We Don't Walk Slow

Stranger Things Review

I binge watched Stranger Things after hearing a few people say how good it was. Normally these Sci-Fi shows are ones I’ll watch an episode of and then quit it because it’s too ridiculous. Stranger Things held my attention throughout and I enjoyed 90% of it.

First and foremost, I was greeted with this introduction in the picture to the right. Why would I think this is weird? This is my exact birthday, DATE AND YEAR. A series called Stranger Things is coming up with my exact birthday on its intro. I immediately thought they show the intro was customized to the viewer’s birthday y but then I realized I was logged in through my dad’s account. Strange Thing #1 had my head reeling.

The series takes place in the 80’s and makes many references to old Sci-Fi movies like ET, The Goonies, Aliens, Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind and many more I’m sure I didn’t pick up. The soundtrack is also 80’s themed with bad ass jams like I Wear My Sunglasses At Night by Corey Hart, Waiting For a Girl Like You by Foreigner, and Should I Stay or Should I Go by the Clash. Being born in the 80’s, this show made you feel like you were taking into a time warp back to the decade which was a fun ride.

Steve the douchebag and hot Nancy

Onto the show. The acting was tremendous, specifically 11. I don’t know how Millie Bobby Brown is as amazing as she is at age 12, but she’ll be a talent for years to come. Even the goof balls in middle school were flawless in playing the part of teenagers growing up in that era. The fat kid with the lisp was hilarious and the black kid nailed it perfectly. When one of the bullies called Michael “Frog Face” I was cracking up. The cop Hopper played his role and Winona Ryder as Joyce was nutty to the point that it was hard to tell she was even acting. The Nancy and Steve dynamic were my least favorite scenes. I was actually cracking up when I was reading another review that said “why is Steve a douchebag? He did nothing wrong the entire show.”

All in all I give the show 8.5 out of 10. The ending was decent and the pace of the show as excellent as I finished it all in one day. I enjoyed the acting, specifically 11, and will certainly watch the 2nd season.

By Tom Stortz|2016-08-02T11:47:48-04:00August 2nd, 2016|Tv|0 Comments

Billions – The Best Show on TV?!

Billions was incredible. You are hearing it from me first immediately after the close of season 1. I don’t need 5 seasons of the Wire before I claim “it’s the best show on TV”. The acting and character development was 5 star. Damian Lewis and Paul Giamatti were next level. To close the first season with a stand off discussion between the two was brilliant. “The biggest enemy to a person with unlimited resources is going up against someone who has nothing to lose” was masterful. If I were serious about blogging I’d re-watch the entire season and analyze each character because they all stood for a various set of beliefs. That being said, I was surprised Wendy cared about money which I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t.

Sinister

By Tom Stortz|2016-04-11T23:12:46-04:00April 11th, 2016|Tv|0 Comments

Fuller House Should Have Stayed Vacant

Out of sheer curiosity, I watched the premiere of Fuller House on Netflix. It was 36 minutes long and I stomached the entire episode. My biggest complaint was the laugh track. Unbearable. It’s non-stop throughout the whole episode and I counted 1 good joke the entire show (seaman from Uncle Jesse). The show will focus on DJ, Steph, Kimmy, and a bunch of new characters who are family members. Even if Danny, Jesse, Joey, and Becky were cast in the show as prime time characters, it would still be bad.

You can’t create a show on the expectation that the old show was good so people will automatically like a new show with similar characters 29 years later. The new show referenced the old show about a dozen times and it wasn’t funny. Bob Saget looked old, out of shape, and wasn’t the spick and span Danny Tanner. Joey was the same way. Jesse and Becky looked like they hadn’t aged a bit. DJ looked good and I applaud her effort to carry a show on her own but it won’t work. Steph got bazookas and seems well rounded for her meth addicted past. Kimmy looks fine but her character is lame. The new kids are annoying, especially Alex and Nicky.

With all the good TV out there. This is not a show to invest time in.

By Tom Stortz|2016-03-09T15:31:59-05:00February 28th, 2016|Tv|2 Comments

Better Call Saul’s Rhea Seehorn

It’s 11:13 pm and I want to go to sleep. However, there is this pull on my brain that says that if I don’t write this right now I will never write it and it’s one of my better thoughts. Unfortunately unless you have watched Better Call Saul’s 1st season, and then tonight’s 2nd season opener, it will be lost on you. Taking into consideration that my audience is small to begin with and then we have to segment it further, we are realistically dealing with 0 people who will truly like this post.

Rhea Seehorn plays Kim Wexler in Better Call Saul. Better Call Saul is a followup to Saul Goodman’s character in Breaking Bad. It’s created by Vince Gilligan, the same producer and director, and it’s not as hard as Breaking Bad but it’s as smart. It’s an elevated TV show and I watch a good amount of TV shows. In normal scenario’s I wouldn’t create posts with Rhea Seehorn as my main attraction because there wouldn’t be a reason to. However, in order to reveal the greatness of this show, I have to pick an off character who I’m drawn to because of the show’s quality.

Talking Saul (the same idea as Talking Dead) followed the episode and I’m currently writing this as Bob Odenkirk, Vince Gilligan, Peter Gould, and Rhea Seehorn are live talking to Chris Hardwick. Initially I find the follow up show as a complete ratings draw with little content but when you have these guys on that isn’t the case. Bob Odenkirk is forming legendary status in my mind and Vince Gilligan already has with Breaking Bad. I enjoy watching these masters at their trade talking, as Bobo says, off the cuff.

To conclude my drooling of this show I’ll end on Rhea Seehorn and the inspiration of this post. Rhea is a beautiful woman who I’m raising to a 10 out of 10 because of her interaction with this show. This concept is what I wanted to write about the entire post but got caught up in previous paragraphs. If I saw Kim on the street I’m going to think she’s just another pretty girl. However, once she’s a part of this brilliant show and her acting complements Odenkirk’s so wonderfully, I fall in love with the character. She’s gorgeous but it isn’t her physical appearance which I gravitate to. I’m overwhelmed by her interaction with Saul in the show. This is what I find fascinating. I’ve seen nothing Rhea has ever been in before and she becomes this enchanted character because I enjoy the show so much. My point is that if Rhea Seahorn is in another show, I pass her over. However I’ve taken the time to write 460 words about her work in Better Call Saul. The quality of the show makes you love the characters. That is how you know it’s a good show.

By Tom Stortz|2016-02-15T23:39:16-05:00February 15th, 2016|Tv|0 Comments

Making a Murderer

I binge watched Making a Murderer in a 3 day blitz last week. I was hooked immediately by the plight of Steve Avery and his interaction with the Manitowoc police county. If you haven’t watched it, this post will spoil your fun because I’m going to give my candid thoughts on my feelings throughout. Repeat, don’t read if you haven’t watched it and want to. Also, Serial should stop because this was 100x better. I will be watching Jynx.

Where is the Blood? How’d the Key Get there?

Oh look, There’s a key there after 3 months of searching.

Steve Avery shot Teresa Halbach in the head and managed to produce hardly any blood at the crime scene in a garage that had 1,000 items in it. You’d think some blood would find its way somewhere on an item. Steve’s blood in the car is also mysterious because prosecution is saying it is coming from a cut on his hands, yet there are no fingerprints anywhere, which means he was wearing gloves, which makes getting blood anywhere challenging. The inconsistency of the blood alone is mysterious.

The key is so absurd that I don’t even know where to being. It’s lying right on the floor. The explanation is that a bureau shifted and it fell into sight. It has only Avery’s DNA on it and it was being used by Halbach for all her life. How does this even happen?

Mike “the total idiot” Halbach

100% Fake cry

Talk about the person I hated the most. The critical time when I knew he was a shithead was when he said that Branden was guilty without even watching the interrogation. Mike knows more than just that his sister was killed. He is caught up in this conspiracy and I want to punch him right in the face every time he takes the screen.

These Judges and the State of Wisconsin

The Idiot Judge Willis

Judge Willis should be judged on his being a judge. I’ve never thought so many times is this guy for real making this ruling? This is our judicial system? He’s supposed to be the most honest and fair person and I’m not sure he’d beat Brendan in chess.

After watching the interrogation of Brendan, (this isn’t judge Willis) the judge ruled that the confession was obtained lawfully. This is hard to believe for any normal person. It took Branden giving the judge a confession of what really happened that day to make “some” charges go away. The State also ruled that Brendan had to keep Kachinsky as his lawyer when Brenden clearly says his lawyer “thinks he’s guilty.” It’s like they say that we take him seriously when he “confesses” but we don’t take him seriously when he wants to get rid of our shill. To talk about the caption to the right is also hilarious. They made up the test and the judge allowed it. LOL!.

Len the Pawn

Funniest character on the show. That’s how I would phrase Len Kachinsky. The State had to be cracking up to themselves how they found the perfect person for this part. How about the time when he started his press conference and had to restart? Or his perfectly combed hair? Think about what he did. He allowed Brenden to be interrogated without his presence. Then he hired his own private investigator to get a statement out of Brendan. This guy had no interest in protecting his client and was a shill for the State. His 2016 statement, is that he may have made a mistake.

He would have confessed after 18 years!

This is the part of why I believe Steve Avery. He could have been released from prison in a shorter period of time if he confessed. He went 18 years without confessing and then was found innocent. That’s 18 years of him saying he didn’t do it and then not actually doing it. His murder trial was more of the same, “I didn’t do it.” With all of the evidence piled up against Steve, I felt there was more evidence piled up against the State. Steve was once again saying he didn’t do it, and call me and idiot, but I believe him.

When You Actually Frame the Person You Are Framing

Interrogating Brendan

C’mon now. You’re making this hard on us. Be honest. Just a few lines you hear repeatedly from the investigators. This next line of questioning is great.

I: Something with her head. Brendan? What did he make you do? We know he made you do something else. What was it? We have the evidence. We just need you to be honest.
B: That he cut off her hair?
I: What else?
B: That he punched her?
I: What else?
B: He cut her?
I: Where?
B: On her throat?
I: What else happens? Extremely, Extremely important that you tell us this. We know, we just need you to tell us.
B: That’s all I can remember.
I: Who shot her in the head?
B: He did.
I: Why didn’t you tell us that? Now you remember it?
B:… I have a question. Do you think I will be out before 1:29? I have a project due.

“Brendan Dassey’s convictions are entirely based on his confessions, as no physical evidence was found confirming his statements or linking him to the homicide.” This is what infuriates the public.

Ken Kratz – Snake of Snakes

This Press Conference. 1 year before the trial, Ken Kratz fabricated this story for the public that Steve Avery raped and killed Teresa Halbach. This ruined the integrity of the entire case by leaning the public to one side. Was there anyone disliked more than Ken Kratz? His calm, nasally, soothing, “I’m going to fuck you in the ass” voice made me want to hurl. When you know as much as this guy does about what is actually transpiring, and you still do your job to prosecute the innocent, you are truly an asshole.

By Tom Stortz|2016-01-13T22:09:35-05:00January 13th, 2016|Tv|0 Comments

South Park is the Smartest Show on TV

To start off, I’d like to write that I haven’t seen most of the shows on TV so this is only a headline. I also haven’t been present through 19 seasons of South Park but my feeling are the show has evolved greatly in nearly 2 decades.

South Park is raising the bar on a comedy series. The episodes are integrating with each other and sending powerful messages you aren’t finding in other “good” comedies like the Big Bang which attracts millions of viewers. South Park, and this is once again without a huge understanding of South Park, gets the short end of the stick for it’s stereotypical crude humor and volatile views. I just finished watching the final episode of season 19 and I was blown away. As much as the South Park guys dislike the Seth MacFarlane and Family Guy, I still feel that early Family Guy (season 4 is about the cut off), is funnier, not more powerful.

South Park Season 19

You broke the rules, rules, rules.

First off, the season started with the introduction of PC principal and Tom Brady and who “broke the rules”. If you aren’t making fun of the NFL, what kind of a show are you? The season ended with an attack on ads, the glorification of gun control, PC, gentrification, and how society acts as a whole.

I took a few screenshots to try to give you an idea. Notice I would have to re-watch the entire series, take notes, and then point out all of the truths that Trey Parker and Matt Stone point out to really do a good job. Trey Parker is one of the funniest guys on the planet. He is the voice of Cartman, Stan, Randy, and Mr. Garrison (also fan favorite City Wok guy). Matt Stone is Kyle, Kenny, and Butters.

PC Principal

PC Principal kicks computer ass

PC Principal hangs out with white, male frat guys who define PC. This is ironic, because all they do is get drunk and try to bang chicks (fairly). PC means everyone is treated equally which often leads to certain people being treated unfairly. PC Principal has much strength in today’s society. The blue “blood” coming from the gentlemen’s head shows he is on the Ad side.

Gun Control

Jimbo sells Grandma a gun

At one point of the show, Jimbo is selling a grandmother a gun and says, “If the safety is on, you’re good as gone.” South Park is showing people feel safer with a weapon. However, it’s much more dangerous as they point out in further scenes. Guns are taking on a different perspective in our culture because anyone can have one, which makes you think that you need one.

The Realism of South Park

Their scenes are so on point that what is happening in the cartoon, is actually happening on Earth. Notice Randy is getting an ad as he surfs the net and South Park does an incredible job replicating realism. Randy during this entire season was in favor of the Whole Foods until gentrification that comes along with it. He comes to realize that he can’t afford to live in the gentrified area and starts to take matters into his own hands. I’d have to re-watch all his scenes because I get lost in his humor that I forget he plays a role.

This family scene

How families feel.

“I love you guys.”

“I love you too, Dad. We just want to know what’s going on with you.”

This scene defined the way that some families feel. The guns show how unnecessary they are as this scene comes to a climax with the entire family realizing they need to be better people to each other. The grandfather never stirs at this action.

Maybe in this town people need to communicate more. Care about each other.

By Tom Stortz|2015-12-10T00:13:40-05:00December 10th, 2015|Tv|0 Comments

Fargo – Loplop

What an episode. What a freaking episode. What the hell is Loplop? How more people aren’t talking about this show is insane. I was glued to my seat as I watched just praying the episode wasn’t going to end. Just wow.

This was Ed and Peggy at the beginning of this episode.

“Right now, I just have to keep us alive.”

The image at the top of the page is how they finished. Let’s say it was a rollercoaster of emotions from these two and an award winning performance from Hanzee.

The result of messing with Hanzee

Hanzee stole the show. The bar scene was incredible. His attention to detail is fun to watch as he picked up the spit in his drink. I loved his line when the bartender said he doesn’t serve people who don’t want to be an American and he replied with, “not even one who has 3 tours in Vietnam, a Purple Heart, and a Bronze Star?” Such a badass. The scene was hilarious with the rednecks calling him “Geronimo”, “Shitbird”, and the bartender referring to him as “chief.” They got what was coming.

“Goddamnit”

The entire Dodd scene made me laugh. He was hilarious through it all. Peggy has gotten nuts at this point and it’s even more entertaining and great acting from Kirsten Dunst. The idea of holding a hostage was also brought to life and how much of a pain in the ass it must be to take care of them. I really enjoyed Dodd and his lack of respect towards women.

The heavy set one. With red hair. Have you seen him?

Which brings us to the last 5 minutes with Peggy holding a pair of scissors and Hanzee ready to change his identity for a life on the run. I couldn’t quite understand the contradicting thought process by saying “I’m tired of this life”, and then having Peggy with a blade by his head as he awaited a haircut. Love the ending though and I like how the characters are coming together.

Milligan doesn’t know that Dodd is gone but the meeting is still set up. Ed and Peggy back in police custody surely to tip them off on the meeting. Hanzee on the run with no direction from Dodd. Lou and Hank hot on the trail. Only Bear Gerhardt is remaining as a central force so we’ll see where he takes it under Floyd’s command. I have a feeling they won’t let us down.

By Tom Stortz|2015-12-01T00:03:11-05:00December 1st, 2015|Tv|0 Comments

Fargo – Did You do this? No, you did it!

Picasso’s “Guernica” is one of history’s most famous anti-war paintings. It’s black and white depiction of people and animals suffering in the wake of a bombing has moved folks since its creation in 1937. Allegedly, while living in Nazi-occupied Paris, a German soldier saw “Guernica” in the painter’s studio and asked, “Did you do this?” Picasso replied, “No, you did it!” – Collider.com (great recap – better than mine)

An episode without Peggy and Ed is just not Fargo. Even though I complain about them, for whatever reason they seem to make the wheels of the bus go round and round. No matter, Mike Milligan was there to steal the show as always.

Let’s just start with this. You’re named the Undertaker and you last all of about 3 minutes into the show. Everyone wants to know why you’re the Undertaker and that’s what happens when you say, “where’s the eggplant that keeps shitting the bed?” Saving the most climatic moments for the last 3 minutes of the show is always exciting. The call to Mike was obviously from Ed but I was a bit confused because it seemed like Ed was calling the Gerhardt’s during the episode to tell Bear he has Dodd, which I can’t quite gather how that happened. There was news of an Indian tracking a couple and I’m not sure where Dodd being captured fell into that.

Why did it take Bear 2 minutes to walk Simone to a remote area? I get it Fargo, she didn’t have to walk through miles of woods for me to understand no one was around. No gun ever went off but it’s most likely the last we see of Simone. She had it coming. Bear is easily flying up as top actor on the show.

I was quite disappointed to see Otto go. It wasn’t clear during the fire fight in the last episode, but he was just chilling on the stoop, so I guess he bit it. What doesn’t make sense is the guys from Buffalo showed up to fend them off. What? Floyd, Simone, a bunch of kids, and a house keeper were really putting up a fight when at the exact time some randos from Buffalo show up. Ok then.

Lou is becoming one of the best characters. He’s not taking any gruff any more and is becoming more of a bad ass every episode. I’m not in love with the parts with Betsy but whatever the show feels it needs to do to provoke some emotion.

I can’t quite predict where the show is going from here which I obviously like. I guess we’ll wait until next week.

By Tom Stortz|2015-11-24T00:01:18-05:00November 23rd, 2015|Tv|1 Comment

Fargo – Rhinoceros

This fucker started it all.

My apologies to anyone anxiously anticipating my review of the Rhinoceros episode. I’ve had technical difficulties and still haven’t gotten up to snuff.

Just so you know that my reviews are 10x better than the competition, here is Yahoo’s lame opinion on why you should be watching Fargo. It’s the most boiler plate, filled with lame overviews, and has no details whatsoever about the show. This is actually a good review by IGN.

[dropcap background=”yes” color=”#333333″]”There was a cleaver in the man’s head, son”[/dropcap]

Rhinoceros must stand for the episode running the viewer over with action. Let’s start with the non-action though and work through. The more the Peggy and Ed situation carries on, the more I enjoy it. Kirsten Dunst is delusional about the current state of affairs and finally came to in this episode. Hank asking, “you’re a little touched” was pretty funny because she was out there with her new life talk. The jail scene with Ed and his denial just makes you want him to get it more and more.

Near the beginning when Bear attacks Dodd for sending Charlie to make the hit showed Hanzee’s allegiance to Dodd and makes you wonder if he has any feelings whatsoever after Bear thanked him for his service. I’m thinking he’s strictly a murderer / tracker with no conscience whatsoever and does as Dodd says. I like Bear more and more with each episode because of his more logical rationale which was displayed in his reasoning with lawyer Karl Weathers near the end. Bear talking to Otto in the beginning and talking about his oldest son Elron? was a clue to the past.

Shit.

Dodd’s reaction to shooting his own guy was fantastic. How did Peggy hit the guy over the head with a sink? Also where was she in those stacks of book cases and how many fucking magazines has she collected? She mentions they are beauty and travel. She must get seriously addicted to magazines.

Not the guys you want to see outside your house.

I also didn’t mind when Simone tipped off Mike Milligan and he ended up coming straight to the compound and shot up the house. Simone is a dumb bitch and Dodd was hilarious calling a whore’s life a half a cigarette. I wouldn’t mind if she took one in the head which she almost did. Did you know the mom’s name is Floyd. Floyd. That’s a man’s name. I also never watch through the credits and there are scenes…

By Tom Stortz|2015-11-17T17:50:38-05:00November 17th, 2015|Tv|1 Comment

Fargo – The Gift of the Magi

I’m going to try to post these an hour after the episode ends and they will contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

Finish the job.

The war in the woods is a legit way to open an episode. I didn’t see it coming and neither did the Kansas City Mob. A simple hunting trip ends up in 12 people dead. Hanzee went berserk taking out one of the kitchen twins. UHHH, why didn’t he finish the job on the other one?

The Reagan side plot felt pretty dumb. This is why my reviews are better than people who will take this show too seriously. We don’t want to see Regan taking a piss next Lou and not coming up with answers. We want head scratching, intense scenes, where we are on the edge of our seat guessing what will happen next. This is why the one scene with Dodd’s daughter and Mike Milligan is a complete, “how fucking stupid are you?”

Which brings me to my favorite scene of the night, Charlie being an assassin. Awesome line from the real assassin before Charlie goes in with, “leave no witnesses.” He sees an innocent girl who he strikes up a friendly conversation with and the audience knew he wasn’t up for the task. After a brief break to gather his balls, he tries again. This music lead up was UNBELIEVABLE. Exactly how scattered your brain would be. Sounds like Pink Floyd. Tell me I didn’t call the reloading in the last episode.

Deer in Headlights

I love how dumb Ed was when he was standing there watching his dream go up in flames after the murder at the butcher. He’s fucked. Peggy is even dumber. The reverse roles of excitement from beginning to the end of the episode was noteworthy. Still liked the situation they are in now.

I’m looking forward to Betsy and Ted Danson getting more involved. I’m also curious to see who jumps up in place of Brad Garrett. Til next week.

By Tom Stortz|2015-11-10T00:03:28-05:00November 9th, 2015|Tv|2 Comments