When I have to polish brick hammer heads, I go through the torture of listening to AM/FM. Now I’m not going to berate AM/FM listener and call them poor or stupid because that would be mean, but I’ll certainly make them aware that they fall into the sheeple category. If I wanted to listen to 4 minutes of ads for every 10 minutes of songs, I’d listen to AM/FM. 1045 even has the gall to go through 3 minutes of ads and then say, “don’t worry listeners, there will be music back in 1 minute.” Brutal listening experience and don’t even get me started on the outdated nature of the songs they play. For the record, I do get extremely annoyed when 4 of my stations on Sirius play Spoon and that godforsaken song “Hot Thoughts” and “Can I Sit Next To You”.

One positive advertising thought that came out of listening was the radio 104.5 90 minute commercial-free music session in the music. I can’t remember exactly what it was called but a company was sponsoring the session and this made me look favorably on whatever company was doing it. I can’t remember the company so it didn’t work, but I also wasn’t paying attention to it either. So rather than play an ad that is going to make me want to run over a squirrel with my car, the company gets in my good graces by a non-selfish act. Much more effective in my opinion.

With that being said, I listen to WIP every night before I go to sleep and the ads that are played are absolutely gut wrenching. Here are a few examples:

I’m getting nasty with Photoshop

Reverse Mortgage – I was told that using this company for a reverse mortgage (over the age of 62) is “the biggest no-brainer move in the history of mankind”. I’m not an expert in reverse mortgages but my initial thought is that its a deal where you get money and you sell your soul to whoever is on the otherside. I’m not far off because it’s where you get money for giving up equity in your home. Don’t get me wrong, if all your money is in your home, and your flat broke, a reverse mortgage might make sense. But there is no way it’s the biggest “no-brainer move” in the history of mankind to give away your equity at a “no doubt about it” discount.

Bolt – I apologize in advance for not grabbing my pen fast enough to jot down the details of this ad exactly. It starts off by calling you soft. Soft as in being a complete wimp but I suppose it is also referring to your dick. It proceeds to say that America is going soft with participation awards and how our fore-fathers would be completely disappointed in us. It turns out its for some energy drink to make you a badass in either life or bed, I can’t remember. It concludes by asking you to text the word “bolt” to 202020 to get a free sample. I googled this and didn’t come up with the actual product which does not seem to be Bolt Energy Drink. Like I said to start, my apologies for not getting the exact info. I’ll note that I do think America is soft as 2 members of our fantasy football league dropped out because they have responsibilities like children. Are you fucking kidding me?

Spothero – Ck4 was telling me he tried to use a parking app which reserves a parking spot for you. When he got to the area there was no spot and it turned out the app did nothing at all. I can’t possibly understand how an app is going to tell you which parking spots are open but that’s besides the point. The ad used “it’s like dropping an egg in coffee” which had me scratching my head. It’s like your so busy you have to make some disgusting drink to hurry up? How about waking up 5 minutes earlier so you can cook your egg? The point is that your in a rush you can’t be troubled by finding a parking spot. This app will save the day. I don’t believe it.