I do come across some hilarious videos though that are worth sharing. I know it’s not the nuts and bolts of the blog, but entertaining nonetheless.

Bill Gates Deposition

Justin Bieber Deposition

Lil Wayne Deposition

Robin Thicke Deposition

Tupac Deposition

My favorite part, and what I’m learning a bit more, is that people like relatable material. Weens told me that his favorite posts are the ones where I go to Dunkin Donuts. I get it.  People want to be able to say, “that happened to me once” or “I hate when that happens.”

My favorite part of the Chappelle stand up was when he met Kevin Hart with his son. He was introducing his son to Kevin and Kevin said, “do you guys want any food?” Dave was going decline and then his son ran up from behind and said, “we haven’t eaten in hours.” Then he started chowing down on the corn eating embarrassingly fast. The context being that Kevin Hart is at the height of his career and Chappelle is trying not to look like an old has been.

The only weird part of it was he kept touching his chest like he was smoothing out the fabric. It seemed like he wanted to make more serious points that concern society but people were there to pay for a comedy show…which he delivered. I would like to hear him talk as a normal human being instead of a comedian where there wouldn’t be as much pressure to perform.

I had perfect timing on Monday when I caught the Charlie Murphy / Rick James skit on Comedy Central. That is truly some of the funniest bits. Darkness!

The Layover

Am I a Kate Upton fan? Not so much. Do I like Alexandra Daddario? Very much. I didn’t even know this was a movie and it’s what inspired this post. Create a movie and have two hotties with huge boobs star in it. Fantastic. Then know that’s why people are watching and accentuate it. Brilliant. Great clip.

Heartbreakers
The hottest piece of ass of all time takes my second clip. I think JLH is the cream of the crop. Her skinny figure and enormous top are perfection. The next 3 clips would be I Know What You Did Last Summer, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, and Can’t Hardly wait but I’m not that boring.

Wild Things
Rarely on. The movie is pretty bad but Denise Richards is fire. This is just the lesbian scene. The pool scene. The car wash scene. She’s a total firecracker throughout it all. Sure we can’t forget Startship Troopers and the ugly girl in the shower scene but this one is the top of the top. Who still doesn’t fantasize about putting champagne on Denise Richards boobs?

It’s 1:33pm and I have to leave at 1:45. I would like to keep this post going but I’m in a rush. I’m going to post it. If you think this post has steam, leave a comment and I’ll come up with 100 more scenes that are worth watching.

To This:

Taylor Swift

Fuck the Swifties. Everyone thought Kanye was the mastermind but it’s actually T Swift. The whole “Kanye never showed me the lyric” act was put on blast by that massively bottomed woman and people started getting pissed at Taylor because she had agreed to its use. These characters are so goddamn calculated that I believe 0% of whatever it is they show the world. You should too. Here’s what really happened:

1. Kanye asked Taylor a head of time if they could start some beef. She instantly knew the VMA’s were coming up (August 28th)  and that she hasn’t released an album since Oct ’14 and is out of singles.
2. She agreed to Kanye coming up with the most far fetched idea (that she would have sex with him) and staged the call Kim snapped. Kanye has to involve Kim to keep up the ratings of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
3. Now the beef is back between the 2 parties and all media is eating up. It will be the most talked about story line from now until the next ridiculous set of events begins.

Here is the entire conversation Taylor & Kanye had, judge for yourself. pic.twitter.com/InTjvPGKe3

— ShadyPopMusic (@ShadyPopMusic) July 18, 2016

Donald Trump

The ultimate con artist. Do you honestly believe that Donald didn’t tell Melania to copy Michelle Obama’s speech? I imagine these two sitting in bed and Melania shitting bricks about having to give a speech because her English sucks. Trump doesn’t think twice and tells her to copy Michelle’s and we’ll figure it out later. No press is bad press and bad press is what Makes America Great Again. I don’t think he shoots from the hip as often as people think he does. He purposely pisses people off knowing exactly that he does and says wrong things. It’s like he bends the people as far as possible without breaking them. When I watched John Oliver’s episode on Trump University he made the point that Trump doesn’t sell purpose, he sells you an attitude. Same concept with politics. He has no clue what he’s doing with the policies but he makes you feel like you are part of a radical change by insulting others and generally being a bad ass.

Kevin Durant

Selling out is sad. Oklahoma City has a genuine affinity for KD and watching a player trade love for gold is hurtful. The Thunder were 1 game away from the finals last year until Klay Thompson went nuts. This was not a superstar who left because his team sucked. He left because he knows that players are only remembered for how many championships they win and adding his fire power to GSW should be unstoppable. How often do people reference Karl Malone and John Stockton? What about Patrick Ewing? Reggie Miller? Guys who don’t win are always second class and Durant sold out to be part of a team that won the most games in NBA history WITHOUT HIM last year. I hope that he fucks up the chemistry and the team completely falls apart. You have my word that at least 3 of the Warriors 4 stars will get injured next year.

The Girls of Mt Bushmore

Lindsay Czarniak – I always like hearing her report the sports. She comes off smart and always looks good doing it. She’s had hundreds of looks and aside from the one curly hair one, I like them all. Looking great into her late 30’s.

Jenny Dell – I’m not riding the BarStool train here but I do think she has the best looking all around features of them all. Her face is perfect proportionately and looks like she’s not a total bitch.

Erin Andrews – I could take some flack for the Erin Andrews pic as she’s too “mainstream” because of the naked hotel room incident. She vaulted from ordinary ESPN reporter to covering the SuperBowl and a host of Dancing With the Stars. Her hair sets her apart and she does have a slamming body.

Britt McHenry – Yes she had that toll booth incident where she was being a total asshole but that aside, her blonde hair is flawless. I couldn’t tell you much about her reporting style but she’s pretty easy on the eyes. Great smile too.

McKayla Maroney’s Downward Spiral

Hard to categorize this as a complete meltdown as there haven’t been any internal, or external, reports of it. I also have exactly 0 inside information on the aforementioned meltdown. However, I’m sensing her state of mind through her Twitter and Instagram posts since she rose to Olympic fame. Let’s watch the 4 year cycle:

Picture from the summer of 2012 when she was still training

Still Olympic Fame with the not impressed face

The Pinnacle of McKayla taken on 9/4/13

Still Keeping it Together – 4th of July in 2014 

Concert Scene Takes Over and Madness Begins (still brown hair) – April 13, 2015

Post Boob Job – October, 2015

Drugs Are Bad, MmmmKay – Shortly After the Last Pic

Falling Off the Wagon – March 8th, 2016

Black Hair Begins – March 20th, 2016

Who Knows What’s Next – June 7th, 2016

Britney Spears Goes Full Cycle (Thankfully)

The most notorious collapse from the queen of pop. She got into all sorts of wild antics like shaving her head, getting hitched in Vegas and then divorced shortly after, marrying her backup dancer Kevin Federline, and stories involving drugs and bizarre parenting. Britney has since returned to prime time with spots on American Idol and making a full revitalization of her life which is wonderful to witness that you can turn it around.

The Hottest Britney in Hit Me Baby One More Time – ’98

Whoops I Did It Again Video – ’00

Still Looking Hot but the Beginning of the Meltdown – ’04

Britney Shaves Head and Attacks Car With Umbrella – ’07

Who Knows What She’s On – ’10

Making a Comeback – ’12

Back to Healthy After Much Time (I’d guess) – ’15

Amanda Bynes Jumps Off Deep End and Lands On Cement

Completely disappearing from the limelight in today’s era, Amanda Bynes had a few weeks of epic proportions that captured the American audience by storm. A beautiful young woman who got her start from All That and grew into a leading lady in films. She started taking crazy pills and never fully recovered.

Looking Hot – 2009

Maxim – 2010

Drake Please Murder My Vagina – 2013

Post Boob Job – 2014

Rough Times – 2014

Mug Shot – 2014

Bynes Doing Better but I Don’t Know If That’s Saying Much – Late 2015

Lindsey Lohan Fell the Furthest

Lindsay Lohan was on top of the world after Mean Girls (and even sort of with Herbie even though the movie sucked but she looked good doing it). She went from childhood cutie (remember Parent Trap), to goddess like proportion’s in Mean Girls, to cocaine addicted and DUI getting maniac, to skipping court and serving jail time. She never got back to full health which is sad and shows the dangers of being a childhood star.

The Plastics from Mean Girls -2004

Vanity Fair Shoot (Be Hotter, You Can’t)- 2004

Celebrity Status Takes It’s Toll Quickly – 2005

One of At Least 2 Mugshots – 2007

Riddled in Drugs and Alcohol – 2009

Wigging It – 2012

Tough To Tell If Things Are Looking Up – 2015

Ariel Winter is My Prediction For Next Complete Meltdown

Better known as Alex Dunphy from Modern Family, Ariel got press for having big boobs and getting them reduced. You’ll notice that most of these meltdowns stem from having big boobs combined with drugs and alcohol. My prediction of her demise begins with the notice of her provocative Instagram pics and Coachella destination (ala McKayla) for partying.  That graduation pic at the end is the cherry on top because who the hell would wear that to graduation? I’m guessing by the time she turns 21, she’ll have at least one DUI. Mark my words.

Talks of Breast Reduction Begin – Jan, 2014

Modern Family – No Idea Time Frame

Bikini Selfies – March ’16

Coachella – April ’16

Beach Time – April ’16

Her Graduation Picture – July ’16

When it happens, remember this post.

Anton Yelchin

What? On Sunday I read news of a 27 year old Anton Yelchin, who was in Star Trek dying without reading any specifics. I thought it was uncommon for a 27 year old to pass but didn’t think much of it. Then I read today that he was crushed by his own Jeep that he thought he put in park but a malfunction of the car made it actually go in neutral. Unaware it was in neutral, the car rolled down his steep driveway and ended up pinning him against his own security fence crushing and killing him within a minute. How does this happen?

Anton Yelchin’s Crushed Gate

Seriously how does this happen? It’s like you park your car and walk down to the security gate for some reason. If it’s to open the security gate I’d have to wonder why this isn’t opened by remote control. If he was getting the mail then he didn’t hear the car picking up speed behind him? Did he have headphones in? This seems like a very hard story to understand. Absolutely tragic to go out this way. Makes me scared to leave my house. This scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm and Anton as the Magician was great though.

This story is obviously not a good one for Fiat, who produces the Jeep Grand Cherokee, because it brings further attention to their 812,000 recall of various models. This story I found particularly scary:

This month, an owner from Bowling Green, Ky., wrote to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration to report an incident in which his wife got out of the Jeep to take their 3-year-old child out of the back seat “and the Jeep began to roll away.”

According to the owner’s account: “She ran and jumped into the driver’s seat to stop it and in the process her foot slipped from the brake to the gas pedal, driving the car through a house. Significant damage was done to the vehicle and the home, but no one was injured.”

Car through the house is never a good look.

Based on this article, it’s apparent that the plague is back. Plague is an infectious disease that is caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis. Depending on lung infection, or sanitary conditions, plague can be spread in the air, by direct contact, or very rarely by contaminated undercooked food. The symptoms of plague depend on the concentrated areas of infection in each person: bubonic plague in lymph nodes, septicemic plague in blood vessels, pneumonic plague in lungs. It is treatable if detected early.

Early Warning Signs

Now before you run into the bomb shelter and start making sure you have enough rations, it’s important to stay calm. Yes, people are dying off at a rapid pace, but it’s not the time to overreact. One could argue that media coverage has gotten so prevalent that you’re bound to hear about more people dying than ever before. It can also be argued that without the media, a person like Kimbo Slice would never have been famous in the first place so you wouldn’t have heard about him dying. These are both relevant arguments but let’s screw our heads on straight for a moment. The bubonic plague / Black Death was resting for the last 700 years and is returning in full force. I urge you to buy the stock NVAX which produces a vaccine for RSV which has nothing to do with the Black Death. However, with your funding, I’ll contact the CEO and make him aware of my inkling which I’m pretty sure will result in mass scientists being put on researching a cure. Get with the program people and avoid the black death. You’ve been warned.