After reading Ray Dalio’s Principles (technically I have 75 pages left)((you see how this works)), I came away with a key concept that is “radical transparency” and “total honesty”. It means exactly what it says, you are wide open about precisely what you are thinking. You’d be surprised at how often you water down how you speak to people, or not even tell the truth. An example:
Now you’ll notice how the first option doesn’t make you come across like a douchebag. The 2nd option makes people start to question if they even want to hang around with you. That’s the beauty though, you don’t want to hang around with the people from group 2 either!
Here’s another example of when you learn if people can take it. If I was being civil I’d ask Sam, “why haven’t you bought a bowling ball bag?” If I was being honest I’d say, “what the fuck are you waiting for?” I haven’t brought this up to Sam though because it doesn’t concern me. Being a part of my family though, I wonder why it takes 2 weeks to replace an item that is used on a weekly basis that you spilled some car oil into. It’s an indicator of initiative. Storm bag.
What’s fun is that you learn who can handle the concept and react to it with the same type of, I’ll call it humor, right back at you. Then you start to understand that you can be honest in this manner and it makes the relationship that much stronger. I’m not here to beat around the bush. I can see your fluff and I don’t like it. The question, “how are you doing” with the answer “I’m fine” is disgusting. If that’s all you’ve got, you should be happy to walk through life in a zombie like trance before you perish 6 feet under.
I know for a fact that I’m going to be wrong most of the time. HOWEVA (Adam used this over the weekends so I’m stealing it), I’ll flat out tell you that I can be wrong instead of telling you I’m going to be right. I want to be known as that person who will tell you what they think and not what you want to hear. HOWEVA , there is a tact to honesty and relationships. I’m not telling you to go up to your co-worker and tell them their suit makes them look overweight because they are overweight. It’s not that honesty. It’s being able to judge who your talking to so that you can relate on their level and do what’s appropriate which may be listening while they educate you. It’s not a science and it isn’t learned overnight. It’s a practice that continuously gets refined.
So when someone asks me how I’m doing, I’m responding like this:
“My problem, I don’t know, I don’t have a problem. Actually I have the opposite of a problem, I made over 550k last year. No, it’s not about money, but for me, it’s a little bit about money, and I made that much money last year. I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on this side of the Western Seaboard. I haven’t had a carb since 2004. See these boys? This is what I live with. Everyday I lather this up with Keihl’s in the shower. You want to touch these? Not gonna happen.