So Boring.

Penn Museum is staging a re-enactment of the game show Legends of the Hidden Temple on April 20th. Whoop-de-freaking-do. People seem charged up but I’m not sure why. If you remember Legends of the Hidden Temple it was only worth watching the last 5 minutes when the team searched for the artifact. GUTS Agrocrag was WAAAAAY better than Legends shitty temple.  There also weren’t any stupid questions in GUTS. The Red Jaguars can suck a fat one. Oh yea, Olmec too.

Fortunately for you, this spawned a blog topic in my mind to rate the best Nick shows. It’s funny to watch these shows as a 32 year old and wonder what I enjoyed about them. Without further ado, here are my top 5 90’s Nick shows.


Top 5 Nickelodeon Show’s of the 90s


Doug-Funni-nickelodeon-595x366After watching a short clip to refresh my memory, Doug Funnie was a doofus. I must have related to him as a young kid which is why I liked the show so much. Patty Mayonaise is this hot piece of ass tomboy that Doug has a crush on. Skeeter Valentine keeps honk honking around and must have some serious skin condition. Roger Klotz is this bully asshole who torments Doug. It’s hard for me to really nail down what I liked the most about Doug but it gives me good memories to think about the quality of the show.

Top Comment:
You now realize Doug from Nickelodeon and Fry from Futurama have the same voice.


Hey Arnold

That dude's nose is growing out of his hat.

That dude’s nose is growing out of his hat.

Move it football head! What a cast of characters. Arnold was the normal-esque kid who was constantly getting bullied by Helga even though she secretly loved him. Grandpa was always giving Arnold cooky advice. Gerald had the best hair in the neighborhood. Stoop kid was afraid to leave his stoop. This show had it all and a new movie is actually in the works.

Top Comment:
Hey Arnold’s mom isn’t on the show because she probably died giving birth to him and his huge skull.

Secret World of Alex Mack

Childhood crushes die hard.

Alex Mack was probably my first crush ever. This was even before I knew what spanking it was so it was true love. I hardly remember much about the show except that she could morph into a puddle. Her best friend was Ray and her sister was Annie is what I picked up from a YouTube clip. What a babe she was (and probably still is).

Top comment:
She was nude in the beginning when she went from puddle to human.

Hey Dude 

heydudeMr Ernst could carry this whole show on his back. The bumbling idiot who owned the ranch and hired a bunch of smokeshows knew what he was doing. Christine Taylor (Ben Stiller’s wife) was Melody and Kelly Brown was Brad (what girl had a name Brad?). Ted would always want to get Brad’s digits and she normally denied him. I remember not liking Danny.

This comment is hilarious:
I had a super crush on Ted. I would go in my room and watch this show and seriously day dream of Ted coming through my window of my attic room. Then I would roll around and start to makeout with my pillow Ted. We would go at it for hours up in my room. Then around 6pm, supper was ready and I had to stop my sexual adventures with Ted. How I truly wished it became a reality, but instead I got a loser that doesn’t know what Ted was about!!!

All That

tumblr_mmv6esVxhe1rd7tt8o1_400I remember always looking forward to Snick and this show in particular. It just so happened to produce the most characters who went on to do mediocre things. Amanda Bynes was that screaming girl in Ask Ashley. Keenan and Kel were stars in “Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, may I take your order.” Orange soda is still a great answer to, “what is Kel’s favorite drink“. Lori Beth Denberg was always giving Vital Information for your everyday life. Josh Server was Detective Dan in sketches that I barely remember. Don’t forget, Kobe was on the show too.

A Classic No One Will Remember

My Brother & Me – Kendall Gill Episode

Cousin Skeeter – Skeeter was voiced by Bill Bellamy FYI.