Gambling money. We’ve come to a permanent ebb. The word permanent is used loosely and should probably be changed to temporarily.

I promise you those aren’t presents.

On Thursday night I was separated from the last remains from my Bovada account. It’s nice that there isn’t a continuous counter because I’m saying I’ve only lost $600 dollars since the start of the NFL playoffs. Some would say that’s a lot of money, and they aren’t wrong, but it provided me countless hours of entertainment for the past 80+ days. If you saw a movie every other day, you’d have spent the same amount and society wouldn’t think you a degen. As such, I’m busto and deciding if I want to jump back in or take some time off.

How did such a qualified gambler like myself lose this money you ask? I’m not pointing fingers but it was definitely Adam’s mis-information that led me astray. He just liked my Venmo payment of $100 to Sam on the Sixers bet which is why I’m tearing into him. I respect the Shee’s sports information but I didn’t consider that the guy has been out of the game too long. SMU. St. Mary’s. Michigan. Purdue. With his help I lost 6 straight (2 of my own) to drain the account of $750 over the course of the tournament. Jesus.

I’m not done yet. Losing the $100 to Sam on the Sixers winning over 27 games is a goddamn travesty. The Sixers are undoubtedly horrible. How they win these games has to stem from the other teams not taking the game seriously. The Bulls are more of a dumpster fire than the Sixers so it’s like they are stealing games at the end of the season which I’d compare to a back door cover. There’s no doubt Dario is a good player but the other team isn’t game planning for Dario Saric. He’s currently flying under the radar but once other teams realize he’s the only player on the court, they shouldn’t win another game. Shawn Long (the guy who hurt Ben Simmons) was a +32 last night.  Christ.

Dipshit.

As you’ve probably heard, Louis lost to a schlep named Ross Fisher last night on the 2nd hole of the playoff. The day was going perfectly with Louis beating Masuyama, and Fisher topping Furyk, which was exactly what I needed for a playoff. Lou hit a perfect drive on 1 while Fisher hit it way right. Fisher, on a miraculous shot, put it to 15 ft and Lou chunked an 83 yard shot which was his golden opportunity. They tied the hole and on the 2nd, Fisher put an 8 iron within 15 ft while Lou once again hit a shitty approach shot, and that was all she wrote. Not only did I lose money, but the unofficially ranked #1 golfer of all time lost to some journeyman. Mother of god.

Tom, why don’t you take a break? You’re clearly not cut out for this action and your lost in your ways. As the wise Andrew Gourlay told me, and I’m paraphrasing, “the only way to get your money back…is to keep gambling.”