This is going to be, at least what I’m hopeful for, a very good blog entry. I’ve spent a decent amount of time thinking about how I’m going to shape this post and I know the material comes from the heart. This past weekend I drove to Pittsburgh for the wedding of Derek and Laura. I spent 4 years of my life at Pitt and rarely return because bad things tend to happen to me when I do. I’ll add that nothing of any consequence happened to me on this trip so you can all exhale. I have very unique feelings about Pittsburgh that no other place in my life holds. They are actually very difficult to describe using words but I’m going to give it my best shot.
The first thing that comes to my mind is a sense of uneasiness and loneliness. I remember standing on the steps of the Towers Freshmen year as my parents drove away putting me completely alone for the first time of my life. How it took time to make friends and to find my place in a new place. I think I did all of that successfully in the years I spent there and made some truly fantastic friends. The hard to describe feeling is that Pittsburgh will never be my home. It will always just be a place that I lived. That I always have to leave it behind me.
So this wedding brought me back to the Burgh for the first time in many years and I got to see friends who we used to spend every day with together. For 4 years these people were a part of my life and then one day when school ends, the relationship generally stops. So meeting up again brings back these memories of the way things were and will never be again. How we’ll never be 18 again. How life keeps going whether you are ready for it to go or not. Plus add a marriage to this mix and that brings thoughts of what I’m doing with my life and how I want to spend my future.
I know the sound of this post feels depressing but I had a really great time attending this wedding and I’m glad I did. It’s just an odd feeling as I sit here right now. Pittsburgh brings back a sadness in me. It’s like I don’t want to leave but I know I have to. And with that feeling comes leaving friends behind and I think that’s what hurts the most. The city brings back my past. I went for a run while I was there and stopped by all the old shithole places I used to live. I believe it’s a feeling of nostalgia. Something that was.
I want to close this by giving a huge congratulations to my man BG and his beautiful bride Laura. The wedding was first class all the way and I appreciate the invite greatly. The best to both of you.