read a few interviews about her in Rolling Stone and she seems like a no-nonsense, workaholic business woman.  I respect her game, not her music.

17. Lana Del Ray – 3,824,581 followers

Um, nice hat.

I have virtually nothing to write about Lana Del Ray.  Her album Honeymoon came out in September of this year and she mystifies me that she has this many fans.  There must be a following in some country where all they do is listen to Lana Del Ray to pump up her numbers.  She was 10th last year so she’s going the wrong way.

16. Adele – 3,849,997 followers

HALLLLO!

Adele released Hello on Spotify and is currently the 3rd most listened to monthly artist.  Let’s face it, she’s huge.  She not only has a booming singing voice, but she is working with Max Martin who is the king of producing pop.  She is a bit overweight, recently a mother, and identifies with hundreds of million of females everywhere.  Her album isn’t even released on Spotify and Hello already has 293 million listens.  It’s historic.  She added 1.5 million Spotify followers this year alone.  More tracks to be pulled off of 25, I’m sure.

15. Skrillex – 3,913,451 followers

#9 on the list last year and only added 900,000 followers.  The only news I’m aware of is that Jack Ü is a duo made up of Skrillex and Diplo which is new.  He’s part of the Justin Bieber Remix as well.  I was going to write about Skrillex and Ellie Goulding but it looks like they broke up in 2012 which just means I shouldn’t write any more about Skrillex.

14. Taylor Swift – 3,947,286 followers

Admit it, you got a boob job.

Not allowing her music on Spotify is such a power move that it’s sickening.  It actually makes me dislike T Swift.  Her hashtag is #justsayyes.  How about doing that to Spotify music?  Your songs are played all over radio so what’s the big deal? You’re just pissed because you’re only going to make $100 million this year instead of $110.   Blank Space, Bad Blood, and Style were here huge smashes this year even though the album 1989 came out in 2014.

13. Bruno Mars – 4,000,306 

How did Bruno Mars add 1.4 million Spotify followers to move from 14 to 13 on this chart?  The answer is one song, Uptown Funk with Mark Ronson.

“HE IS THE BEST SINGER I’VE EVER HEARD IN FRONT OF MY FACE. I’VE NEVER BEEN PUSHED THAT HARD VOCALLY. – Adele

12. Calvin Harris – 4,165,949 followers

Dating Taylor Swift you SOB.  Talk about a career move.  How Deep is Your Love with Disciples (I could have swore it was Ellie) didn’t hurt his already strong reputation either.  Calvin moved from #17 last year to #12, so I’d call that a solid year.  He has also been the highest paid DJ the last 3 years. Plus you got Taylor Swift.  What a life for a guy named after a comic book.

11. Katy Perry – 4,175,063 followers 

You’ve got to change your Spotify logo, Katy.  Who are you paying to do this because they are dropping the ball?  Katy knows that touring is the way to make the big bucks and that’s what she is doing.  No new music for most of the year but Katy stays in the spotlight by doing the Superbowl last January.  No big deal.  When Katy roars, people listen.

10. Justin Bieber – 4,291,818 followers

#prayforselena

Even with the bad boy image, and the hog that dropped, Biebs keeps producing hit jams.  He is currently the most listened to artist with regards to monthly listens.  This is because What Do You Mean and Sorry are blowing up the charts. His album Purpose was even met with positive reviews.  Even if you hate Justin Bieber there is one certainty about him, he produces pop that gets played in clubs everywhere in the world and the ladies love him.

9. One Direction – 4,529,257 followers

Talk about tacking on followers.  Adding on a cool 1 million 2 years ago and 2 million this past year, this called doing work.  I’m not a teen girl so my information about Harry Styles and whoever the rest are is going to be weak.  It appears that an album called Made in the AM achieved pretty good results based off of the amount of listens it received.  Wasn’t their rumors of Harry quitting?  Upon further research, it was Zeyn who quit.  Who knew?

8. Drake – 4,630,880 followers

Drake and Kendall

Adding about 2 million followers and moving from #11 to #8 is a strong year from Drake.  Buoyed by the success of Hotline Bling and the album called What a Time to Be Alive, Drake is earning checks and snapping necks. I read some reports he is seeing Kendall Jenner which is a scary thought.  Rappers and Kardashian’s go together like white on rice.  Didn’t change his logo though which is pretty weak.

7. Avicii –  4,559,028

Fire logo.  Last year I wrote about health rumors about Avicii and I have no clue if that is still the case.  I’m sure it’s easy to get caught up in drugs living the DJ life.  I’d say this was a pretty successful year for Avicii considering it would have been impossible to top last year with Wake Me Up and Hey Brother.  His 2015 hits Waiting for Love and The Nights were still decent.  I haven’t listened to all of Stories but I bet I’d enjoy it.

6. Coldplay – 4,758,615 

A Head Full of Dreams is a very good album.  Adventure of a Lifetime and Hymn for the Weekend are already making waves and I predict Fun and Amazing Day will also produce singles.  This band is the definition of adapting.  I’ve learned to respect their early through today’s music and am not ashamed to say I enjoy Coldplay’s music even if Paul Rudd says they are gay.  Let’s not forget they are performing the 2016 Superbowl which is pretty much the biggest gig on the planet.

5. Eminem – 4,806,521 followers

Eminem’s daughter Hailie

Still gathering crowds, Eminem is ageless.  He’s actually 43.  His song King’s Never Die was a colloraborative effort with Gwen Stefani done this year.  He also produced the soundtrack for Southpaw.  I like Eminem because his lyrics are well thought out and he spits rhymes in a manner that is unique to himself.  Even though i’m not into his music like I was when I was in high school over a decade ago, I will always give his creative energy the benefit of the doubt.

4. Ed Sheeran – 5,333,595 followers

The #1 biggest mover on this list.  He went from the #12 spot this year to #4 and added 2.6 million followers in one year.  How does this red haired, pudge ball do this?  He released an album called X.  He makes the panties of every girl in the world drop.  Have you heard Photograph?  Thinking Out Loud?  I See Fire?  Christ, the album was 24 songs of heartache.  At 24 years old, this Brit dominated 2015 unlike any other.

3. Rihanna – 6,003,159 followers

When you are Rihanna you don’t have to do much.  She is working on a new album called Anti which has the songs FourFiveSeconds with Kanye and Paul McCartney and Bitch, Better Have My Money.  She really is the queen and will excel at whatever she puts out because she sings like a cross between Fergie and Jesus.  It should also be noted that she is into ODB and he doesn’t feel the same way.  Her life is waking up in Barbados, getting high, singing some songs, getting drunk, doing whatever the fuck she wants.  Not bad.

2. Maroon 5 – 6,313,086 followers

Adam Levine on the Voice

Overtaking Rihanna for the #2 spot is Maroon 5.  This happens when you release an album like V which has smashes like Maps, Animals, and Sugar.  Plus Adam Levine is on the Voice which has to soar his popularity as well as the band’s.  It doesn’t hurt that every girl wants his nuts.  I’ve heard him on Howard Stern and he actually seems like a nice guy.  This band is not going anywhere so get used to them by the top.

1. David Guetta – 7,355,889 followers

The DJ who no one knows anything about.  He’s French.  He’s 48.  I have to imagine his age and worldly appeal have a lot to do with his popularity.  He also works with the most famous, talented artists such as Sia, John Legend, Ryan Tedder, and Sam Martin to name a few.  I personally don’t know much about David Guetta.  Apparently 7.3 million people do.

Biggest Climbers

Beatles – 1,433,045 followers

Being out for 1 week, hmmmm, we may see them top the list next year.

The Weeknd – 2,527,137 followers

Monster hit with Can’t Feel My Face and the album Beauty Behind the Madness is still popping hits with In the Night and Losers.

Hozier – 977,173 followers

A highly anticipated 2nd album can only bring Hozier more to the front.  The self-titled album Hozier has wowed the music seen with thoughtful lyrics and songs you want to sing.  I hope he keeps firing on all cylinders and doesn’t fall off like many other artists have when making their 2nd album.

Imagine Dragons – 2,894,258 followers

The 2nd album Smoke and Mirrors was a disappointment only because Night Visions was so good.  I have a feeling Imagine Dragons will fight back with a fire breathing vengeance.

• 

  I’m Lovin It

  Change the way it sears its beef so that its burger patties are juicer

• Warm its burger buns because warm buns = more delicious
• Build more side by side drive through lanes to speed up service
• Train employees to increase the accuracy of orders
  • Order takers now must repeat the entire order to customers and ask if it’s correct. Cashiers are then to repeat the first food item in the order and verify its accuracy. “Do this by asking, ‘Hi, does your order include a Big Mac no cheese?’” states a 31-page instruction manual on the new procedures
• 

  What Europe thinks America looks like

  Launch a mobile app

• Expect higher quality food but don’t stray too far from Big Macs and Nuggets which make up 40% of revenue
  • Milk in happy meals will be free of artificial growth hormones
  • Stop selling chicken in the US made from birds raised with antibiotics

McDonald’s Quandries

McDonalds is a $93 billion dollar company and its stock is trading near it’s all time high.  With around $27 billion in revenue the last 3 years the company only netted $4.7 BILLION last year vs $5.5 the 2 years before.  This is a cause for concern, due to lack of growth, for the 14,000 stores spread out across the US.  Lets analyze where they are going wrong.

• Food is unhealthy – Our society has taken a turn towards healthier alternatives and McDonald’s reputation is the Big Mac and nuggets as stated above.  They’ve tried to add healthier options but lets face it, healthy people don’t eat at McDonald’s regardless.  It’s like being a fitness model and walking into Jenny Craig.
• Reviews like these – I must add that these are not the best areas in Philly
• Service like this –  I found this picture on Yelp (there are dozens more) at a McDonalds on Market St (you know, Philly’s central street in Center City) that had this comment:  “This is their definition of a large fries! Ordered 3 large fries and each were not fully filled as promised! Disappointing!”
• It’s McDonalds – Since 1940 McDonald’s has been a staple of American culture.  Trying to change it’s image is like steering a thousand foot ship.  It’s known for unhealthy burgers, fattening fries, and huge tooth decaying drinks.  The customers who enjoy McDonalds are the sloth of society.  Sure their breakfast is delicious but people out there are making efforts to steer away from McDonalds.

What Should McDonald’s do?

• The general stigma is McDonald’s makes you fat.  The food has horrible ingredients and documentaries like Super Size Me have exposed this.  What McDonald’s should do is make a reverse documentary showing how someone can live off McDonald’s and with proper exercise and balance, they can become a contributing member of society.
• Another obvious place to start is improving the employee morale.  Yes they make minimum wage but after reading those Google reviews, they obviously don’t give a fuck.  This is a huge area to improve although I’m aware that some McDonald’s in nicer areas are probably clean and tidy.
• 

  New CEO

  It’s time to 180.  Bring back Ronald McDonald as the spokesperson and have him do serious speeches as a clown.  Embace the Big Mac and turn it into the Big Heart Attack.  Offer Chicken Nuggets that ARE ACTUALLY HEALTHY.  Make the drive thru’s have games to play where customer win free food with positive results.  Everyone knows how popular that shitty Monopoly game is where no one ever gets Boardwalk.  Concede to all day breakfast, obviously.

It’s all in the image.  Smarter people than me are working on this issue.  I  personally have no problem with McDonald’s but it would be quite the American tragedy if it were to crumble in bankruptcy (which is certainly not the case).