I wish I wouldn’t have written the golf course entry as my first post of the year because I know writing trash rewards nothing.  However, when I don’t publish a post for 5 days, people start getting antsy and stop going to the site.  Just so it’s understood when I write “people”, the past 2 days bring ~100 people who land on this site from direct traffic or social media who I consider actual traffic (there are more who land on pages but it’s fake traffic).  Although not a huge number, there’s an urgency to post even when I have nothing to write about.  What I’ll do in the future is when I have nothing good to write about, I won’t post.  This will lead to less updates but better content.

On top of that, I haven’t had time to sit down and write like I do right now.  I’ve been busy at work and the Christmas and New Years kept me busy.  I actually prefer the work week to holidays because I’m productive vs unproductive.  I woke up at noon at least 3 of the days around the new year. It then takes me a few days to recover from the rough days and now I feel like myself again.

I was going to make a resolution post but I don’t like the idea of making stupid promises to myself that I’m going to break.  Just kidding.

  • Be a better person.  I constantly try to make good on what I say I’m going to do but I don’t.  A friend had an open mic, invited me, I said I would go when I was drunk, when the time comes to go I was hungover and going to a bar to watch a performance was negative on my road to recovery.  I chose my own well being instead but I don’t expect another invitation any time soon. Letting people down when you say you are going to do something is the best way to lose a friend. Those type of occasions kill me but I don’t do them with any negative intention but I chalk these up to you have to be a better person and not get into this spot.
  • I don’t respond to people fast enough which I’m not even sure how it makes you a bad person but in this day of age, it does.  I’m not married to my phone.  I’ll go hours without even looking at it.  I know it’s insane to some people but I don’t care that much about messages.  I’m not at my phone’s mercy so don’t wonder why I’m not responding because there’s a good chance I haven’t even seen it. However, sometimes I actually don’t know how to respond, so I don’t.  “Do you want to do this next week?”  I have no clue what I’m doing next week. People are looking for commitments.  It’s like I do commit, then I can’t go, and I’m an asshole like scenario 1. Once again, I’m never trying to be a dick in these spots but when 3 people ask me to do something, it’s a juggling act.
  • I hate sucking at everything.  Stay with me here because if you know me, you know I don’t suck at most things.  However, to actually be “great” at any one thing, you have to practice it religiously.  If I could not go to work for an entire year and just devote my time to these skills I suck at, I’m sure I could improve.  I don’t have the time and thus swim in mediocrity.  Howard Stern said, “I really like painting but I can’t do it all the time because I suck at it. I’m a master at radio, so that’s what I do.”  I’m much better at my job than I am at bowling, chess, golf…. and even though I can slightly improve at these other games, I’ll never be able to take that next step and that sort of pisses me off. I don’t want to be good at work… it’s not life for me. The week I spent at the shore this year golfing, spending time with family and friends, and exercising was what I like doing.
  • I want to help people who work hard and don’t get appreciated.  I see an employee at Dunkin who works his ass off for what I imagine is 10 bucks an hour.  Maybe he’ll get promoted and make $15.  Same in Wawa with this one guy who jumps behind the register when the line is long and cleans up when an idiot customer spills their slurpee.  I feel like giving these guys $100 bucks and just saying, people appreciate your hard work.  Thank you….but I never do.

To cap off this post with this whole blog and where it’s at because I did title that it was in limbo.  I was drunk talking to Gourlay on New Years Day and telling him that I think he is making a mistake quitting on his blog because so many people were enjoying it.  Then it strikes me that I’m being an asshole because what if its Gourlay who doesn’t enjoy it?  I think I’m being a great guy motivating someone to do something that he dreads doing.  The fuck?  I have good intentions but why should I be spreading my opinion?  Then you start getting into this thought and you decide to shut the fuck up because who cares about my opinion?  I told people that What’s App is cooler in younger circles than Facebook.  Guess what?  Facebook OWNS What’sApp.  Nice opinion.  That’s how I feel about this blog.  A few dozen people read this and I seriously ask, why am I doing this? This is where Sam and I differ in opinions.  He would say he likes doing it because it documents his life and doesn’t care if people read it.  I would want you to hit me across the head with a 2×4 ala Tommy Boy if that was my thought process.  This blog is my life’s work. This is the heart and soul of my life and I’m looking for discussion.  I want people to read it and say, “I completely disagree with you and you’re a fucking idiot.”  If no one reads it I might as well keep a diary. That’s why when someone takes the time to comment it’s like, thank the lord someone reads this and actually thinks about what I’m writing.  That’s not a plea for comments either, it’s only what it’s like from this perspective.  I’ve sat here 2,415 times and wrote posts for free.  Most likely no one would pay me anyway to write this but I understand why Gourlay says fuck that shit.  So that’s my take to open up 2016. Everything will go exactly the same with my posting when I want to and trying to make better posts with better pictures and better titles and better verbiage and better content so that the people who read this enjoy coming to my site.