So I haven’t really been feeling like I’m on top of the world and this blog is a good place to write my thoughts. Today I had one of the weirdest physical sensations come over me. After viewing my stock ticker and seeing that the TVIX is up to 100, I started getting light headed. This is a volatility play that I recommended at 20 or so 3 months ago (can’t seem to find the documentation) and I actually bought about 7,000 dollars of this at one point. I sold it at around 28. This would have netted me about 25k if I just would have held on to it but like the title suggests, I zagged. I know Chad reads this too and I want to point out that you showing me what this ticker on a regular basis isn’t exactly one of my finer subjects. Now, I can’t really explain it but I started feeling physically ill. I think I came down with a case of ADD where I wasn’t able to pay attention to anything. I was walking around with an IQ level of 50 and feeling like a complete moron. I was bumping into things and crossing the street without looking both ways, I was literally in la-la land. I was trying to think if this could have been a leftover effect from something I did but aside from a coffee earlier in the day, there was nothing. I basically felt like the slow kid in class and if I had to live my life like this consistently, I’d be in trouble. I was concerned that I permanently got stupider.
Fortunately, I went to sleep when I got home and I feel better now. Believe it or not, watching the show Dexter helped me through this. In his monologue he was saying how he endured even his darkest times to get to how wonderful he was feeling today. That sort of helped in the sense that life isn’t always easy and there will be tough patches. This period of time just seems really difficult. The market has been crazy, business isn’t great, there is just an overall sentiment of doom and gloom and I sort of feel like I’m unable to capitalize on anything of any consequence. Basically, everything is just happening with no meaning. And the worst part it, there is really nothing wrong. I’m physically fine and can’t think of one major problem with my entire life. There is no reason I should be feeling down but I feel like I’m just unable to really get a head. The TVIX was just an example of something that I’m able to foresee but unable to capitalize on. It’s zigging when I should be zagging. What that does is just turn you into a boring straight line if you stop zigging or zagging. It’s like the Office Space sentiment “We weren’t meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.” There has got to be an easier way.