My computer at work asked me to restart. I snoozed it. It asked me the next day. Same result. It continued to ask me 8 days in a row, one time going full screen, invasive, PLEASE FUCKING RESTART ME. Today I said, “ok, enough’s enough, what’s the worst that can happen.”

After 30 minutes of updates it gets stuck on a blue HP screen. I hard reset and it updates some more. It resets and gets stuck at the same blue start up screen. Hard reset. It finishes its updating and then I get a series of screens like the one I posted above. It started with “hi”. Then messages like “we’re improving your experience.” The screen kept fading from light blue to dark blue like it was trying to hypnotize me. Real creepy shit. Then the screen I posted came up and I thought that I had to take a picture of it. The title of this post should give you and idea of why it’s called Windows.

Does anyone else find the word “we” a bit frightening here? Who is we? When I’m browsing PornHub, I don’t want a we. I already don’t use the private browser because I don’t give a fuck, but don’t let me know there’s a we here. This isn’t the movie She. I don’t want we with my computer. I want me. You’re a machine. Not my friend. Do your job and stop worrying about me. Scary and terrifying.

If this is what our world is coming to with regard to interaction from computers, I’m out. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. No thanks. I’m moving to Africa where I know that they are about 100 years behind in technology. I’ll take my chances with the lions and elephants before I let some AI bad ass stick a rotating drill through my head for an insta-death. Hard pass.